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Thread: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

  1. #1
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Thumbs down Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    Tonight I happened to talk to another dancer for a min or so at work while it was slow and I was washing my hands in the bathroom. She said some things that kinda infuriated me, to be honest. She was complaining about how burned out she was from dancing and how she wanted "out" of the industry soon. I told her that I agreed. But before she even started talking to me, I came outta the toilet stall and she initially asked me how long I'd been dancing and notified me(gasp! like this is NEWS to me!) that pretty soon it'll "get to me" and I'll be feeling burned out too. OK I was already annoyed with some customers earlier tonight, and I went through dancing burn-out several times already in my short 2yr dancing career. If this chick actually thought I was perpetually cheerful, then I should win an Oscar for my acting skills!

    She then proceeded to tell me that if I stay in the industry, soon I will be tempted with drugs or will turn to drugs. Now this is why her "advice" is completely ludacrous: I DID experiment with drugs, a lot of drugs, BEFORE I was a dancer. So although I am an Oscar-deserving actress, I am NOT as wholesome and innocent as I may look. I told her that I'd experimented in the past and that on the contrary, I actually stopped doing drugs when I started dancing 2yrs ago. She disputed this by saying that eventually I'll start doing drugs again because I'll "have to" to put up with the industry. As if it's a fact. ??? OK if I was gonna get into drugs, it wouldn't be 2yrs after I dance, it would be within the first few months, where I would first be exposed to other drug users in the industry and when I would need drugs to calm my nerves. If I get burned out to the point that I need drugs to keep dancing, I would rather quit dancing because I have other jobs to fall back on...jobs that can lead to a non-dancing career! And if I was naive and never let myself try drugs before(or worse, never had the opportunity presented to me), then maybe I'd be more prone to getting into drugs because it'd be a fun new thing, but for me it's "been there, done that." My overall partying days are pretty much over these days...not just in terms of drugs, but in terms of staying out til the wee hours, binge drinking, raving, etc. I'm "burned out" on the idea of partying or drugs! I don't even smoke pot anymore. I do not like some dancer who does not know me, telling me matter-of-factly that I will get into drugs as if I'm some naive child who just started dancing and has never seen drugs before. Quite frankly, it's insulting.

    I wonder why this girl said that to me, did I appear *that* innocent and sheltered?? If only she knew how many guys I dated in the past, I don't think she would think I was innocent at all...and that's without touching upon my partying days. LOL maybe I should walk around complaining about how the world "sucks" to avoid these kinda things!(joking) This girl is only TWO years older than me...I do not want to be talked to in a condescending way from someone my age. I was polite, explained my experiences but she kept disputing what I said. Should I have told her that I didn't appreciate her talking for me and stereotyping me to be so innocent/gullible? What would be the best way to handle something like this in the future? Just because I look young, and I've only been dancing 2yrs(I started late, at age 22), doesn't mean that I'm sheltered. I've seen/done a lot more shit while working seemingly "clean" non-dancing jobs!

  2. #2
    Senior Member forevernaked's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    You sound just like me. I started dancing when I was 22, after my drug years were over, and people always assume that just cuz I keep a good, positive, PROFESSIONAL attitude, I don't get affected by the crazy industry.

    You are not alone, my dear.

  3. #3
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    did she have short hair? because if so she's wacked out of her mind and loves to talk about "the good ol' days". I'm sure the drugs make her feel better.

    She spends a lot of time in the dressing room talking about how bad it's gotten. She was kind of doing the same thing to me, but I was trying to tune her out.

    I'm almost positive it was her. She's a downer who looks waaaaaaay older than she really is and isn't making money because she's high and in the dressing room all night. it's nothing about you.

  4. #4
    beauty21queen
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    same here

  5. #5
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    Yes Emily, you got it right. LOL. I agree with the points you said...if she's talking about how easy it is for people to get onto drugs, and how the long-term burn-out from dancing causes presently sober people to get back into drugs, it's because she's on them herself. I guess I just have issues with people who assume that I don't know what I'm talking about when I tell them that I'm mature enough and strong enough to resist temptation. The financial independence gained from dancing has actually made me a lot stronger as a person and has made me realize how inane and pointless partying is! The only reason I partied when I was younger, was because I was young and also because I felt bad about my failing job/money situation so I needed to escape reality...now that I'm able to afford my own place, a decent car, etc I don't have any need to escape reality. The reason this girl probably does drugs, is to escape reality because maybe she feels that she is failing in her life, by not making money at work. I don't really regard her, it's more the idea that I don't want people in general mistaking me for being sheltered simply because I put on a happy face...this has happened at McDonalds and a pizza restaurant too when I worked those places years ago.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    People like that are really just describing themselves and trying to make themselves feel better by projecting their crap onto others. Just ignore her and walk away. Leave her standing there babbling and go make your money

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    So what if you appear to be innocent? Who gives a toss? At the end of the day let this degenerate girl thinks what she likes about you - give her a little laugh or a "yeah, 'whatever'" look next time she speaks to you like she has a fucking clue about you. At the end of the day, you're only fuelling her own ego by allowing her to wind you up. As long as you say nothing and just give lttle "knowing" smirks she'll be the one feeling uncomfortable.
    People like her need to feel empowered as their own lives are quite often like the life she is trying to project onto you.
    Let her think what she likes and tell her nothing. You dont have to justify in any way what things have or haven't happened too you.
    Believe me, keep her guessing and she'll become extremely wary of you x

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    I have girls give me advice (good and bad) because I have that innocent look/attitude (well, compared to them). A lot of them haven't even been dancing as long as I have! I just ignore it. People are stupid.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  9. #9
    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    it's so funny really, that so many people think we (dancers) must be party animals! Everytime someone asks me "So are you going to go out and party after work?" I say "NO, I have peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches to make, and Law&Order is on TV late tonight."

    Honestly, I'm more of a home body now than I ever was prior to dancing!




  10. #10
    Featured Member NatalieFRPhilly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    Lol emily did that lady used to work at signatures??

  11. #11
    Veteran Member Paisley's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    I wouldn't have been offended. I would have been laughing internally so hard that it would be difficult for me to contain it.


    "That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth!" ~Jayne



  12. #12
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    Quote Originally Posted by NatalieFRPhilly
    Lol emily did that lady used to work at signatures??
    No, I've only seen her at this club. She's not that attractive, doesn't hustle, and has only a couple of brain cells. That is why she isn't making money. She's used to the late 90s when you didn't have to hustle and now you do and boohoo....

    She was going on to me about how "these days" you have to lie to a guy about what you'll do in the VIP to get him back there. I'm like, "no you don't....I think I just heard you called on stage."

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    Featured Member Lyssa Lynn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    So, you would rather look old and haggered? I think not. Who cares what some grumpy old hag has to say? Don't get so defensive about looking innocent and sheltered...you say you're not, yet if you look it...I'd take advantage of that! You have more street smarts than you appear to have...that's a good thing! Misery loves company. Just walk away next time!

  14. #14
    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    I play sweet and innocent on purpose so I can give bitter people a "dumb blonde" answer and be out the door. It's great to bitch and get it off your chest but living that way everyday is a drain. Next time she predicts doom and gloom just say, "wow...really? Thanks." Then run in the other direction.

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    She was using you as a mirror. Maybe say something like "I'll try my best to not perpetuate the stripper stereo type. I'll be careful to stay away from drugs. If I need to use drugs to do this job I'll know it's time to quit."

    That should give her pause. She'll likely argue the point with you and you can dismiss her with a shrug.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  16. #16
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    Thanks guys, that makes a lot of sense. I don't know why I worried about it. I don't think I even really cared what she specifically thought of me, more just the idea that a lot of people seem to mistake me for being dumber than I am. For example, the owner of the restaurant I worked at told me one night that he can tell that I am a lot smarter than some of my coworkers think. I knew exactly where he was going with this, but I asked him to elaborate just to confirm what I already knew. He said that I have a very innocent way about me, so that people often mistake me to be more innocent and airy than I am. I think he was trying to compliment me by calling me smart and saying that he likes me as a worker, but I still face that whole stereotype from people these days. I agree with Optimist that I could use that to my advantage...lol sometimes I do and it feels good! When abusive people think you're dumb and naive, it is easier to pull one over on them, because they least expect it! (for example, acting airheadish when I overhear an abusive guy talk shit about one of my female friends, but then I go and tell my friend to avoid him because of what I heard him say...situations like that)

    Next time, I'll just walk away midsentence or say "OK that's great, you don't know me but I'll be sure to keep your advice in mind." Thanks for the advice!

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    Featured Member maximvsv's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    In conversation, you do have an unusual smile sometimes, and it looks like you're intentionally holding a smile but that you're lost over something that's been said. I could see how it might be misinterpreted.

    I'll have to stop out this weekend to see who you're writing about, though.

  18. #18
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    Eh, don't bother coming in to see her; come in to see me instead. I'll show you a lot of fun!

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    Go girl go!

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    Why even argue with her? Like everybody else has said, make a civil excuse and walk away. You don't need to convince her of anything. You know that you're too smart to get into drugs, and that's the only person who really needs to know.

    I do sympathize, though. I smile a lot at work and stay in a good mood ON PURPOSE because it helps me do my job. Staying cheerful is actually one of the more draining parts of the job to me. I understand if customers think I'm just a silly party girl -- that's what I want them to think -- but it surprises me when other dancers don't get it. A girl at my club interrupted herself while bitching in the dressing room to tell me that I wouldn't understand because the job was "easy" for me. I was kind of taken aback, cause I've never thought of dancing as an easy job. I'm dog tired at the end of every night, and sometimes can barely make myself go in. But if it comes across effortless, then great.

  21. #21
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    ^ ^ Yeah my roommate "Bob"sometimes thinks the job is all easy for me, too. And that's considering that one of his best friends was a dancer for a few years, and he knows that I'm a dancer. During days that I don't feel like going to work, he'll try to motivate me to go to work by saying, "Come on, work is fun for you! It'll be like a big party where you get to drink and flirt with guys!" ???! Sometimes I have to remind him that unlike some "party girls," I don't like partying and acting like I'm the life of the party at work can be very draining and not fun at all. I think sometimes though, he says the "work is a party" line to tease me, since we kinda tease each other sometimes.

    When I worked at this one chain restaurant a few years ago, along with a few other places, people genuinely thought that I was perpetually cheerful because I carried myself so cheerfully. But when you work in any service sector job, it's your JOB to be cheerful and smiley! I couldn't believe how silly my coworkers were to think that I absolutely loved my job(the chain restaurant was a shitty workplace, by the way), just because I was good at concealing my boredom/moodiness. But yeah, smiling a lot does help us win over customers, so that's why I keep acting positive at work for the most part.

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    Featured Member maximvsv's Avatar
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    Default Re: Something absurdly false that another dancer told me

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982
    Eh, don't bother coming in to see her; come in to see me instead. I'll show you a lot of fun!
    I suspect I'll do that, too. I don't get over to that area much, though, as you already know.

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