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Thread: Parents wont let me.....

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    Featured Member Glamgirl's Avatar
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    Sad Parents wont let me.....

    Im sorry if this is in the wrong place but im really upset.


    I was due to start poledancin this friday and my mum has decided she doesnt want me to do it, my dad wont talk to me about it, she says "im too pretty", "ppl will see me who i know" blah blah blah and she got really upset and started cryin (shes away on holiday til sat and i know for a fact they will call me on friday night ot make sure im not there....I'm almost 22 and i still live at home so i cant do anything about it... ive explained to her that i want to do it cos i love the buzz of goin up on stage and that it is not as dodgy as it is made out but im just fightin a losin battle.
    A Good Girl With Bad Intentions

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    Veteran Member candygrrl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    If you really want to do it, save your money and move out and make your own decisions.

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    Veteran Member The one and only Raven's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    I second that. You're 22, not 12. Time to leave the nest and start living for you. If it's really something that you want to do, then there's no reason you shouldn't.

    Krystal

  4. #4
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    I don't understand. You have to be an adult to be a stripper, and adults' parents no longer have authority over their personal decisions. So are you over 18 or what?

  5. #5
    God/dess
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    Well, I'm thirding it. When it's your place you can make your own rules.

  6. #6
    Featured Member Glamgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    yeaa tahts the thing its cos im livin at home(after haivn finished uni, i was lookin for a job to get cash sorted and then plannin movin out)it has just really upset me cos she was always mentionin me doin it when i took poledanicn lessons
    A Good Girl With Bad Intentions

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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    Oh yea but you cant actually do it. Jokes are funny but actual actions arent. How hypocrtical. Im with the other posters. For me I just started dancing again behind my moms back. Id leave when she was at work and leave my bag in my car. Saved up money in 2.5 months and moved out. Just another option you could have. Either that or you could take no action and be in the same slump you are now. Life is about action.. take some.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  8. #8
    Featured Member Glamgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    I know, the thing is, she was fine when i told her about it, then she goes away for a few days and then she freaks. i just dont understand it. Its always been one of my dreams to try it out and the way i see it life is too short and if u get the chance to do something u want, u should go for it.I dont think shes realiszin how upset this is gonna make me, but she blames me for everything, sometimes she makes out im the worst daughter ever...i was the first in my family to go to uni, itsl ike i cant ever win no matter what. i had pretty low self esteem but as soon as i started poledancin classes i felt good about myself, and to actually b accepted in the club, it made me so happy,these past few days i have been buzzin, practicin routines and stuff, now im back down there again.
    The thing is it wont make no difference, she will call me on friday to check im not there and as phones arnt allowed in the club i cant answer it. i know i need to move out, ive been tryin to get some cash together for a while now and this wouldve been the ideal opportunity to make some decent cash and sort myself out. grrrrrr its just really got to me.
    sorry to whine about it.
    A Good Girl With Bad Intentions

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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    First and foremost make yourself happy. Other things will follow.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  10. #10
    Veteran Member Jillian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    Not that I am telling you to do this but this is what happened to me.

    I went away to school for 4 years and started dancing there. I graduated in May, and am 21 going on 22, and now moved back in with my parents for the time being. They don't know I'm dancing, they think I'm bartending at a popular club around here (for a young crowd so they can't visit) anyways, if I were to tell my parents, they'd FREAK out, probably kick me out and make me quit. I plan on saving up some $ in the next couple of weeks and moving out, I didn't work very much over the summer so I don't really have much saved.

    In order to get my stuff to and from work, I keep my dance bag in my car (shoes, costumes, etc) and bring a smaller tote in and out of the house with me for make up, hair straightner, contact solution, stuff like that, that I need inside my house. The parents don't question it.

    Your mom condoned pole dancing classes though? What did she think you were going to do with them? I mean, no offense, but it seems like pole dancing is pretty provocative and that wouldn't be something that my mom would like me to be doing, whether or not I'm actually dancing for a living.


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  11. #11
    Featured Member Glamgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Jillian
    Your mom condoned pole dancing classes though? What did she think you were going to do with them? I mean, no offense, but it seems like pole dancing is pretty provocative and that wouldn't be something that my mom would like me to be doing, whether or not I'm actually dancing for a living.
    Yea i know! its the only club in our town so its not like i can do it and keep it from her.....the reason i told her was i thought she would b fine with it as she had mentioned me doin it b4 sayin it will b good money and stuff and jokin that i could wear a mask so nobody recognises me.
    i actually regret tellin her now, cos i wouldve done it on the sly and said i worked on the abr there and she wouldve been fine with that.
    A Good Girl With Bad Intentions

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    God/dess blondhottie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    I would start dancing and just lie about it-just say you're bartending or something. That would explain the late hours. Just leave your dancer outfits in the trunk of your car or something and wash your clothes when your parents are not around. You'll be able to save up money and get your own place a lot more quickly dancing than you will with a regular job.

  13. #13
    Veteran Member Cameo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    Quote Originally Posted by candygrrl
    If you really want to do it, save your money and move out and make your own decisions.
    This would be my only advice also. And tell them about the money!

    Don't worry!

  14. #14
    Featured Member Glamgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    U wanna know whats even more weird...the day after i told her she ordered me a slinky dress and stripper shoes from online and even asked me what sort of music i was gonna dance to...its like why buy me this stuff if u arnt cool?!!! grrr i dont get it!!
    A Good Girl With Bad Intentions

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    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    Definitely move out and start. Dont let it break up a family relationship, talk it out with them, but dont do it in their house out of respect for them. Prove you can be on your own and make your ownd decisions. You're a big girl, do what you want on your own terms.

  16. #16
    Featured Member Glamgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    Yea ive applied for an office job so hopefully i get it and can save enough to move out... i dont wanna lose my family over it and at the end of the day when im in my own place they arnt gonna b keepin tabs on me so who cares what i do! im gonna let the club know im havin a few issues at home and i cant work there at the moment.

    my friend who also goes poledancin class with me thinks if they see how much i am enjoyin myself in class they will come round to it and my mum really values what my friend says so she even offered to call her to show my mum its not what she thinks. she said herself that if she was slimmer she would do it so.
    A Good Girl With Bad Intentions

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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    Just do it, and tell your mom you are going to do it. She'll act hurt for a few days but she'll come around. Stand up for yourself, even if she cries, and go and do it, and don't lie about it. It will be stressful for a few days until she gets it, but she will see you are happy and making money and start supporting you.

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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    At 22 you really should be living inyour own place. At your age you shouldn't have your parents know everything you are doing.

    You've got a decision to make. Plenty of girls work, pay their own bills, and go to college.

  19. #19
    Featured Member Glamgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    well my mum called me today and shes fine with me and my dads talkin to me, and its like it never happened really..she even joked have i got any more shocks for her and i honestly think that she will warm to the idea. in the club it is optional whether u go topless onstage so ive told her that all i will b doin is dancin on the pole, same as i would anytime i go out but gettin paid for it(im not even mentionin the pvt dances lol) so i think when shes had time to think about it, she will b ok. but for now im gonna go to my normal classes as normal.

    im savin for a pole too so i think when i get it and she sees what im doin on it, she will feel a lot better, cos im sure she thinks im gonna stood there lickin a pole and thrustin into it or something lol
    A Good Girl With Bad Intentions

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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    I'm with Hottie- Dance, lie and tell 'em you're cocktailing or bartending, save your money fast, and move out. After that you can tell them the truth and they can deal with it.

    It sounds like you have a good relationship with your folks. They may be mad for a while, but eventually, they'll accept it.

    I believe that most of the time, when parents get upset about thier daughters descion to entertain, it's not the profession that bothers them the most. It's the realization that thier child is an adult, capable of making grown up choices, and being viewed by others in an adult way. You're evolving and so will thier relationship with you, that's a scary thing for a lot of people in a lot of different relationships.

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    Senior Member vivaItalia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    maybe someone said something to her about dancing when she was on vaca...thats really weird... but if youve already been through college stand up for yourself and do what you want....waiting around to find an amazing well paying job isnt going to get you any closer to getting out of your parents house...I agree with what everyone said above...tell them that you're bartending.... tell her that you told the club you didnt want to dance so they let you bartend or something like that...tell them that youre out with friends....anything.....Do you think that they will kick you out of the house for this????

    you should still dance...fuck it
    "Tell people whatever they want to hear, then do whatever you want"

  22. #22
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Glamgirl
    I know, the thing is, she was fine when i told her about it, then she goes away for a few days and then she freaks. i just dont understand it. Its always been one of my dreams to try it out and the way i see it life is too short and if u get the chance to do something u want, u should go for it.I dont think shes realiszin how upset this is gonna make me, but she blames me for everything, sometimes she makes out im the worst daughter ever...i was the first in my family to go to uni, itsl ike i cant ever win no matter what. i had pretty low self esteem but as soon as i started poledancin classes i felt good about myself, and to actually b accepted in the club, it made me so happy,these past few days i have been buzzin, practicin routines and stuff, now im back down there again.
    The thing is it wont make no difference, she will call me on friday to check im not there and as phones arnt allowed in the club i cant answer it. i know i need to move out, ive been tryin to get some cash together for a while now and this wouldve been the ideal opportunity to make some decent cash and sort myself out. grrrrrr its just really got to me.
    sorry to whine about it.
    I can relate. When I first considered dancing, I was still living at home after going to college, simply because I couldn't find a decent job. I was struggling to make enough money just to pay the minimal bills that I had, including but not limited to no rent, no car payments, and $96/month car insurance. I never told my parents that I wanted to dance, because they would often say the "I'm such a bad daughter" line even though I really wasn't. I think parents say that line as a manipulative measure to keep you from taking risks or trying out unconventional things. However, a few years prior to seriously considering dancing, I randomly told my mom that maybe I could make some money being a cocktail waitress at a club like Delilah's. She said that if I ever did that, that she would never ever talk to me ever again. She said that simply working in that kinda environment, even if I wasn't dancing, was "just as bad" because it'd mean I was condoning that kinda environment. WTF?

    Eventually, I decided to go behind my parents' back to do it because quite frankly, I needed the money...money that my parents were NOT giving me to pay my bills. Money that I was NOT getting from being an unemployed loser without a functioning car to drive my ass around to apply for jobs(I lived in the rural suburbs, so mass transit was not available). I'd say that it is best to just go for it behind your mom's back, save up some money towards an apartment, and then move out. At your age, you're going to have to get your own place eventually, anyway. What helped to push me to dance, was that my parents "beat me to the punch" by telling me to leave before I even started dancing or had a chance to save up money for my own place. I was stuck staying with my friend M--k and so I * had* to dance so I could get my own place because I could tell that M--k wasn't able to keep me at his place(lived with his parents) for too much longer. At this point, your parents are aware of your desire to dance and there's a chance that they might kick you out anyway...so it's good to dance so you at least have fallback money for your own place in case they do this.

  23. #23
    Picaresque
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    Honestly...this might sound cold-hearted, but your family is expendable. My parents also would disown me if they knew I dance, but it's not stopping me. You can NOT count on your parents to support you, to be there for you or to help you when you need it. It's better to have a well-paying job and the money to support yourself. When you need love, support, a good time, etc....that's what FRIENDS (and possibly your significant other) are for! You know the saying, your friends are the family that you get to choose. The fact that you are related to your parents doe not give them the right to dictate your life choices to you as an adult. Do what YOU need to do.

    I chose dancing over my parents' approval, because I know that if I need help, I won't get it from them--at least, not without strings attached, guilt trips, and me being in debt to them forever, financially and emotionally. Not worth it--I'd rather dance and provide for myself. That's freedom, and it's priceless.

    Plus, why waste your time on people who threaten to disown you? That's bullshit. If they love you, they'll never disown you or emotionally blackmail you for your choices, even if they disagree with them.

  24. #24
    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque
    Honestly...this might sound cold-hearted, but your family is expendable. My parents also would disown me if they knew I dance, but it's not stopping me. You can NOT count on your parents to support you, to be there for you or to help you when you need it. It's better to have a well-paying job and the money to support yourself. When you need love, support, a good time, etc....that's what FRIENDS (and possibly your significant other) are for! You know the saying, your friends are the family that you get to choose. The fact that you are related to your parents doe not give them the right to dictate your life choices to you as an adult. Do what YOU need to do.
    Wow, that's really terrible. No matter what goes on in my life, all the bad and good, my family has been there. They didn't always approve, but they've given me more support than any of my so-called friends. Family is #1 for a lot of people. I'm not saying she shouldn't do what she wants, but IMO, trashing the family relationship is not an option.
    Check out my new eBay auctions.......

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    Featured Member AkashaM's Avatar
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    Default Re: Parents wont let me.....

    i personally think you were stupid for telling your parents anything if you knew thatshe was going to flip out. as everyone else said you are an adult--which means you dont have to tell them anything.

    you could have just said that you started bartending or something.
    I'm getting my Dial-A-Stripper service up and running again. If you are in NYC or NJ and are interested in private party dancing, email [email protected] with your SW handle, contact info, photo (if you have one) & best time to call and I'll get back to you asap.

    If you're having a party and need strippers, email me with the details and any questions you have. Thanks!

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