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Thread: Changing my life.

  1. #1
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    Default Changing my life.

    Hello all I am new to this site. I am not happy with who I am. I am a successful business man but have never had luck with women. This is because growing up I had unbelievibly bad acne. Even through college I had it bad. On the plus side it has cleared up and I think I am a good looking guy now. The problem is that I still don't think I am capable of picking up women. I am trying to change that but it is a long road.

    It seems to me that women don't like nice people or men that have there life together. I don't know what my problem is. I have been out on dates recently and as soon as I think things are going well it goes bad! For instance if I tell someone after a few dates that I like them I won't here from them again. This only fuels my depression on who I am. I guess I just don't say the right things. I am not looking for a serious relationship but just a friend or something more.

    I am suprised by the reality of life sometimes. I look at other people and see what assholes they are and women just flock to them. This got me thinking that maybe I have to become a asshole myself! Well I just can't do this and don't want to. My friends have told me that I shouldn't change who I am but I just want to be close to someone everynow and then. I really don't know what to do.

    I started going to stripclubs a year ago. Not just to see naked women, but generally everyone there is very nice. I guess it is a stepping stone because I have a hard time talking to women in general and at a stripclub it is a lot easier even if the person is being fake.( most of the time it is but I still appreiciate it)

    I am pretty much thinking of becoming someone that I hate because it seems that that is what women want. I don't know but was just looking for some help.
    Thanks

  2. #2
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Changing my life.

    It seems to me the problem you have is self esteem. Wonder why girls flock to assholes? Because usually, whether true or not, they ooze self confidence, which is sexy. It also gets tiring reassuring someone that they are great to boost their self esteem.

    Also, just like guys can, girls smell desperation from a mile away. Many (not all) women like the chase. It's better in the end if they didn't get it all at once.

    As far as becoming someone you hate; not necessary. Just build that self esteem.

  3. #3
    God/dess kryssy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Changing my life.

    Have you tried just enjoying yourself? For example, find a group that does a hobby that you like. I have found that people who enjoy the same things as you (not all things though) make for a better relationship.

    Another idea is to keep a journal. Write about what you dont like about yourself and work on improving them.

  4. #4
    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Changing my life.

    I thought we dealt with this issue a week ago. Girls like nice boys. We do. I'm with a nice boy right now, going to marry him soon. What girls do not like are spineless boys and unfortunately, "nice boy" is generally synonymous with a lack of spine.

    Self esteem is attractive. Boys don't want to be with girls who can't stand up for themselves, can't make a decision, and want to be reassured of their worth repeatedly. It's not fun or enjoyable. Girls don't want to spend the majority of a relationship propping up their SO.

    Work on your self esteem. Like who you are. Okay, you grew up with acne. It sucks and can set you back a bit with developing self esteem. I grew up fat. I went through some suckiness myself. Then I started to like me and think that others should like me, too. I got myself a flashy, shiny new spine. I found a nice guy who had a spine as well. I started dancing, something I'd always wanted to do, but was unable to, given my lack of self esteem.

    To sum up: no dating for now, work on you, develop a strong sense of self, stop holding a grudge against a world that does not reward boys who are simply "nice", and after that, work on the whole relationship aspect of life. Do not become an asshole, as that will not solve the problem. I dated an asshole with low self esteem before. It may not end as quickly, but it ends badly, with much crying on the part of the asshole. Good luck.

  5. #5
    BrunetteGoddess
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    Default Re: Changing my life.

    Oh Rozz.....



    You said exactly what I was, but even better.

  6. #6
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Changing my life.

    I dont get it. I HATE asshole men. My male is very docile, very polite, very stable....
    Number of times Rickrolled on stage: 6
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    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Changing my life.

    Women HATE assholes. A bad boy yes, asshole no.
    The trick is to mix just enough badboy with the right amount of nice guy.If it's in you then cool, if not...well just be yourself and pray. The women on this site who know me personally can tell you, I'm a badboy on the outside and a nice guy inside. Basically that means I look like a badass but I'm a good guy at heart and I'll give em the shirt off my back(altho I'd prefer they give me theirs lmao).My key to success is I'm myself, and I believe my own hype.

  8. #8
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    Default Re: Changing my life.

    "Women don't like nice people or guys that have their shit together"????

    Fuck you.

    Try this on: Guys don't like girls who have self-respect or normal female bodies that aren't waxed, shaved, dieted, boob jobbed, and double penetrated.

    I'm not being nice because I don't think you're nice. Nice guys don't make stupid nasty commments about women.

  9. #9
    Banned Blade's Avatar
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    Default Re: Changing my life.

    Quote Originally Posted by kittygirl
    "Women don't like nice people or guys that have their shit together"????

    Fuck you.

    Try this on: Guys don't like girls who have self-respect or normal female bodies that aren't waxed, shaved, dieted, boob jobbed, and double penetrated.

    I'm not being nice because I don't think you're nice. Nice guys don't make stupid nasty commments about women.
    How was that stupid or nasty? Basically from what I can tell he sees a shitload more women with jerks than nice guys and it's buggin him. It's a sad fact of life that the nice guy USUALLY finishes last and gets laid least.

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    Default Re: Changing my life.

    To me (a woman), it's a generalization that makes us look like friggin idiots who aren't from the same planet as the sane - for him to say women don't like nice people or guys that have their life together.

    Secondly, I could say I only ever see guys with total bitches and guys must like bitches and the world is so unfair. Believe me it can LOOK that way

    Until you realize there are problems with your personality if you can't get laid.

    Honest, supportive, confident, and kind people always get laid. Really take a look around.

    The "nice" ones don't because they are missing one of the key facets above and are in denial about fixing their life. I'm blunt and so yes I will say what he said is fucked up.

    There are millions of reasons why people don't get laid. But considering there are millions of people out there with very different likes (some people even like sexual torture), my guess is that the reason is inside you.

    PS - NICE is a lame description of anyone - try honest, generous, campassionate, loving - people who use NICE are none of these or they would have chosen a less generic and fakey word.

  11. #11
    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Changing my life.

    Quote Originally Posted by kittygirl
    Honest, supportive, confident, and kind people always get laid. Really take a look around.
    HA! Not in Daytona they don't!! Never.

    When I got sick of trying, gave up and said 'fuck 'em all, if they want it they can come get it', I started getting laid there, lol...

    But in Kittygirl's defense, so many idiotic guys go for the bitchy women, it's no wonder they get shot down unless they act like a dick. In Daytona they were all bitches, and the guys were a bunch of pricks. They are still happily breeding more rude, moronic losers up there right now.

    Where I'm at now, the dancers are lining up to fuck the former barback/trash monkey, who tries to fuck as many of them at once as he can (it's working quite well, too). They love it--the dumb ones, anyway. They still can't figure me out because I'm not trying at all--but trying to be as professional as possible instead, with fair success.

    My advice is, don't ever try. It's difficult when you have a need for female companionship, and you see less worthy guys all around who seem to be deluged in it. I've been there, it can be rough. But you aren't going to get any with that attitude, so stop thinking like that.

    Just know what you have to offer, and be confident that a woman of quality, who is sick of insecurity disguised as assholish behavior as a form of false confidence, will see what you have to offer and take you up on it.

    With patience, and the right attitude, you will obtain that which you desire.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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  12. #12
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    Default Re: Changing my life.

    The true secret is, demanding an equal plane of operation and thusly treating the person like an equal. Not a goddess. Not a punching bag.

    If you demand equality, you have to know the level YOU are at and well. Is she going to be RISING to the occasion? Or lowering herself? You need to know this and decide if this is an acceptable move.

    Since you feel you are lower quality than that of the woman you seek you're acknowledging (right or wrong) that they will have to lower themselves to YOUR level to be equals to you. This is fundamentally flawed only because, in your own head, you feel that once they do lower themselves they wouldn't be the woman you want to date anymore.

    As wrong as your thinking is, (I won't try to change it, you'll do that yourself over time in a good way) I still support the undertaking you're going on because, again, though your self worth is so low, it's still only repairable by you.

    Figure out what it is that you want. If you want to be the asshole, fine but that person is an asshole in label only. You need to do what you need to do to get on the path to self betterment. On the way there you'll find your happy medium, but all this asshole hate and other malarkey you're spewing out is really only saying "I don't like myself, and I want girls like that to like me"

    That's all that needs to be said. Now get on the process and you'll start to see that women don't want you to be someone you hate, you're that already, they just want to be with someone who likes themselves enough to enjoy the accompaniment of her time. Look at it this way, when I went through the same thing, I said something like this:

    "I don't want to have women say nice things to me just because I'm paying 25/song."
    People are not ruled by their memories.

  13. #13
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    Default Re: Changing my life.

    Thanks for the advice. I've been doing a lot of thinking and what you have said made a lot of sence, unfortunatelly it is a long road getting there. I want to just be close with someone other than my family. It is very hard to meet new people and I think it is time to change things about my personality, but not make me an asshole.

  14. #14
    God/dess Mare's Avatar
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    Default Re: Changing my life.

    I used to think this too.I am a woman, but man or woman it seems the assholes get ahead.

    But it is better to be yourself. You do need more self esteem. Unfortunately a strip club is not the place for it. You will get suckered and bad. that will just re-enforce your negative trip. you will think some girl is being genuinely nice to you( and she may be). Then you will ask her out and she will be put into a position of lying to keep the $ coming or telling the truth (that it's just a job).
    Also the type of woman you are looking for may not be attracted to you. If you are a dork and she is a beauty you are kinda f*cked. 9 times outa 10.
    Work on yourself. Love yourself -then you can love someone else.

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