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Thread: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    hey ladies
    im a bit down coz my bf is giving me a hard time about his disapproval of me dancing.
    the thing is i have been with him for 3 years before dancing so its not like he met me as a dancer. he is saying things like maybe im not the girl he thought i was etc.
    one night during an argument he even said that i may as well go out on to the street and just spread my legs for anyone who drives past coz its the same thing.
    some of the things he says are so hurtful.
    the worst thing is that i consulted him before i did it, we discussed it and he said he would try to support me in it.
    he had never been to a strip club before so before i started working we went together so that he could see what went on - BIG MISTAKE. its a full nude club and he was totally disgusted. he said dancers are whores and was really angry. but then he calmed down. he keeps going from being OK to really angry.

    does anyone have any success stories to inspire me? like u were already with the bf and then started dancing and he has supported u in it?

    is it different when u are already a dancer and then u meet a boyfriend from my situation?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Return2theStage's Avatar
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    My DH was just my boyfriend when I started dancing. He had zero problems with it. Maybe you could suggest he read SW to see how dancers really feel about custies so he doesnt think you are going to run off with them?

    I don't think that is a solution though. If he said those shitty things to you perhaps it's time he pack his bags.

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    Featured Member X Evan X's Avatar
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    I've dated girls I've worked with (who danced) my entire adult life. One 5 year relationship, one 2 year, many shorter hook-ups/casual.., and my current is at 14 months (and I'm not letting her go ever! heh). The ones I walked away from were for reasons such as lying to me, or drug use, or caught giving extras in the club, or cheating on me (same thing haha), or horrible coping skills, or immaturity, or a variety of other legitimate reasons for calling off a relationship. Not just simply because they danced. That is retarded.

    If you aren't being dishonest with him, nor cheating on him while at work then all these problems he is suddenly having are likely symptoms of issues within himself that you should be grateful that you are getting to see at this stage in the relationship (before you're married with kids and houses and cars and assets..). That's only my amatuer opinion so take it for what's it's worth.

    Good luck
    -E
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    Senior Member Biancanz's Avatar
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    I think it helps if your boyfriend is in the industry or has some knowledge of the industry - that way they see your dancing from a totally different angle. I have found that these guys know that your working for money and see your dance on stage as a performance - the very best act you can do to get guys to open their wallets and start spending!

  5. #5
    Picaresque
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    your boyfriend called you a whore and told you to "spread your legs in the street for anyone passing by"? and you're still with him? i guess everyone and every relationship is different, but I would have kicked his ass to the curb so fast that his head would be spinning. no fucking WAY.

    My BF has no problem with me dancing, and neither did my ex. (We broke up b/c I was his first GF and he "wanted other experiences"...not for anything related to me dancing.) I tell my current (and I told my ex, when i was with him) funny/weird stories from the club, and they generally are amused by what I do. Sometimes I show my current a new costume that I made, and he drools over it. I ranted about the DJ that frustrates me to him and got sympathy hugs and advice. Neither my ex nor my current have ever said anything even remotely disrespectful about me dancing. I also never had any drama resulting from the fact that I make way more money than either of them. My current knew I was a dancer before we got together, but I was with my ex for a year before I started dancing. he actually encouraged me to do it, b/c he knew how unhappy I was in low-money, dead-end jobs.

    There are quality guys out there who are mature and secure enough to handle the fact that you dance. It doesn't sound like your BF is one of them. There is no way he should be disrespecting you like that...and personally, if i had to choose between dancing and a boyfriend, I'd wave good bye the the BF in a heartbeat. people come and go. having the means to support yourself and not be dependant on someone else is priceless. That doesn't mean i'm a cold bitch who doesn't care about having relationships; it just means that I won't settle for less than a real man who's secure with himself and our relationship and has no problems with me making a living as a dancer.
    Last edited by Picaresque; 10-25-2006 at 01:36 PM.

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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    Dancing can be tough on a relationship, but generally it just reveals insecurities that were already present. When I started dancing, my boyfriend of five months was very supportive, an absolute angel. He went to see me once in the club, but we both found it a bit weird and it never happened again. It just seemed off to bring a part of my real self to a place where I am constantly acting a part. I would tell him stories about the good and the bad in the club and he got that it was just a job.

    He's now my fiance and will defend my choice of profession to anyone. His family has been understanding, mine has been a bit more difficult. The entire point of my writing being, people misunderstand this industry. There's only so much you can say about it, and it isn't likely to change anyone's mind. Sad, but that's the breaks. If your SO is waffling about your choice, he's human. If he's being an abusive ass while waffling (i.e. the "spreading" comment), then there's not much you can do. Trust me, it's not a reflection on you, it's a reflection on him. And I wouldn't devote too much time and energy to changing his mind. Opinions about sex-based industries are deeply ingrained and trying to change an opinion like that is like convincing someone that Hitler had the right idea. Not really going to happen. Sorry, kiddo. Keep your chin up.

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    Veteran Member reese_x_c's Avatar
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    My ex boyfriend and I were just kinda dating when I started dancing, he actaully asked me to officially be his girlfriend about a few months into me dancing. I quit for a few years and wanted to go back, at first he didn't want me to, but I told him we needed the money and he was either with me or not, so he said okay and I'm still dancing. The break up wasn't caused by dancing though.

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    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    He is my hubby now, but were dating when I started dacning. We lived together and decided that it would be a goo move money and scheduling wise.... At was a little hard on him at first he says, seeing me leave the house all done up. But when I came home with a grip of cash and told him all about it, it passed.

    If your hunny thinks strippers are whores...uhm...well first of all "Thanks buddy, thanks alot, I'll let me husband know you said so. blech!"

    Secondly....it doesn't sound like he's going to be very supportive of this, yu have to have trust, and if it's not there, it's not there. Not every relationship can hold up under insecurity, and you being a stripper will most certainly bring any of his insecurities out. Maybe if you and he have a talk, find out what he is afriad of, face those issues head on so he sees that you are serious about him and that stripping is JUST A JOB to you.

    The biggest thing my hubby and I have to deal with now regarding my stripping as wen I come home pissed off at these guys and I need to vent. He patiently sits there, listens to me ranting and raving for about 20 minutes then gives me a hug and I'm all better..... He tells me all the time, "I never knew the dancing world was like that!"
    And I think most g uys have a warped view of what dacning and strippers are like (obviously if he thinks we are whores). So try and talk it out with him, good luck hun!




  9. #9
    missalovelady
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    Quote Originally Posted by Biancanz
    I think it helps if your boyfriend is in the industry or has some knowledge of the industry - that way they see your dancing from a totally different angle. I have found that these guys know that your working for money and see your dance on stage as a performance - the very best act you can do to get guys to open their wallets and start spending!

    I totally agree it takes someone that has experience w/ the biz to really understand to accept the whole thing and the lifestyle.And I dont mean someone who has just been to a stripclub or even was just a customer.I guess you are eventually have to pick between the career you love or the man you love.A tough one,but I just know he is going to make you pick.Good luck,I wish you could have your cake and eat it too.

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    Member Lanisia@hotmail.com's Avatar
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    Hi everyone!

  11. #11
    missalovelady
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    well hi

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    Veteran Member Fancey's Avatar
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    Well when i met my now husband i was danceing and in college back home. He was going to school and we acualy meet in school ... He just sees it as a job. It like any other job kinda but a little dif lol He sometimes gets a little worried but that is what cell phones are for. We send eachother alot of txt's lol. He also got me peper spray to keep in my bag. We are now married. I stoped for a wile after we moved to the USA from canada.

    I dont think that it was verry nice of youre boyfriend to say all strippers are sluts!!! Dose he really know any? because if he did .. i dont think he would say that. I know that we have a bad rap but seriously. There are like 1/2 of us who arent on drugs. arent alcoholics and arent slutty prostitutes. Most of us are in school or moms!!!...



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    Veteran Member hearts's Avatar
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    I began dancing several years into my relationship (almost four years with this guy! eek!) and my boyfriend and I discussed it before I began. He says he is fine with it, and has never visited the club, because he says "It's like going out to dinner and not being able to eat anything!" Haha. You can tell from this statement that he understands I am dancing, not hooking up with anyone. I do talk about work with him, and he's never been suspicious or jealous. I tell ya, I really lucked out with this one.

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    Member DaniAnne's Avatar
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    I've been with my fiance for over 5 years and I've been dancing for about 6 months. He is totally okay with it and more than supports me. We used to go to clubs together so its not like he's in the dark or anything like that. He know exactly what goes on in the club.
    However, I can see why some girls' boyfriends would get pissed because of the extras and whatnot that go on in some clubs. I keep my lapdances clean because it gives me peace of mind that I'm not doing anything that would possibly overstep any boundries with my guy. I think its also important to know what those boundries are in the first place. Its all a matter of respect for eachother, but that also means that he needs to repect you and what you choose to do.

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    Featured Member Windy's Avatar
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    awww! *sympathy goes out to you*

    guys dont know anything bout strippers. they think were sluts. they jsut cant get pass the sterotype. especailly if he hasnt been to any good clubs, he may let one sleazy club make up his whole assumtion of ALL strip clubs, you know? some guys just dont understand strippers = normal girls. haha we're not a different kind of species or anyhthing.

    anyways, i feel your pain. i just started dancing a while ago, and have been with my boyfriend for a year. my boyfriend is very insecure..and has some serious trust issues(all his past g/fs cheated on him!). your b/f is maybe the same as mine, and hes probably just really worried about you. i mean working in a strip club ISNT the safest thing out there for a young gal. i bet he;'s just thinking of the stories about strippers being raped/kidnapped that he's heard before. perhaps he thinks ur going to cheat on him, perhaps he thinks u dont really wanna be with him and your looking for an easy way out...perhaps hes jealous ur gonna start makin more money than him(my b/f is haha). perhaps hes scared b/c u might find a rich man there and leave him for the rich man. maybe hes annoyed/jealous because he thinks u "enjoy turning on random men".

    maybe u cud ask him what he's afraid of. then calm his worries. tell him ur not doing this job to meet another man, tell him u love him and only him. tell him yer not doing it out of spite. i mean sure u might enjoy the attention dancing sexily naked with all eyes on you(i know i do haha) but dont tell him that haha! tell him its for the money, the easy scheduling, working without a boss breathing down your shoulder. it gives u more freedom, and a better chance to save up money and buy things u really need/want. tell him u wud never cheat on him, that u only care about the guys money. make him feel specail then the rest of the strip club-goers. -i guess he just wants to feel specail . thats how my b/f was. i mean, in the club, any guy can be specail - IF hes got the $$$. so maybe yer b/f thinks "well, what about me????" tell him that theres like security there,etc that its a safe enviroment. hes probably just scared/worried/jealous.

    i mean of course no guy is gonna be COMPELTLY happy with his g/f stripping, but they can get over it. mine has. he probably just wants re-assurance that u LOVE him, not these other guys. now my boyfriend understands this, and i show him more than ever that i love him. it makes him feel more comfortable. he still asks me each night after i get off work if im cheating on him...i used to get mad when he asked me that, but i tell him calmly, "no of course not honey, i only love you. please trust me". and it calms him down, and now he asks me less.

    i mean as long as he knows yer safe and not cheating on him it will be easier for me. now my b/f is happy im makin my own money(Very easialy , too) and he knows im not cheating on him.

    goodluck!
    [True Passion Demands Respect]
    [Question All Answers]



    Money Makes Me Horny

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    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    I realize its hard when theres so much time invested in a relationship, but NO guy should be allowed to talk that way to someone he loves.

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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    thanks ladies, some inspiring stories. im going to make him read this thread. i already told him how the girls on SW have spoken about customers esp one particular thread about how cute guys get less attention in clubs coz they are less likely to spend and that just proves that we are not there to pick up we r there to work.
    thanks for all the great advice!

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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    Im a guy and and if my current g/f wanted to become a dancer then i would accept it. Im confident enough in myself and she has my trust. I wouldnt love the fact that shes dancing but i can accept it. Its all about trust. Till next time, take care of yourself and each other.

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    God/dess Mare's Avatar
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    Yup. What they said. All of the above.

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    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    Boys are stupid and you need to dump this guy pronto. I dumped a guy once because he wanted to film us having sex. When I said no, he said, well it's not like a thousand people haven't seen you naked. huh-- dumbass, sex and dancing are not the same thing. -eye roll-

    as far as positive stories--
    just the usual, "go out and make your money" messages from the lovely man (and another one I used to date.)

    It was kind of cute. I had a really shitty night where I'd made $140 at a party for nine hispanic guys in a motel 6 (I had security) but these guys were just tipping SHIT! $100 was my fee, and I got $70 from 9 guys for an hour of dancing.

    So I come home, hop in the shower. my lovely man comes home, hops in the shower, and I tell him about my shitty party. Now, considering that he works at a bar and that for between 5-8 hours a shift, $140 would be GREAT for him, when I told him what I'd made (he asked, I don't like to rub my higher pay in his face) he automatically said, "that SUCKS!" because he knows that that's low for me.

    Especially with the aggravation those guys gave me.

    I like coming home from work, and snuggling up to him on the couch before hopping in the shower. Or, having him rub my neck or legs (though he gets like 5 times the massages from me, so he owes me )

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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    I met my man when i accidently fell off stage during the last set of the night. Sober none the less! there was no way to recover from it with my dignity, so i threw off all my clothes and shoes, turned to him and all his friends and announced my real name and my other passion, art, and started dancing again. Turns out, they were all United Nations workers, each from another country, and so I never did finnish dancing. we never parted from that day until recently he had to go to africa for work. We've discussed it extensivly and realize their really was no other way we could have met. One he was just passing through town until he met me, two there wouldn't have been a way to explain my dancing unless he had seen me at work... I even danced for his friends bachlor party. To us dancing is both my passion and a means to an end. It's very much who I am, but he needed to see me in my performance to be able to trust it. Now he is encouraging me to leave the industry, but only to persue my art commision, which I am too chicken shit to persue on my own. relationships should challenge you on your personality. Dancing can be incredibly detrimental even to the toughest girl. Maybe your man is sensitive to the changes you've undergone, that we as dancers are not often aware have ocurred. Reevaluate yourself nd your motives as well as your relationships. Sometimes men don't know how to present what really is in our best interest.

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    God/dess Pretty_Penny's Avatar
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    my boyfriend and i were together for 2 and 1/2 years when i started dancing. he's fully supportive of it. he -does- wish i didn't dance, but only because he wishes i didn't "need" to dance. he's never jealous, he doesn't bitch about my job or anything. it's honestly no different than when i worked any other job. although, as i mentioned, i think he feels a bit guilty about it (not that he should). we've been together almost 4 years now.

  23. #23
    Featured Member xoxoGracexoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    My boyfriend and were together a year before I tried dancing for the first time, two years before I started dancing regularly. He's never seen me as a different person because of what I do. He knows it's just me, however much make-up I have on. He makes my job a million times easier, because whatever kind of night I have, I have a good friend to go home to at the end of it.

    To me, one of the best signs of a healthy relationship is whether you still love each other when your roles change. If you really love someone, the changes that they go through -- like getting older, changing jobs, health problems -- shouldn't make them a different person in your eyes. You love a person, not a role.

    Given all the stereotypes that exist, it's not surprising if a guy has some questions and concerns about his significant other wanting to strip. It's normal for him to be concerned about your safety and health and all that. But if your guy knows and loves you, he should know that you're not a whore, and wouldn't want to dance if that was what was involved. Phooey on that.

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: any successful relationship and dancing stories?

    I was with my boyfriend (now hubby) 16 months when I started dancing. He was a male dancer already, and I eventually got up the nerve to give it a shot, too.

    He had some concerns about how it might effect me emotionally, but he is and always has been very supportive of my career. His main complaints are:

    1. Odd hours and working most weekends
    2. I spend a lot of time traveling (I don't dance in my city)
    3. Concerned about my safety when traveling alone.

    So basically his complaints really have nothing to do with the job specifically. I could be a profesional musician and he would have the same gripes.

    We've been together over 9 years now, and are very happy together. I think it really helps a lot that he used to strip and totally sees it as "just a job". I know that male stripping is different than females, but the basic concept is the same.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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