please nobody judge me, i just kinda want to get this out and get some advice if you guys have any. i used to be VERY anti drugs. i didnt smoke didnt do anything, never tried it, told my roommate i didnt want coke in our apartment before she moved in. when i started dancing, however, i wasnt 21, my ex was in the club and i was terrified. my friend got me to try it. obviously, i loved it. at first, i only did it in the club, didnt do too much, would save it for later if i had leftovers.. then i got bad into it and was doing huge amounts more often and finishing it if i had it. this went on for about 2 months, almost daily. i then went to only doing it on weekends when i worked, but when i did it, i would go all out and do a lot for a long time. for anyone who's never dont it, coke isnt the kind of addictive like smoking or heroin or anything.. its addictive once you start doing it. its very hard to turn down once brought up or offered to you, and once you start you want to keep going for long amounts of time (at least me, and almost everyone ive done it with agrees). i made excuses, saying whatever, i was only doing it on the weekends, im 21 years old, blah blah, but i knew i didnt want to do it. so i'll stop for like 2 weeks at a time but then do it again. each time i do it, i feel really bad afterwards and guilty for basically failing. i was convinced i would never do it again, i had no desire, even when offered. tonight, though, at work, i got really drunk. when you do coke, it kind of balances you out (upper/downer) and sobers you up, so i got some honestly because i only wanted to sober up and be able to work the rest of the night. but of course, i kept on. i dont really know what the point of this was, just maybe to get some advice of anyone whos done the same or tried to stop? iin a way, i do feel better, because doing it once in a while is better than the way i was doing it, but i just dont want to do it at all. any advice?
and please, no one criticize.. everyone makes mistakesand its so hard in the club and to stop once you start because it feels so bad coming off it.



and its so hard in the club and to stop once you start because it feels so bad coming off it.
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i've been home at my parents all weekend and im going back to my apartment tonight.. i left at like 10 friday morning after i started this thread and was really upset. i know i'm going to feel bad when i get back, but i'm trying to tell myself that in a way, i NEED to feel this bad so I'll remember why I wanted to stop the next time it's in front of me.




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