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Thread: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

  1. #1
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Angry Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    OK tonight me and M--k went to a bar, in hopes that we could pick up people. I wrote about M--k before...he's a good friend of mine, but VERY unconfident of himself. Part of his insecurity is for unintentional failures, such as his failure to find a good-paying job out of college, failure to move out of his parents' house(NOTE: he is finally moving out next month, but even so he is abnormally nervous about the whole situation), etc. His insecurity is also due to the millions of rejections that he's gotten over the years.

    So we went to Big Heads bar in our town, and the girls were bitches! I tried to motivate M--k to go over and say hi. Us strippers do it everyday, approaching guys, so M--k should learn to do the same! The girls would either ignore him and turn their head, or they would quick grab the arm of the nearest guy to make it look like they were attached even when they weren't. There were these two bitches in particular who were EXTREMELY snobby and bitchy. When M--k said hi to them, they were the ones who grabbed this not-very-good-looking, DWEEBY guy and pretended they were with him. The one was a wannabe-Buffy-the-vampire-slayer looking blonde with a leopard print tank top and large doe eyes. I tried saying hi and pretending to be a lesbian(to show M--k how to talk to people), and she just stared with this weird look. When I tried to introduce myself to the dweeby guy, he too gave me a look of bewilderment and snobbery. I shook the dweeby guy's hand and shook it HARD to the point that it almost broke. Then me and M--k decided to walk away. As we walked away, I said to the dweeb in the most sarcastic brattiest voice I had, "Next time, learn to shake a hand a little harder."

    I don't know why people are so mean to M--k! And that's considering that Big Heads is known for being the hang-out of all the sluts in our town! What is wrong with him, other than low confidence? And the reason he's low confident, is because of stupid bitches! What's worse, is M--k thought the girls dissing him were being "nicer than normal" because at least they didn't slap him or tell the bouncer lies to get him thrown out, as happened a few times in the past! WTF? Meanwhile, I hadn't gotten any in a few days and I wanted to get laid. But I was there to find M--k some girls because he really needs it. All I had to do to get attention from the guys there, was pull down my shirt slightly and make my boobs bounce up and down(it's a neat trick that people with implants can do ). At that point, I was bored and tired so I was saying all kinds of perverted and assholish things, but they were still interested, simply because I had nice tits. But in the end, me and M--k left to go home, both of us frustrated that we didn't find someone to take out or take home with us.

    What should I do? I really want to help M--k. My ex Karl said that I should introduce him to some nice church girls at my church...yeah right! M--k is AFRAID of church because he thinks that his lack of life successes makes him a disgrace in the eyes of God(even though he doesn't do anything wrong!). What should I do? I don't want him living a lonely life.

  2. #2
    Featured Member sander8son's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    whats with the code? M--k seriously? Mark? no no no, Mulk, definately Mulk. If you're going to do that, just type "M" otherwise, you may as well type the whole name. Unless mark is a G-d to you and you can't desecrate his name?

    but I've got a solution for ya. Drive up here and I'll screw both of you. Mark kinda sounds like me. I too am i huge failure. Sometimes I'm insecure, sometimes I'm not. He just has to stop caring.

    I wouldn't bother with the town sluts with regards to him. they're attracted to manly men with confidence. they'll fuck anyone who acts like a man. clearly, he doesn't, it wont work. I dont know that id go with church girls, but maybe go to some place thats a little classier yet still laid back. where he can maybe woo them with his (potential) inteligence.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    uhm.
    Never. go. to. dance. clubs. to. meet. chicks.

    Besides the fact that I really shouldn't even be touching this topic...

    What does Mark like to do? What are his hobbies? Get him into social situations where the people are more receptive to conversation and not judging based on looks.

    In a club a girl who's not confident, but still beautiful will look at the guy approaching her from the thousands of eyes around her. And frankly, she's allowed to be a bitch, if he's not what she wants. He should thank her. Pity introductions are sickening, and she probably just lacks taste.

    If you're going to succeed in a dance club you need to have a thick skin and not be so serious. Just the other night I danced for about 3 seconds with a chick before her man came back and put his hand on my shoulder squeezed fucking hard, and introduced himself. I told him "Relax dude, I'm just keeping her warm for ya" and I got a laugh, but it's 50 50, I would have dropped that motherfucker for touching me if he was going to be a prick about a 3 second interaction. Douche.

    Anyways, you have to not give a shit in those environments, you HAVE to. You're not going home or getting numbers from every chick there. You're looking for 1 in a room of 500. Expect 499 failures. Or look elsewhere.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  4. #4
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    I don't mean to be harsh, but mark's time is better spent with woman who are receptive to the intellectual and you can do that by being in areas like supermarkets and malls and shit. Always be polite, and when he opens a door for a beautiful woman, never just say "You're welcome."

    I opened a door for a chick once, and she said "thanks"
    I said "Well, when you're beautiful, doors open for you." and I had this horrible look, she knew I knew I was being cheesy. She snickered then the guy behind her was like
    "Yea, my pants open for her every night"
    and I said
    "Yea, she's cute too."

    And she ROLLED with laughter.

    It's all in the delivery. I don't know why, I just kind of thought of that.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  5. #5
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    Thanks Matridonicus, but here's the problem with Mark woeing intelligent girls. Mark is VERY embarrassed about his job situation. He graduated from the same college as me in December 2002. He searched for ANY respectable job in every field imaginable...he didn't just set his heart on a job in his field. Despite his very ambitious jobsearching, he couldn't find a single decent job until April 2005, and it was at an office that paid him less than Acme did at that point. He took the job because it was a "job he could actually admit to"(his exact words), and because he thought it would lead to something further down the road. Instead, they laid him off 9 months later. It took a few months and a few financial hardships(totalled his car, required hand surgery while he was on COBRA insurance, owed more income taxes than I did even though he made less money, etc), before he got his current job but that doesn't pay very much either. He's afraid that he'll look "stupid" if he tells girls that he still lives at home and still has to work part-time at Acme(in addition to his day job) to make ends meet. Luckily, he just got approved for an apartment yesterday and he's moving outta his parents' place in a month. Hopefully that will give him more clout and confidence. But yeah, those are the other reasons for Mark's unconfidence so I do not know if him talking with premed girls and paralegal girls will make him feel very smart. But thanks for the advice, though. By the way, it wasn't a dance club, but a neighborhood bar.

  6. #6
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    As for Mark's hobbies? I keep telling Mark to play up his interests and international experiences when talking to girls! He plays in a hockey league, goes camping, goes paint balling, and when he was in college he spent a semester in Australia, studying and scubadiving. When I tell him to talk more in conversation, he always says "But I don't have anything worth saying." And I tell him to talk about Australia, since it is something that a lot of people want to do but not many people have the opportunity to do. I keep telling him this!!! But he doesn't seem to listen.

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    Featured Member sander8son's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    mark sounds like me except instead of getting laid off, i quit. I've been out of work since july. Cant find anything. and i mean ANYTHING. the only people that get back to me are those offering $10k/year less than the job i just left and would bore the hell out of me after 3 weeks. i'm living with my parrents which is a blast. atleast it sounds like he's making progress. show him that he's moving out, he's got a job(two jobs), so he does have something to offer now. yes he's got hardships but so do most people. try having him focus on the positives.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982
    Thanks Matridonicus, but here's the problem with Mark woeing intelligent girls. Mark is VERY embarrassed about his job situation. He graduated from the same college as me in December 2002. He searched for ANY respectable job in every field imaginable...he didn't just set his heart on a job in his field. Despite his very ambitious jobsearching, he couldn't find a single decent job until April 2005, and it was at an office that paid him less than Acme did at that point.
    This will sound like an ass, but tell him to forget girls for right now and focus ALL his efforts on the job.

    I do it all the time. But, it's kinda the personal part of me.

    Look, if he's not happy with him, everyone around him will see that. If he focuses on finding a better job, he'll develop security in the process not the goal. He needs to stop focusing on the goal and moreso on the PROCESS cause, even as you know, hard work pays off even when you can't see it coming.

    If he works on the path to finding a better job, the better chicks will come. He has my word. I'm not saying don't go out, but he's right, he has bigger fish to fry than getting his lips wet.

    Mast.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  9. #9
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982
    As for Mark's hobbies? I keep telling Mark to play up his interests and international experiences when talking to girls! He plays in a hockey league, goes camping, goes paint balling, and when he was in college he spent a semester in Australia, studying and scubadiving. When I tell him to talk more in conversation, he always says "But I don't have anything worth saying." And I tell him to talk about Australia, since it is something that a lot of people want to do but not many people have the opportunity to do. I keep telling him this!!! But he doesn't seem to listen.
    Mark has self-worth issues. Everyone does, but people have to understand life is a process, there is ALWAYS something to work on/make better. His best solution would be to hold to his resolve and focus on his goals. On that path he will meet women where he'll notice he has tons of things to chat about.

    If he meets a hottie in a hocky store...it's easier to talk about hockey stuff... like the cashier and shit. Have him interact with people. Have him grow numb to rejection. Like you said, you approach guys all the time so should he... did you learn to approach guys? or understand you only need 1 goal out of 20 rejections to win?

    Good luck!
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  10. #10
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    Thanks for the advice, sander8son. I try to tell him that all the time. I think he focuses more on the negatives than the positives. So do I(we're both kinda pessimistic), but I also work to CHANGE the negatives. For example, I wrote about my past self-confidence issues in the thread titled "Thefts and false accusations." I wrote about how I was unhappy being penniless and not having a working car, and how this just caused guys to talk shit about me, falsely accuse me of stealing on the basis that I "needed" the money, and not take an interest in me. What did I do?...I started dancing(a job that clashed with my morals at the time) so that I could better myself financially. I obsessed about how to build credit so that I'd be able to purchase one of my dream cars, an 06 Mustang. I DID stuff about it.

    Even when I was much younger, I worked hard to change the things I didn't like about myself. When I was 13 or 14, I was constantly upset because I was "ugly" and couldn't attract guys. So what did I do?...I started reading fashion magazines, used my birthday and allowance money to buy new clothes, dyed my hair, and did everything I could to look the way that I wanted to look. I worked on my social skills and hung out with my best friends more because when I was around them, I acted less shy and more fun/outgoing. By hanging out with people I was more comfortable around, I got more used to the idea of being outgoing, so that I was then able to act more outgoing around the discomforting kids at school. I tell Mark to do these things. He constantly says that he'd look better if he put a bag over his head. I tell him that if he hates how he looks, then he should style his hair with gel and wear clothes that are a little more "hip" and flattering.

    You know what? Fuck it, I'm gonna take him to Boscov's and find him some nicer clothes. Hopefully I can find a look that suits him well and maybe that'll give him a small boost of confidence. My credit card has 0% interest until January anyway, and I'm good at finding the best bargain prices for nice stuff.

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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    Hmmm, M--k needs to get laid, you need to get laid, seems like there's an obvious solution to me.

  12. #12
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    Mastridonicus-- My ex-boyfriend Karl explained that logic to Mark. That it didn't matter if he got 99 rejections, as long as he got 1 date out of it all. But Mark's convinced that all 100 girls will reject him and in not the nicest way, either. I've seen how fucking bitchy girls are to him at a variety of places. It's annoying. He claims that he's emotionally numb and he doesn't feel rejection anymore, but I KNOW it bothers him. For example, when me and my girl friend talk about what guys are "hot," Mark gets all pissy and bothered because our conversation is a reminder that he will never attract girls the way the "hot guys" we talk about will(or so he thinks). In the past when I complained about guy problems, Mark would chime in with his similar girl problems and he'd get all miserable talking about it. So I KNOW that he is bothered by it, but he simply denies it for the sake of playing cool.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982
    Mastridonicus-- My ex-boyfriend Karl explained that logic to Mark. That it didn't matter if he got 99 rejections, as long as he got 1 date out of it all. But Mark's convinced that all 100 girls will reject him and in not the nicest way, either. I've seen how fucking bitchy girls are to him at a variety of places. It's annoying. He claims that he's emotionally numb and he doesn't feel rejection anymore, but I KNOW it bothers him. For example, when me and my girl friend talk about what guys are "hot," Mark gets all pissy and bothered because our conversation is a reminder that he will never attract girls the way the "hot guys" we talk about will(or so he thinks). In the past when I complained about guy problems, Mark would chime in with his similar girl problems and he'd get all miserable talking about it. So I KNOW that he is bothered by it, but he simply denies it for the sake of playing cool.
    well, you said it yourself.

    If he thinks he's a failure, he could be the greatest guy in the world. He is. You, as a friend, need to re-inforce this by demanding he see it. By pleading to him and telling him he needs to see himself for how great he is, you play into his pity. I know, I was there. I took fucking Casual Observer to break my mindset.

    Look, when he pulls that shit, tell him he's right. When he says "I'm just going to get rejected. Why bother?" Say "good point, how's the job search coming?" or "Yea, want to do something else then?" and when he gets pissed about you agreeing with him, he'll get angry about it "What the fuck, philly? You too?" and you'll argue and he'll eventually say "Well what the hell am I supposed to do then? How do I do this?" THEN you have a hopeful chance of having your good intentions be heard.

    I stick by my previous comment. Get him working on fixing his excuses. They'll make him better and more confident and he'll meet women along the way.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    Why should Mark expect anything else when all his experiences are with bitches downing on him?

    Sad thing is - this is becoming too common in the United States. It is getting to a point where men don't want to be with these girls except for a fun time now and then.

    There are a lot of women in the US that are just not worth the time.

    What Mark/Mick/Mack whatever needs to do is something he can find some joy in. Study a musical instrument - sculpt or draw - or assemble models or the like. Heck assemble wind chimes or something!

    I mean - the job - that has a lot to do with what is out there and available. A programmer is going to have a hard time getting a job in bukobop kansas in a grain elevator town - ya know what I mean?

    Use some of that intelligence to discover himself. Here in Austin, there is an art gallery that has get togethers and such. There are intelligent (and people who at least think they are intelligent) people in such places. The cost isn't high to be a part of such a thing and it is a good way to mingle.

    Bars - not a good place to go to pick up chicks. Nothing but lounge lizards, fast talkers, drunks, and girls looking to snub someone.

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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    If he focuses on finding a better job, he'll develop security in the process not the goal. He needs to stop focusing on the goal and moreso on the PROCESS
    Exactly.

    This is true for anything--you can say, "If he focuses on finding a better chick/car/condo/et al..." It's about the process, not the goal, since if you focus on the process the goal will avail itself to you (Mark).

    As an aside, you're not helping him in the process of change; you're part of the problem, not the solution, and yes, that's in large part because you're an attractive chick and he can't figure out why he can't have you or someone like you and your taking him on as a pet project is rubbing salt in his self-inflicted wounds.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    Quote Originally Posted by PhillyDancer1982
    OK tonight me and M--k went to a bar, in hopes that we could pick up people. I wrote about M--k before...he's a good friend of mine, but VERY unconfident of himself. Part of his insecurity is for unintentional failures, such as his failure to find a good-paying job out of college, failure to move out of his parents' house(NOTE: he is finally moving out next month, but even so he is abnormally nervous about the whole situation), etc. His insecurity is also due to the millions of rejections that he's gotten over the years.

    So we went to Big Heads bar in our town, and the girls were bitches! I tried to motivate M--k to go over and say hi. Us strippers do it everyday, approaching guys, so M--k should learn to do the same! The girls would either ignore him and turn their head, or they would quick grab the arm of the nearest guy to make it look like they were attached even when they weren't. There were these two bitches in particular who were EXTREMELY snobby and bitchy. When M--k said hi to them, they were the ones who grabbed this not-very-good-looking, DWEEBY guy and pretended they were with him. The one was a wannabe-Buffy-the-vampire-slayer looking blonde with a leopard print tank top and large doe eyes. I tried saying hi and pretending to be a lesbian(to show M--k how to talk to people), and she just stared with this weird look. When I tried to introduce myself to the dweeby guy, he too gave me a look of bewilderment and snobbery. I shook the dweeby guy's hand and shook it HARD to the point that it almost broke. Then me and M--k decided to walk away. As we walked away, I said to the dweeb in the most sarcastic brattiest voice I had, "Next time, learn to shake a hand a little harder."

    I don't know why people are so mean to M--k! And that's considering that Big Heads is known for being the hang-out of all the sluts in our town! What is wrong with him, other than low confidence? And the reason he's low confident, is because of stupid bitches! What's worse, is M--k thought the girls dissing him were being "nicer than normal" because at least they didn't slap him or tell the bouncer lies to get him thrown out, as happened a few times in the past! WTF? Meanwhile, I hadn't gotten any in a few days and I wanted to get laid. But I was there to find M--k some girls because he really needs it. All I had to do to get attention from the guys there, was pull down my shirt slightly and make my boobs bounce up and down(it's a neat trick that people with implants can do ). At that point, I was bored and tired so I was saying all kinds of perverted and assholish things, but they were still interested, simply because I had nice tits. But in the end, me and M--k left to go home, both of us frustrated that we didn't find someone to take out or take home with us.

    What should I do? I really want to help M--k. My ex Karl said that I should introduce him to some nice church girls at my church...yeah right! M--k is AFRAID of church because he thinks that his lack of life successes makes him a disgrace in the eyes of God(even though he doesn't do anything wrong!). What should I do? I don't want him living a lonely life.
    i just want to say...WHAT A GREAT FRIEND.

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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    First off; what a cool thing you're doing for your friend! I had some wonderful chick friends in my life who did so much to help me but in the end I had to help myself,also, to get anywhere. He just needs to keep trying with the right type of women and have a little success to bolster his confidence. A lot of women ran screaming from me when I was single, a few were indifferent, but sure enough, there were some who liked me and I liked them. Time and rejection also help to toughen us and it becomes less devastating the more chances he takes. Failed with that one?........move onto the next.

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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    my 2 cents.
    moving out of parent's house very important.

    focus on job, get in shape, ... buy a house, that attracts women (may be expensive).
    can you fix him up with someone or ask someone else to? if he has job, not a horrible personality, not fat this should not be this hard. and by not this hard i mean perhaps he should significantly lower his standards?

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    He only defeats himself. Also, if you are hot and he is going out with you, he probably is in love with you, and your presence might be fucking up his game.

    He sounds like a complainer, no woman wants a whiny bitch for a boyfriend or even a lay. Sorry, had to say it.

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    Featured Member sander8son's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine
    He sounds like a complainer, no woman wants a whiny bitch for a boyfriend or even a lay. Sorry, had to say it.
    Does this mean you dont love me anymore? but why? whatd i do? please talk to me!!!! why wont you talk to me!?!?!?

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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    Quote Originally Posted by sander8son
    Does this mean you dont love me anymore? but why? whatd i do? please talk to me!!!! why wont you talk to me!?!?!?
    Ummm, ok, we can, ahem talk. BTW Sandy, my little cousin's baby sister is in the hospital and needs $10,000 for an emergency colonectomy. Think ya can front me some cash sweets?

    "Have you ever been to American wedding? Where is the vodka, where's marinated herring?" - GB
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mia M
    If a cupcake was tossed at me... well, I'd only be upset if it missed my mouth

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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    Is this the same guy that you were living with and wanted to kick out b/c he was only supposed to live there for a short time?
    Having a female roomate is a huge cockblock to a guy trying to hook up with a chick.

    I won't date a guy living with another girl. They may not be fucking, but it still bothers me.

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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    Philly, uh, why don't YOU take him home? You like him so much.

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    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    For example, when me and my girl friend talk about what guys are "hot," Mark gets all pissy and bothered because our conversation is a reminder that he will never attract girls the way the "hot guys" we talk about will(or so he thinks).
    Kat's probably right... he has this really great friend who really cares about him, and who also is really hot and even goes out to dance clubs with him.... he's probably in love with you.... so this is not just a reminder that he is not considered 'hot' in general, it is a reminder that YOU don't think he is.

    On the broader question, it's such a cliche, but yes, don't go to dance clubs to chicks, but I'd go farther and say don't go anywhere to meet people. Go to dance clubs to dance, take classes to learn, go to the library to get books.... there are people whereever you go so you don't need to go somewhere to meet someone - just live your life the best you can.

    And after all, what is Mark really looking for? Does he want to 'pick up chicks' a la Mystery Method or whatever? If he did, he'd be all over asking 100 to get 1 yes. No I think he was hoping you'd both strike out and follow Richard_Head and Madcap's advice.

  25. #25
    PhillyDancer1982
    Guest

    Default Re: Sexual frustration and bitches being mean to my guy friend

    First, no Mark is not my roommate; that is Bob you are thinking of. Mark has been my friend since college. He lives with his parents right now, but will finally be moving into his own apartment sometime next month. He has been waiting for this event for several years now! However, due to his bad luck job/money situation, he didn't have the funds to do so until recently.

    We didn't go to a dance club; it was a neighborhood bar. Maybe it was the wrong place to go. The next day, I was venting about the bad experience to my roommate Bob, and Bob told me that he's noticed our nearby suburb neighborhoods to be filled with unfriendly snobs(it's true!). He suggested that next time, me and Mark hang out in the city or a different suburb, where the people are a little more liberal and laid-back.

    OK Mark has some flaws to work on, and he can't expect to change for the better if he doesn't put much effort into it. HOWEVER, that is no excuse for girls to give him dirty looks and do some of the mean things that they've done to him at bars! Whatever happened to bitches bein' taught manners by their mommas 'n poppas?? If a guy that I was disinterested in came over to say hello, I'd smile and politely say hi back. I wouldn't prolong conversation much, but I would make friendly small talk for a few minutes, wish him a good night, then go find one of my friends. Maybe I really *am* nicer than most people. Is that really so hard?? Do they HAVE TO turn their nose up in the air just at "hello"? The ONLY time that I've acted like that to ANYONE, was either to a total asshole, or to a strip club customer who either stiffed me or refused to tip me or made fun of me.

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