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Thread: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

  1. #1
    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Sad Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    Do you feel like stripping has changed how those closest to you treat you, and not for the better? I do, and it's really getting to me. Even though I recently quit, everyone still sees me as a "stripper".

    #1: I'm having a lot of problems with my family. They've always been abusive, but I feel like they resent the financial independence dancing gave me. I don't depend on them so I don't put up with their shit like my siblings do. I started dancing right after high school and never lived at home again - during the summers I'd travel around dancing and living at friend's houses. I looked at my parent's tax return to fill out my financial aid papers for school, and last year I made more than my parents! And they were supporting the two of them, my brother, my sister and her baby. 5 people! Granted, they also were living off (AKA pissing away) the money they made selling their house, but still. I'm 23 and I made more than my father who is 47!!! And I wasn't exactly busting my ass, either. I'm literally the ONLY person in my immediate family who has gone to "real" college, lived alone, been out of the country, and bought a new car. These people basically work jobs they hate to buy shit they don't need and are incapable of any self-examination or self-improvement. They say horrible things about me, like I'm a plastic titted bitch, a whore, a snob, and materialisic. They always thought I was snobby (because I wanted to go to college and not community college!). We were out to a restaurant once for someone's birthday, and I ordered wine and they gave me a hard time for being "fancy". No joke. I started dancing because I knew they weren't normal and I had to be independent of them, and you need money for that!

    My little brother who's 21 hates me because he's stuck living with them and I'm not - but if he ever held down a job and maybe got roommates, he wouldn't have to!

    My dad hates me because he always has, now he just has more ammo because I'm a gold digging whore stripper druggie drunk. I literally try to NEVER see him.

    My mother and I are having a hard time, I think in part, because I used to look like her and I've had some surgery (and I'm getting more) and I don't look like her - I look pretty! I think she realized she fucked up by marrying my father, and she regrets never being strong enough to take care of herself - so she hates me, the opposite of her.

    My sister hates me because by the time she was my age, she had a 4 year old baby and never got to have the crazy party girl life I've had - which I think every girl needs to have!

    #2: I feel like all the friends I had from high school (over 4 years ago) look at me differently than they did before. Two of my high school friends just got married, and I think they stopped coming over because the husband (who's my ex... from the 8th grade! Forever ago!) thinks I'm hot. I'm sure that's why she doesn't hang out with me anymore I really like both of them and want to be their friends!

    #3: I feel like it's hard to make "normal" friends now. I just have a hard time relating to the people my age who are scraping by and living off their parents, and I'm sure they don't see past the "stripper" thing.

    #4: Admit it, active internet strippers are different than most strippers. You guys know that we are much more "together" than most strippers. So... I really am not all that interested in staying friends with the girls I used to work with. 90% are drama queens, attention whores, substance abusers, stupid, or crazy. And once you're not working there, the good 10% are really hard to stay in touch with, and you might not have all that much in common with them anymore.

    I'm feeling really shitty and alone right now. Everyone thinks horrible things about me.

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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    Oh baby,


    you`ve dane SO SO WELL for yourself and you should be proud of it. I do know how hard it is if your family is sh*t. You`ve managed to do everything on your own and that`s worth remembering.

    You`re not alone, there is always somebody for you.
    Or at least I`m

    xxx

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    Senior Member destiny2980's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    I can completley relate to how your feeling. I felt the same way not long after I first started dancing. Everybodys opinion about me changed and I was no longer a normal person I was a "stripper". My mother used me for money and my sister always makes me feel guilty about the money I make.

    But you know what I realized is that I am doing this for myself to better myself and anybodys opinion about it is just that an opinion. Your family made the choices in their life and they have to live with it. Be proud of yourself even if nobody else is proud of you. But make sure you put your money to good use. Look at your family and how they are struggling to get by and dont be that way buy a house and pay off your car. It will make you feel so good that you really acomplished something. And when people look at you like your worthless or your less than the are just because of what you do you can stand back and say look at what Ive done for myself and be proud of who you are.

    As for friends I agree dont be friends with girls in the club unless you are very careful who you choose as friends. You never know who your really getting yourself involved with.
    Okay well I hope this helps a little. Your not a lone and I think we all go through this at some point in our dancing career. And hey your not alone you have us!!!

    Destiny

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    Senior Member RedFox's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    Hi Viola

    This is typically what happens when you try and seperate yourself from potentially dysfunctional family members. They perceive your successes (i.e self confidence, independence and financial vitality) as threatening, which creates a large wedge inbetween you and them. Wish I didnt know what you were going thru ....

    Come to PA and we can hang out



  5. #5
    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    Quote Originally Posted by ViolaStrings
    Do you feel like stripping has changed how those closest to you treat you, and not for the better? I do, and it's really getting to me. Even though I recently quit, everyone still sees me as a "stripper".

    #1: I'm having a lot of problems with my family. They've always been abusive, but I feel like they resent the financial independence dancing gave me. I don't depend on them so I don't put up with their shit like my siblings do. I started dancing right after high school and never lived at home again - during the summers I'd travel around dancing and living at friend's houses. I looked at my parent's tax return to fill out my financial aid papers for school, and last year I made more than my parents! And they were supporting the two of them, my brother, my sister and her baby. 5 people! Granted, they also were living off (AKA pissing away) the money they made selling their house, but still. I'm 23 and I made more than my father who is 47!!! And I wasn't exactly busting my ass, either. I'm literally the ONLY person in my immediate family who has gone to "real" college, lived alone, been out of the country, and bought a new car. These people basically work jobs they hate to buy shit they don't need and are incapable of any self-examination or self-improvement. They say horrible things about me, like I'm a plastic titted bitch, a whore, a snob, and materialisic. They always thought I was snobby (because I wanted to go to college and not community college!). We were out to a restaurant once for someone's birthday, and I ordered wine and they gave me a hard time for being "fancy". No joke. I started dancing because I knew they weren't normal and I had to be independent of them, and you need money for that!

    My little brother who's 21 hates me because he's stuck living with them and I'm not - but if he ever held down a job and maybe got roommates, he wouldn't have to!

    My dad hates me because he always has, now he just has more ammo because I'm a gold digging whore stripper druggie drunk. I literally try to NEVER see him.

    My mother and I are having a hard time, I think in part, because I used to look like her and I've had some surgery (and I'm getting more) and I don't look like her - I look pretty! I think she realized she fucked up by marrying my father, and she regrets never being strong enough to take care of herself - so she hates me, the opposite of her.

    My sister hates me because by the time she was my age, she had a 4 year old baby and never got to have the crazy party girl life I've had - which I think every girl needs to have!
    I had bad family also. Half of em I don't speak to. And I'm not even a stripper. So I wouldn't feel so bad about that.

    What is happening is you are finding yourself in a different place than them with different problems. Of course it is going to be a little hard to relate.

    #2: I feel like all the friends I had from high school (over 4 years ago) look at me differently than they did before. Two of my high school friends just got married, and I think they stopped coming over because the husband (who's my ex... from the 8th grade! Forever ago!) thinks I'm hot. I'm sure that's why she doesn't hang out with me anymore I really like both of them and want to be their friends!
    Well, when my friends started getting married, I never heard from them again either! This is common - someone's wife or husband plays a bigger role in their life than their friends do. I mean, frankly, they become their bestest best friend. (At least hopefully they do!)

    #3: I feel like it's hard to make "normal" friends now. I just have a hard time relating to the people my age who are scraping by and living off their parents, and I'm sure they don't see past the "stripper" thing.
    This is probably true about the stripper thing.

    But in adulthood, it is already hard to make close friends like one has in school or the younger years. I don't know what the mechanism is about this - but it just seems to happen.

    Probably everyone interested in their spouse and kids and allocating time for food and a roof whereas in younger years that didn't need to happen.

    #4: Admit it, active internet strippers are different than most strippers. You guys know that we are much more "together" than most strippers. So... I really am not all that interested in staying friends with the girls I used to work with. 90% are drama queens, attention whores, substance abusers, stupid, or crazy. And once you're not working there, the good 10% are really hard to stay in touch with, and you might not have all that much in common with them anymore.
    No... comment....

    I'm feeling really shitty and alone right now. Everyone thinks horrible things about me.
    I doubt people are sitting around thinking horrible things about you. Most people sit around thinking about themselves and what they want to accomplish.

    Don't feel too shitty - some of this is more about how life changes than your being a stripper.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    So fuck 'em. They're not worth your time. If you can't count on them because you (quit, even!) strip, how the hell can you count on them when it comes down to something more important? My family doesn't know, but my friends do. If anyone ever started treating me like a sex object or any other stereotype (and there have been), I'd drop them like a hot potato (and I have).
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    One word- they're JEALOUS.

    I went through the same thing. I only speak to a few family members now, the ones who supported me. The others, fuck them. My sister said once that I would make more dancing than she would with her degree, & I know why she's been so rotten to me.

    Be glad you had the strength & willpower to pull yourself out of poverty, & never look back. You have shown you deserve all the good things that have come your way.

    PS I know this sounds so bitchy, but when I go home I don't speak to most people I knew from back there....They're all townies, with same old-same old lives & my life has been a total adventure since I got the heck out of there. It's true, you can't relate to them. But what would you rather be, stuck in Nowheresville, or having Life bring all kinds of exciting & stimulating things your way? Think about it. You've lost less than you think....

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    Veteran Member hearts's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    Instead of trying to patch things up with people who treat you like garbage...WRITE THEM OFF. You certainly don't need people like that in your life, they will only hold you down...even if they are family. SO many people tolerate abuse from others simply because "they are family". You deserve better!

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    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    Quote Originally Posted by ViolaStrings
    I'm feeling really shitty and alone right now. Everyone thinks horrible things about me.




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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    Hey there! if everything you said is true, you are doing so well for yourself, and can't let the ugly bring you down!....about your dad, he sounds like an animal, so just realize that you are an intelligent person that's actually doing progressive things in this world and be the best you can be for YOURSELF....ignorant people will only continue to be ignorant

    my personal rule is this, just because you share the same genetics with someone does not mean that you are entitled to continue including that person in your life. Sometimes, it is healthy to cut out very unhealthy relationships....I hope that helps

    I feel you on how hard it can be to make decent friendships in the biz. but I agree that alot of us women on this forum are the intelligent kind of dancers that you want to network with, so maybe you may feel alone in your particular club, but you can always come here and vent out the frustrations.

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    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    I can totally relate to where you are coming from. I know exactly how you feel. But sweetie, do NOT let them get to you & make you feel shitty, because that is what they want. Don't buy into it. They are jealous of you. Despite all the shit you've endured being with them, you were strong enough to find a way to go out on your own and take care of yourself. You've shown them. and yourself, that despite everything, you have the kind of self respect to rise above it all
    and give yourself a life they were never able to. My family is a lot like yours. They treat me the same way your family is treating you, and they don't even know I'm stripping!!! And I can imagine the shit fit they will all have when they find out! ( Except for my brother, who is cool and since he is honest with himself & lives his life the way he wants to, he's happy and therefore has the capacity to be happy and accepting of others.) I think that's part of the problem right there... You are being true to yourself, and living the way you want to, while the other members in your family lie to themselves and hate you because they want the same thing you have but for whatever reason are having trouble making the choices that will make them happy. They don't love & respect themselves. How then, can they love and respect anyone else? They are jealous and until they stop lying to themselves and start living their truths, they will always be this way. So leave them alone. Ignore them. Maybe someday when they get their shit together then they will find you and apologize and then you guys can heal. Until then, live your life the way you want, be true to yourself, and anytime they say or do something hurtful, just remember that they are not really expressing how they feel about YOU...they are revealing how they feel about THEMSELVES. Lots of hugs sweetie, and if you ever want to talk, PM me. Hugs!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    Be glad you had the strength & willpower to pull yourself out of poverty, & never look back. You have shown you deserve all the good things that have come your way.

    PS I know this sounds so bitchy, but when I go home I don't speak to most people I knew from back there....They're all townies, with same old-same old lives & my life has been a total adventure since I got the heck out of there. It's true, you can't relate to them. But what would you rather be, stuck in Nowheresville, or having Life bring all kinds of exciting & stimulating things your way? Think about it. You've lost less than you think....
    [/size][/size][/QUOTE]

    Agreed. Yur true friends will love you, no matter what you do.
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    Whenever you feel bad about how others are treating you as a result of your dancing, remember this little gem from Dr. Seuss. It will REALLY put things in perspective with regard to who REALLY loves you, cares about you and accepts you for who you are...

    "Be who are you...

    And say what you feel...

    Because those who mind don't matter...

    And those who matter don't mind..."

    Hope you feel better soon!

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    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    Thank you so much, everybody.

    I love it here because "normal" girls can't relate. It takes a stripper to know stripper problems.

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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    i know exactly how you feel.. my parents dont know i'm dancing, but i told my mom i was doing an amateur night to feel her out on the subject and she told me i had no respect for myself. one of my closest friends hasnt spoken to me in weeks because we got in a fight. she told me that one day i'd see what i was doing was "wrong" and that i had to stop. i told her that i was happy and this works for me right now, i'm in school, its an easy job to have when you're in school! i make the money i want and dont have to work if i dont want to. i dont see why that's so hard for people to understand. i said if she was a real friend she wouldnt judge me, i already know her opinion on it and i dont need to hear it over and over. she told me that shes the only one who IS my real friend because she's the only one who tells me what they reall think of it. i just dont think thats true.. my girl friends, (this girl included) came to see me at work one night, and a few have said if they had the guts to do it they would. she said that it's making me do "bad" things.

    it started to make me wonder. i've definately changed since ive been dancing. i used to think it was something i could never do and now i think it's great.. but i wonder if i just changed my opinion on it or if im changing as a person in a bad way because i think its ok. i knooow there's nothing wrong with what i do but it sucks when one of my good friends wont even talk to me because of it

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    Quote Originally Posted by hearts
    Instead of trying to patch things up with people who treat you like garbage...WRITE THEM OFF. You certainly don't need people like that in your life, they will only hold you down...even if they are family. SO many people tolerate abuse from others simply because "they are family". You deserve better!
    Bravo! Bravo!

    Just because you all came from the same gene pool does not mean you hvae to like each other. That whole saying "Blood is thicker than water" is usually uttered by people who are trying to leech off their more successful relatives.

    You are just going to have to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move on. These people do not want what is best for you, in fact it sounds like they are doing their damnedest to drag you back down to their level. Why are they doing that? So they can feel better about what a crappy life they have created for themselves.

    There is nothing worse than seeing someone who came from the exact same place as you did, but was actually successful at getting to the next level. It is kind of an in-your-face reality that if so-and-so could do, so should you be able to. If the finger pointers are pissed, it should be at themselves, not at anyone else.

    Yes, jumping out of your socioeconomic class through education and working hard to earn more money is not going to bode well with those you are closest to.

    My last thought is, why do you want to persue relationships with people who hate you? What's the point in that? I think most people would rather be alone than surrounded by hateful people. Would you seek those people out to be a friend if they weren't related or from the same school?

    ^^Answer those questions, and you've got a new course of action. Do what is best for you, because that is what everyone else is doing, looking out for number one.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Newbie waywith's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    just a little add-on to what Paris said... Have you ever seen a pot of live crabs about to cook? As the water starts to heat up, some of the crabs will try to climb out of the pot. Seems like the obvious thing to do. But for whatever reason, some of the other crabs around them will inevitably grab them and pull them back into the pot.

    I'm not sure if they're pissed at the escaping crabs for having it better than they do, or maybe they misguidedly think that they can grab on and somehow pull theselves out by tugging on the higher crabs. More likely, they aren't thinking at all, and its some sort of instinct. Whatever the case, people are exactly the same.

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    so what are you doing to put positive people in your life to replace these lame turds?

    More classes? travel groups? Sports activities?

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    Quote Originally Posted by waywith
    just a little add-on to what Paris said... Have you ever seen a pot of live crabs about to cook? As the water starts to heat up, some of the crabs will try to climb out of the pot. Seems like the obvious thing to do. But for whatever reason, some of the other crabs around them will inevitably grab them and pull them back into the pot.

    I'm not sure if they're pissed at the escaping crabs for having it better than they do, or maybe they misguidedly think that they can grab on and somehow pull theselves out by tugging on the higher crabs. More likely, they aren't thinking at all, and its some sort of instinct. Whatever the case, people are exactly the same.
    Wow!
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    Quote Originally Posted by waywith
    just a little add-on to what Paris said... Have you ever seen a pot of live crabs about to cook? As the water starts to heat up, some of the crabs will try to climb out of the pot. Seems like the obvious thing to do. But for whatever reason, some of the other crabs around them will inevitably grab them and pull them back into the pot.

    I'm not sure if they're pissed at the escaping crabs for having it better than they do, or maybe they misguidedly think that they can grab on and somehow pull theselves out by tugging on the higher crabs. More likely, they aren't thinking at all, and its some sort of instinct. Whatever the case, people are exactly the same.
    God, I was just getting ready to post something about crabs !
    Dysfunction is dysfunction..It doesn't matter if you're a stripper or a scientist. People like that will never be happy for you, its just not in them to be. I moved from Houston to California in hopes of having a positive relationship with my family members. Everyone always acted so different on my visits out here, so I thought they had changed..Needless to say I was totally wrong. Those people have made my life hell since I've been here. Now that I totally fed up they all want to kiss my ass.
    I've recently changed all my numbers, the next step is to move which will be done before the year is up. There is nothing you can do to get praise from people like that..Its truly sad !
    Thank you for starting this post and for everyone who has commented. Sometimes its easy to feel like you're the only going through this type of pain.
    My new love...is me !

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    Featured Member MeganS's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    Quote Originally Posted by ViolaStrings
    "real" college, . (because I wanted to go to college and not community college!).
    .
    Ok, hold on, there are quite a few of us who feel slighted by their family just like you. And that SUCKS! But I wanted to point out that you're bashing community college.... why? It is a REAL college! It does a great deal for many people out there! Sorry, had to vent, I didn't feel your comment was fair or valid.

    Honey, my family has shot me down a great number of times, strippers have a bad rep, and it's hardest for the ones closest to you. Either you succumb to their pressure and give it up, or you stand up for yourself and do your damnedest! Personally, I stood up for myself. They'll come around, and well, if not, that's your opportunity to start choosing your own family....the people that matter most to you, who want to share in your life and love you no matter what! Now that's what I call FAMILY! Unconditional love.
    "A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you."
    Francoise Sagan

  22. #22
    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    What I mean is traditional college, aimed at people who JUST graduated high school, with bachelor's degrees, with dorms, with a football team, with all that stupid Greek stuff going on, hard to get into, not specifically aimed at locals or adults getting back into school - I wanted the traditional college experience.

    I worked really, really hard in high school (and graduated with a 3.6 - all honors, gifted and AP classes) to get scholarships - and I did get scholarships! It was just what I wanted, I'm not downing anyone. I had to take community college classes when I switched out of private school (the only out of town school my parents would co-sign any loans for, which didn't even lets girls in the boy's dorm and vice versa) because no one would accept all of my transfer credits. My parents would not even ENTERTAIN the idea of letting me go to a university. Why should a student who graduated with such a high GPA and college credit already from AP classes be robbed of that experience? Everyone who wants it and works hard for it deserves it, that experience helps people be more well-rounded.

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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    I see the problem. Didn't read all the posts- sorry if this is redundant. You are SMART!!!!! God forbid you should have your sh*t together the other 90% maybe 95% will not know what to do with you. So they put you down. B/c you are different.
    Best thing is to just continue to make yourself as happy as possible. I wish I could find just ONE let alone 2 women like you to become friends with. I hear you on that front.Mostly I am just around my bf and that is it. I am pretty solitary except for that-not out of choice. I think the gerbil hours of sleep all day up all night are killing the chance of me meeting more quality people. Esp since I don't drink or use.
    Stay tight and hang in there. Let me find an appropriate smiley or 2.

  24. #24
    Featured Member sunnie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    I think it is really admirable that you are setting goals for yourself and you are motivated to accomplish them.

    Strippers are an easy group to look down upon and disparage because most girls (I am not saying ALL strippers, just a large portion) do not come from economically advantageous backgrounds. Hell, if my family were loaded and I didn't have to worry about debts or bills, then I would not work my ass off at all hours of the night and put up with lame shit from drunk guys.

    However, they are plenty of cokeheads and dysfunctional families at all ends of the economic spectrum. And there are plenty of girls your age whose parents control them with money. So, for some girls, maybe the BMW and the tuition for school didn't come from lapdances and VIPs, everything has its price. I have plenty of friend with lives like that and I feel some pity that they are not strong enough to take control of their own lives.

    The point is that this is your life and you have to live it in a positive way that will make YOU happy. Although it may be tempting to totally write off your parents, they are still your parents. They may be dysfunctional, negative people in your life at this very moment. But, as you establish yourself as a woman it is important to learn how to deal with them and try to have as much of a relationship as possible without letting their small mindedness get in the way of your growth. So maybe you talk to them once a week or once a month or less, but as you get older and more experienced, you'll learn how to take them with a grain of salt.

    If, on the other hand, your parents ar abusive or threaten your health and wellbeing, well that's another story. But if it is just a matter of their prejudices and limitations, well then, it just takes time.

    Just my two cents.

  25. #25
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    Default Re: Losing everyone important to you because of dancing?

    my mother knows what i do, and she had a breakdown when i first told her, now shes completly cool with it. she sees how well i handle my fiances and how much i learned about money.

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