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Thread: I'm dating a married man!

  1. #51
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    I think by just the fact that you have to continously tell yourself that HES the bad guy tells me you know you're just as guilty as he is.

  2. #52
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by leilanicandy
    ^^^ I agree with you! The father was the one who made who wreck his family. There are plenty of men who is very faithful to there wives and had always been faithful. It takes two to make a relationship work. If he love his wife he will be trying to make thier marriage work. No he is trying to be with another woman for his selfish reasons.
    See, this argument would work if she didn't know he was married. But, she DOES know he's married. And, while he has to take the responsibility for fucking up his family...when you KNOW something is wrong and do it anyways...you're just as guilty. Any other excuse is just a way to help you sleep at night. If you don't know...you cannot be responsible. If you DO know and do it anyways...guilty as sin.

  3. #53
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    I dunno. I don't think it is morally neutral, but I think the point that the girls are making is that SHE is not the one that got married. She doesn't know this woman and doesn't owe her anything. She did not promise this other woman to be faithful to her, and to be a life partner nor did she promise to ensure that her husband would be faithful. Her husband has a positive duty to his wife; other random women do not. To me that seems perfectly obvious.
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  4. #54
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    ^ Respect for other people is not dependant upon whether or not you know them personally. Respecting that you would not like to be with a man who would cheat on you during your relationship, I think, should be enough motivation to not fuck someone else's husband and then use the excuse, "Well, its not my issue because I'm not married to her." That's just a bullshit excuse. If the shoe was on the other foot and you were the "married clueless woman", I think you would be pissed that your man cheated, but you would be just as pissed that the other woman knew and did it anyways. Complete and total disrespect for your relationship...no matter how asinine your husband is to cheat in the first place.

    Whether or not she (or you) want to admit that when you KNOW someone is married...and you fuck them anyways...you are just as much to blame as the guy who is cheating on his wife.

    The husband has a positive duty to his wife, yes. But, as a woman...having respect for another woman's relationship is not only the right thing to do...its the moral thing to do.

    But, hey...whatever helps you sleep at night.

  5. #55
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Well, as grateful as I am for your permission to sleep - as I said, it may not be morally neutral, but I think it is a huge stretch to say that some strange woman is in a position to betray a trust or that her betrayal is as meaningful as one from someone you are married to. I'm sort of the opinion that people are ESPECIALLY responsible for commitments that they've actually made to people, as opposed to commitments that other people have made to people. But maybe I just lack your moral fortitude, what with the rational consideration and all.
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  6. #56
    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    I agree with you, Jenny. I'm totally in the camp that holds it's the spouse's (be they man or woman) responsibility to uphold their marriage vows. The spouse is the one with the contract and responsibility to the children. While the OP should respect that for reasons other than her own well being, the practical matter is that her well being is also at stake even if she doesn't respect it. Her emotional health will only be advanced if he chooses to be honest and get a divorce (but maybe not even then). Regardless of whether disengaging herself is the moral thing for her to do, it's the expedient thing for her to do.

    Ya know what, I'll even give her the benefit of the doubt that she was blindsided and smitten. Hey, people fall in love without regard to logic or reason. But now's the time for reason to take over. For the sake of her long term well being, she should go find a replacement boyfriend who's single. Or even a single f**k buddy. That's the simplest cure. (Even less complicated, a good video and vibrator. Masturbation is your friend.)

    I'll probably catch it for saying this, but I'm kinda surprised at the vitriol that emerges from some dancers concerning this topic, considering the somewhat gray sexual areas we work in. I certainly didn't require any releases from married men when I danced for them, indicating that their wives had full knowledge and had given permission. I certainly did know some of them were married, and never asked if others were or not, but logic and the odds dictate that some of the unknowns were married as well. I'd be naive to think none of their wives viewed their actions as cheating. I'm not sure I can dismiss a homewrecking charge against myself under those circumstances because, after all, cheating is not about sexual intercourse per se, it's about what the cheated spouse defines as cheating, and oogling a writhing naked woman who's not your wife and takes money that should go into your kid's college fund is certainly a reasonable definition. Nevertheless, I maintain it's totally the customer's responsibility to keep his committments in order.

    -Ev

  7. #57
    Senior Member 8TJ's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Just read the OP

    “It's official, I'm a dumbass.
    I’m shitting where I'm eating,
    I knew from the beginning that he's married,
    I feel no remorse b/c he's the bad guy.
    I'm just taking what's available.
    He's the bad guy, not me.
    I'm just having fun with him.
    I'm stupid I'm stupid.”


    It takes two to fuck. So why is he the bad guy and you are blameless? The minute you gave him the OK you were part of it. If you said “No” he may have gone elsewhere but you would not be part of the mess to follow.

    Now let me just make a gender change to your post and see how you feel about what the guy is up to.

    It's official, I'm a dumbass. I've fallen for a female coworker. Not only am I shitting where I'm eating, but she's also married with a kid. She's 36, I'm 22, and it's soooo obvious that I am a manifestation of everything she hasn't done in years. We've hung out a few times, and one of the times we admitted our feelings for each other. I knew from the beginning that she's married, and I feel no remorse b/c she's the slut. I'm just taking what's available. She's the bad nympho, not me. I'm bound and determined not to fall in love with her, or fall for that "I'm going to divorce my husband" crap. I'm just having fun with her. God, she's sooo hot, and she wants me to visit her in Bangkok when she returns. I'm thinking with my dick.

    RUNNNN Runnnn away and be very afraid!

  8. #58
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by evan_essence
    I'll probably catch it for saying this, but I'm kinda surprised at the vitriol that emerges from some dancers concerning this topic, considering the somewhat gray sexual areas we work in. I certainly didn't require any releases from married men when I danced for them, indicating that their wives had full knowledge and had given permission. I certainly did know some of them were married, and never asked if others were or not, but logic and the odds dictate that some of the unknowns were married as well. I'd be naive to think none of their wives viewed their actions as cheating. I'm not sure I can dismiss a homewrecking charge against myself under those circumstances because, after all, cheating is not about sexual intercourse per se, it's about what the cheated spouse defines as cheating, and oogling a writhing naked woman who's not your wife and takes money that should go into your kid's college fund is certainly a reasonable definition. Nevertheless, I maintain it's totally the customer's responsibility to keep his committments in order.

    -Ev

    Well I dont KNOW if my customers are married or not. And if I did, and I knew for a fact that their being there would be considered cheating by their wives? I wouldnt dance for them. But I am NOT knowingly heling a man ruin his family's life. The OP is. I am also not fucking my customers, which does not make me an adulteress. Going to a strip club is somewhere in between looking at nude art and lookin at a porno mag, IMHO.... whereas some women may find this to be cheating/violation of their relationship, I dare say it isnt comparable to sleeping with someone.
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  9. #59
    Featured Member LilSweetVixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by 8TJ
    It's official, I'm a dumbass. I've fallen for a female coworker. Not only am I shitting where I'm eating, but she's also married with a kid. She's 36, I'm 22, and it's soooo obvious that I am a manifestation of everything she hasn't done in years. We've hung out a few times, and one of the times we admitted our feelings for each other. I knew from the beginning that she's married, and I feel no remorse b/c she's the slut. I'm just taking what's available. She's the bad nympho, not me. I'm bound and determined not to fall in love with her, or fall for that "I'm going to divorce my husband" crap. I'm just having fun with her. God, she's sooo hot, and she wants me to visit her in Bangkok when she returns. I'm thinking with my dick.
    I don't see your point. This would be completely acceptable by society's standards. The other woman is the whore, but the other man is just a man, and the cheating wife in many societies can get murdered.

    I'm with Jenny, she's right as usual. The guy is at fault. Anyway, get some money out of him without doing anything that constitutes cheating and then move along.

    "You have demonic genius" -Naomi Wolf
    "I very much resent it when people - maybe with good intentions or from a progressive point of view - keep telling me, 'It's their culture' ... It's like saying the culture of Massachusetts is burning witches." -Azar Nafisi


  10. #60
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    See, I'm somewhere in the middle of both sides.

    Whilst I don't see it as her fault, I have a problem with her not being remorseful in any way. The total lack of compassion for the wife and child is the reason I questioned her morals at all.

    And it's not about karma either. It's just about being a human being.

  11. #61
    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Wow, What a hot topic. I certainly wasn't expecting sympathy or encouragement, but I wasn't expecting this either. You know how when someone posts, "I'm tempted to cheat on my boyfriend, " or "I'm thinking of having a threesome," people tend to give advice along the lines of, "Don't do it, but since you're going to do it anyway and learn the hard way, follow this advice..." I guess I was hoping for some of that. Thanks wikikiki. Thanks paintbaby.

    I'm not proud of what I'm doing in any way, but I'm also not feeling guilty. I figure that if not me, it would be someone else. If a man is tempted to stray, he'll find an outlet some way. At worst, I'm a catalyst. He even admitted that if not me, he prolly would have had an affair with someone else.

    I also have morals, surprise surprise. I would never pull a Marla Maples on his wife (Marla Maples was the woman who confronted Ivana Trump on the ski slope and told her that yes, she was sleeping with him). I would never try to get him to divorce her. I would never try to take time away from his kid (who is back in Bangkok, being raised by grandma, away from this whole mess). I would never try to interfere with his family life. Also, it's not that I don't have compassion for his wife an kid, it's that I figure they'd be dealing with it in one way or another. His story: He knocked up his girlfriend and married her "because it was the right thing to do." He caught her cheating. He wants a divorce. I found out all this before any romance blossomed. I don't know whether to believe this, and I don't think that 2 wrongs make a right. I frequently ask him if he's ok with doing this, if he forsees a huge mess. In fact, the first thing I said after he confessed his feeling for me was, "Um... uhhh... you have a wife and kid. Are you sure?" After talking, I figured that it was his problem, not mine, and I was not going to do anything to actively fuck them over. As aforementioned, if not me, he would have gone for someone else.

    I fully acknowledge that nothing will come of this. At least we're mutually using each other. He's getting a free shrink, I'm getting... what ever I'll get out of it. Conversation? Yeah, I'm going to quit the job in December anyway, which has been my plan for months. On a separate note, I am no longer stripping. He doesn't know that I ever did. This is a "real job." I'm not dumb enough to date someone in a strip club.
    Last edited by Krazyjane; 11-18-2006 at 12:38 AM.

  12. #62
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    My husband cheated on me.

    It makes me want to cry that you're the woman I hated as I spent my nights alone in my house wondering where my husband was and why he wasn't home yet as I had prepared yet another growing-cold dinner for someone who was never going to be there for me.


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  13. #63
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by Vyanka
    My father has cheated on my mom in the past numerous times. The last time he did, my mom found out. She heard him on the phone having sex with another woman. Some how he sat on his cel. and dialed the house number. Me and my mother heard the whole thing. My mom ALMOST had a heart attack. Her face turned blue. I was so scared that night. I fucking hated him for what he did, I still do. I don't respect him at all.

    Now, who is the one who hurt us here?... HIM. Whether that other woman knew or not, it didn't matter. She's not the problem/the one to blame.
    It's the married person who made the vow, an important promise he made to my mom. He is to me a parasite.
    I agree with you that he is definatly to blame, but it takes 2. I agree with you that he did something horrible, and I hope he's suffered.
    The worst part about cheating to me, is that it can always be avoided. There was no reason for you and your mother to be put through that, or anyone. I can't see how any selfrespecting woman w/ 1/2 a brain would want to do something so selfish, or how any man could do that to his wife and CHILD!!!! Yes, he hurt you, but not alone. The op, knowing all about mom and child, (assuming she does/has fucked him) has arranged for that to happen.

    Oh, and I can't believe the cell call was on accident. women who get involved in a dead end affair arrange that type of thing all the time.

  14. #64
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Egads she has such a lack of respect for that wife and child. Seriously.
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  15. #65
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by Krazyjane
    1. I also have morals, surprise surprise.

    2. Also, it's not that I don't have compassion for his wife an kid, it's that I figure they'd be dealing with it in one way or another.

    3. His story: He knocked up his girlfriend and married her "because it was the right thing to do." He caught her cheating. He wants a divorce.

    4. I found out all this before any romance blossomed. I don't know whether to believe this, and I don't think that 2 wrongs make a right.

    5. I frequently ask him if he's ok with doing this,

    6. After talking, I figured that it was his problem, not mine, and I was not going to do anything to actively fuck them over.

    7. I fully acknowledge that nothing will come of this. At least we're mutually using each other.

    8. I'm not dumb enough to date someone in a strip club.
    Ok, 1: I find that hard to believe. You are acting so selfish. Morals, in this case, would be to act like a respectable lady, b/c it's the right thing to do, and back away. A person with GOOD morals does the right thing, even when they don't really want to.

    2. compassion is pretty damn close to empathy, which I can't find in your situation or posts. More like Apathy.

    3. His story!!! Probably made up. When someone wants a divorce, the can easily get it. He's still living with her, right? He must not want out all that bad.

    4. you "know" it can go anywhere, and that it's mostly just you 2 using eachother, but there is romance blossoming? is anyone else getting mixed messages?

    5. of course he's ok w/ it! He's a 36 ??(w/ev) man w/ a 22yold hot mistress. he's obviously not using his brain to think, but his penis.....

    6. ummm. you are. You can only really say that if you were to stay out of it. You are, as you said the catalyst. Someday you'll see that it's definatly your problem as well. Don't you love karma???

    7. Wow. I think you're lying to your self, but w/ev...

    8. ummm. Words cannot do enough.... I'm sure, given 30minutes on a semibusy night, I could find someone better to date, even in a skeezy club....

    sorry this is so agressive, but it needs to be said.

  16. #66
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter
    Egads she has such a lack of respect for that wife and child. Seriously.
    I think lack of respect is a vast understatement. They're more like the roach crawling on the floor of an inner city resturant where 1/2 the staff is illegal, right before the health inspector comes. she'll stomp them so bad, their insides will gush out.

  17. #67
    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Schadenfreude much, Lola Rose?

  18. #68
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by Krazyjane
    Schadenfreude much, Lola Rose?
    I don't think so. I feel sorry for them, you're the one getting something, (sex, or w/ev) out of something painful to others (the wife and kid)

    5 points for the vocab word though....

  19. #69
    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    I'm sure Emile Durkheim would have a field day with your need to use others to ostentatiously use social deviants to define your own status.

    I'd like to give a round of thanks to those who PM'd me with the kind of advice I was looking for, but didn't want to get caught in the ugly crossfire from judgmental people who are quick to point fingers but quicker to defend themselves as "special exceptions" if caught with pointed fingers.

  20. #70
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by Krazyjane
    I'm sure Emile Durkheim would have a field day with your need to use others to ostentatiously use social deviants to define your own status.

    I'd like to give a round of thanks to those who PM'd me with the kind of advice I was looking for, but didn't want to get caught in the ugly crossfire from judgmental people who are quick to point fingers but quicker to defend themselves as "special exceptions" if caught with pointed fingers.
    You know, I was on the other side at one point (albeit BEFORE I had a child)...and it was not cool. Wrong is wrong no matter how you try to sugar coat it.

    Go fuck your friend and I hope that it doesn't come back to bite you in the ass...but believe me...it will.

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    So how long is it going to take to get divorced? Don't do the deed until then! That way if he's bullshitting you won't be even more caught up emotionally.

    I met a dude like that who said he was "having problems" with his girl and they were splitting up but a month later (surprise, surprise) they were still together. This is after we made out a few times (no sex) AND he announced to his friends that he and I were dating! Then I get the head's up from the bartender that his girl is 7 months along?! He told me "I'm waiting until after the birth to leave". Ahhhh......what a prince.

  22. #72
    God/dess twisterinAZ's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Just out of curiosity, what were you expecting people to say here? Sorry if you aren't hearing what you wanted to, but I think you need to hear it because your perspective seems flawed.

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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by lilithmorrigan
    My husband cheated on me.

    It makes me want to cry that you're the woman I hated as I spent my nights alone in my house wondering where my husband was and why he wasn't home yet as I had prepared yet another growing-cold dinner for someone who was never going to be there for me.
    Oh god. I know that feeling.

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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    These responses make me wonder if all stippers come from broken homes and cheating dads? Hmmm.

    I think the dude is just a loser.

    Case in point, when I was 19 I was dating a 33 yr old and thought I was so cool and so hot. Only years later did I realize in disgust ewww he was a loser. Like, only loser dudes date kids - sorry, but this dude I think you will realize someday how pathetic he is.

    Just because a girl is young doesn't make her more attractive to a real man. Real people like personalities which come from experience, so ummm he's just gross. If sex were all about youth you wouldn't be tinking of messing with this old fart.

    How can you guys excuse him for being a man and dumb and thinking with his penis - that's seriously fucked up. He couldv'e lied, like most do. His marriage his problem.

    Anyway, if you do fuck him broadcast it all over to his wife. Let her know what a chump she' married to.

    You may be doing her and the kid a favor. He loses her, she moves on a myabe does better, kid lives without morally bankrupt creep who may be so fucked up he might like really young girls. Sorry, but it happens.

    I'm sorry, but there is no marriage to save. What marriage are you guys talking about?????

    Sometimes things happen for a reason - just amplify the volume so his wife knows - that to me is your only responsibility.

  25. #75
    Senior Member jenna2479's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    After being in an industry where we all get to see what people are really like, I think it's safe to say that the majority (unfortunately) of people in this world are a waste of space. They contribute nothing good to society. It's sad that you have a complete disregard for a child and mother's life who are going to be deeply affected by what you are doing. Yeah, "if it wasn't you it would be someone else" is probably true, but why would you want it to be you? People who are as selfish and inconsiderate as this deserve the worst that is coming to them. Karma is a great thing.

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