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Thread: Ladies (and Gentlmen too, I guess) I need help with my toddler.

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    Default Ladies (and Gentlmen too, I guess) I need help with my toddler.

    I didn't really know where to post this, so I decided to try here. If this is the wrong forum I am sorry.


    My almost 4 year old daughter will take things out of my bedroom and horde stuff of mine in her room. It just started like a month ago and so far we have played "hide and seek" and "magic" with my lotion, my money (not fun), my iPod, my digital camera, my clothes.


    Is this a faze? Or a underlying security problem? A sign she is going to grow up to be a klepto? Did I do something wrong?

    She has also been VERYm VERY defiant lately.... yells at me... throws things....


    I need help. Please.

  2. #2
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: Ladies (and Gentlmen too, I guess) I need help with my toddler.

    My kids--boys--never did this. But defiance is pretty standard in toddlers.
    Have you tried taking her shopping? She obviously likes mom's stash of "special" things. You might try taking her shopping to buy her own set of stuff. At the same time, make it clear that you will never take her things--"these are yours, honey"--and that she must never take your things.

    Finally, I'd say you do need to set limits for her around yelling/throwing, however, since those behavors will get you tossed out of the good restaurants in town. <G>

    Best o' luck, parent. And if you think THIS is fun, wait till she's 11/12/13.

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    Default Re: Ladies (and Gentlmen too, I guess) I need help with my toddler.

    This is TOTALLY normal, though frustrating.

    My daughter played hide and seek with my Dad's stuff when she didn't want him to leave after a visit. Some examples:

    Hiding his handcuffs (he was a cop) in the seat of her Barbie Big Wheel.
    Hiding his keys in the refrigerator in the Apple Juice Bottle. (imagine our surprise when we went to pour some, lol!)

    Does she have separation issues when you leave the house without her?

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    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies (and Gentlmen too, I guess) I need help with my toddler.

    This is very disrespectful. My daughter used to go through my stuff and put my jewelry on...while it might be 'cute' at first, by not 'disciplining' the behavior, you are telling her that you have no boundaries and whats yours is hers. Not good.

    When she hoards this stuff, she is essentially laying claim on it. You need to put your foot down and say, "This is mommy's. If you want to use/play/look at it, you must ask me first." When you find that she still takes something without your permission, she needs a consequence (say a time out). The longer you let her get away with this, the harder it will be to correct the action.

    Makayla is allowed to play with/wear/etc my stuff...but she always asks, first. Even if I've let her wear it every single day for the last month, before she puts it on or plays with it, she must respect my things and ask my permission first. Its just about teaching her respect for other people's possessions.

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    Default Re: Ladies (and Gentlmen too, I guess) I need help with my toddler.

    Quote Originally Posted by VenusGoddess
    This is very disrespectful. My daughter used to go through my stuff and put my jewelry on...while it might be 'cute' at first, by not 'disciplining' the behavior, you are telling her that you have no boundaries and whats yours is hers. Not good.

    When she hoards this stuff, she is essentially laying claim on it. You need to put your foot down and say, "This is mommy's. If you want to use/play/look at it, you must ask me first." When you find that she still takes something without your permission, she needs a consequence (say a time out). The longer you let her get away with this, the harder it will be to correct the action.

    Makayla is allowed to play with/wear/etc my stuff...but she always asks, first. Even if I've let her wear it every single day for the last month, before she puts it on or plays with it, she must respect my things and ask my permission first. Its just about teaching her respect for other people's possessions.

    Well said... discipline is not a bad thing. Need to lay the hammer down or SHE will be laying it all over you. You'll be on Montel Williams and Jerry Springer<--wrong show.

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies (and Gentlmen too, I guess) I need help with my toddler.

    Just a phase, no biggie.

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    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Ladies (and Gentlmen too, I guess) I need help with my toddler.

    It's a phase, but she won't grow out of it until you make it clear that this is unacceptable. Sort of like how puppies will pee on the floor until you teach them not to - if you said, "Oh, he's just a puppy, he'll grow out of it" and never trained him, he'll eventually be a fully-grown dog still pissing on the floor. Kids grow when their parents train them.

    You are, what, five times her size? Why does she feel comfortable yelling and throwing things at you? This is definitely an indicator of a breakdown in your authority somewhere. You need to take your authority back. I know I never would've even THOUGHT about yelling or throwing things at my mother at that age... she would've knocked me into next week!

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    Default Re: Ladies (and Gentlmen too, I guess) I need help with my toddler.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde
    Just a phase, no biggie.
    Exactly. This is the age where they're doing all the testing of boundaries. Be firm, but don't make such a huge deal or they'll get used to the attention, even though it's negative.

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    Default Re: Ladies (and Gentlmen too, I guess) I need help with my toddler.

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah
    I know I never would've even THOUGHT about yelling or throwing things at my mother at that age... she would've knocked me into next week!
    I don;t suggest fear as a motiating factor. To continue with the puppy analogy- dogs that ar struck often wind up being fear biters. Not a response you want to illicit from your child. I think what she is doing is normal. She needs consequences but she certainly should not be afraid of her mother.

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    Default Re: Ladies (and Gentlmen too, I guess) I need help with my toddler.

    ^I agree with this.

    Also, not to worry you, but maybe something has happened. I used to work with children and sometimes the lashing out can be because of a condition, being bullied at preschool, family changes, etc.

    By all means discipline her, but a sudden violent change in behaviour can be a sign of a greater problem brewing that must be dealt with, talked out, explained, etc.

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: Ladies (and Gentlmen too, I guess) I need help with my toddler.

    Quote Originally Posted by DylanAngel
    Exactly. This is the age where they're doing all the testing of boundaries. Be firm, but don't make such a huge deal or they'll get used to the attention, even though it's negative.
    Good advice. To add more, what you want to do when she yells and misbehaves is remove attention from her and isolate her. Very quickly, firmly, and quietly move her to a "time out" location and have her stay there for X amount of time (usually a minute for every year of age) with no stimulation or anything. When the time is up, talk with her about why she had to do it. If she tries to get up or move around, put her back and add a minute. Use an egg timer for this.

  12. #12
    Tart
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    Default Re: Ladies (and Gentlmen too, I guess) I need help with my toddler.

    My sons never did that so i cant say i have experience with it but judging from what you wrote I think its her way to get your attention. she figured out that if she takes mommys stuff that momm y will talk and pay attention to her .

    She takes things you need because she knows you'll realize they are gone and come to her looking for it.

    Shes probably defiante because shes upset that she's not getting maybe enough of your attention.

    I would honestly just sit down and ask her how she is doing, if shes sad with mommy right now. things like that. and be calm and hold her in your lap while you do it. Its amazing the things kids can talk about if just asked.

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