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Thread: getting past the "feeling like an idiot" stage

  1. #1
    Darcy Foxx
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    Default getting past the "feeling like an idiot" stage

    i've spent a lot of time reading through things in the hustle hut, and it seems that a lot of girls say they make most of their money by saying things like, "i'd really like to take you out the back, i give a great lapdance" in a sexy voice.

    i CANNOT do this. i feel like an absolute idiot when i try and do things like that. i don't know if it's lack of confidence or what, but i feel so lame and embarassed when i try and say anything more creative than "would you like to have a dance with me?"

    when guys ask me, "how good are you at lapdancing?" i feel ridiculous saying "i'm the best, baby" and can never manage anything other than, "um, i'm alright, i guess"

    i really want to be a good hustler. i want to be able to sell dance after dance. but i just can't get past the whole 'feeling like a complete idiot' when i try to play the 'sexy and seductive confident chick' role. i'd just find it far too embarassing to say anything even remotely creative. i'm nowhere near confident enough to do the "assuming" thing and telling them they're having a dance. eh, i suppose the whole thing just stems from my total lack of confidence.

    any tips on how to get past this? maybe i should just start drinking at work...

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    Default Re: getting past the "feeling like an idiot" stage

    To me even if it feels dumb to say after a few times it wont. I figure Im playing the part of a super stripper and its my goal to say my lines with confidence. I do this alot when Im having a 'fat' day. I say it with a big smile, touching their shoulder and meeting them in the eye. It only helps when I feel like an actress. No, no, no drinking at work.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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    Default Re: getting past the "feeling like an idiot" stage

    "Fake it 'til you make it"--read this on SW when I was starting out and it was a huge help.

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    God/dess DancerWealth's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting past the "feeling like an idiot" stage

    Okay, here's a great exercise for you. I don't want you to be a great salesperson or "hustler". Yes, you heard me right. I don't want you to be. What you should do is ACT AS IF you were. Rather than focus so hard on something you find to be so difficult for you or work so hard to achieve a level of confidence that you haven't slowly built up, I want you to just "act as if". Imagine every night you go into work you're playing a part in a movie. You're just an actress at this point...and you need to play the part of a dancer who is the best one in her club. The girl that LIVES in the VIP room. Just for the next week you need to go in and act as if you were this person. What you'll be amazed at is if you can really do this exercise well, you'll stop "acting as if" and you'll start becomming. You need to really follow-through with this though and you'll see results.

    The ORIGINAL Stripper Sales School
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    Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle. ~Abraham Lincoln

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    Senior Member vivaItalia's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting past the "feeling like an idiot" stage

    Fake it til you make it is the best advice anyone ever gave me...When you're at work you don't have to be yourself....do it a couple times maybe even practice it in the mirror...If you say it out loud a few times it won't sound as strange..... good luck
    "Tell people whatever they want to hear, then do whatever you want"

  7. #6
    Veteran Member bella du jour's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting past the "feeling like an idiot" stage

    Here's how I see it.
    It's just like watching a movie... from the inside. You have to suspend your disbelief. If I'm watching a movie I can step away from it and disengage, because I know it's not real. But if I want to enjoy it I have to turn off that voice in my head that says "everything will be ok, they're just actors" and let myself believe what the director wants me to believe.

    When I'm chatting up a guy that I would never give a second look outside the club, what I'm doing is focusing on those parts of his personality/appearance that interest me. I trick myself into thinking that I really am interested in spending time with him and that I really do want to have an awesome lapdance with him. I create a certain fiction about who I am and what my interests are and let myself believe that I really could have fun with this shmuck Of course the closer this "fiction" matches up the "reality" the easier this is to achieve. I try to be honest to those parts of my personality that will make guys like me more (are you naturally flirtatious, giggly, witty, soothing, sensual, etc?) and disengage those that will only screw me up ( I can be overly critical, lazy, sarcastic, snobby, vulgar, etc). This way I'm still acting like myself... just a sort of sanitized version of myself.

    It takes practice... but most people have at least one or two redeeming qualities. Once you find that thing about the guy that interests you (does he know any good jokes, does he have a cool job, is he wearing a really nice cologne) just make that the big picture and let yourself believe that you really are interested in him. Just like George Costanza says "It's not a lie if you believe it".

    If you can relax and pull this off everything becomes much more natural. If you're worried about feeling/acting unnatural the last thing you want to do is try and "fool" some guy into thinking that you care about what he has to say. It helps to be a "people person", someone who can talk to people easily. If you are naturally shy and awkward with strangers, try approaching the louder, friendlier regulars and practicing on them.

    Anywho, hope that helps some. Most importantly don't be self concious about sounding "dumb"... chances are the customer realizes that you're a stripper/dancer/entertainer EXPECTS you to say something along those lines. Most men don't come into a strip club to meet "real"women, aka the kind of women who feel silly saying "oooh I can't wait to rub my tits all over you" to a random stranger... the come to a strip club to meet girls who act like strippers!




    All about my boobs...

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    Default Re: getting past the "feeling like an idiot" stage

    Quote Originally Posted by DancerWealth
    Okay, here's a great exercise for you. I don't want you to be a great salesperson or "hustler". Yes, you heard me right. I don't want you to be. What you should do is ACT AS IF you were. Rather than focus so hard on something you find to be so difficult for you or work so hard to achieve a level of confidence that you haven't slowly built up, I want you to just "act as if". Imagine every night you go into work you're playing a part in a movie. You're just an actress at this point...and you need to play the part of a dancer who is the best one in her club. The girl that LIVES in the VIP room. Just for the next week you need to go in and act as if you were this person. What you'll be amazed at is if you can really do this exercise well, you'll stop "acting as if" and you'll start becomming. You need to really follow-through with this though and you'll see results.

    DW.... You rock my socks...... as always....

    I so needed to read this today...

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    Default Re: getting past the "feeling like an idiot" stage

    No idea what you're up against since I'm a guy totally outside the biz. What about calling up a completely playful saucy character based on your stripper act? A friend of ours has a biz selling her own homemade products and she is awesome doing it. She's a real California chik and she uses the accent and mannerisms of a Valley girl. I think this is her but it's just more intense, very lighthearted and humorously endearing. With your looks you should be veeerrrryyyy confident!

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    Default Re: getting past the "feeling like an idiot" stage

    Pretend you're someone else. Scarlett is totally different than my real self, so she can say dumb shit and my real self doesn't get embarassed.

    Not everyone likes to do this, but it works well for me!

    Feature costumes for sale!

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    Featured Member mild2wild's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting past the "feeling like an idiot" stage

    as soon as your makeup goes on and your costume and the heels - you are no longer your real self - act as if you are some one else! Maybe wear a wig, do your hair in a different way to what you normally would do, wear your make up differently, wear something that you would not personally wear (or maybe something you find that you 'other' self would wear) just in general, act upon it!

    When I go shopping, I buy clothes for myself, and I buy clothes for 'fifi' I also do this in the adult shop and the lingerie shop too! In not too much time you should be use to being a split person! Just switch yourself off, leaave your inhabitions in your locker and let the inner diva in you make you money!

    Of course - I do warn you and others reading - never act like your work personality outside of work! I know alot of girls who have been in the industry for a short period of time who have completely 'changed' themself!

    Hope I have helped!
    Australian Strippers WWW.MILD2WILD.COM.AU

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    Featured Member hot4ablackchick's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting past the "feeling like an idiot" stage

    I often have that idiotic feeling too. I feel unable to say lines or anything more creative than, "would you like to try a private dance with me," if they say no, its like smile, say ok, walk away. I find it really difficult to open up and become the sex goddess I'm suppossed to eb at work. I'm naturally very shy and reserved though. I'm getting better at it though, and it will take time and practice!
    CARMEN IS HOTT 4 A BLACK CHICK!!!!!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by ViolaStrings View Post
    Why does he have a headset on his head, like Janet Jackson or some shit?
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    why does Janet Jackson have a headset on her head?!

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting past the "feeling like an idiot" stage

    I agree with fake it til you make it. And practice at home - run some lines at home, then maybe throw some out with friends. If you just say them enough, it won't seem so weird and then you can do it more convincingly at work. Get yourself used to it and it won't be fake anymore

    Also, don't tell yourself it sounds stupid. Just say it. Say it loud and proud, in the mirror 50 times a day if you have to, until it just rolls off your tongue like syrup

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: getting past the "feeling like an idiot" stage

    Darcy #1 We have seen your avatars. You're beautiful. You have what it takes baby. Work it.
    #2 Fake it till you make it or
    #3 If a customer asks about how good your lap dances are, you can joke around and say
    " Oh my God, they're terrible!" and follow up with a more sincere " No, really, they're great. Let's go have fun." ( A call to action will help get the ball rolling.) Guys love a sense of humor & find it sexy. I find that I sell more dances when I make the customer laugh, because a) they have fun, and b) laughter relaxes them, & c) a sense of humor & laughter will relax you AND it shows your confidence too. Sometimes I've "acted sexy" and it has worked, and then other times I've felt like a dork doing so and the guy could sense it. But when I'm a comedienne I have fun, he has fun, and I my bank account has fun. Wheeee!

    And no drinking!

    You can do it. Believe in yourself & you can do anything.
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

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