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Thread: ye olde boyfriend problem

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    Featured Member pinkpvc's Avatar
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    Default ye olde boyfriend problem

    So i brought up my idea of dancing next summer to earn some money so i could afford to live with my boyfriend, clear some debt and give me some spare cash to get through the next year of uni.
    his response: "it's degrading"
    I pressed him for more information and he just kept repeating that. Well you see i don't see it as degrading in the least. If it's degarding to anyone it's for the custies that would pay to see me.
    He said that he would stay with me if i became a dancer but pulled out the most childish line imagineable "i'll tell your parents". As much as i accept the job, my parents just wouldnt and i don't want to hurt their feelings.
    Well this is one great spanner in the works for me.
    He said why don't i just get a "normal" job and i said it WAS a normal job. so called "Normal" jobs just don't seem to agree with me. I couldn't handle working in a call centre, nor a shop and have contented myself by selling lingerie/clubwear/shoes on ebay to tide me over.
    But in order for me to get a real nest egg together to get me through the next year (i will be going into third year which means i couldn't work after uni) working in a shop for £5 an hour isn't going to help much unless i work 24/7.
    I would like to hear some points of view. I love my boyfriend and respect his feelings but when he said i would be doing something he disagreed with i thought " well i'm a vegetarian but i accept that you eat meat!".
    Perhaps you think i'm disillusioned about what the world of exotic dancing is really like,in which case please educate me

    me x

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    Featured Member avacheetahs's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    He said he'd tell on you? That's crap. It's not his place to do that. Big red flag.

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    Member cally_rose's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    ugg...this is why i'm glad i don't have a boyfriend anymore. i hate people who try to tell you what you can and can't do. where abouts in england do you want to dance? i want to start next summer too
    Cally

    xoxox


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    Featured Member pinkpvc's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    Thankyou for the replies.
    I'm planning on working in central Scotland, even had a thought about moving to Aberdeen for a while! But the way things are going it looks like i will have to put my plans on the back burner
    Where abouts are you thinking of working?

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    God/dess Lena's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    Eh, dump him.



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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    ^ Second that!
    Zis ees a dead profile! I'm now idreamofaislin!

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    God/dess Mare's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    If you are hot enough to work in a club then dump the "rat" for a real man that will support your decisions.

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    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    If you decide to leave him & he asks why you're leaving just tell him repeatedly that the relationship "is degrading".
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

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    Featured Member Sunshine73's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    P.S. If anything, dancing did not degrade me. It empowered me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Picaresque View Post
    Maria Callas said it best: "When my critics stop hissing, I shall know I'm slipping."

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    Veteran Member Rockette's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    Ditto on all of the above. Tell him to grow up or get out!
    Isocrates: “Democracy destroys itself because it abuses its right to freedom and equality. Because it teaches its citizens to consider audacity as a right, lawlessness as a freedom, abrasive speech as equality, and anarchy as progress.”

  11. #11
    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    im having the exact same problem with my boyfriend.
    i spoke to the manager at my club (she danced for 9 years) and this is what she said to me which I thought was good advice:
    this is common for a lot of boyfriends to have these reservations about their girlfriends dancing. if he is the love of your life then dancing and possibly loosing him is not worth it. if he is not then consider leaving him for dancing because it is a good way to get ahead financially and not every girl gets the chance to do it!

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    Veteran Member calliope7's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    It's been said many a time on SW, but stripping is an amazing litmus test for would be suitors as well as established boyfriends. More than anything though, you need to get ahead with your education and stripping is a great way to do that without having to work full time hours to get by.

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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    Him not liking the idea of you dancing is understandable but saying he'd tell your parents if you go ahead with it is a horrible thing to do, like blackmail. He sounds like an asshole. And it won't feel degrading when you count the money at the end of the night! Dancing has enabled me to live a really good standard of life through uni.

  14. #14
    Veteran Member jessica_rabbit's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    Even if he's not a "asshole" per se, he still may not be the guy for you. Do you really want to live with the regret of not doing something that you wanted just to appease some guy's ego? Just imagine for a moment that things don't work out with your boyfriend in the long run. Will you resent him for holding you back? Will you be angry at yourself for not standing up for yourself? I'm sure that you care for him deeply, and his worries may be valid and stem from a real concern for your well-being. But you need to be strong enough to just go for it if it's something that's important to you. Dancing can be very empowering if you are willing to claim it and not apologize for it.
    I discovered a few years ago that I could never be in a relationship with someone who could not understand and support me as a dancer. If I denied this aspect of myself in order to be with someone then ultimately the whole relationship would be built on false pretenses. You need to be who you are and pursue your goals and dreams. Don't let anyone else stunt your growth.

  15. #15
    God/dess anomar's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    I would give him half of a chance... Tell him that this is a very rare opportunity for you to do something you have thought about doing for a long time and that you believe that since you are a smart girl, you can explore this opportunity and after a week or so you will know if it was a mistake. If that happens then at that point you can look into other avenues for money (sexy waitressing perhaps, hmm). But maybe if you frame it as you just taking a chance and not making a complete committment then he would be more supportive. I believe that there is a pretty big difference between committing to dancing as a full time job and seeing if it's right for you. And if he is against the latter (that is, his girlfriend trying something new)... that that is just another nail in the coffin of that relationship, right there.

  16. #16
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    I would not go into the job with the attitude that it is degrading to custies though. There are good and bad customers(attitude wise) that you will encounter. A negative attitude towards customers can reflect off of your personality and affect your sales. Remember good dancers need good customers and vice versa.

  17. #17
    Senior Member xxernestoxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkpvc
    So i brought up my idea of dancing next summer to earn some money so i could afford to live with my boyfriend, clear some debt and give me some spare cash to get through the next year of uni.
    his response: "it's degrading"
    I pressed him for more information and he just kept repeating that. Well you see i don't see it as degrading in the least. If it's degarding to anyone it's for the custies that would pay to see me.
    He said that he would stay with me if i became a dancer but pulled out the most childish line imagineable "i'll tell your parents". As much as i accept the job, my parents just wouldnt and i don't want to hurt their feelings.
    Well this is one great spanner in the works for me.
    He said why don't i just get a "normal" job and i said it WAS a normal job. so called "Normal" jobs just don't seem to agree with me. I couldn't handle working in a call centre, nor a shop and have contented myself by selling lingerie/clubwear/shoes on ebay to tide me over.
    But in order for me to get a real nest egg together to get me through the next year (i will be going into third year which means i couldn't work after uni) working in a shop for £5 an hour isn't going to help much unless i work 24/7.
    I would like to hear some points of view. I love my boyfriend and respect his feelings but when he said i would be doing something he disagreed with i thought " well i'm a vegetarian but i accept that you eat meat!".
    Perhaps you think i'm disillusioned about what the world of exotic dancing is really like,in which case please educate me

    me x
    ehhhh,
    refer him to me ill
    give him a pep talk
    id love to have a girl friend that strips
    haha most guys do actually
    im not sure why hes so opposed to the idea
    is he really religious?
    what "tell your parents"
    who in their right mind would do that
    well anyway best of luck,
    if he really cares about you
    he'll let you do it.

    cheers
    -Ernesto

  18. #18
    Member cally_rose's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    i'm gonna be in edinburgh
    Cally

    xoxox


  19. #19
    Veteran Member Fancey's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    I think he wants you all to himselfe. lol I think that is why he is saying he would tell on you. Kinda to scare you into not doing it because he dosent want you to. I would try maybe waitressinat a strip club 1st. Kinda ease him into it that way lol I have asked my husband if he wanted me to stop and he said its my choice. He cant tell me what i can and can not do.



  20. #20
    Senior Member xxernestoxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    Quote Originally Posted by Fancey
    I think he wants you all to himselfe. lol I think that is why he is saying he would tell on you. Kinda to scare you into not doing it because he dosent want you to. I would try maybe waitressinat a strip club 1st. Kinda ease him into it that way lol I have asked my husband if he wanted me to stop and he said its my choice. He cant tell me what i can and can not do.
    yeah of course hes jelous,
    and he is probably afraid he will lose her,
    he proably has a body image problem
    no im not trying to talk poorly about the guy
    just because ive been there.
    and honestly
    at the end of the night
    shes going home with him,
    all those guys that just dropped there rent money(ive done that on occation lol)
    all those guys that saw her in all of her glory,
    go home ALONE! go home to an empty bed
    and
    her boyfreind over here,
    lets call him "opie"
    he gets to take her home.
    he needs to realize this.
    he also needs to realize that
    at the club his girlfriend is just husling these guys
    she doesnt give a f**k about them.
    and even less has feelings about them.
    so he needs a reality check.
    and the sooner he makes peace with this,
    the sooner the two will be happy

    cheers
    -Ernesto

  21. #21
    Featured Member pinkpvc's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    awww ernesto that post made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside
    I think it really hit the nail on the head about what the issue is.
    In fact i think their are a lot of nails sitting with sore heads now thanks to this thread so i wanted to thank you all for your helpful comments,suggestions and opinions.
    * group hug*

  22. #22
    Senior Member xxernestoxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    Quote Originally Posted by pinkpvc
    awww ernesto that post made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside
    I think it really hit the nail on the head about what the issue is.
    In fact i think their are a lot of nails sitting with sore heads now thanks to this thread so i wanted to thank you all for your helpful comments,suggestions and opinions.
    * group hug*

    awww
    im just glad that one of my replys on
    any thread finally was of actually help
    i wish you the best of luck
    hopefully you
    and your BF can work it out
    and he can look past his insecurities
    and let you do your thing.

    really warm and fuzzy?
    thats a new one

    cheers
    -Ernesto
    beauty is flawed, and perfection is non existent a bleeding heart occurs when love and hate intersect.
    hate is a false pretense given to one by a bleeding heart. lust is not a friend of love, yet it gets the heart pumping. love is an emotion in its own right, it can lead to many difficult crossroads, the avenue of sorrow and apathy are in downtown heart ache, population one too many.

    myspace.com/ernestofrommyspace

  23. #23
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    He's definately not marriage material. Guys are a dime a dozen. Why do you want to move in with a guy who would rat you out to your parents?

    Why do so many young dancers have problems with boyfriends who are insecure with having their girlfriend dance? Let me ask this, how many potential boyfriends do you turn down who are liberal and would be cool with having a dancer girlfriend? And why do you turn these guys down for a boyfriend who has nothing in common with you?

  24. #24
    Senior Member xxernestoxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    I think he insecurities could be rooted, in the fact
    that she is beautiful enough to dance at a club
    and she will be surrounded by men all day,
    therefore hes affraid he will lose her to guys in
    the club, what he needs to realize is that IT NEVER HAPPENS
    dancers never date guys from the club,
    and if it does its rare.
    he really should be okay with it
    so he really needs to mature some
    or you need to move on.
    just a though
    but its your call
    beauty is flawed, and perfection is non existent a bleeding heart occurs when love and hate intersect.
    hate is a false pretense given to one by a bleeding heart. lust is not a friend of love, yet it gets the heart pumping. love is an emotion in its own right, it can lead to many difficult crossroads, the avenue of sorrow and apathy are in downtown heart ache, population one too many.

    myspace.com/ernestofrommyspace

  25. #25
    God/dess ViolaStrings's Avatar
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    Default Re: ye olde boyfriend problem

    I was in a very similar situation to you. I dated and lived with a guy who had never been to a strip club until he started dating me. He was a really sweet guy - but some guys will NEVER be able to understand the job. Slowly, over a few months, he grew to hate me and think of me as a whore. We obviously needed to break up, but we lived together and ended up in a stand off - who ever initiates the break up has to move out. So we tried to drive each other nuts. The relationship ended one night after I made $700 on a Tuesday night and he accused me of being a whore and told me he didn't love me anymore. I snapped and punched him. He knew if he called the cops I'd be arrested - so he did. I ended up in jail for 26 hours. Luckily, he moved out. Unluckily, he took everything we bought "together"with him - like an $800 bed he contributed $50 towards.

    You have a choice: your jealous boyfriend who will never forgive you for dancing OR a new relationship with yourself as a dancer. In that relationship, you can spoil yourself like no other man can. You can buy yourself whatever you want, answer to no one, get through school, and be LOADED. I say dump him. If you don't now, you will when he makes you choose or pushes you to that. Mark my words, losing this possessive asshole isn't the end of the world.

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