Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Family not to happy

  1. #1
    Member
    Joined
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    32
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Family not to happy

    I live in aluquerque. and i used to trvel to LA to dance cuz i didnt want my family to find out. I got so tired of all the traveling and i told my family that i was going to start dancing here in town, i told them that i wanted to be honest. They freaked out and they made feel like shit. My mom told me: If u love money more than u love us then go for it my brother told me that he was gonna go to the club and make a huge scene and not to ever talk to him again. I didnt want to brake the family apart. So i told them that i wasnt going to do it, everything went back to normal. But i did started dancing and am making great money, i know they r gonna find out eventually, cuz this is a small town. I dont know what to do! i dont wanna lose my family but i dont wanna quit dancing either.

  2. #2
    Banned ArmySGT.'s Avatar
    Joined
    May 2005
    Location
    SW Counter Troll HQ
    Posts
    5,582
    Thanks
    1,589
    Thanked 1,674 Times in 1,043 Posts
    Blog Entries
    13
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: Family not to happy

    I guess they value their reputations more than they value you.

    Tell them that.

  3. #3
    God/dess
    Joined
    May 2004
    Posts
    6,336
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 11 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: Family not to happy

    If you really value your relationship with them, I think you'll have to quit. This is something that is rarely worked out in compromise.

  4. #4
    Featured Member xbloodydewdropx's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2005
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    967
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 12 Times in 5 Posts

    Default Re: Family not to happy

    your family shouldn't be guilt tripping you like they did after you dropped the bomb. none the less, is it possible to dance in a town that's close enough for you to commute to, but not in the same place your family lives? you could also rotate your schedule and/or location so that there is no set pattern.

    if they did find out, it's possible they'd get over it eventually. when i danced, i never told my parents. however, i was honest with my brother and sister. they were upset at first, but kept my secret, and i have good relationships with them.

    at the end of the day, you have to do what's best for you, and only you can decide what that is. good luck....

    oh...another thing....can you switch up your look for the club? that could help you be less recognizable...
    "Seeing the landscape at this superficial level only captures its boring uniformity, not allowing you to immerse yourself in the spirit of the place; for that you must stop at least several days."

    ~Che Guevara, "The Motorcycle Diaries"

  5. #5
    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Another Country
    Posts
    18,664
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 148 Times in 100 Posts

    Default Re: Family not to happy

    People are disposable.

    Self-preservation isn't.

    ...

    And even if it is family, people don't seem to realize, they're still disposable.


    Look like a woman
    Think like a man
    Act like a lady
    Work like a dog

    - My Great Grandmother Bessie's Recipe for Success

  6. #6
    God/dess Nautilus's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2005
    Location
    a safe place for dancers, just ask me
    Posts
    2,132
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 4 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: Family not to happy

    your life is your business. family love is *supposed* to be unconditional. if it comes with conditions then you're better off with people who can accept you and love you unconditonally. i had no qualms not telling my mum and saving her heart failure.

    that white-haired old tart on titanic said, 'a woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets'. nothing wrong with a secret by necessity, just put another one in that deep ocean.

  7. #7
    Member
    Joined
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    32
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Family not to happy

    thanx alot for the advice, and u guys r right! they r gonna have to get over it some day

  8. #8
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Cocoa Beach, FL
    Posts
    10,220
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 52 Times in 37 Posts

    Default Re: Family not to happy

    I took my chances with mine. If they cant love me for me, they can sit on their hats. I wont wait for them. I wont pine away over them. I will, however, welcome them back into my life when they choose to... and some have recently. There is no reason to hold yourself back for family if you are an independant adult. At least not that part of your family. DO what you will, as long as you are safe and legal, and they will someday see the light.
    Number of times Rickrolled on stage: 6
    *******************************

    Marasmus ... "Ladies don't fart. They butt-laugh."
    Marasmus says, "Oh no, that wasn't gas, it was merely a rectal chuckle."

    Marek says, "A friend of mine got punched in the face by a dominatrix stripper about two weeks ago and I thought of you."

  9. #9
    Member
    Joined
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    32
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: Family not to happy

    Im really upset with my family righ now, i cant belive they would put me in situation where it would be: dancing or them. I know that if i quit because of them am gonna feel terrible with my self, its a really hard situation but i have to think about my self and my future.

  10. #10
    Veteran Member heidimonster7's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2005
    Posts
    326
    Thanks
    33
    Thanked 57 Times in 30 Posts

    Default Re: Family not to happy

    Oh my god, my dear, I was in your EXACT same shoes a couple years ago!!!! Let me tell you, their guilt trips got to me, so I quit. I regret it to this day. Basically I told them I quit and the subject has been taboo ever since. It's like it never happened... it's really weird.

    You have every right to be upset with how they are treating you. They are trying to manipulate you out of their own sense of fear. That is not ok, and you should hold them accountable. Tell them how angry and sad it makes you that instead of support, you are getting petty manipulation and guilt trips. That comes from fear, not love.

    Please don't let them guilt trip you into quitting. It is soooo hard to dissapoint your parents. But there must be some way to move past it. Just tell them, look I know you are afraid for my safety because of all the "stripper stereotypes" out there... but this is what makes me happy, even if you can't understand how.

    I think the reason I quit is because at that moment in time I had been working too many hours and was feeling burned out dancing, so I started taking on those feelings of shame and doubt that my parents were projecting onto me. I think if you can be strong and truly believe that this is what you want to be doing right now, they will see that strength and resolve.

    In the moment it may seem that you are breaking their hearts, and that is really hard to watch. But if you give in, you are just screwing yourself to keep the peace. If keeping the peace is more important to you than dancing, then by all means, smooth things over. But it doesn't sound like that to me. Like you said, if you quit you may feel terrible with yourself.

    In my situation, I think they could see I was not standing firm, and knew they could sway me. They totally pulled the guilt trip on me too: "what will Christmas be like" bullshit like that. I thought I knew my parents better, but some people just can't handle the truth.

    I am looking into clubs to see when/where I can get started again, and when I do, I will not be telling my parents. I may even be moving to another state. They have proven to me that they cannot handle the truth. It's sad that I will have to distance myself from them in order to "protect them" from the truth, but I have to be true to myself and I want to DANCE dammit!!!

    Another way I look at it is, for me, dancing is part of my own personal fantasy. Would I tell my parents other personal fantasies, like who I want to fuck and how? NO. It's none of their business. Same with dancing. It's part of your adult, personal world.

    Good luck sweety. Whichever path you choose will not be easy, but it WILL get easier with time.

  11. #11
    PhillyDancer1982
    Guest

    Default Re: Family not to happy

    Your experience is a good example of exactly why I completely hid dancing from my family!!!!!!!!(and still do hide it) My family woulda reacted the same way. Do you know that my mom threatened to disown me if I got a job as a mere WAITRESS in an upscale strip club?

    Well, my family is a bunch of hypocrites, anyway. I purposely abstained from dancing, during a time that I desperately needed money the most, just to please them and avoid consciously doing something that they would disapprove of. And then they tried to accuse me of being "defiant" and trying my best to piss them off! Also, not long after I avoided dancing, my mom disowned me anyway. At that point, my parents were giving me no support and refused to talk to me, and I was in a worst financial situation than ever, so I felt I had nothing to lose by dancing and so that's how I got into this industry. Because my parents cut me off and give me no support at all(they didn't even give me a place to stay when I needed it), I feel no obligation at all to "be honest" with them and tell them what I'm doing. Besides, I am an adult who can make my own choices. So yeah, technically I'm "allowed" to dance, since I am no longer under my parents' roof, but it is just soooo much easier to keep them out of it. Not only do I keep dancing from my family, but I hide my implants under sports bras and baggy sweaters, too!

    Now that my mom is deceased, I'm sure she knows about the dancing but I'm hoping that she is looking down and realizing that it isn't that bad. Considering that I follow the rules and I've used dancing to propel "good" in my life(paid off debt, established good credit, occasional charity donations, I stopped associating with non-friends and other kids who are too young for me, plus dancing inspired me to stop doing drugs...ironic, huh?). But would I tell my dad or siblings? Noooooooooo. It's just easier to omit this information. Now that I'm getting along better with my family, I wouldn't want to risk ruining that, anyway.

  12. #12
    Featured Member DJ Machismo's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Centerville, OH
    Posts
    953
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: Family not to happy

    Do what you need to do. Its not fair to guilt trip people when they have done nothing wrong. Either they'll come around or they'll lose a wonderful person in their lives, and they'll eventually see that.
    Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
    Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 13
    Last Post: 05-04-2011, 10:33 AM
  2. Happy Happy Happy B-day to CKXXX!!!
    By verfolgung in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 08-27-2009, 03:22 PM
  3. Happy Birthday America!!! Happy 4th of July!!!
    By verfolgung in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 07-04-2009, 08:32 PM
  4. Happy Happy Happy Joyous News!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    By GoldCoastGirl in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 08-23-2006, 12:25 AM
  5. One Big Happy Family
    By electric_head in forum General Board
    Replies: 86
    Last Post: 08-23-2003, 12:12 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •