Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Uncontrolable hurt from divorce.

  1. #1
    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    4,183
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 14 Times in 12 Posts

    Default Uncontrolable hurt from divorce.

    As most of you know, or that know anything about me know that I am going through a divorce after being with someone for 10 years. My ex has the girl he left me for living with him now. He doesn't call me or support me at all anymore. We have been separated since May. I find that I feel very lonely now especially since I live in Washington most of time with my new job. I love my new job and will be moving back here in two weeks but until then I just feel like a lonely soul floating through the air. Sometimes I feel fine while others I feel an uncontrolable amount of pain in my heart that I want to just kill off with anything I can find. Can anyone relate to this or help? How did you make it through your divorce?

  2. #2
    Chicagoeditor
    Guest

    Default Re: Uncontrolable hurt from divorce.

    Been there, done that. And even though my divorce was friendly & we're cordial, it hurt terribly for quite some time.

    My top advice: permit yourself to grieve and feel bad. Trying to mask it with booze, drugs or sex (I did all three) won't work.

    Being hurt is normal, natural and necessary.

    You'll rise again, pretty lady. Feel better.

  3. #3
    Veteran Member azcustomer's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Phoenix, AZ
    Posts
    676
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: Uncontrolable hurt from divorce.

    Chicago Editor has it very, very right.

    Just allow yourself to hurt. From time to time, it will feel overwhelming. I found a good divorce support group that met once a week. It helped to hear how others were dealing with the challenges of a divorce. It helped to anticipate some of the feelings that you'll go through over time and also so that you don't feel at all alone or different. If you ever feel a bit panicky, just get outside and go for a walk.

    Find a good friend you can count on for a coffee or a hug when you absolutely need it.

    And whenever you want, post a rant on SW.



    I found it helpful to find new friends who wouldn't remind me of my ex. If at all possible, limit what you disclose to new friends to give you the opportunity to have new, happy experiences with them that won't remind you of the pain. It's time to move on, so try to put it all behind you.

    Start to think about new things that will make you happy.

    And oh yea - go find some 18 year old studmuffin and screw his brains out. The only thing better than make-up sex is rebound sex.


    "Life is not about the number of breaths you take.
    It's about those moments which leave you breathless."

  4. #4
    God/dess greenidlady1's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    4,183
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 14 Times in 12 Posts

    Default Re: Uncontrolable hurt from divorce.

    No, I've tried the rebound sex thing and it feels great while it lasts but it's hard not to carry the baggage over or get emotionally involved. Thanks for the advice and support though

  5. #5
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Planet Earth
    Posts
    1,809
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: Uncontrolable hurt from divorce.

    I have no advice just cuddles CE and AZ have sensible advice. I hope you're feeling better soon.
    Fools laugh at others. Wisdom laughs at itself...Osho

  6. #6
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Another Country
    Posts
    18,664
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 148 Times in 100 Posts

    Default Re: Uncontrolable hurt from divorce.

    My husband cheated on me with a 15 year old. He is now currently dating a 17 year old in an 18 state and is cheating on HER with a 15 year old as well (but it's okay 'cause he looooooves her).

    I was crumpled on the floor of my livingroom crying so hard my snot bubbles stained the carpet permanantly. I was so fucking dead inside. NOTHING in my ENTIRE life has EVER hurt more than the cheating my husband did. I've had my grandfather die in my arms and was raped multiple times and this STILL hurt more!

    When people mention pain I seriously think the worst one in the world is discovering the person you married doesn't love you and cheats on you.

    When I was at the airport leaving my husband, I was crying and the ticket guy asked why. I told him and he said the same thing happened to him. I asked him how long it would hurt.

    "About a year to stop crying."

    It took me 11 months to stop crying. I didn't even sleep with anyone that entire time.

    So... let it out. And don't be daunted by the year. It seems like forever but when it's over it's the best feeling ever. The day you realize you couldn't give a FUCK about him is the day you will rejoice.

    I spent the 1 year anniversary of the day I left my husband in a 20th story hotel room (with a jet bathtub filling half the room!) in Australia with a boy with an accent drinking champagne and eating strawberries.

    And let me tell you. It was the best ever.

    It will all be over. And you'll be a better person.

    Until then, make voodoo dolls.


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

  7. #7
    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2005
    Location
    in your dreams, in my nightmares
    Posts
    2,085
    Thanks
    59
    Thanked 139 Times in 85 Posts

    Default Re: Uncontrolable hurt from divorce.

    Yes I can relate. I'm not someone who got married with the idea that if it didnt work out, Id get a divorce. It was years before I could really function and enjoy myself like a normal person. But eventually, when I was starting to think maybe time didn't really heal all wounds, things started to get better. You will get through this...

  8. #8
    God/dess Silverback's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2004
    Location
    On board the Kobayashi Maru
    Posts
    2,387
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: Uncontrolable hurt from divorce.

    Let's see alcohol, strippers, sobs in the dark. You know, the usual.

    Mine left me for a guy with a 20+ year history of chasing interns around the desk at his place of employment He was going to leave his wife any minute now for her. Strangely, that never happened.

    It gets better, but your view of the world is never quite the same. I did find out who my friends were. I found some unexpected new ones in some seedy dark corners and on an oddly pink little internet realm. So, not a total loss.

    "Remember, no matter where you go, there you are."
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

  9. #9
    God/dess twisterinAZ's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Scottsdale
    Posts
    2,228
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 12 Times in 9 Posts

    Default Re: Uncontrolable hurt from divorce.

    My divorce was miserable,ugly and awful to the tenth power. My ex husband left to take an new job in a different city and he started banging his receptionist. He came back once for 6 hrs to tell me he was leaving and I have never seen him since. That was about five years ago. The first year or so I cried and couldn't believe it was over and I drank and had a one nighter with a HOT 21 year old boy. None of that made me feel a whole lot better. What did work for me was getting my own life and friends. Making my own place in the world and training myself to fill thoughts of my old life with thoughts of possibilities for my new one...and staying busy,busy,busy...I went out on dates to remind myself that there were options even if I hadn't found the right one.I spent a lot of time with friends and in the gym. The only thing that makes it feel better is time .....OK so I did feel a little better after the one nighter

    xo

  10. #10
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Somewhere around here...
    Posts
    194
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Uncontrolable hurt from divorce.

    It sucks now, I know. But remember, you will be SO much stronger after this is over.

    Some things to remind yourself when it's unbearable:

    - He was never your best friend. NO friend would EVER do that to you.
    - You can keep them up on the phone until 4:30 in the morning, getting them to explain why they did that to you. At the end, you realize that that was just your poor pitiful self. And you need to fill yourself up.
    - And, in the end, this is your pain. You are the only one who can stop it. And you will.
    - You don't need him.
    Zis ees a dead profile! I'm now idreamofaislin!

  11. #11
    Veteran Member azcustomer's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Phoenix, AZ
    Posts
    676
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: Uncontrolable hurt from divorce.

    Excellent book for this:

    Michael Ruiz - The Mastery of Love


    "Life is not about the number of breaths you take.
    It's about those moments which leave you breathless."

  12. #12
    God/dess
    Joined
    Jan 2005
    Location
    NJ
    Posts
    3,786
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Uncontrolable hurt from divorce.

    Hugs to you.

    You're grieving and there are steps to grieving. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. You might go through all of them or only some and maybe not in that order.

    What I'm trying to say is that you must FEEL in order to get through it. Cry when you need to, pound a punching bag when you're angry...just feel. Eventually, it will work it's way out of your system and then you have acceptance.

    Good luck to you. You can and will do this.

Similar Threads

  1. how to get a divorce
    By greenidlady1 in forum Dollar Den
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 04-08-2020, 03:48 PM
  2. Le Divorce :(
    By Volupte in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 04-20-2008, 03:20 PM
  3. Divorce
    By anklefrog in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 05-11-2003, 01:33 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •