***Disclaimer****
I have started this post several times and each time I go to post it, I delete it instead. I am trying to make sense out of EVERYTHING in life at the moment. So if this makes NO sense when read, I apologize guys, I really do.
I am very tired. I haven't slept much in the last several days. Some because of work, some on the account of personal crap.
The club (dive bar) I worked at in Dover is missing a dancer. Me. I quit. The 'drama' became so bad, that it was like working in a freak show. I have never been around so many 'adults' acting like children.
The constant well "she told me you said this." and the "OH my GOD you will never believe what 'so and so' and 'so and so' did last night!" was at a all time epidemic. It was as though if the bar was 'drama free' for too long of a time they would actually go create some. The more that you stayed out of it, the more they tried to pull you in. "She just thinks she is better then the rest of us." "She is a bitch" "I don't trust her"
I told them to keep me out of it. It didn't work. So I just called everyone out. I guess I am a bitch.I just wanted to make my money and be left alone.
A friend of mine found herself directly in the midst of the most recent drama. Everyone (I am not sure what I think) there believes she put herself there on purpose... That everything she did, she did to fix her need to be the center of attention.
I beleive she has made some mistakes... but who the heck hasn't. and the latest one, was getting played by a skeevy wannabe bouncer. The worst kind of played. I hate getting into her buisness, but she thought she loved him. For whatever reason. He got what he really wanted, sold her out, and they both got fired. Management didn't even tell her. I was told I should tell her. "Tell her not to come back here." I was thinking I should send them a bill for services rendered. Instead I will just stay quit. And far away from Dover.
I spent the better part in the ER last night with her. The club was just the 'last straw' with a long list of situational problems she was experiencing. She hurt herself, badly, with the worst type of intentions. I have known her a long time. Several years. She has never done anything like that.
I am burnt-out. But I do want to work. I have improved so much in this work. I love it. I am good at. But I am scared. There isn't much in Delaware. One I tried recently and didn't follow through with and one I worked at once before already...
I am thinking about Philadelphia. It isn't that far from here (45 mins), but I am a nervous city driver. (ok I admit it... a TERRIFIED city driver) I don't know Philly. I don't know where I would fit in there.
UGH. I just really feel kind of lost in general. I don't know what I should do.
I have gotten some excellent advice from a reputable source about how I should deal with my girl. I am not sure if I am looking for advice or encouragement about exploring some new clubs... All I really am sure of is that I just feel really sad. and angry and tired.
My fears have been realized... this post makes very little sense. I am going to post it anyway.
Thanks for reading.



I just wanted to make my money and be left alone. 
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