As a first time poster, I'd like to say that this is a great site. There's some very thoughtful and supportive commentary where I was expecting a lot of negative posts. Either the members are very cool or the moderators are incredibly busy separating the wheat from the chaff!!
I'd like to discuss something that's been bothering me the last few weeks. I need some of that thoughtful commentary for myself as I haven't had anyone to talk to about this. Even though the story arc may seem very predictable, please read this through. I know its long, but....HEEELLLLP!!!
I few months ago I met a dancer in a club and I felt we "hit it off"(yes, yes, I know she was working!). This may sound cliché, but we had things in common (i.e. very similar age, growing up in the same area, etc.). I found myself enjoying her company and conversation very much. After a few visits more; then the first time in the VIP room, she's giving up contact information; not "shell" information for her dancing work, but her personal cell phone number and e-mail address with her real name on it. We'd e-mail back and forth, call each other; with a lot of conversation happening at our day jobs in our respective offices. We discussed a lot of very personal details of our lives and had a lot of fun getting to know each other.
Before I go any further, I'm going to muddy up the waters by saying that I'm married (12+ years). Believe me, I've been terribly conflicted about this whole episode. Just one more reason I aint going to heaven! BTW she is divorced.
A few weeks later, for reasons I can't nail down, I'm having feelings for this woman, as in developing a crush on her. I let her know about this. She seemed to not have a problem with it, in fact, she said she "liked me a lot too".....we continued calling and e-mailing......We met OTC for dinner and had a great time. That night, she was very sweet and affectionate, she was so nice. I thought things were good. All the while I'm coming to the club on occasion, taking in the VIP room exclusively with her. This goes on another few weeks.
She was evasive about another date, when asked directly, she said my marital status was an issue (didn't seem to be before). She asks what the difference was if we met ITC or OTC. I responded that I would be hard pressed to think of myself as anything more than a customer if it was all ITC and that "I'd be a fool to think otherwise".
Next thing, I'm sent an abrupt e-mail asking me "what I thought I had to offer her OTC"(a close paraphrasing) and fed me a short lecture on how married men behave ITC(This after having dinner with me OTC!). I found this to be both very hurtful and condescending. I replied with an angry missive resenting having all this thrown at MY feet and asking "Why I wasn't shut down earlier" if my behavior was so out of bounds. We haven't communicated since and, for now, I avoid the shifts she works.
I've frequented SCs for as long as I can remember and know the etiquette. I know how to have a great time within those bounds. While I have had some occasions for OTC meetings in the past with some women, this is the first time I've ever actually "fallen" for a woman after meeting them this way. I'm in my mid 40's and I think my myself to be smart enough to tell if some one is genuinely interested in me or not.
I feel that one of two things happened; either she was interested and then changed her mind, it happens all the time; I just resented the hell out of having it all thrown at MY feet. The other possibility is that she took advantage of my feelings and "played" me, a scenario offensive on a whole other level.
My question(s) is this (finally!): Was she interested? Am I crazy to feel so hurt and upset at feeling misled like this? Ladies, does this seem like an extreme example of customer cultivation or is this more common than an isolated exception? Someone Please help.
I've omitted a lot of details for the sake of brevity(not deception). If anyone wants more details, just ask and I'll be happy to provide honest information so long as everyone's anonymity can be maintained.
After all the pleasantness, I just feel bad that the last thing we did was exchange nasty e-mails.



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And if you think about, us guys do the same thing.
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