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Thread: talking to ex'es...

  1. #1
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    Default talking to ex'es...

    What's your opinion about your S.O. talking to exes? I personally have no problem with it as long as there are limits and bounderies. Granted, it's hard not to feel a twinge of jealousy, but grow-up! It's reasonable to want to keep in touch with someone, especially if they were with you for any length of time and/or were meaningful.

    One of my ex'es has a psycho BF that wants to know where she is every minute and really doesn't like her talking to any guys esp. ex'es. Even though she is very happy and in love I feel bad for her because no one should have to live in a prison even if it is a country club. Plus it sucks that we can't keep in touch. I want so much to tell her about my current woman. :-(

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: talking to ex'es...

    We all have friends.
    We all have family.
    We all have coworkers.
    They all have lives.
    They all have problems.
    STAY OUT OF THEM.

    Listen if they come to you. Offer advice. But stay distant. Helping is listening, and allowing them to solve the problem using their own tools. Doing it for them, telling them what to do, makes you responsible for their problems and thusly weakens them.

    I'm sure you care. But let her come to you, and even if that is the case, be wary. Focus on your woman.

    And if you're secure in yourself and what she sees in you, than talking to her ex wouldn't cross your mind as an issue. Don't be afraid to ask her why she keeps contact if it bothers you. She loves you remember?

    There is more issues here than you let on.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Veteran Member jordankeywest's Avatar
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    Default Re: talking to ex'es...

    thats my kinda way to live!!

  4. #4
    aussiepunkshocker
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    Default Re: talking to ex'es...

    I finally have a boyfriend who hangs out with as many of his ex's as I do, I think it's cool. Of the ones I've met I really like them and all my ex's rock! The difference is though that if either of us had ex's that caused drama we'd both leave them to get on with the drama rather than have any drama in our lives.
    It sucks about the ex's boyfriend, but what can you do except hope she dumps his arse and finds someone less controlling?

  5. #5
    Senior Member FireTiger's Avatar
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    Default Re: talking to ex'es...

    Mast, I'll buy you a drink next time ur in Vegas.
    The object of psychotic obsession.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: talking to ex'es...

    ^^ That's really cool of you.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  7. #7
    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: talking to ex'es...

    I don't care what terms I broke up with someone, I just can't be friends with them. I don't see the point, unless it's for sex.

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: talking to ex'es...

    If Joe wants to talk to an ex, its fine with me. However, there ARE limits and boundaries and one of his ex's that he was "friends" with was constantly "pushing the envelope" with the friendship (IM'ing him that she missed him and wanted him back, wanting to "spend time with him"). Fuck that...if they cannot respect that he's in a new relationship (with a family) then she can kiss my ass.

    I put my foot down on that fast and hard.

    I personally do not know how 2 people who had an intimate relationship can ever go back to being "just friends". Personally, once you cross the line, you can never go back. Just MHO. I've never maintained contact with ex's...too much drama, jealousy, etc. Besides, they are ex's for a reason. No need to keep walking down the same road.

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    Default Re: talking to ex'es...

    I tend to agree with this anology I recently after 20 yrs of not having contact with my first love interest found her on a classmates site . So for the heck of it I wrote her and said hello etc . It went ok for a couple of weeks at least I thought so, we didnt get intimate or anything like that just small talk seeing how each other turned out . But out of the blue she vanished , have not heard a thing from her this kind of sucks because I would of understood her concerns about her current relationship and would of left her alone if she so requested .I admit that I still have feelings for her but I know I always will but they aren't the type of feelings where you leave your own wife and life behind , they are feelings of knowing that you once cared very much for this person and no one can take the good times away from you ( this is mushy I know I hope it makes sense as my explanations can sometimes not be transferred from head to paper very well ) . I have a feeling her husband cut it off and thats ok but like I said I would have respected their space if asked . So I think that everyone has a different take on this situation and it depends on the circumstances .
    Oh btw she wrote me a Dear John letter when I was in boot camp 22yrs ago , I was crushed !

    Quote Originally Posted by VenusGoddess
    I personally do not know how 2 people who had an intimate relationship can ever go back to being "just friends". Personally, once you cross the line, you can never go back. Just MHO. I've never maintained contact with ex's...too much drama, jealousy, etc. Besides, they are ex's for a reason. No need to keep walking down the same road.

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    Veteran Member DeeJayOz's Avatar
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    Default Re: talking to ex'es...

    Quote Originally Posted by Vyanka
    I don't care what terms I broke up with someone, I just can't be friends with them. I don't see the point, unless it's for sex.
    I agree. When I'm done, I'M DONE.

    GF: "You'll never find anyone like me!"
    BF: "God I should hope not! If I'm breaking up with you... WHY would I want to find another one like you?!"
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  11. #11
    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: talking to ex'es...

    Quote Originally Posted by DeeJayOz
    I agree. When I'm done, I'M DONE.

    GF: "You'll never find anyone like me!"
    BF: "God I should hope not! If I'm breaking up with you... WHY would I want to find another one like you?!"
    LOL. My exbf told me something like this.

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    Default Re: talking to ex'es...

    Thanks for the comments. I know I mentioned 2 topics at once really but my main concern is how my "ex" isn't even allowed to breath essentially.

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    Default Re: talking to ex'es...

    Look at the damage it is already causing in her relationship- unless you have children then its time to move on.......

  14. #14
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    Default Re: talking to ex'es...

    My wife's ex-husband spends holidays with us, or us with him. Keep in mind, they were married 10+ years and they have 3 children together. Some of it bothered me at first....until I recognized that they have something that is theirs, and I'm a guest in that situation. In the end, it's been fabulous for everyone, including my own son - especially since his mother is a maniac, so he gets to see a couple of very different worlds. In the end, why worry about it? It is what it is, and if you have to "stop" it because of fears, then there's something much larger to worry about.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
    -Humphrey Bogart

    "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
    -His reply

    "If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."
    -David Daye

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