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Thread: Getting Back To Normal After A Tradegy

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    Default Getting Back To Normal After A Tradegy

    As I said in an earlier thread, my brother commited suicide alittle less than a week ago. I still feel numb, crying at the drop of the hat and also going through periods where I feel happy and normal. So I'm an emotional rollercoaster. My question for those who have lost loved ones to this or any form of death, how do you get back to normal? Like going to the gym, going back to work, etc etc. The normal everyday stuff that now seems impossible and even more difficult.

  2. #2
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Getting Back To Normal After A Tradegy

    My sister had the extreme bad fortune to lose a few friends within one year. She once told me, "This might sound screwed up, but when I think about how bad it all is, I tell myself, But I'm still alive." (Take that however you may like, she and I have our differences but I still respect her.)
    You'll have to learn to compartmentalize. This is where the "grief counseling" books come in handy.
    It wouldn't be a bad thing to consider anti-depressants. Some people grieve differently & if you feel that medication would help temporarily, it is not an abnormal or weak thing.

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    Default Re: Getting Back To Normal After A Tradegy

    Easy to say...Hard to do...because it takes time to heal.

    It also depends on how an individual deals with a situation problematic or not.

    Sometimes a little vacation can be a good break. Just expressing your pain and self reflecting oneself.

    as for me...I went through guilt, sadness, confusion, questions, wanting answers, anger, and then there was nothing left for me to do but to come back to the world. I gave all(emotions) of it up. It was time to move on for the both of us.

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    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting Back To Normal After A Tradegy

    sc0101, I'm so sorry to hear this (I haven't seen the other thread you mention). My uncle committed suicide about 15 years ago. I wasn't close to him, but it was very, very hard on my mom to lose her only brother, especially at his own hand.

    Suicide is (well, arguably) the hardest kind of death to get over, and the only answer I can give you on how to 'get back to normal' is that ultimately, it just takes time. But to get you through that healing time, grief counseling can be a huge help. A week isn't a lot of time to get over something this enormous - please be patient with yourself.

    I'm sure it's healthy on some levels to get into some of your old routine, even just mundane activities like cleaning house can help you feel more grounded, but it's also easy to use busy-ness as a distraction. You need to mourn and grieve and work through it so you can move on; the only way out is through. Stay in touch with your feelings, and make sure you have support - other family members, counselors, and friends.

    Big hugs to you. Take care.
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

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    Featured Member Fawn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting Back To Normal After A Tradegy

    You just have to realize that there is nothing you can do. Your brother is gone, and that is beyond sad, but it is out of your control, and regardless, you have to go on living.

    It'll be my brothers 27th birthday in December. He was killed by a drunk driver in April '03. It still hurts, but when I get really upset and I can't stop crying, I tell myself that it is out of my control, and nothing I can do can bring him back, so I have just breath, and let these bad feelings go.

    It helps me a bit. It may help you too. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him, but, after a while you get used to it. I won't tell you that the hurt stops, because it doesn't, at least not for me, but you will get used to it, and you will go on with your life. Just take your time. Your heart and mind will heal themselves with time. You can't rush it.
    " Remember during each test there is some girl in Australia jealous of you who wants to do what you're doing."- Lilithmorrigan

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    Shopping and Fucking? Life is short, but youth is shorter. Ride the wheels off, I say." - FeministStripper

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    Default Re: Getting Back To Normal After A Tradegy

    I'm just scared I'll never get over this. I'm afraid whenever I think of him I'll cry. Today I spent all day staring off into nothing, then I cried, and stared again. I feel like it will be like this forever. There just seems to be a mountain I can't ser over or imagine what's on the other side.

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    Member cristo58's Avatar
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    Default Re: Getting Back To Normal After A Tradegy

    January will be the 1yr anniversary of the death of my companion/lover/best friend, she was sick on a weds and died that sat, pneumonia. your going to be numb for days maybe weeks, as I said in my earlier post you might even be angry, but mostly you cry alot..........and you feel the pain of the loss. It sounds like a cliche, but time does eventually heal the loss, but their will be days, birthdays, anniversaries, and hollidays... your best way to get through this is to talk about your loved one, tell the good memories, at first it will be hard, but the more you talk about the one you miss, the more you begin to heal and comeback to the real wrold......one day at a time....no rush..........it will never be the same, but that too will become ok .............

    What is your fondest memory of your brother?
    "I know I'm going nowhere, and anywhere is a better place to be...":Harry Chapin

    "There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it's a train!";Margaret Smith

    "In the sweet dreams of Orpheus we will be lovers again";Cristo58

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    Default Re: Getting Back To Normal After A Tradegy

    My friend's seven year of his suicide is on Thanksgiving. I guess I'm over it. I don't cry, but I sure as hell remember. When he died I was still having thanksgiving dinner. I got the call then. You get over it after about four years. During that time, strange things will remind you... Like hoses and circular shaped clouds for me. Long story. Sigh.


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    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

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    Default Re: Getting Back To Normal After A Tradegy

    Quote Originally Posted by cristo58

    What is your fondest memory of your brother?
    I don't have one in particular, but just us being siblings, being wacky and immature and laughing and having fun and not caring what other people thought of us. It was like us against the world.

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    Default Re: Getting Back To Normal After A Tradegy

    just like a break-up (only worse), it always feels like you will never get over it. you always do, eventually, but no one can tell you how long that will be...

    try not to pressure yourself about the perfect grieving curve. there's no such thing.

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    Default Re: Getting Back To Normal After A Tradegy

    Fuck getting normal, just take care of yourself, and when yourself is ready you'll be "normal" again. It is absolutely normal and probably good for you to stare into space and cry. Nurture yourself and let yourself be sad. When you feel confused or frustrated with yourself, just ask "what do i need right now?" and if it's staring into space and crying that's totally okay.



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