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Thread: Why does he argue with me?

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    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Angry Why does he argue with me?

    All right, this is really getting out of hand...

    Every day and I do mean every day, usually when I get home from lecture, the guy and I have a fight. Never fails. These arguments, I will say, are initiated by him 8 out of 10 times. I really try not to engage him, but then he'll say something out of pocket and I will respond, most of the time calmly, but sometimes not. Furthermore, once I prove him wrong/accurately recollect something he swears he never does/says, he goes, "Oh, there goes that lawyer shit. You're good at that, but you're still wrong..." OMFG!! I don't wanna even have the argument and then he gets mad if I prove my point/prove him wrong. I will admit sometimes I start an argument, and I'm wrong for that. But it seems like more and more he wants to argue with me. I mean literally out of nowhere he started an argument with me. I told him if he wanted another bitch to do it, because I am about to graduate, have a heavy as workload and I don't have time for the stress.

    Comments? All input is appreciated.
    "I came in like a lamb, but I intend to leave like a lion."

    -Sade
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    The only thing a person hates more than being a sex object, is NOT being a sex object.
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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    Without examples, would you say the arguments are trivial? If show, elicit value for your time and choose not to engage him in argument over trifle matters. Just tell him 'I really don't want to argue about a stupid difference of opinion"

    If he gets nasty, leave. Go for a walk.

    Whatever you do, do not permit him to believe this behavior is O.K. it will get worse, and it's equally your fault if it does.

    Mast.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    Thanks, Mast. I am actually looking forward to hearing what the guys have to say.
    "I came in like a lamb, but I intend to leave like a lion."

    -Sade
    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    The only thing a person hates more than being a sex object, is NOT being a sex object.
    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk View Post
    If you should your way through life you'll be should-ing all over yourself later.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post
    Finger pointing is awesome!! No really, it gets things done.

  4. #4
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    I'm a guy, but that's cool I would agree that you should listen to other people as well.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    Oh, and yes. The arguments (that he initiates) mostly concern idiosyncratic bullshit.
    "I came in like a lamb, but I intend to leave like a lion."

    -Sade
    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    The only thing a person hates more than being a sex object, is NOT being a sex object.
    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk View Post
    If you should your way through life you'll be should-ing all over yourself later.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post
    Finger pointing is awesome!! No really, it gets things done.

  6. #6
    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    No, I know you're a guy!! That's why I said "Thanks", Loco!!
    "I came in like a lamb, but I intend to leave like a lion."

    -Sade
    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    The only thing a person hates more than being a sex object, is NOT being a sex object.
    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk View Post
    If you should your way through life you'll be should-ing all over yourself later.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post
    Finger pointing is awesome!! No really, it gets things done.

  7. #7
    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    I thought you where saying you where looking forward for guys to reply... heh, I thought you where telling me that since I'm a girl, you preferred male input
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    No, darling. I actually enjoy reading your posts.
    "I came in like a lamb, but I intend to leave like a lion."

    -Sade
    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    The only thing a person hates more than being a sex object, is NOT being a sex object.
    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk View Post
    If you should your way through life you'll be should-ing all over yourself later.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post
    Finger pointing is awesome!! No really, it gets things done.

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    Featured Member X Evan X's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    Sounds kinda goofy to me but I'm no expert. Honestly my girl and I have had about 3 or 4 arguments in 14 months.

    I don't know if I would be sticking around if I had that to look forward to everyday.. but that's me

    -E
    hilarious signature

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    Franscesca...
    next argument,
    I've recommended this before....
    Throw a wedge of cheese.

    If you two don't end up laughing... he's not a human being and he needs to take back his seed!
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    Some people, especially guys it seems, always have to be correct--or more correct than everyone else.

    I find this quite irritating, and possibly one of the most tiresome male traits--though I have known a few women like this as well.

    I won't put up with it from either sex, and neither should you.

    Go find someone to have fun and laugh with, that's my advice.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Featured Member WiseGuy_TX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    ...imo, you have to look at yourself first and change the way you are listening, reacting and responding. He has to do the same if possible. It has to change in a positive way that is getting results. I admit, its hard to change your ways when a couple has a "routine" they communicate with.
    "Peter, did you take Stewie to a strip-club? He smells like sweat and fear." - Lois and Stewie (Family Guy) ... "Through early morning fog I see, Visions of the things to be, The pains that are withheld for me, I realize and I can see..."

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    Banned jasmine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser
    Some people, especially guys it seems, always have to be correct--or more correct than everyone else.

    I find this quite irritating, and possibly one of the most tiresome male traits--though I have known a few women like this as well.

    I won't put up with it from either sex, and neither should you.

    Go find someone to have fun and laugh with, that's my advice.
    Yeah, but most guys are trainable. My hubby was on the debate team in high school, then was a Navy seal, geeky argue guy meets alpha male, aaahhhhhh. It didn't take long for him to realize if he wanted to stay on speaking (& therefore having sex) terms with me he would not initiate stupid conflicts (which he would then always take to far). Set down the ground rules early, he will figure out what is acceptable & what isn't. I always said (after the arguement) "I don't speak to you that way & I don't appreciate you doing it to me, if you decide to apologize for your behavior I may decide to continue doing the cooking & laundry." At first this pissed him off worse, but after a week of not speaking he gave in, after the 1st time I didn't even have to say anything, he would apologize if he had gotten out of line. Me and hubby now have maybe 2-3 arguements a year & they don't tend to escalate.

    BTW before somebody blasts me, I couldn't take any shit from him, because he is definitely an alpha, always has to be right male. I don't withhold sex for getting my way or play any stupid games. But if I didn't establish equality in the relationship in the beginning we would have been doomed.

    HTH & Good Luck!

    Jasmine

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    Quote Originally Posted by jasmine

    BTW before somebody blasts me, I couldn't take any shit from him, because he is definitely an alpha, always has to be right male. I don't withhold sex for getting my way or play any stupid games. But if I didn't establish equality in the relationship in the beginning we would have been doomed.

    HTH & Good Luck!

    Jasmine
    Oh, Imma take you down.

    HOW DARE YOU DEMAND EQUALITY! so smart. Demand it in the beginning, and never lose it. The guy has to do this to, If you're not on equal grounds, why be there?

    So what if you withhold sex or good cooking, or nice cuddles when he gets out of line? They're yours to withhold when you see fit just like he can, not fix your car, withhold sex, withhold mutual time together or a my..riad...of...other...totally....replaceful....s tuff....we...males....seem...to....have....to offer.... oh god.

    *sits down uselessly*
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    He could be insecure or jealous because of your new career. Try to point out all the fights and suggest you both try a new way of talking with each other. I hope he gets over it.

    My last boyfriend of three years got argumentative and generally crotchety once he lost his job. I went back to work full time. At first he was happy for me but after a year he was really obnoxious. He seemed to be jealous of the money and the guys once I went on the road. I tried talking to him about it. It only got worse. I broke up with him.

    If you nip it in the bud now it may not get as bad as it did for my guy.

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    Banned jasmine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus
    Oh, Imma take you down.

    HOW DARE YOU DEMAND EQUALITY! so smart. Demand it in the beginning, and never lose it. The guy has to do this to, If you're not on equal grounds, why be there?

    So what if you withhold sex or good cooking, or nice cuddles when he gets out of line? They're yours to withhold when you see fit just like he can, not fix your car, withhold sex, withhold mutual time together or a my..riad...of...other...totally....replaceful....s tuff....we...males....seem...to....have....to offer.... oh god.

    *sits down uselessly*
    You crack me up Mast.

    I know it seems like common sense, but you wouldn't believe how many people have trash talked me for what I consider standing up for myself. Many women even seem to think no matter how pissed you are refusing to do your wifely duties is tantamount to treason. I say Blaah, I take care of my husband because I want to not because it is my job, and if he's really pissed me off I might not want to that day. I consider that his problem not mine.

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    Featured Member Brooke's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    What else makes arguments flare up in a relationship? I ask because I am having a very similar problem.

    We have started arguing a lot more lately. I hate it, but I feel powerless to stop it. If I try to end the conversation, he keeps going. If I walk away and attempt to refuse, then we have to fight about how uncommunicative I have become. On top of the original argument. I haven't become uncommunicative, I'm just sick of bickering.

    It was never like this before. Maybe short spells of increased tension, but this one has dragged on. I guess I can identify some recent life changes - but none that *should* cause us to argue more. At least not directly... but maybe something about the changes would make him more inclined to argue with me. Any ideas?

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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    I am not familiar with what your relationship is like, but frequent bickering-type arguments and irritable behavior from a lover are often a symptom of other, more serious underlying problems.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

    ______________________________________

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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    Sometimes the argument isnt really about whats being argued about anyways. Maybe you should sit him down and ask what might be really bothering him. I say though that if he starts up again just walk away and take time away from him. Leave the house if you have to.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    Thanks everyone for the input. Jasmine, my guy is in the navy, very smart and BRAGS about being this alpha male. Another problem is that he is good looking guy and he loves the attention he gets for it, and he gets upset that I don't piss myself everytime he comes in the room. I tell him he's handsome, but I can't stroke his ego all fucking day!! Geez!!

    I'm psychologically drained when I get home for lecture, and half the time Istill have to work on a presentation, study for a test, etc when I get home. His arguing is entirely too draining and not worth hindering my success, esp. since I can see the light at the end of the tunnel (graduation). I think it would be best if we did take a break...


    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus
    Franscesca...
    next argument,
    I've recommended this before....
    Throw a wedge of cheese.

    If you two don't end up laughing... he's not a human being and he needs to take back his seed!
    Mast, I'm gonna try the wedge of cheese theory. If it doesn't make him laugh, that's okay b/c I crack up every time you mention it!!
    "I came in like a lamb, but I intend to leave like a lion."

    -Sade
    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    The only thing a person hates more than being a sex object, is NOT being a sex object.
    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk View Post
    If you should your way through life you'll be should-ing all over yourself later.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post
    Finger pointing is awesome!! No really, it gets things done.

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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    ^^ Just don't aim for the head or the balls!! Sorry I am currently out of advice. I just had to add that.
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    Veteran Member casaubon1's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    Two quick, amateur comments:

    1. If it is as chronic as you describe, I would take it seriously. It could be more than just a personality quirk, and a sign that he is really unhappy with the relationship.

    2. You are dancing and attending school both? Is it possible he just wants more of your time, and the only way he can be sure of getting it is to pick a fight?

    Full disclosure -- my days of working around the clock and coming home to a wife who always wanted to pick a fight led to a breakup. Now she was nuts, so it was good to end it, but she was also neglected.

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    Make him feel rediculous. Agree in such a way that he KNOWS you are mocking him, but doesn't have a leg to stand on because you have agreed with him. A well placed "Yes, Dear" can go a long way.

    He will likely get upset that you are refusing to engage. Then handle it with a comment of "You are agruing with me because I agree with you?"

    Then saying something like "It's been nice, but I've got a lot to do..." and walk away without even breaking a sweat. Smile, give him a kiss on the cheek, and go about your day.

    Likely, something is bothering him and he is refusing to talk about it. He is trying to start fights over trival matters to avoid the real issue that is bothering him. If you refuse to engage in the trival fights, he will be forced to either deal what is really bothering him or to get it off his chest.


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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    Quote Originally Posted by jasmine
    You crack me up Mast.

    I know it seems like common sense, but you wouldn't believe how many people have trash talked me for what I consider standing up for myself. Many women even seem to think no matter how pissed you are refusing to do your wifely duties is tantamount to treason. I say Blaah, I take care of my husband because I want to not because it is my job, and if he's really pissed me off I might not want to that day. I consider that his problem not mine.
    You're either on equal ground or your not. If you aren't then you have a right to be, who gives a SHIT what other people's opinion are about what YOU have to deal with on a 24 hour basis.

    Misery is not an emotion, it's a state of life. When someone accepts a less than standard quality of life AS STANDARD and doesn't seek growth because he/she feels there isn't room for any, then that person is miserable. When you reach that level, it's soooo hard to get out.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Why does he argue with me?

    Quote Originally Posted by Paris
    Make him feel rediculous. Agree in such a way that he KNOWS you are mocking him, but doesn't have a leg to stand on because you have agreed with him. A well placed "Yes, Dear" can go a long way.

    He will likely get upset that you are refusing to engage. Then handle it with a comment of "You are agruing with me because I agree with you?"

    Then saying something like "It's been nice, but I've got a lot to do..." and walk away without even breaking a sweat. Smile, give him a kiss on the cheek, and go about your day.

    Likely, something is bothering him and he is refusing to talk about it. He is trying to start fights over trival matters to avoid the real issue that is bothering him. If you refuse to engage in the trival fights, he will be forced to either deal what is really bothering him or to get it off his chest.

    Paris, I want you to know, if your man EVER screws up, I'll be there to score you on the rebound

    J/K

    maybe.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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