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Thread: Striptease the Movie, only for real

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    Member billyblue79's Avatar
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    Angry Striptease the Movie, only for real

    We’ve all seen the movie starring Demi Moore, we’ll I have to say it’s hit rather close to home. I have lost physical custody of my two youngest children, primarily because I supported them by dancing vs. sitting on my butt, gaining wait while looking for the government to give me a hand out.
    My ex-hubby was perfectly happy with me dancing before the birth of our first child. I was dancing while we were dating, during the engagement, hell I even paid for the damn wedding by myself. I ask him repeatedly if he had a problem with it before we got married. He said it wasn’t that big of a deal, and he understood it was just a job, keep in mind during that time he was an unemployed student. So I paid for everything.
    During his senior year of college, we decided to have a child together. I already had a five-year-old son from a pervious marriage. I decided to dance until my fourth month, pulling a few double shifts to put back money for the duration of my maternity leave. In those four months, I earned enough money to pay for all the baby’s needs, and pay all my bills for the next nine months, Wow.
    Well after my daughter was four months old, I decided it was time to go back to work, bills were do and Hubby’s part time minimum wage job, wasn’t cutting it. Boy was I ever in for it. His parents caught wind of it, and he delivered me an ultimatum. Stop dancing or find myself divorced. Well I didn’t want to go through a second divorce, so I stopped dancing and took a “real” job as the Assistant Director of an Animal Shelter. I worked up 75 hours a week, for $20,000 a year salary. I lost precious time with my infant daughter, so he could deal with his family. “Ball-less SOB”
    Well that wasn’t such a good idea for more than one reason. I resented him, because I felt and still feel that he stole my daughter from me. He quit his job, he stopped going to school and stayed at home with my baby girl, while I continued to support his lame ass.
    Being determined to make my marriage work I continued to fulfill my wifely obligations, and ended up pregnant again. My POS husband, remained unemployed during my pregnancy, he even turned down a job for $60,000 a year, because he felt it was beneath him. In the mean time, I worked full time scooping poop and putting my health and the health of my unborn at risk, only to come home to a filthy house, and a hungry daughter. He did nothing; I even push mowed the lawn because he was too sorry to do it.
    Well at the beginning of my eight-month, I was coming home from an eight-hour workday and I was involved in a head on collision. My husband was asleep during the time of the accident and my mother had to take me to the hospital, (I wasn’t up for the $800 taxi to the hospital). Three hours later my baby boy arrived with minor complications via c-section.
    The animal shelter I worked for didn’t offer any paid leave, my husband was still unemployed and I felt like a mack truck had hit me. Guess what, I was back to work in less than two weeks after a major car accident and a major surgery. My bastard husband got to be at home with children, while I worked eight painful hours only stopping long enough to pump milk for the baby.
    Needless to say, by this point, I’d had enough. Last May I kicked his ass to the curve. Sounds like things would start to look up, right? WRONG! If you are a dancer or an attractive woman you understand it’s not always a good thing. My boss at the shelter was having marital problems as well. When he left home, his fat wife blamed me. She called her mom, the Treasurer on the Board of Directors for the animal shelter. In June, I lost my job.
    Now you gals think like I do. What would you do, having three children to feed and cloth by yourself with no financial support? Draw a welfare check and give up cable tv or put on your stilettos and dramatically improve your financial situation? I opted for the later of the two.
    My ex finally realized just how badly he had screwed himself over. He had to get a job and move in with his hypocritical parents. He was then determined to do everything in his power to force me to take his sorry butt back in.
    He started of with psychological abuse (psyche being his college major). He convinced me that I would do nothing but hurt my children that I had ripped their little hearts out. His abuse worked, In desperation and depression I thought I’d do the world and my children a favor and just end it. After I consumed a bottle of aspirin and shredded my arms, I changed my mind and went to the hospital were I spent four days.
    He told my Mother in the hospital waiting room that If I didn’t take him back, he was going to take my children and he could do because I was mentally unstable. What a shock!
    After confessing everything to my Doctor, he strongly advised that I refrain from any contact with my ex. I followed his advice and had my ex removed from house via police four days later.
    The following evening my ex handed me a signed court order, he was granted emergency custody of my kids. He really didn’t want them I kept them seventy percent of the time. He had them on the two nights per week that worked in Lexington, 1 hour away. This went on up until my final divorce hearing in July of the year.
    The Judges final ruling.
    I was found to be mentally instable, even though I had a letter from my Doctor stating my suicide attempt was a direct result of the action of my ex husband and there was no medical or psychological that would interfere with my parenting abilities. I had records from 911 were my ex was removed from my home. None of it mattered.
    The courts also found that my self chosen occupation as an entertainer was placing my children’s physical, mental and emotional health at risk. Because strip clubs are frequented by sexual predators. Didn’t matter that I lived over and hour away from my place of work.
    To make the deal even sweeter, I was ordered to pay my ex $790.00 per month in child support.
    The irony of this is, the Judge has kept the seats warm at another adult establishment in Lexington for year. My ex husbands attorney, patronized my place of work and stopped in to see me the week before the ruling went through.
    Does any have any suggestions or advice? It’s taken every thing that I have to keep my sanity. I would appreciate any feed back
    Thanks
    Billy

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    Default Re: Striptease the Movie, only for real

    GRRR >.< The lawyers had their turn, now you just need a hit man. I'm so sorry.

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    Senior Member Truce's Avatar
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    Default Re: Striptease the Movie, only for real

    Wow, and i thought i had a bad day.... I'm completly out of my depths here to give any advice apart from keep your chin up chicken. Fight for your children and then get as far away from your psychopath moochin' ex as you can. Thats my two cents.

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Striptease the Movie, only for real

    Keep on fighting this. At least you will have money for an attorney. I think your rant is a good start to an appeal.

    Be sure to snap a picture of the judge coming out of the other place and in the appeal note there may be some bias in his opinion of dancers.

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    Default Re: Striptease the Movie, only for real

    I know it's not much help, but I'm really sorry. Definitely don't give up, though!

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    Member cally_rose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Striptease the Movie, only for real

    wow. i can't believe that happened to you. i think you definitely have grounds to appeal. can you get your doctor to speak in court?
    Cally

    xoxox


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    Default Re: Striptease the Movie, only for real

    OMG, how horrible. I can't believe this still happens in this day and age.

    Dance your ass off, put away that money and file for an appeal. Best of luck to you.

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    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Striptease the Movie, only for real

    Exactly what they all said ^^^^.

    FIGHT IT! And don't stop!

    Document EVERYTHING!

    Get sneaky, take pictures, follow people around if you have to (the ex, the judge).

    Good luck to you sweety, and get a lawyer, if you splurge on any one thing, make it this.




  9. #9
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Striptease the Movie, only for real

    My suggestion is to ACT "repentant," join a nondenominational Chrisitian church, quit dancing for a little while, and convince everyone you agree with them, and you have turned over a completely new, "sin"-free leaf. Get custody back.
    THEN relocate far away & start dancing again. It stinks but some states have more prejudicial family court systems than others.
    Wish I could be of more aid, but I have no legal expertise.

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    Veteran Member minky's Avatar
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    Default Re: Striptease the Movie, only for real

    Best of luck, that's a horribly unfair hand you've been dealt.
    Your ex sounds like a complete asshole and i hope you get your kids back as soon as possible.
    xox

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    Banned Melonie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Striptease the Movie, only for real

    My suggestion is to ACT "repentant," join a nondenominational Chrisitian church, quit dancing for a little while, and convince everyone you agree with them, and you have turned over a completely new, "sin"-free leaf. Get custody back.
    THEN relocate far away & start dancing again. It stinks but some states have more prejudicial family court systems than others.
    Wish I could be of more aid, but I have no legal expertise.
    MadMaxine is (unfortunately) stating the 'realities' of being an exotic dancer under the family court systems of most states. Courts in New York and California might consider a mother's choice to work as an exotic dancer versus sitting home and collecting welfare in order to provide better for her children as an admirable decision, but courts in more conservative / religiously oriented states are more likely to take the view that the mother's choice of being an exotic dancer illustrates a basic lack of 'moral character' (and indirectly constitutes a 'bad influence' for her children). Additionally, in your particular case, your slash job and fully documented 4 day hospital stay are going to be viewed as further evidence of 'flakiness', 'mental and emotional instability' etc. (which indirectly constitute a further 'bad influence' ).

    Beyond the family court's emergency custody ruling, their court's next task really boils down to a 3 way decision. A. evaluate whether either parent can provide a suitable environment for the children involved versus placing them under custody of the state, and B. deciding which parent constitutes the 'least of the evils' in regard to the children's environment. Assuming that A. doesn't happen (and states really try to avoid this since it costs them tons of money), you're then left to deal with B.

    When evaluating the criteria for B. the courts are going to stack up stuff about both the mother and father - Do they currently have a job ? What does that job entail ? Do they have a criminal / mental health record ? Do they both have a stable residence for the children to reside in ? What sort of positive additional factors might be present in one residence vs the other's residence i.e. grandparents. What sort of negative additional factors might be present at one residence vs the other's residence i.e. co-workers visiting.

    As unfair as it might seem, under your current situation there is probably no way that you're going to win out when the family court fills in all of these blanks if you are still dancing and there aren't additional negative factors on the father's side. But this emergency order must have been prepared by a clever lawyer, because unless you are in a position to take a straight job that pays enough for you to live on plus pay out $200 per week (after taxes) in child support as presently ordered, quitting dancing but defaulting on child support payments will ALSO be interpreted as irresponsibility / unsuitability. Thus you've got a huge Catch 22 situation on your hands.

    Just my own opinion, but from where I'm sitting the fact that you are an exotic dancer is already on record. Thus no more 'damage' can really occur if you continue to dance. However something positive can occur ... by setting aside a bunch of money to hire a really smart family law attorney you can avoid you being Catch 22'd again ... by setting aside a bunch more money to move into a house / condo / leased apartment in a 'desireable' area for raising children you can start to increase the 'plus factors' on your side of the equation.

    But realistically speaking, between the exotic dancing and the documented suicide attempt, and a lack of serious 'black marks' on the father's side of the equation, unless the father agrees to voluntarily cut loose custody it probably highly doubtful that you'll ever get a court ruling for 'full' custody. Odds are that the best you'll be able to get is 'joint custody' with limited visitation rights in the short term.

    In the longer term, if you are able to set money aside and set yourself up with a 'nice place' to raise children, and if your ex manages to build up a negative paper trail of his own (i.e. spotty employment history, zero bank balance, still living with his 'mommy' etc.) the court may be receptive to a change in primary custody. This will especially be the case if your ex gets 'tired' of the responsibilities that go along with primary custody, and becomes willing to voluntarily accept changes in the childrens' living arrangements.
    ~
    Last edited by Melonie; 10-16-2006 at 04:07 PM.

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    Default Re: Striptease the Movie, only for real

    keep a record of everything. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G make sure you are keeping financial records when you dance so that you can pay taxes. save up some money and get a really good lawyer. also, if he is verbally abusive and trys calling you, i'd leave an answering machine on. a machine message can be used against someone because they knew they were being recorded. also, i would stay in therapy. showing that you're making every attempt to be perfect for your kids is the #1 key. you could go the "repent" way, but it's a lot more tricky than just being honest. you're likely to get "caught" in the lie.

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    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Striptease the Movie, only for real

    ^^^Melonie's is the best advice yet. Try to stack up the positive factors on your side. Do you live in a desirable area? Are you on good terms with your parents, so they can help out with the kids? Do you make a lot of money? Have you been a PTA member, a den mother, or otherwise involved with your kids schooling and activities? What kinds of things have you done monetarily for your children -- bought them braces, medical care, tutoring, etc. etc. etc.

    There ARE some black marks against your husband by the way. You say that before this he only saw the kids a few times a week, right? Also, chronic unemployment never looks good. He may try to make the case that you were supporting the family financially while he was taking care of the kids, so that makes him the natural caretaker. You should be prepared to make the counter argument that he was too lazy to support the family so that you were "forced" to dance.

    Get yourself a really good lawyer. Good luck.

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    Default Re: Striptease the Movie, only for real

    Sorry that happened to you. APPEAL. My ex fought me for custody of our 7 year old daughter. His intentions were clearly based on spite, not being a good parent like your ex loser. Save EVERYTHING. Receipts for any clothing/shoes/supplies you have to buy for the children (Other than the child support) Don't get behind on that child support. Make sure you pay it on time. Don't use any drugs. You never know what the ex could cook up, which can mean a drug test. Bring witnesses to testify if you can. Does your ex use any drugs?? If so, use it against him. Bring up his unemployment status. Spotty work history never looks good.

    I won my custody battle. My ex was just like yours, lazy, never kept a job, complained of caring for the kids, (and did a shitty half-assed job at that) went to college then quit....Same bullshit ass story. He had NOTHING on me except that I was stripper. He tried to make up some bullshit lies but the judge saw through that. It also did not look good that we actually have 2 kids together and he only fought for custody of one. Yes, he was a fucking moron.

    I know this can seem like the worst time right now. Use it to get things right with your life. Get a good lawyer, work your tail off, and try not to let it worry you to death. Its not over yet. Make sure you have arrangements now on who will care for your children while you are working, in case the issue is brought up in court. If its a relative/friend that will care for them try to bring them with you. These types of men usually "tire" of parenting after a while, so it is likely he will give them up on his own. Although in your case, he may put up with them for the child support every month. I haven't heard from my ex in a week now and he hasn't seen the kids for 2 weeks. Yet, not too long ago he wanted custody. Men this lazy and stupid are not equiped to handle children.
    CARMEN IS HOTT 4 A BLACK CHICK!!!!!!!!

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    why does Janet Jackson have a headset on her head?!

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    Default Re: Striptease the Movie, only for real

    OMG, you are in my thoughts and prayers!!!! I'm so sorry to hear that this is happened to you. I think all of these girls have offered a lot of good advice. I think you need to find a really good attorney and also hire a really good private investigator to watch every move that you ex is doing. Perhaps the private investigator will catch him doing something he's not supposed to do, maybe something like buying drugs or soliciting a prostitute or something like that that will look really bad for him or maybe even catch him going to strip clubs all the time at all hours of the night instead of being home with the kids.

    I think it would be best to right now work your tail end off like you never have before and SAVE, SAVE, SAVE your money and find the best attorney and private investigator there is out there. When you've saved enough, then maybe find a "real" job for the time being or start going to school to so you're "bettering yourself" for your children to "set a good example" for your children. Anything that will make you squeeky clean, the more in your favor. Definitely document everything and that includes the child support money, like photo copy each check you send so he can't come back saying "she never paid me the money", keep reciepts for anything you buy for your children; clothes, shoes, food, diapers, whatever it is, keep the receipt. It would also be a good idea to keep a daily journal, write down the date, the time of day if something happens or if you speak to him and he says something. ANYTHING you can hold against him.

    Maybe also come up with a list of everything from the time you guys met up until now of everything that happened from what he said he was ok with, from you supporting him and putting him through school, to him turning down this job and that job while you supported the family, to while you were in a head on collision and had to have an emergency c-section and he did nothing to help and forced you back to work right after, etc. etc. Write down everything you remember, write the date or close to it if you remember and anything else you can remember to build a case against him.

    Definitely save up money, get a Top Notch Attorney who specializes in things like this that has an excellent history of winning cases, get a top notch private investigator and appeal this. I have a strong faith that you will win in the end, but it will take time, and a lot of work and dedication on your part. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and speaking of prayers, I don't know what type if any kind of spiral beliefs you may have, but it might work in your favor to start going to a church every Sunday, maybe become a member and friends with some of the people there, and they can testify in your favor that you're a loving, stable, good mother that only wants the best for your children.

    Keep your chin up and never give up. I truely believe that this will work out in your favor. I truely believe that he'll fuck up somewhere big time and you'll get your children back. Best of luck hon and please, please keep us posted on this!!! We're all here for you!

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    Veteran Member Miss_Eliza's Avatar
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    Default Re: Striptease the Movie, only for real

    Don't listen to me, but I would kill him. some way some how I would get ride of him.
    You say psycho like it's a bad thing

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    Default Re: Striptease the Movie, only for real

    The moral to this story is: Whoever takes the initiative wins.

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