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Thread: Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

  1. #1
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

    What a craptastic day! Oh Em Eff Gee!

    I woke up with two very sore teeth. Just what I need. Just what I cant afford to deal with!

    I walk out to my car, to go to work, and someone dumped GARBAGE all over it. Trash. All over my fucking car. So now my car stinks, and it took me 45 minutes to clean the fucking thing.

    I got to inhale the scent of trash the whole 30 minute ride to work. Fun fun!

    We were promised 50 pro football players at work, and none showed.

    We had 3 bachelor parties and they didnt dig me whatsoever. Even with the New And Improved sales techniques I've been learning.

    I got called fat by a group of guys.

    I left work with $50.

    This is just adding to my plate of Late Rent, I Need To Hire A Lawyer, and I'm Still Battling Long-Term Health Issues.


    So yeah, can someone please cheer me up? I am not in a happy place right now.
    Last edited by PaigeDWinter; 10-07-2006 at 10:46 PM.
    Number of times Rickrolled on stage: 6
    *******************************

    Marasmus ... "Ladies don't fart. They butt-laugh."
    Marasmus says, "Oh no, that wasn't gas, it was merely a rectal chuckle."

    Marek says, "A friend of mine got punched in the face by a dominatrix stripper about two weeks ago and I thought of you."

  2. #2
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

    Awww, I'm sorry Paige. The tooth thing might be a minor inflammation. Dental issues usually have a detectable build-up.
    Why would someone trash your car? Anyway, I wish I could clean it for you- when I had cars, I would fetishize the cleaning process. I have cleaning OCD.
    After nights like that, I would take a hot bath & lay in the tub for a half hour, do a "lotion rubdown" & definitely booze it up before bed. (Can't do the drinkee anymore, long-term health issues here too. Have a Drinkee for me, Paige! I already have a Food Fetish thing going on with Madcap.)
    Well, laughter is always the best cure. Go to or and laugh away your sadness.

  3. #3
    Banned Madcap's Avatar
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    Default Re: Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine
    I already have a Food Fetish thing going on with Madcap.
    Hehe, yeah, i get to eat all her steaks for her.

    Here, paige, one of my favorite dirty jokes...


    There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except.... and he stopped. "Except what?" the man asked. "Nothing, nothing." "C'mon, tell me! I need something!" "Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'" "So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.

    The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there quiescent once more. "I'll take it!" said the businessman. The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say "Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

    After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing.

    The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yeah, right.. Voodoo dick, my ass!"

  4. #4
    God/dess FrustratedBunny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

    I've had tooth pain and it turned out it was just my sinuses acting up, so that might be nothing. I usually find that when things get really shitty it all happens at once and then next thing you know, a bunch of good stuff happens. So keep your head up, it always gets better.

  5. #5
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

    *huggles*

    chin up paige! It'll get better! I promise.

    Laughs on the phone 2 come.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  6. #6
    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

    I am so sorry paige. But on the brite side you are still sexy I hope you get better!
    If you want the present to be differant from the past, study the past.
    Baruch Spindza

    It is what it is, not what you want it to become, that's important -- at least for now. Today, remember that things worth having are worth waiting for!
    The Stars

    Minds are like parachutes: They only function when open.
    Thomas Dewar

    Dont throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.
    Swedish Proverb

  7. #7
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

    Thanks you guys. I wubs you all.

    I swear there should be a law against craptasms happening more than once a day. No piling up dammit!


    Oh! leilanicandy.... they played Sexy Back today at work and I thought of you!
    Number of times Rickrolled on stage: 6
    *******************************

    Marasmus ... "Ladies don't fart. They butt-laugh."
    Marasmus says, "Oh no, that wasn't gas, it was merely a rectal chuckle."

    Marek says, "A friend of mine got punched in the face by a dominatrix stripper about two weeks ago and I thought of you."

  8. #8
    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

    I bet the boys did'nt know how to act! When they seen you dance
    If you want the present to be differant from the past, study the past.
    Baruch Spindza

    It is what it is, not what you want it to become, that's important -- at least for now. Today, remember that things worth having are worth waiting for!
    The Stars

    Minds are like parachutes: They only function when open.
    Thomas Dewar

    Dont throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.
    Swedish Proverb

  9. #9
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

    Quote Originally Posted by leilanicandy
    I bet the boys did'nt know how to act! When seen you dance

    They certainly didnt know how to tip! LMAO....
    Number of times Rickrolled on stage: 6
    *******************************

    Marasmus ... "Ladies don't fart. They butt-laugh."
    Marasmus says, "Oh no, that wasn't gas, it was merely a rectal chuckle."

    Marek says, "A friend of mine got punched in the face by a dominatrix stripper about two weeks ago and I thought of you."

  10. #10
    God/dess MrChristopher's Avatar
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    Default Re: Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

    great...now i'm humming sexyback. dammit. i'll be up for another hour or two, ma'am, feel free to PM me for giggles.
    waffles are just pancakes with little squares on them.

  11. #11
    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

    those jerks! I think your perfect! There are not to many who are sexy physically, spirtually, and mentally. Now there's a tripple threat. Thats what you are a tripple threat. How many woman you know brought sexy back and tame him!
    If you want the present to be differant from the past, study the past.
    Baruch Spindza

    It is what it is, not what you want it to become, that's important -- at least for now. Today, remember that things worth having are worth waiting for!
    The Stars

    Minds are like parachutes: They only function when open.
    Thomas Dewar

    Dont throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.
    Swedish Proverb

  12. #12
    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

    F*ck those tasteless morons. You are a divine force of nature. May they be eaten by sharks!!!!

    Feel better chuleta?! (little lamb chop)

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

    Those fuckers...it's time for MARV to come kick some ass.

    Trash the car! Any idea who?

    Where always here...chin up, we have a new day tommorow(wait, technically today) you know what I mean

    or



    Last edited by supermaruchi; 10-08-2006 at 03:22 AM.

  14. #14
    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

    ::Hands beloved Paige a Cally-Pooka sandwich:: Does this help my love??? Those guys are crap-tastic and you are a beautiful and wonderful Paige!!!! No beating up the Paige.

    And in the words of the one on my pedestal : BReAThe!!!

    We love you!


  15. #15
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    Default Re: Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

    Why do guys think it's ok to just spew shit like that...that's obviously NOT TRUE! They know they have no hopes of getting you, so they felt they had to take you down to assauge their dumb egos.

    You are a true and natural beauty Paige. Don't let this get in the way. Like my Brad told me...for every one asshole, there are 50 men drooling. Keep the good shit and let the bad shit roll off your back, babe. (I know it's easier said, than done)

    Buck up lil' camper!

  16. #16
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    Default Re: Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

    OK Paige, stop by for Strawberry Daquri's tonight ok!!! I'll get some fresh strawberries, and you can see just how cheeky my little boy is!!! I'm sure he can get most people out of a bad mood.

    Did your club give a special on wankers? The cover really should be extra for that lot.

    You want me to install an autoactivated anti-carjacking device? Just put a big sign on your car, warning automatic flame thrower attached. lol I pity the fool that gets too close to your car then.

    For the teeth.... take some pain reliever, I know all about not going to the dentist due to budget constraints....

    Have you watched Zeriam? The live action one? You should try it, or maybe Space Symphony Maetel... no not funny just beautiful.

    Get a video of your favourite comedians and watch them. That used to pull me out of a rut. Right now I'd love some SCTV.

    Hey don't get down Paige, you are the one that makes me feel better while I'm slaving away.... Paige is a good name you know.
    One more cup of coffee for the road,
    One more cup of coffee 'fore I go
    To the valley below....

    Slowly moseying my way to the exit.
    A Blogging?

  17. #17
    Veteran Member Paisley's Avatar
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    Default Re: Somone Cheer Me Up Please?

    Holy sh1t!! Garbage on your car? Somebody needs an ass whooping. Lemme at 'em.

    Those guys who called you fat need a broomstick shoved up their ass.


    "That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth!" ~Jayne



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