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Thread: I Feel Selfish

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    Default I Feel Selfish

    It's been over 2 weeks since my little brother's suicide. When ever I cry I put my face in a pillow and do it by myself. I don't want to tell my BF. I feel like he doesn't know how to deal with it or what to say. So I just save the trouble and grieve by myself. I don't know if I'm being selfish with my feelings, or what, but I don't know how to feel right now.

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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Listen hon what you are experiencing is NORMAL. You are going to feel like this for awhile and I really hope that your boyfriend will be supportive and understanding. He might not know how to deal or what to say & that is ok. the important thing is that he is there for you. Death is a hard subject for anyone. Can you go talk about this with someone professional, like a therapist? It might help a little bit to talk about ways you can start feeling better. you are going to experience alot of emotions and just remember it is normal to feel sad, confused, angry, and of course to miss him. Talking with a professional might help you to be able to put closure and find peace with the situation. I know it sounds hard right now.....probably sounds imporrible. Can you talk to close friends or family? Can you take some time off from work to grieve? Check out some books on the subject from the bookstore may also help. You are in my thoughts.

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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    I'm going to a support group on the 14th. I'm alittle scared but I know it will help.

  4. #4
    Kaiyla
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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    wow..that must be so difficult. I would have no clue how to even begin to offer any advice to you. I think maybe.. it's too early to start worrying about labeling your feelings? Maybe just feel. After what you are going through, you're definitely entitled to feel any and every emotion under the sun and not have to worry what anyone else thinks or feels about your emotions. Death does not come with an instruction manual, so do what may bring comfort to you; cry, rant, laugh, or do all at the same time if you like. There are no rules. I don't think it is possible to be "selfish" right now, however you should be able to feel like you can vent to your guy (if you want to) and be understood. Even if he does not know how to deal with you, it's alright. Even if he says nothing at all, you should still feel like you are able to express your grief to him. It must not feel very good bottling it up inside. I say, let it go..anyone that is worthy of you will gladly listen to you grieve about this. Good luck, you're in my thoughts..

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    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    I am so sorry. There is no reason for you to feel selfish. Its hard to share this with someone. You need time to yourself to deal with it and your boyfriend can only do his best to be there for you. As can we. If you need to talk or vent or cry with us you know we are here.

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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    I'm so sorry for your loss.
    Fools laugh at others. Wisdom laughs at itself...Osho

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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    What you require at this point in time is for someone to NOT say "I'm so sorry for your loss". You need someone to just be silent and give you a shoulder to cry upon and an ear to listen. Someone who knows you don't need solutions or reassurance (a little yet not really as you most likely will just want to rant/get things off your chest) just SUPPORT.

    As someone who has experienced grief in her lifetime enough times to understand it to a certain point... realise that grief is a selfish emotion. Yes it is. You are grieving about YOUR loss in the end. Now be okay with that as it is a perfectly HUMAN thing to do.

    You will experience different stages of grief. Sometimes you may repeat some of the stages of grief yet you will experience most of them: http://www.counselingforloss.com/article8.htm

    Time won't heal your wound however it will make it easier to deal with this life event.


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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    Yeah it's so weird. I'm not even myself anymore. My eyes are half closed, I talk slowly, I bump into walls and doors and fall down, I can't even remember the night before and I'm not drinking/taking meds. I just feel totally numb. BF is thinking of calling my doctor for a shrink, not sure if it will do any good, I don't even know what I need or what to say.

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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    You need to let go of your grief with someone who you know will not judge you and give you love (or at least support) back as it sounds like you aren't letting yourself feel the full brute force (as such) of grief.

    It sounds like to me from my end that you are still in the denial/shock phase of grief. There is no rules as to how long it takes to get thru each stage.


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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    What you're going through is normal. It's the natural progression of someone going through a loss that they aren't making up for or trying to come to terms with it.

    You NEED to come to terms with it. YOU NEED TO ACTUALLY TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT YOUR BROTHER COMMITING SUICIDE.

    I know it sounds harsh. But have you actually said that yet? Have you just asked the person in front of you why? You need to.

    Remember that sometimes there aren't any answers, but that doesn't mean the questions don't need to be asked. You need to force yourself to just out and say it. Just cry, it's O.K. You'll get through this. There is only time.

    Talk to the psychologist, talk to the support group, but remember, it does nothing for you until you've accepted with your own lips heart and mind that your brother commited suicide and that you need help coping with it.

    It's a hard road to travel, but we're all here for you and any of us would do what we can, but I suggest you take a little bit of strength, look your mom/boyfriend in the eyes, and just say it as loud as you can "Why did he kill himself?" You wont get an answer, but you might see that though your brother is gone, there are still people who love you and you're not the only one missing him. It's going to come time to see that you're really alive.

    "It's like watching a dream I'll never wake up from" -Spike Spiegel

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    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    I don't know whether or not to check myself into a hospital or not. I feel like hurting myself. I don't see a point anymore.

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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    If you think you might hurt yourself - Yes check yourself into a hospital...or let your boyfriend or someone else close know whats up and have them stay by your side NOW. Taking your life wont bring back his. You can also call emergency help lines from the phone book.....

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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    Quote Originally Posted by sc0101
    It's been over 2 weeks since my little brother's suicide. When ever I cry I put my face in a pillow and do it by myself. I don't want to tell my BF. I feel like he doesn't know how to deal with it or what to say. So I just save the trouble and grieve by myself. I don't know if I'm being selfish with my feelings, or what, but I don't know how to feel right now.

    I dont think thats selfish. First sometimes you have to deal with that emotion. Before you can express it to someone else! Dealing with your grief in private. Is what most people do when they loose a love one. Talking about your grief with others is another step. We all grieve differant ways. We all grieve for differant amounts if time. How you grieve for a certain person. Is how you can mentaly handle that grief. I wish you peace and that one day you will allow happiness in your heart.
    If you want the present to be differant from the past, study the past.
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    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    Quote Originally Posted by sc0101
    I don't know whether or not to check myself into a hospital or not. I feel like hurting myself. I don't see a point anymore.

    Stop thinking negative! The mind is a powerful tool. You do not want it to turn against you! Look you can survive this! I will like for you to go to a psychologist/or counselor. Take it from someone who had lost someone dear to them! Life throw us things we made never think we can make it thru! At the end you will still be standing. But you have to make the effort to stand strong at the end.
    If you want the present to be differant from the past, study the past.
    Baruch Spindza

    It is what it is, not what you want it to become, that's important -- at least for now. Today, remember that things worth having are worth waiting for!
    The Stars

    Minds are like parachutes: They only function when open.
    Thomas Dewar

    Dont throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.
    Swedish Proverb

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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    to have feelings of wanting to hurt yourself means you've gone as far as you can without the help of a professional. please speak to someone who can walk you through this...

    you'll be glad you did.

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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    You know I always noticed to best thing for someone when they were grieving was to take them out for dinner for something OTHER than the dead person. Don't even mention it, have a moment where you can feel ALIVE again yourself.. because a part of you died too.

    More than 9 times out of 10, the person usually ends up breaking down during dinner anyway and they get so much off their chest and are so happy you didn't say "Oh I'm sorry, I'm here for you if you need me" blah... because they DO need you otherwise they wouldn't have told you to begin with... so DO something!

    That said...

    Do you have any friends that can take you out to dinner or for drinks or SOMEWHERE fun? Just get out and live life... you'll probably break down but in the end you'll be so happy you didn't let the world get you down and keep you from your friends.


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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    We went to dinner yesterday. Apparently to my BF's parents and him I was a zombie, since I don't even remember last night. I just keep having morbid thoughts about how fast pulling that trigger would be, and it would all be over with.

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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    Quote Originally Posted by sc0101
    We went to dinner yesterday. Apparently to my BF's parents and him I was a zombie, since I don't even remember last night. I just keep having morbid thoughts about how fast pulling that trigger would be, and it would all be over with.
    Um, yeah... okay... NOW it's time to see someone.


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    I agree. We're researching a really good hospital tomorrow. I have a history of self injury, haven't cut in 5 years, but I want to right now so bad. My BF is with me so he is keeping an eye on me, but it's still hard. I don't know what to say. I've been under MAJOR stress for 12 years, since I was 6 years old to age 12, basicly working 18 hour days to support my family, parents not working, at age 6. I've been supporting myself since age 16. Same with BF for almost 2 years. I feel like my body has been under so much stress for 12 years I'm snapping, I worry about other peoples feelings so much I can't focus on myself.

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    Default Re: I Feel Selfish

    I feel like cutting. I made marks on my arm with eyeshadow. I guess it helped some. I feel so dumb and helpless.

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