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Thread: Do nice guys finish last?

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    Post Do nice guys finish last?

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nice+guy
    Check out the first definition for a "nice guy"...sound about right? Also do nice guys finish last? To further explain i mean do girls (your view) go for the "nice guys" or the "jerks/cocky/bad boyish" type guys? Just want some feedback.
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    Veteran Member wonderkitty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    I think guys who always say they are so *nice* often aren't. First of all a nice person doesn't have to go around say how *nice* he or she is. I think a lot of these guys can't get dates because they go for women are very pretty but very shallow. There are uglier girls who'd love to date these *nice* guys but they won't go for 'em.

    A lot of them aren't so much nice as they are lacking a backbone. And if you are befriending a woman in the hopes that she'll one day put out that doesn't sound too nice to me.

    I don't think real nice guys finish last. *Bad Boys* may get a lot of women but they don't necessarily have them for long.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    There is a fine line between nice guy,

    and nice guy with a backbone.

    And keep in mind, your nice guy is somebody else's dick.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Featured Member teeth_of_the_hydra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    Honestly... I never saw such a strict division between "nice guys" and "bad boys." In my experience, the guys I knew who were most like "nice guys" as described in UD couldn't get a date because they were socially inept, not because they were "nice." I've dated a lot of "nice guys:" that is, thoughtful, articulate, caring, sensitive to the point of effeminate, with whom things ultimately fell apart because they did something jerky. Or, worse, did something completely cruel and horrible and broke my heart. I don't date men who are conventionally good-looking. I tend to go for skinny boys with funny clothes, the kind who are often mistaken for gay. I have never in my life been involved for longer than 3 hours with a well-muscled guy who had chiseled facial features and a fancy car.

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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    Well, if they finished first, they wouldn't be a nice guy, right? Only a nice guy waits for the woman to be pleasured and then finishes.

    But I'm thinking that's not what we're talking about, huh?

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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackSheEp3
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nice+guy
    Check out the first definition for a "nice guy"...sound about right? Also do nice guys finish last? To further explain i mean do girls (your view) go for the "nice guys" or the "jerks/cocky/bad boyish" type guys? Just want some feedback.
    Thanks


    I do not like where you get your meaning of the term "nice guy".
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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    Quote Originally Posted by leilanicandy
    I do not like where you get your meaning of the term "nice guy".
    oh i see, want to elaborate?

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    God/dess leilanicandy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackSheEp3
    oh i see, want to elaborate?

    Because it is not my meaning of a nice guy! I like nice guys


    Besides that meaning you posted. Makes nice guys seem stupid. Because you are a nice guys dose not mean you are stupid
    If you want the present to be differant from the past, study the past.
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    Thomas Dewar

    Dont throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.
    Swedish Proverb

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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    These guys exist. One of my friends is one.

    He was there emotionally for another friend while she went through her divorce (I said "Why were you so fucking stupid to marry a guy who was obviously gay?" Needless to say I shook that drama off quickly.)

    He was like an insecure chick magnet. They would get on their feet and totally forget about him. Of course he was a little sore and frustrated... and in my opinion he deserved to be frustrated about the whole thing.

    He asked me once why he couldn't get a girl friend. Dude was like 34 or 35 at the time and I have little doubt he was a virgin unless he fucked a whore.

    I told him "You're to nice to girls. They don't get that."

    He's like "What? How can you be to nice to girls?"

    I said "Every now and then you got to grab them by the hair, stick their nose in the puddle on the floor and yell 'NO! NO! NO!' while swatting them with a rolled up newspaper. I don't know why - but they love that shit. Probably spawns off some emotional high from the hormones or something. Chicks love to feel stuff. They don't care if it is good or bad - long enough it isn't some zen alpha state."

    I also told him he needed to be more direct about getting laid. Dude was too formal in his ways. Told him "You need to pop out the 'I'm gonna fuck you tonight eyes and grin.' You got to start putting the motions on her and she will let ya know if it is good to go or not."

    P.S. I never told him I banged our getting a divorce friend. It was long after he gave up so I was like "okee dokee!" one night while she was visiting town.

  10. #10
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    If he's REALLY a nice guy, he can finish on my face

    .......But I haven't found him yet.

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine
    If he's REALLY a nice guy, he can finish on my face

    .......But I haven't found him yet.
    hahahaha

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    God/dess Casual Observer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    Nice guys don't finish--they never get past the starting line.
    Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive.

    William F. Buckley, Jr.

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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    There is a huge heap of difference between "nice guys" and those without a spine. Girls do not go for spineless boys. They're boring and tiresome. However, I have known many a girl to go for a nice guy (myself included).

    Enjoy!

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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    Do nice guys finish last? With me, NO they finish FIRST.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    ^ Oh God no, sweetheart, you finish first. "Girls go first" is a blood oath, you know. OK, the oath is really, "girls go first and second and third." If the guy is not sweating and dripping and bleeding from back-scratches and half-deaf from screaming a quarter-inch from his ear, he's failed the oath.

    There is a great line in the new Bond trailer for "Casino Royale" where a woman says to Bond ironically, "too bad you're not a nice guy." She doesn't mean it.

    Bond is a gentleman, not a nice guy. In fact, sometimes he's ruthless, as a means to protect women, as gentlemen usually are. Even though Bond is a cultural invention, and one sometimes bordering on parody, it's interesting that he's always re-invented as the guy you feel most comfortable with at the Four Seasons, or in a Vegas casino or in a back alley when things turn ugly. And he's never the biggest guy in the alley. He always has something concealed that evens the odds, and protects the people around him. That's part of the oath, too.

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    Featured Member Crow's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    Quote Originally Posted by Casual Observer
    Nice guys don't finish--they never get past the starting line.

    I beg to differ CO

  17. #17
    Jay Zeno
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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    I've been called a nice guy. I've had leadership-type positions within my own business and various social meanderings. If that's how people feel about me, I'm comfortable with it. It makes me and the others around me happy.

    Four corners of the niceness square:

    1) You can be nice and be spineless.
    2) You can be nice and be self-assured.
    3) You can be nasty and be spineless.
    4) You can be nasty and be self-assured.

    Of those choices, I'll gravitate to 2), if my personality lets me. It seems to have the best combination.

    Finish last (in a nonsexual way)? If you achieve your goals, what does the place matter? If you're happy, why do you care about some artifice of competitive success?

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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    No. Nice Guy is code. It is code for a guy that has absolutely nothing else to offer. A guy who is not good looking. Who doesn't have either a lucrative or interesting job. Who doesn't have a sense of humour. Who doesn't even have "a nice personality". Nice is the bottom descriptor. That which is left when all else is stripped away. It has nothing to do with actually being nice. Note: He is a Nice Guy compared to Yeah, he's a nice guy. See? See? The Nice Guy is spineless because the Nice Guy has - you guessed it - nothing to offer. He supplicates because he can't approach anyone - male or female - as an equal, and then resents the fact that he is not building up "credits" for being the on-call supplicant; that people actually believe him when he says he doesn't mind, that he likes doing it, that he was having fun, etc., and always suspects that people don't really like him for him, because, well, they don't. Further to this, the Nice Guy, depsite having nothing or very little to offer, and usually being unattractive, does not consider dating less attractive women who would be about 100x more likely to actually do it than the attractive women that he follows around and obsesses over like an inconvenient lapdog, and thinks that he deserves to date, and doesn't understand how it is not cool or normal to sit around obsessing over someone for months or years without just making a move already, and is always a little surprised when a girl (or guy, for that matter) doesn't greet the news that he has been secretly obsessed with her (or him) for 3 years with flattered pleasure, but with a frowny face of freaked out confusion.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    People that have no self-respect have to resort to manipulative and insincere behavior. Anyone can be nice, Ted Bundy was nice to several women that he didn't kill (one of his longtime female friends was shocked when he was arrested, he had been a great friend to her). The act of niceness is only worth paying attention to when it comes from someone that cares about you, not someone who is feigning friendship or acting because they want something.

    People confuse the act of nice as being nice. IMHO, the act of nice is empty and at best, politness unless it's backed up by respect and caring. Niceness coming out of weakness isn't nice, it's called survival and pandering.

    One of my best friends is a genuinely nice guy. He's never been swimming with women, but he's had a string of decent relationships before he got married to a wonderful woman. Another honestly nice guy hasn't had women throwing themselves at him, but he's always found women that were good for him, and he's now engaged to a wonderful gal. I've known quality men that have had to beat off women with a stick and those that had a harder time finding partners, but in the very end, they're happy people. All of these guys are happier than some of the guys I know that may have had more women, but in the end, bitch about women being shallow bitches and complain about their baby momma(s) wanting money, and are often unpleasant once you scratch the surface. I'd say the genuinely caring and strong people, in the end, are happy folks and they are mostly satisfied with life. Weaker folks on the other hand, often get beat, bitter and angry.

    Funny how so many people mistake being a doormat for being "nice."

    Feigning concern and friendship has never been "nice" in my book, yet many men that do that squeal about being "nice" men. Nah, you're a lying, passive-aggressive manipulator. In fact, I'm suspect of guys that are so focused on "niceness." It isn't hard to be nice. It's, in many cases, it's easier- male or female.

    In the end, it's not about how you measure up to people, but whether you're satisfied with what's become of you and your life. If you only had one woman but you love her and she loves you and you've built an awesome relationship, hallelujah. On the other hand, you can have had hundreds of women and be bitter about women and think all women are shit and be really lonely. I'd say the guy (and gal) that's happy with life on their own terms in the end "wins."
    Last edited by kittenkat; 11-10-2006 at 02:29 AM.

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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    I hate these "nice" and "bad" labels on both genders. What you might consider nice or bad, another person may not. So really, they're just lame ass opinions. As long as anyone doesn't lead someone into a lie, then you're good to go.

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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    Quote Originally Posted by Vyanka
    I hate these "nice" and "bad" labels on both genders. What you might consider nice or bad, another person may not. So really, they're just lame ass opinions. As long as anyone doesn't lead someone into a lie, then you're good to go.
    Vyanka, the great equalizer.

    Just remember though, leading into a lie based on interpretation of actions falls on both sides. The man's action, and her interpretation of it. Who's fault does "lack of clarity" fall on if neither expresses a "lack of clarity".

    The power is in you and you're willingness to walk away the SECOND you realize the guy is not something you want, and use his previous actions to decide whether or not it's temporary.

    All to often I see people getting pissed off at the other member of the relationship (at any level) because of an issue they fabricated and never asked for clarity. Both members bear responsibility, however once the fabrication comes to surface, isn't it fair to say that if clarity at that moment leads to an end in the relationship that both where fair?

    I ask simply because I was in a bad place in my life for a while because I would feel bad about what I want, take relationships, I was married simply because I felt bad about leaving her no matter how bad I wanted to. Now I'm out and I wont ever make excuses for what I want. Things happen and I'm open and honest about the truth and how I handle things, however that would end with some being upset. :/

    All that blabber aside, I've just noticed that more relationships I get in, at some point my conviction to my goals is ALWAYS tested and then when I show my goals and my value to them, it always offends as if she wanted me to put them aside, when really it has nothing to do with her at all, it has to do with me and the promises I made to myself.

    blah blah blah.... just an observation. But the truth isn't always pain free because even when it's not a rejection, it can be interpreted as such by the hurt party.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    Deep down I am attracted to the "bad boy" type, but I always go for the "nice guy" even if it's just to spite the "bad" one.
    I agree about the fine line between nice and spineless. I sometimes feel that is what I am dealing with now. My man is walking some line between the latter and naive. I am just happy being with someone so incredibly laid-back, has a good job, is wonderful with kids, trustworthy, etc...etc... I just wish he'd get mad for me sometimes. He's the only guy who's never stood up for me. I am drilling it in his head that, to me, it's disrespectful. Then again, he has not one problem with my job. In two years, the only thing he's ever said about work is "If your that bored then go to work...you've been off for a week".

  23. #23
    Chicagoeditor
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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    Insightful posts, gang. I'll add one thought: Pretty and superficially friendly people don't have to be "nice," and often aren't, since gravity bends in their direction anyhow. So is being "nice" a survival mechanism for the less beautiful/successful/smart, as some posters argue? A provocative and interesting idea.

    My assessment is that people who aren't willing to reveal their dark, "non-nice" sides, who never disagree or challenge or risk a negative reaction because they aren't comfortable being seen as not "nice," aren't a) interesting and b) aren't to be trusted because they are, in most cases, manipulative neurotics.

    On the thread theme, however, let's please admit the facts on the ground: Some women date and remain with horrendous, abusive losers. Nice guys are confused by this, obviously. What these decent guys don't understand is that these women, the objects of their romantic fantasies, are damaged goods and not suitable partners.

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    every once in a while Jenny gets it exactly right. Like now. And kittenkat too.

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    Default Re: Do nice guys finish last?

    I like nice guys... I don't like doormats. There is a HUGE difference.

    I hate it when guys that I'm just NOT attracted to (so they become friends) bitch about "nice guys finishing last". It's like.. No... I wouldn't have dated you if you were an asshole either... I just wouldn't be friends with you, too.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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