Ok duders and dudettes, it's been a while but in the fashion of a batchelor party for a great friend, I found myself out to have a wild night last night. I must share.
Funny Thing Number 1
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So, the party started without me (can you even call it a party then?) at a local pub due to my blasted job dedication. Upon arriving at the bar I noticed everyone was outside and allready tore up. Turns out D picked up M and L at about 3 and started the party (note, it's now.
<Mast> So where's the DD?
<D> Hahahah we got him completely fucked up!
<Mast> BRILLIANT! hah. (Note, I do NOT have bad times)
<M> MASSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTT
<Mast> dudddddeee
<M> The DD is drunk!
<Mast> right. And he's the only one who can drive the rented van right?
<M> DDDDDDD WE FUCKED UP!
<D> No way man,
<Mast> I can drive.
<D> Fuck you man, you're partying.
<Mast> Ok, then let me at least get us started.
So apparently we decided that we're going to a Local Club, read my reviews, not so stellar from the past, but since I was in town and this is where the best man wanted to go, I was in.
It's byob, and I think the alcohol was the only thing this evening that got forthought since we put 1 huge cooler in my Car. After K got there, we had a total of 6 guys in this car with cooler. Hilarious. To mark the occaision, I disabled the console stereo controls after putting in like 80's pop cd and blasted the music
We arrived at the club and it was packed, like I kind of expected it to be.
Club Details
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Ladies this place is ran the worst. I mean you have to buy "chips" for dances, and then give them to the dancer which they then have to redeem.
A chip to purchase = 15.
Dancer re-inbursement = 5.
Right. Dancer loses 10 dollars per dance.
Did I mention that there is no real DJ so the songs range from 3 - 8 minutes (I got a dance one time here to the ENTIRE stairway to heaven), the private booths have changed from doors to curtains. And yes, it's known as an extra club with hustling dances (I mean 5 bucks a song to get mandatorily nude, like I could complain that she didn't get nude in my dance and she'd be sent home, of course she's going to hustle for tips)
Back On Track
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There where 2 amazingly attractive women here with some great class. Not my style for dances tonight anyways, since lately I seem to have a thing for green eye'd ladies. I approached the one and bought 3 dances from her for the groom, tipped her a 20 and gave M 20 in 1s to tip her during the dance. When I addressed the situation, I should have known it was a bad idea. Her attitude has always been sour. She's was there both times I was, and both times her attitude sucked.
<Mast> hey, you have a moment my dear?
<UptightD> I'm not doing anything.
<Mast> sweet. My friend is here tonight for his bach party, could I buy some dances and have you go up to him and take him back?
<UptightD> uhm, ok? Are you going to tip me?
<Mast> yea I know the chips are cheap here. Here's a 20. And he can tip what he wants to.
<UptightD> Can you just bring him here? Or do I have to find him?
<Mast> No I'll point him out when I get your chips. Then I want you to kind of sweep him away. Is that cool?
<UptightD> Uhm, ok.
Now, I will admit M came back with a huge smile on his face, but mah boy didn't tip her much, why? Because she asked him before she even started "How much are you going to tip me?" all cold. And when I went to OFFER compensation to live up to my word, she saw me coming, rolled her eyes and walked off.
Funny thing Number 2
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Without going into blistering detail,
There apparently was a customer there that goes often. And (no lie) he was bitching because the two on stage where ignoring him. So one finally stops, and says "STAND UP NOW!" in the perfect tone to get everyone's attention. Like with me, that makes me want to attack sexually. So we where ALL attentive.
Dude stands up. And all dancers in view....start cheering and clapping then she says it: "NO GYYYMMMMM SHOOOORRRRRTTTTSSSSS WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
I about died. Not that it was a better choice. Holed Acid Wash. I think that's coming back in style?
Let me end this by stating that a fantastic dancer named Madison came and saved the day. She was the other one. She doesn't belong in that club, she's just too vibrant and peppy. It was her first week, and she definatly made some bank, but she was so fun that I had to get her on M's lap. He thanked me liberally for it. She would otherwise be a thoroughbred of this industry.
Funny Thing Number 3
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We leave the club at about 2:30am. Everyone's pretty shitfaced. I'm coming down, but I act a pretty good drunk.
I received a lot of good credit from a few dancers having do my "gay for pay" act on the bartender who is a good humored gay guy. (If anyone has seen me do this, they will tell you, I'm good at it.) It scored M a few more pieces of attention that ended up getting the crowd going.
We're getting into the car when K notices a deli tray I took from the stag and drag. This thing was huge. It lasted 4 miles MAX.
<D> We need to head over to X place.
<E> HEY! Does anyone know how to hire strippers?
<D> *Laughs*
<E> WHAT?!
*Note these guys have known me forever*
<D> TOO BAD WE DON'T KNOW ANYONE THAT COULD FIND US SOME GOOD PRIVATE DANCERS *stares directly at me* BECAUSE IT SURE WOULD BE A GREAT GESTURE IF THAT PERSON THAT WE WISH WE KNEW COULD ORGANIZE SOMETHING FOR HIS FRIEND WHO IS GETTING MARRIED.
*Never broke eye contact*
<Mast> *laughing my ass off*
<E> What, Does Mast know some people.
<D> I DO NOT KNOW E. LET US ASK HIM.
<Mast> Look, if you guys gave me any more than 5 minutes notice we'd be in toronto, cleveland, DC or Philly, and I GARAUNTEE you he'd never forget it.
<E> AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW DDDDDDDD
*Note, E, D and I where planning for next weekend before we realized that that's when his wedding is.
All around funny, and they all know I have an affinity for the SC when out of town. And in all honesty, the coin that was dropped? I was really upset it wasn't in anyone here's pockets. Sorry.
Funny Thing Number 4
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Turns out K and X where able to book 2 dancers last minute from another local club. Which is awesome since I know how much of an inconvienience this is. Both girls where fantastic, and one of em knew me. But I don't know howAnd she wouldn't say
But some key points definitely point to her knowledge of me.
We setup two private rooms, I went with A and got beer and fun stuff that the girls weren't able to get.
SO
2 really tan guys go into a convienience store and ask for 1 of every flavor of reddiwhip....
We laughed, we went back and it was awesome. This would be my first PD experience and these girls where brave cause I didn't see a bouncer.
They took the reddiwhip and made a big penis on his bare chest (I took pictures) and licked it off. Plus we had a girl-girl show and they switched up for private dances. I was very impressed.
Very good time.
A lot of funny shit went down but this is of note.
The finally was me driviing everyone home and getting everyone packed in the car only to have a few peope fly out last minute cause someone touched Hector. Hector was introduced to us by D who hung him out while getting into the car.
Hope you had as much fun reading it as I did living it.



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And she wouldn't say
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I believe you Dottie and you have my support

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