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Thread: I'm dating a married man!

  1. #76
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by jenna2479
    After being in an industry where we all get to see what people are really like, I think it's safe to say that the majority (unfortunately) of people in this world are a waste of space. They contribute nothing good to society. It's sad that you have a complete disregard for a child and mother's life who are going to be deeply affected by what you are doing. Yeah, "if it wasn't you it would be someone else" is probably true, but why would you want it to be you? People who are as selfish and inconsiderate as this deserve the worst that is coming to them. Karma is a great thing.
    So well said! I love karma, and I think we'll see a post soon enough (if she's not too embarrased to post it) about how bad this sucks and how she's so damaged and w/ev over this. I guess some people just have to lern the hard way.

    "do unto others as you would have them do unto you"

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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    I would just tell him off for being scum.

    It would be nice if you didn't fuck him, spare yourself the trauma/drama.

    But, the other woman is not the "homewrecker" the man is.

    The questioin is, "why do you want to fuck a jerk?"

  3. #78
    Featured Member kikiwiki's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Like I said before, use him and lose him. Get what you can out of it: money, promotion, something tangable at least. You want something to show for it. We are strippers, this is what we do to our customers. We're not the moral police. Their marriage is thier problem, not ours. We are just doing a job for them, satisfying thier needs. In return they should satisfy ours, whatever those needs may be. For me, it would be money, travel, gifts, and tempoarary companionship. I dont have time for a full time relationship but a beneficial relationship like that is fine for me. I could get perks without the long term drama and ties. As for thinking of thier family, they're not thinking of me, I'm not thinking of them, so we're even. I may be even doing them a favor.They are better off without this guy. So another benefit to this relationship, you may show her his true colors and she will smarten up and leave the jerk. I've dated so many single men that want to just fuck, use me as a trophy and are cheap. This type of relationship is beneficial because you have control. He'll give you what you want and you dont have to keep him around after you're done with him. I know this mentality sounds vicous but this is the world we live in, at least for me in NYC. Hopefully one day this will change and we will find a wealthy, single, faithful, loving man. Until then, most men are liars, cheaters and cheapies. We have to take thier game and make it ours...
    Lola Rose- I hate to break it to you but Karma is so overused and overstated that its lost its meaning. And being that you are a dancer, should not throw that term around. There was one time our profession was fiercly, and still is in many ways, rejected by the rest of society. They would always critisize us for what we do. What is your justification that Karma wont get back to you for dancing?For married men?
    "Where there is love there is life"-Mahatma Gandhi

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  4. #79
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
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  5. #80
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by kikiwiki
    Like I said before, use him and lose him. Get what you can out of it: money, promotion, something tangable at least. You want something to show for it. We are strippers, this is what we do to our customers. We're not the moral police.
    The contestable veracity of that statement notwithstanding, do we need to point out that he is NOT a customer?
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  6. #81
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by kikiwiki
    Lola Rose- I hate to break it to you but Karma is so overused and overstated that its lost its meaning. And being that you are a dancer, should not throw that term around. There was one time our profession was fiercly, and still is in many ways, rejected by the rest of society. They would always critisize us for what we do. What is your justification that Karma wont get back to you for dancing?For married men?
    I'm not sure I fully understand you, but I think I can piece it together.

    Just b/c karma is "cliché" doesn't make it apply any less, imo. Yes, dancing has a price, and I know that. I've been willing to pay it, and I'm well aware of how many people did, and do, reject dancers as real people.

    As part of that price, I have to work extra hard sometimes to be given a fair chance, to not be judged. I don't mind that, in fact, I believe it helps me. I know I'm being judged, and I hold myself to high standards, by being compassionate, giving, and a hard worker. It's difficult, but it pays off. By getting good grades, vollunteering, acting decently and respectable, I'm able to prove that I'm still a good person, just one with an uncommon job. For me, that is what is mst important. To be a good person. I would absolutely hate myself if I acted so selfishly.

    Karma really has nothing to do with me dancing. It seems like you are confused, so I'll give you an example...
    1. if you were to scrape up against a car and damage it in the parking lot of the store, then leave, and the next day someone slashes your tires, that is karma. kinda ironic, right?
    2. If you cheat with a married man, then in a later relationship your man cheats on you, and it practically distroyes you, that's karma.

    I don't see how society judging my job being karma, but feel free to explain it to me.

  7. #82
    Lola Rose
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny
    The contestable veracity of that statement notwithstanding, do we need to point out that he is NOT a customer?
    I think I could be in love with you right now

  8. #83
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by Krazyjane
    I'd like to give a round of thanks to those who PM'd me with the kind of advice I was looking for, but didn't want to get caught in the ugly crossfire from judgmental people who are quick to point fingers but quicker to defend themselves as "special exceptions" if caught with pointed fingers.


    Quick to defend? How many of us said "Sure we fucked a guy with a loving family but you shouldnt do it!" ? Um... none? You got the replies you got because we would never want to be that guy's wife or child. Nuff said. Did you really think, in a world where Adultery is commonly ILLEGAL and considered immoral by a vast majority, that you would get a fucking award for what you're doing?
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  9. #84
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by cinammonkisses
    OMG how old were you when that happened? Man, I can only imagine what was going through your moms mind. It's one thing to HEAR ie. gossip that your s.o. is cheating..it's another thing to actually SEE it!
    Twenty one. She didn't see, we both heard it over the phone. Which was just as sickening.

  10. #85
    Featured Member kikiwiki's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny
    The contestable veracity of that statement notwithstanding, do we need to point out that he is NOT a customer?
    Any man who isn't available, and desires my "attention" gets treated by me as if he were a customer. I meet married men all the time, as customers, and they want to sleep with me. I play thier fantasy until time is up. Isnt that what we do as entertainers? Now if I meet a man, outside of the club, and he is married, and he is interested in me, and wealthy, I would look into what's in it for me. Obviously I cant dance for him. How else can I cash in on this loser? Hey, this is where I stand: If he's good looking and if I can get something out of it, then what the hell? Why not? It's not often you come across situations like this. I really hope Kj has fun and gets alot out of her relationship with this guy while she can.

    Lola Rose- Let's just agree to disagree on the whole Karma thing. We obviously dont see eye to eye.
    "Where there is love there is life"-Mahatma Gandhi

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  11. #86
    Senior Member Corina's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by cinammonkisses
    OMG how old were you when that happened? Man, I can only imagine what was going through your moms mind. It's one thing to HEAR ie. gossip that your s.o. is cheating..it's another thing to actually SEE it!

    I wasn't married at the time, but was living with an SO. I saw him, naked, doing it doggie, on the bed that my parents bought for me when I was like three years old.

    Because I wasn't married and I was a young adult (21), I didn't have a heart attack, but I was pretty shocked. It was hard to breathe for aboug five minutes and there was a gun in the house. I went for it but a mutual friend, (his buddy, fucked up and passed out on the couch) came too and grabbed it from me and told me to go outside. I went in the kitchen and broke some appliances and dishes and then strangely, I calmed down and felt in control. I didn't blame the girl it all. (She was really hot and really drunk). I just told him to get her the fuck off of my bed. MY BED!! She had no idea I existed. She was dressed, outside and waiting for her ride home. I never blamed her or saw her again.

    I had a new place to live within two days.

    What's my point? Hearing or seeing something like that can have a physical effect that can last for years. Luckily, I was not with this person for very long and wasn't even sure if I really loved him. So, if anything, I learned a lesson and did not live with a lover for a very, very long time.

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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    I don't understand men. My mum caught my father as well in her own home when she was 8 months pregnant.

    Men (alright Mast, cheating men!) are so stupid. Who the fuck, well, fucks someone else where they live?! Like, um, DUH!


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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by kikiwiki
    Now if I meet a man, outside of the club, and he is married, and he is interested in me, and wealthy, I would look into what's in it for me. Obviously I cant dance for him. How else can I cash in on this loser?

    well, then you'd be "working", not "dating". Hopefully you wouldn't date someone you considered to be a loser. It's obvious from the OP that she is enjoying their relationship on a personal level and that she is not working him.

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    Featured Member LilSweetVixen's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by Krazyjane
    I fully acknowledge that nothing will come of this. At least we're mutually using each other. He's getting a free shrink, I'm getting... what ever I'll get out of it. Conversation?
    Conversation?? That's all you're getting out of this?

    Man reading these threads just reminds of how unfair things are for women. If we're good girls we get lied to and cheated on, told we're loved until we get attached and heartbroken, and the guy gets away with it, because he's a guy and can't help himself. And if we decide to just have no strings attached sex with single guys, we get looked down on as dirty sluts who could never find someone willing to marry them. And people just accept this, I don't know if it's because of guy's money or because women are desperate to feel loved. I am so a lesbian!!
    Last edited by LilSweetVixen; 11-18-2006 at 06:07 PM.

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    God/dess Vyanka's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by LilSweetVixen
    I don't see your point. This would be completely acceptable by society's standards. The other woman is the whore, but the other man is just a man, and the cheating wife in many societies can get murdered.

    I'm with Jenny, she's right as usual. The guy is at fault. Anyway, get some money out of him without doing anything that constitutes cheating and then move along.
    Yeah, it's gender hypocrisy. If it were a married woman banging a hot young guy, no one would preach to him that he's wrong for ruining a marriage. Instead he'll get praised, get a pat on the back. But it's okay, bc he has a dick. Give me a break. And it would totally be the wife's fault alone, for teasing a guy's cock. She would be the whore, and no one else.

    That husband still had the intentions of fucking another pussy anyway. Whether it be Jane or someone else. Typical married DOUCHEBAG that needs to get strange once in a while. haha...pls. Those married assholes like that are only good for one thing, or two. A casual fuck and dry sucking his account. They don't deserve any type of respect.

    And what about in strip clubs where plenty of married men go in there w/o the wives knowing...is it the dancer's fault he walked up in there? NO, of course not. It's like that same type of scenerio if you ask me. lying/cheating=same thing.

  16. #91
    Curious Guest Kinder's Avatar
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    WWW Re: I'm dating a married man!

    This is how you have an affair with a guy without the emotional baggage, from a guys perspective. 1) Get more things going in your life besides a job and a guy. 2) Don't like the guy just because other girls do too (my ex was married and saw all the attention I got from other women, so she just had to have me too, as if I was some kind of prize in a chick competion) 3) Try to genuinely like women more than you like guys (It's well known that women don't really like other women, and are too competitive with each other) 4) Write down and read everyday the consequences of your action if you pursue this relationship any longer (there are children involved). 5) Try not to idealize this guy, he is just like any other guy who cheats on his wife---He's trying to have his cake and eat it too, at your expense and his kid.

    And if you really want to learn the secret of emotional detachment....learn how not to cry. Men have been holding their emotions back for years, so we can easily go from woman to woman without a blink of an eye.
    Last edited by Kinder; 11-18-2006 at 07:26 PM.

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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Vyanka,

    I'm with you there.

    Anyhoo... THe person is a relationship/marriage that is doing the cheating is the most to blame- not KJ. Is KJ completely blameless? No, but she's not the person the most responsilbe for whatever mess the man makes of his family- it's the man's problem that could very likely spill over and create a big headache for KJ.

    We all play with shades of grey all the time- if not with this issue, but with other issues. So, I disagree with other posters that are putting 50% or more of the blame on KJ for the marriage of her man failing- as far as I'm concerned, the man's marriage has already failed the minute he decided that he was interested in pursuing something outside the marriage. Him acting on it only sealed the deal, but the envelope, letter, stamp and signature was all prepared to go way beforehand. Chances are, this man had made a decision way prior to KJ. KJ is not ruining this man's marraige- HE IS. HE IS SCREWING OVEr HIS WIFE AND KIDS first and foremost.

    We all, to a degree, have responsibilities to others. Do unto others only goes so far. There's lots of crap people do that breeds far more misery in others, like the diamond trade or sweatshop labor.

    My only concern is that people not get into what they're not prepared to handle. The headaches that come from being involved in an affair can explode and get messy real quick- and turn into a gynormous headache. I've never met one person over the long-term that said the affair was worth the cost, but that's just my experience. I just like to see people avoid things that would cause them grief in the long run, and it seems like IMHO, for KJ- that this has a high probability to things going badly. I just hope the risk and the consequences are worth spending her energy and time on a guy that has proven himself to be dishonest.

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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter
    Well I dont KNOW if my customers are married or not.
    Neither did I unless it came up during a conversation or someone else who knew the guy mentioned it or the guy hadn't taken off his wedding ring. I didn't attempt to obtain the information, even surreptiously. Assuming the responsibility of screening would have interfered with selling.

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter
    And if I did, and I knew for a fact that their being there would be considered cheating by their wives? I wouldnt dance for them.
    Well, here's where I'm coming from. I pretty much assume that there's a certain percentage of married men as customers and that most wives would not approve of such things. I don't need to run a focus group to circumstantially reach that conclusion with what I feel is a reasonable degree of certainty. And there were a few I knew for sure that they used it as a secret night of stepping out because they volunteered the info, but I wasn't compelled to stop because, hey, they're the customer and always right, ya know.

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter
    But I am NOT knowingly heling a man ruin his family's life. The OP is.
    I assumed I was facilitating a certain percentage of my customer's action of cheating on their wives via their attendance, and that it wasn't exactly conducive to repairing a broken relationship. Even though I didn't know which ones or what percentage, I still believed it was happening, given that I was not screening out married men. Regardless of what some might deem a blatant disregard on my part, I maintain it was the customer's responsibility to regulate himself, not mine.

    Quote Originally Posted by PaigeDWinter
    I am also not fucking my customers, which does not make me an adulteress. Going to a strip club is somewhere in between looking at nude art and lookin at a porno mag, IMHO.... whereas some women may find this to be cheating/violation of their relationship, I dare say it isnt comparable to sleeping with someone.
    I agree that, generally, it's not the same as sleeping with someone, albeit it's not really up to me to define the impact; it's the spouse's. I do suspect it's easier to repair a damaged relationship from a transgression like going to a strip club than a full-scale sexual affair. But I think a married man going to a strip club without his wife's consent is a step beyond looking at nude art or passive porn. And how damaging it is depends on the customer's extent of involvement - emotionally, physically and financially.

    I'm not arguing that it's exactly the same; I'm saying since we deal in this gray area without assuming responsibility for how it impacts others, I'm surprised at the harshness of some of the responses. (It also strikes me as ironic that I've read on this site, from time to time, other dancers commenting about how if the wives kept themselves up, the hubbies wouldn't be running off for lapdances. I suppose the relevancy of that to this thread is arguable but I wonder where the folks who express that kind of assignment of responsiblity are hiding on this topic.)

    -Ev

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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    I think a lot of wives would feel betrayed if they knew their man was touching some dancer's titties.

    Some even consider it cheating. So do you all screen your customers. Imagine if their kid found out he was giving somebody kid's allowance for BJ's.

    Pretty gnarly.

    How can anyone here say he is less responsible b/c he has a dick or guys are dumb. All I can say is I pity you fools. I hold my men to higher standards.

    What marriage are you all trying to save. It's over already. I just think KJ probably deserves better than a loser who doesn't really care about his own child.

    Why do so many of us excuse men who want to watch other girls dance and try to grope them - when they are married - but have no empathy for someone like KJ who is misguidedly seeking an emotional connection. DOUBLE STANDARD.

    And to everyone who is making her out to be evil. I say all you b's better screen all of your customers cause some wives might be little pissed you are grinding their man's dick. In fact, I hope they come find you and fuck you shit up - KARMA.

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    Senior Member 8TJ's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by LilSweetVixen
    I don't see your point. This would be completely acceptable by society's standards. The other woman is the whore, but the other man is just a man, and the cheating wife in many societies can get murdered.
    Well interesting perspective. As a man, I saw the approach in my rewording as just being wrong. Having an affair with someone elses spouse- unless all consent- is just not right

    Quote Originally Posted by LilSweetVixen
    I'm with Jenny, she's right as usual. The guy is at fault.
    Lil- I would say that they are both at fault. The minute she knew he was married with child she had some ownership of the issue. IF he did not tell her, then he owned 100% of the issue

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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by kittygirl
    What marriage are you all trying to save. It's over already.
    If it were over they'd be divorced.


    Quote Originally Posted by kittygirl
    Why do so many of us excuse men who want to watch other girls dance and try to grope them - when they are married - but have no empathy for someone like KJ who is misguidedly seeking an emotional connection. DOUBLE STANDARD.

    And to everyone who is making her out to be evil. I say all you b's better screen all of your customers cause some wives might be little pissed you are grinding their man's dick. In fact, I hope they come find you and fuck you shit up - KARMA.

    SOME women consider their husbands going to a SC to be cheating. ALL women (not including oen and poly relationships) consider fucking someone else to be cheating. Like I said earlier, if I KNEW that a customer's marraige could crash and burn because he is at the club, I would NOT dance for him.

    And speak for yourself about dick grinding. I dont grind anything. Gross.
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    I guarantee this man will probably never file for divoirce. She will. He obviously is too afraid to be single. I still believe the marriage is over, because if I knew who she was I would definitely let her know what her man is doing.

    If she has enough self-respect she would probably say it's over knowing what he wants to do.

    Why enable the fucking charade to go on? for the kid? maybe dude likes really little girls or at the very best isn't a good role model

    I say the best thing that could ever happen to his wife is she be free to find a better man.

    I think a mistress' sole responsibility is to leave making sure the wife knows what an ass she needs to get away from.

    What is more noble about taking money from a guy for activities that could hurt his wife???

    Honestly, if a guy was to cheat on me and ruin our relationship it sure as hell better be for more noble reasons than "I needed sexual stimulation". He better LOVE this bitch and have a relationship or he has cheapened our relationship even more.

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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Quote Originally Posted by kittygirl
    And to everyone who is making her out to be evil. I say all you b's better screen all of your customers cause some wives might be little pissed you are grinding their man's dick. In fact, I hope they come find you and fuck you shit up - KARMA.
    Yikes. Um, okay. Your approach underscores why I tried hard to phrase my discussion of this specific point in a non-attack, issue-oriented philosophical kind of way. Not that I have the authority to enforce this, but I'd like to suggest that we all take deep breaths and refrain from wishing any b__ch's sh_t be f__ked up during the discussion.

    In spite of the fact that this topic is contentious and emotions are apt to run high, we've been playing relatively nice with one another. Otherwise, I surmise the moderators are about two seconds away from locking and/or deleting. Even though we seem to be emphasizing or disagreeing about various aspects of the situation, no one appears to be suggesting affairs are wise or proper... okay, maybe one exception... so most of us do have that common viewpoint.

    -Ev

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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    Despite the psych-evaluation of a man we only know through krazyjanes eyes... or rather, her fingertips, I don't want to believe, actually I refuse to believe, that, though responsibility falls on both, that something like this DOESN'T prey on self control.

    C'mon, how many of you people have ever been willing to believe any story even if we have to augment it and manufacture the "unseen" accessories to said situation in our head just to interpret it in such a way that it allows for us to believe in a glimmer of hope that doesn't even remotely exist to any third party peers?

    How many times have I seen a gorgeous woman smile at me and I read her body language in hopes that she's imagining de-pantsing me, when, in truth, it was probably the guy behind me? Or maybe she was hoping I'd buy her a beer....

    How many times have we been verbally or physically slapped by a man regardless of past actions/sayings, we choose to still believe he loves us just cause he said it at an integral time?

    Emotions are very strong. Attraction can be equally strong because of the emotions manufactured from it. I'm not an idiot, I know when I'm seeing it, and I use it in a gamble for a free coffee, or fast shipping from flirt.com (you guys ever buy from them? OY!).

    My real mother was a manipulative bitch. She knew this. And she taught me one cruel key to her trade: "Everyone wants something. Good for them or not.(my addition) If you can either be who/what they want, or display yourself as a key interval in getting what they want, you have control over that person"

    Krazyjane is attracted. Guy X finds out, and flirts, to which Krazyjane plays back. Eventually a crossroads comes.

    Take it from a guy who was divorced. I never cheated, but I'm being hung by my ballhair like I was. For me, not cheating carried no post-marital benefit. It was only valuable to me.

    I also know some married guys who cheated, who got off scott free because there was a wake-up call that mutually the spouse wasn't what the other wanted in the marriage.

    Sure there's gray area, but it's all the same hue.

    You, as a reader, have 2 options here,
    1) hate the fact that chemistry happened between 2 people that ended up in sexual activity above and beyond that of what was allowed in the assumed monogamous relationship between one of the members and a third party.

    2) acknowledge the truth that chemistry happens, and when it's good, we are normally left manufacturing our own fantasies, and that the KrazyJane was not doing anything wrongful in intent, since she has no limitations, however that a man with emotional limitations is choosing to walk all over his commitments to such a degree that he's asserting himself as the want of someone else.

    Example:
    "I don't love her anymore baby, I love you, as soon as I leave her, it's you and I!"
    1) "Why would you do this to me? Make yourself available in this way? You're marrid?"
    2)"You'd leave her for me? You love me that much? *swoon*"

    Yes blame is equal, but KJ has no responsibilities to observe a marriage that exists in sporadic conversations on a most likely 'I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it' basis.

    In my opinion? Maybe they'll get caught, the wife will stop wasting her life and leave him, find a better man sooner (since the man is obviously asserting a manifestation of want to the wife even in lack of action), and when he tries to fall on KJ, his silver medal, he'll find out that his manipulative machinations where only existent in HIS mind and KJ will, most likely, lose all attraction to him as a result, (hey available guys going through the drama of a divorce are highly coveted... *blank stare*), KJ will move on... and be the hero, both to the wife and her potentially newfound love or truth at a minimum, to the guy and an his now open decision on whether to continue to manipulate or not, and her getting something out of her system and eventually moving on.

    Yea, I know. Obscure. But, I don't care... It's my P.O.V. A man/woman is single the minute he/she decides to act single. If he/she's legally/emotionally/religiously bound to someone else it is their responsibility to have value to their own integrity and whether or not they care how others in the situation view them as a result of actions that show they aren't worth the water their composed of.

    I've slept with a married woman, and I watched her and her husband both become better people for it
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  25. #100
    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm dating a married man!

    ^^ i really must thank you for helping our marriage like that, mast. **blush**

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