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Thread: Losing weight and insecurities

  1. #1
    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Losing weight and insecurities

    Why is it that I lost 40 lbs and now am more insecure than ever before?

    Just to give some examples:

    I get completely freaked out when someone comments that I've lost weight. (I feel like they're saying "Jeez you were a giant cow and now you're a medium cow").

    I'm afraid my bf is going to leave me for random people he works worth and some of his customers. I've been getting insanely jealous of the stupidest things. (We've been together for YEARS and I've never not trusted him. Most wonderful guy EVER!)

    Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel bigger than I ever was. But I'm not! Somewhere deep down inside, I know I look so much better in my clothes now....I'm wearing smaller sizes (an 8....don't laugh!) and they fit good, there's no fat trying to sneak out and I've thinned out nicely, but ....I'm more critical of myself than ever before, I've become self-conscious and insecure. Why is this?

    I've never had self-esteem issues and this started about 2-3 months ago after losing a bulk of the weight. I've turned into some kind of nutty jealous psycho bitch. WTF is wrong with me?!






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  2. #2
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    Default Re: Losing weight and insecurities

    Maybe because when you were heavier, you just never looked at yourself because you didn't want to face you were heavier? But now that you have thinned out, you don't mind looking at yourself so you're much more critical. Congrats on losing the weight babe, I bet you look fantastic.

  3. #3
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Losing weight and insecurities

    I was raised in a ghetto town & usually when people lost weight it was from meth or major illness. So instead of others being all "Doesn't So-And-So look great!" it was more like, "They hit the pipe!" Or, "He must be sick." Maybe people aren't bringing up the weight loss in a positive way & they're insinuating something bad (eating disorder, drugs, etc.)
    As for your feelings of jealousy towards your boyfriend....hmm...has he been acting different since you lost weight....? I always hated it when boyfriends "hinted" about my hair or clothes or whatever...It made me feel like they were trying to control me & make me know what I was "supposed" to be doing for them....
    Well, congratulations on the weight loss, I'm assuming you did it healthfully, which is the first & best reason to be slim.

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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing weight and insecurities

    No, I have always gotten hit on and I have always thought highly of myself. I mean, I did only gain that weight for about 2 years (long time, I know) and it was after some traumatic life events, but during that two years, I knew I was heavier than ever before, but I still felt good about myself. I understand what you're saying and I don't feel like that's my issue.

    All of a sudden, I just became negative and crazy! It was like something snapped inside of me, and I just can't put my finger on it to try to fix this mentality. I haven't been depressed or anything, just insecure, overly critical and jealous. It's making me crazy, b/c deep down inside, I know I'm being ridiculous, but yet, I can't stop the negativity.






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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing weight and insecurities

    MM,
    As far as my bf goes, he's been wonderful. Nothing has changed at all with him. he's always been a hornball and has never cared what size clothes I was wearing. He's an all-around good guy and I've never realistically had a reason to doubt him. All of a sudden, I'm thinking up all these crazy scenarios that co-workers are throwing themselves at him and he's just going along with it. None of it makes sense to me....it's these completely irrational thoughts. And the worst part is, like I said in my last post, I KNOW I'm being insane, but this negativity just takes over.

    I've done it very slowly over the course of a year, with healthier eating and regular exercise. i have about 10 lbs to go I think. I hate when see relatives and they act as if I've lost 300 lbs...they start gushing and asking questions and what not. I don't take it as a compliment at all. I take it as a back-handed comment, even though everyone means well.

    Blah






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  6. #6
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Losing weight and insecurities

    Well, it could be that in the past extra food was a "crutch" and now you need a new way to release stress...The irrational feelings could the urge to find an outlet for unresolved issues. I hate telling people stuff like that because it sounds like calling someone "weak" or "unable to cope." But, maybe that's it.
    Sometimes people tell themselves when they reach a certain goal, "everything" will be better...and then that is not the case...
    Yeah, I feel weird analyzing this....I have kind of the opposite situation occuring so I'm trying to think outside of the box...

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    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing weight and insecurities

    Quote Originally Posted by Hello_Kitty27
    No, I have always gotten hit on and I have always thought highly of myself. I mean, I did only gain that weight for about 2 years (long time, I know) and it was after some traumatic life events, but during that two years, I knew I was heavier than ever before, but I still felt good about myself. I understand what you're saying and I don't feel like that's my issue.

    All of a sudden, I just became negative and crazy! It was like something snapped inside of me, and I just can't put my finger on it to try to fix this mentality. I haven't been depressed or anything, just insecure, overly critical and jealous. It's making me crazy, b/c deep down inside, I know I'm being ridiculous, but yet, I can't stop the negativity.
    If you dont mind me asking, what happen thats was so tramatic? How much weight did you gain because of it! Why are you thinking this issue, with you being so negative. Have to do with you loosing weight? How long have you been feeling this way?
    If you want the present to be differant from the past, study the past.
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    It is what it is, not what you want it to become, that's important -- at least for now. Today, remember that things worth having are worth waiting for!
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    Minds are like parachutes: They only function when open.
    Thomas Dewar

    Dont throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.
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    Featured Member Hello_Kitty27's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing weight and insecurities

    Well, one of my brothers died at age 21 in a drunk driving accident (he was the drunk driver), another brother became completely addicted to heroin (and OD'd serveral times to the point of being on life support), I got hit head-on by a drunk driver, I was desperately trying to leave an verbally abusive relationship with a live-in boyfriend, amongst other random things that all happened within a year of each other.

    At the time this all started (Sept 28, 2002), I was a little more than I am now (8-10). All throughout this craziness, I was eating more and more to comfort myself and never bothered exercising or taking care of myself. Total, I gained about 35 lbs. (I'm only 5'4") It was little bits at a time, you know? At the beginning of 2005, I told myself I was not gonna continue on like that. I only managed to lose a few lbs, but then in Aug 2005, I decided to take charge and really get off my ass. I've been at my current weight and size (8 ) for a couple months now, and it's been since then that I've been insane.

    The reason I think it's all related, is mostly b/c I started to get overly critical of myself and self-conscious. At first I was mostly keeping it to myself. But then, it started taking it out on my boyfriend and family.

    For some reason, my self-esteem has gotten worse since I lost weight, and I was kinda hoping someone would tell me it was normal on some level. I mean, I know it's all in my head, but it's getting to the point of interferring with my relationship and my life.

    I really appreciate the responses, but it's kinda causing me to over-analyze it and now that I know that it's probably not normal....I'll just have to figure out some kinda way to be confident again.






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    Senior Member Corina's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing weight and insecurities

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine
    I was raised in a ghetto town & usually when people lost weight it was from meth or major illness. So instead of others being all "Doesn't So-And-So look great!" it was more like, "They hit the pipe!" Or, "He must be sick." Maybe people aren't bringing up the weight loss in a positive way & they're insinuating something bad (eating disorder, drugs, etc.)
    As for your feelings of jealousy towards your boyfriend....hmm...has he been acting different since you lost weight....? I always hated it when boyfriends "hinted" about my hair or clothes or whatever...It made me feel like they were trying to control me & make me know what I was "supposed" to be doing for them....
    Well, congratulations on the weight loss, I'm assuming you did it healthfully, which is the first & best reason to be slim.
    That's true. I wasnt brought up in that envirnment but I work in a club that's like that now. I dropped 15 over the course of about 9 mos. People who hadn't seen me in a while said things like, "What kinda drugs have you been taking"? and "Do you you know where I can find the 'cris'. I know you do it, you have the body for it". WTF??

    But, it a completely different perspective what's attractive. Oh yeah, btw, I'm 5'2" and about 102. I am in now anorexic.

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    Veteran Member Danielle_'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing weight and insecurities

    Quote Originally Posted by Hello_Kitty27
    I get completely freaked out when someone comments that I've lost weight. (I feel like they're saying "Jeez you were a giant cow and now you're a medium cow").
    Congrats on your weight loss. Don't let others make you feel bad about it.

    When I was in 11th grade in high school I gained some weight (atleast 20lbs). I knew I didn't look good & I didn't feel good. Then I lost that weight & some more in 12th grade & I got those same kind of comments & hated it. I'm not as slim as I was then but when I mention it to my sister she says she never even noticed when I was thinner (& a little bony). She said it must be because I've always put myself down no matter what weight. Now I try to act like I feel good about myself even when I don't because it helps with how others view me.

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    Featured Member xbloodydewdropx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing weight and insecurities

    Quote Originally Posted by Hello_Kitty27
    No, I have always gotten hit on and I have always thought highly of myself. I mean, I did only gain that weight for about 2 years (long time, I know) and it was after some traumatic life events, but during that two years, I knew I was heavier than ever before, but I still felt good about myself. I understand what you're saying and I don't feel like that's my issue.

    All of a sudden, I just became negative and crazy! It was like something snapped inside of me, and I just can't put my finger on it to try to fix this mentality. I haven't been depressed or anything, just insecure, overly critical and jealous. It's making me crazy, b/c deep down inside, I know I'm being ridiculous, but yet, I can't stop the negativity.
    perhaps that weight was a cushion of sorts, representing your way of coping with those traumatic events. with it gone, some is that comfort zone. this idea was mentioned on a weight dieting board. according to the article, basically, the physical changes you underwent were linked to the emotional ones.

    that is probably just a weird suggestion.
    "Seeing the landscape at this superficial level only captures its boring uniformity, not allowing you to immerse yourself in the spirit of the place; for that you must stop at least several days."

    ~Che Guevara, "The Motorcycle Diaries"

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: Losing weight and insecurities

    Hm. Those kinds of insecurities/jelousy often accompany an eating disorder. Just a thought.



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