I just realized that my aunt has borderline personality disorder. Frequent mood swings, frequent anger, extreme sensitivity and quick to feel accused, "I'm mad, guess why, " games where she expects people to be psychic, a need to feel in control, and feeling entitled to take her shit out on others are signs that I'm seeing, as well as many others. She's addicted to self help books, which she preaches but never practices, always wanting to look like an expert.
Anyone have any advice on how to deal with her? She's never gong to go to a shrink b/c she's the type who's addicted to self help books and claims that she's changed so much from what she used to be and all that bullshit/
My boyfriend comes over. She came home about an hour later to find him parked in her spot. Rather than tell him how she feels, she waits for 3 hours when he's leaving and she's about to go to bed and makes a sarcastic comment on how he's going to get out of the driveway. She's in cold war mode. Boyfriend senses this, apologizes, says good night, and leaves rather than face this shit storm. The next time he came over, he stayed quiet and reserved out of fear that he'd trigger another of her tempers. She interprets his walking on eggshells as aloof and unwilling to make conversation, thus rude. I asked her why she couldn't just ask him to move his truck, or to try to make conversation herself. She's the victim and he's a jerk, of course. My boyfriend refuses to come over anymore, can't blame him.
Today, I had to pick my boyfriend up from the airport. I also had to vacuum the house. His flight was changed to an earlier time, so I called her up and asked if we could switch it, and if we could, I'd be glad to offer recompensations like money or extra chores. She screams that it's my responsibility, and that I'm being pushy and just throwing money at people to do things for me like a spoiled brat. Uh... what if I had called up and said, "Can't vacuum today, sorry?"
I try to talk about her irrational blowups and entitlement to shit on people, she simply pulls the, "I'm too mature to fight an argument that's unresolvable, " and acts cloyingly sweet after her victory, like poisoned honey. I'm reminded of a 2 year old who claims that it's quiet time when you're trying to reprimand her.
She asks me to go to the store for her coffee creamer. They didn't have it. She screams that she's goign to the store and if they have it, she's going to be VERY ANGRY. She walks to the store, sees that they didn't have it, walks back, and is very sweet and apologetic. A week later, when she picked something up for me, I asked for the receipt so I could return it. She screams, "Fine, I can't do anything right!"
I've also figured out that her relationship with her husband is simultaneously an Oedipus and an Electra Complex. He grew up with a dysfunctional family with very insensible women (eg his mom was a hypochondriac who freaked out at having every obscure disease yet never did anything about the cancerous growth the size of an egg on her face, his sister has a string of failed businesses), so he's used to being a paternal, persuasive voice of reason amongst older women. My aunt is a needy nutcase who he can talk sense into, and looks down on her b/c that's how he's grown up with women. He'll actually tell people, "She's very childish, just try to appease to her and keep the peace."



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