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Thread: good comebacks

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    Default good comebacks

    I don't know if anyone has asked this before, but I don't have any good comebacks when a customer is rude. I don't have the biggest boobs in the world and I've had guys tell me no they won't get a dance cuz I don't have any tits. Or the guy at the stage who watches you then when you go down to get a tip he shakes his head no. There's alot more but I can't think of them right now. But I know you girls have alot of sassy things for me to say!

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    Default Re: good comebacks

    Quote Originally Posted by kaiarose
    I don't know if anyone has asked this before, but I don't have any good comebacks when a customer is rude. I don't have the biggest boobs in the world and I've had guys tell me no they won't get a dance cuz I don't have any tits. Or the guy at the stage who watches you then when you go down to get a tip he shakes his head no. There's alot more but I can't think of them right now. But I know you girls have alot of sassy things for me to say!
    To the non tipping customer:
    "'That's ok, you look like you need it more than me anyway".

    To the boob guy:
    "Well why not, I would dance for you and you have no balls!

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    Default Re: good comebacks

    Quote Originally Posted by DylanAngel
    To the boob guy:
    "Well why not, I would dance for you and you have no balls!
    that's similar to what i say...

    guy - "nah, i like a girl with big tits"
    me - "that's ok. i like a guy with a big dick, so things wouldn't have worked out for us anyway."

    whenever they say something hurtfull about the way you look, do it right back. pick out something flawed about them. they need to know what it feels like to be picked on like that. just because they don't want a dance from you doesn't mean they have to be rude about it. i once had a very obese (and greasey) man tell me that red hair makes even the hottest girl ugly, that i should dye it. to which i replied "oh did you say DYE IT?? as in DIET?? cause i think that's a good idea for you. you know, A DIET"

    idiots

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    Member Symmy's Avatar
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    Default Re: good comebacks

    My favorite thing to do is to scream really loud "Look it's not my fault your father molested you ,don't take it out on me!" I know that's a really mean thing to say (cuz maybe he was ) but I pay to work where I work and the job is hard enough as it is.Someone must pay!!!!!!! And if others see him put me down and I don't stand up for myself then they'll all think it's ok not to tip.

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    Default Re: good comebacks

    Don't mind me I'm a little insane.

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    Featured Member cameronfl's Avatar
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    Default Re: good comebacks

    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty_Penny
    i once had a very obese (and greasey) man tell me that red hair makes even the hottest girl ugly, that i should dye it. to which i replied "oh did you say DYE IT?? as in DIET?? cause i think that's a good idea for you. you know, A DIET"

    idiots

    I had that once during a red-headed stage ( I change my hair color frequently!)
    A guy looked me up andd down and shook his head saying "no..I only like blondes"
    I raised my eyebrows and said "thats ok..I only like MEN so clearly we're not a match" and walked away with him fuming behind me(I could see him in the mirror)

    I also use the "have you SEEN you..hon...beggers cant be choosers...take whatever female is willing to pay attention to you for whatEVER price...it may be your last chance" line. Esp since the rudest guys are usually the fattest ugliest fuckers in the club.

    If it is a fat guy...I put on a HUGE sigh of relief.."thank GOD...I had N idea how I was going to give you a lap dance since you clearly have no lap...whew..."
    People always ask me, did I ever learn anything when I was a stripper? Yeah, I did. One man plus two beers equals 20 dollars.
    -- Anna Nicole Smith

    Myspace is an obsession...much like Stripperweb...
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    http://www.myspace.com/sexyhotdancer(work myspace)


    Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

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    Veteran Member Jo Weldon's Avatar
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    Default Re: good comebacks

    I used to tell them, "The more you tip, the bigger your dick gets." I suppose you could adapt that for your purposes.
    Blog:


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    Default Re: good comebacks

    I absoutely LOVE these comebacks! ...If only I could remember them when the time comes

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    Default Re: good comebacks

    Guys who don't tip me - "You can't afford a dollar? No wonder you're in a strip club."

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    Default Re: good comebacks

    For guys who don't tip and are with their friends, I tell them "Awww, you should ask your mommy for a bigger allowance." Usually their friends will laugh at them and cough up some $$$ for my shit-talking abilities.

    If it's an older guy who's just being a dick, I usually say, "Hey high roller, you must need the waitress to get you some change so you can tip me. I know you wouldn't want to offend me over a few measly dollars."

    If a guy wants to talk crap about your boobs being too small, just remind him that he paid a cover charge to see them, so your small boobs are definitely a lot more than what he can get for free.

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    Default Re: good comebacks

    "Every time you look at my pussy without tipping, your dick gets a little shorter. At this point, it's crowding your spleen. Please, think of your spleen."

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    Senior Member vivaItalia's Avatar
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    Default Re: good comebacks

    lol these are toooooo funny
    "Tell people whatever they want to hear, then do whatever you want"

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    Default Re: good comebacks

    These are great I wish I could think quickly on my feet.

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    Default Re: good comebacks

    Applogies to the Mods for posting this again, but I can't find the original thread.

    Phil.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    "There are certain dumb things strippers hear over and over again. We develop a pretty good sense of humour about it, once we get over our initial sorrow about how dense so many people can be. Once you accept the fact that you're working in a bar, and people in bars sometimes get drunk, and drunks aren't the brightest bulbs on the tree, you get much less touchy. On the other hand, when they're really nasty, it's a pleasure to have them bounced out.

    "To be fair, the vast majority of men who come into strip joints don't say these dumb things. But the ones who say them seem to think they've never been said before, so here's a heads-up for them.

    "I honestly can't remember if I came up with these or just overheard other dancers saying them, but I bet strippers who've never worked anywhere near me are still saying them. Fortunately, most guys laughed when we said them--ha ha, what a spunky girl, she doesn't mean a word of it, ya know.

    Will you sit on my face?
    Why, is your nose bigger than your dick?

    What would it take to get you to leave here with me?
    A fire.

    Are those real?
    Real expensive.

    You're a beautiful girl, but I prefer women with dark hair and natural breasts.
    Oh, you would have loved me a week ago.

    It's just a matter of price. I bet you'd go home with me for ten grand.
    Certainly, and the bouncer would, too.

    I'd really like to know your real name.
    Why, do you think we might be related?

    If I was your boyfriend, you'd have to stop working here.
    If you were my boyfriend, you'd have to stop coming in here.

    Why don't you let me take you away from all this?
    Sure, but then how would I get away from you?

    I've always wanted to have sex with two girls at once.
    Me too!

    My wife would kill me if she caught me in here.
    Why, does she work here?

    You must make a ton of money.
    Why, are you giving me a ton of money?

    I've got plenty of money.
    I'm really happy for you, but I'm not interested in your money; I'm only interested in mine.

    Do you think size is important?
    Wallet, or penis?

    I've got a twelve-inch cock.
    That's a darn shame, because all I've got is a six-inch vagina.

    Have you ever located your G-spot?
    Yes, it's on my G-string.

    Are you just in this for the money, or do you get horny while you're dancing?
    I'm in it for the money, but making money makes me horny.

    Don't you feel guilty about exploiting these poor guys for their money?
    I used to, but now that I can afford therapy I don't feel guilty anymore.

    It must be great to make all this money tax-free.
    It's great, and it saves me all the trouble of being able to invest in the stock market or buy a house.

    I bet this job really makes you hate men.
    Only the ones who psychoanalyse me.

    Why don't you go to college and get out of here?
    I already went to college and I was glad to get out of there.

    I usually don't come to these places.
    Me neither.

    I'm working on my thesis about adult entertainment, would you mind answering a few questions?
    I'm working on my thesis about people who do theses on adult entertainment, would you mind answering a few questions? For instance, were you abused as a child?

    Now that I've gotten to know you, I respect you too much to watch you dance.
    I'm so, so relieved, because I was so, so worried about your opinion of me, but I hope you don't respect me too much to pay me anyway.

    Now that I've gotten to know you, I respect you too much to watch you dance on a table.
    I know what you mean--now that I've gotten to know you, I respect you too much to watch you sit at a desk.

    How much is a table dance? (Usually asked by a guy who knows perfectly well how much a table dance costs.)
    It's twenty dollars, and forty to get me to stop asking if you want one.

    Frequently said to a naked woman with tan lines: I'd really like to see you in that bikini.
    Then why did you just pay me to take it off?

    Don't you feel bad about selling your body?
    I haven't sold it. I still have it.

    You seem too intelligent to be here.
    You don't.

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    Veteran Member Jo Weldon's Avatar
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    Default Re: good comebacks

    It's from my site:

    http://www.gstringsforever.com/comebacks.html

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil-W View Post
    Applogies to the Mods for posting this again, but I can't find the original thread.

    Phil.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    "There are certain dumb things strippers hear over and over again. We develop a pretty good sense of humour about it, once we get over our initial sorrow about how dense so many people can be. Once you accept the fact that you're working in a bar, and people in bars sometimes get drunk, and drunks aren't the brightest bulbs on the tree, you get much less touchy. On the other hand, when they're really nasty, it's a pleasure to have them bounced out.

    "To be fair, the vast majority of men who come into strip joints don't say these dumb things. But the ones who say them seem to think they've never been said before, so here's a heads-up for them.

    "I honestly can't remember if I came up with these or just overheard other dancers saying them, but I bet strippers who've never worked anywhere near me are still saying them. Fortunately, most guys laughed when we said them--ha ha, what a spunky girl, she doesn't mean a word of it, ya know.

    Will you sit on my face?
    Why, is your nose bigger than your dick?

    What would it take to get you to leave here with me?
    A fire.

    Are those real?
    Real expensive.

    You're a beautiful girl, but I prefer women with dark hair and natural breasts.
    Oh, you would have loved me a week ago.

    It's just a matter of price. I bet you'd go home with me for ten grand.
    Certainly, and the bouncer would, too.

    I'd really like to know your real name.
    Why, do you think we might be related?

    If I was your boyfriend, you'd have to stop working here.
    If you were my boyfriend, you'd have to stop coming in here.

    Why don't you let me take you away from all this?
    Sure, but then how would I get away from you?

    I've always wanted to have sex with two girls at once.
    Me too!

    My wife would kill me if she caught me in here.
    Why, does she work here?

    You must make a ton of money.
    Why, are you giving me a ton of money?

    I've got plenty of money.
    I'm really happy for you, but I'm not interested in your money; I'm only interested in mine.

    Do you think size is important?
    Wallet, or penis?

    I've got a twelve-inch cock.
    That's a darn shame, because all I've got is a six-inch vagina.

    Have you ever located your G-spot?
    Yes, it's on my G-string.

    Are you just in this for the money, or do you get horny while you're dancing?
    I'm in it for the money, but making money makes me horny.

    Don't you feel guilty about exploiting these poor guys for their money?
    I used to, but now that I can afford therapy I don't feel guilty anymore.

    It must be great to make all this money tax-free.
    It's great, and it saves me all the trouble of being able to invest in the stock market or buy a house.

    I bet this job really makes you hate men.
    Only the ones who psychoanalyse me.

    Why don't you go to college and get out of here?
    I already went to college and I was glad to get out of there.

    I usually don't come to these places.
    Me neither.

    I'm working on my thesis about adult entertainment, would you mind answering a few questions?
    I'm working on my thesis about people who do theses on adult entertainment, would you mind answering a few questions? For instance, were you abused as a child?

    Now that I've gotten to know you, I respect you too much to watch you dance.
    I'm so, so relieved, because I was so, so worried about your opinion of me, but I hope you don't respect me too much to pay me anyway.

    Now that I've gotten to know you, I respect you too much to watch you dance on a table.
    I know what you mean--now that I've gotten to know you, I respect you too much to watch you sit at a desk.

    How much is a table dance? (Usually asked by a guy who knows perfectly well how much a table dance costs.)
    It's twenty dollars, and forty to get me to stop asking if you want one.

    Frequently said to a naked woman with tan lines: I'd really like to see you in that bikini.
    Then why did you just pay me to take it off?

    Don't you feel bad about selling your body?
    I haven't sold it. I still have it.

    You seem too intelligent to be here.
    You don't.
    Blog:


    Burlesque classes and info:


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    Default Re: good comebacks

    Jo, given it's from your site, do you want me to delete my post?

    Phil.

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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: good comebacks

    Quote Originally Posted by kaiarose View Post
    I don't know if anyone has asked this before, but I don't have any good comebacks when a customer is rude. I don't have the biggest boobs in the world and I've had guys tell me no they won't get a dance cuz I don't have any tits. Or the guy at the stage who watches you then when you go down to get a tip he shakes his head no. There's alot more but I can't think of them right now. But I know you girls have alot of sassy things for me to say!
    To the small boobs comment:
    "Care to contribute to the boob job fund?"
    "At least I can buy bigger boobs. Your lack of manners appears to be a permanent condition."
    "Oh good! I was hoping that you'd say no. Now I don't have to pretend to be nice to you." ( would work for any rejection)

    To the tip refusal:
    "Oh, you're in the wrong section. You need to go over there to the unemployed customer's section."
    "This isn't 'free show' night. That was yesterday."
    "You must present me with a coupon before I begin my show to aviod tipping. Remember that for next time." (hold out garter and stare down the customer)
    "I guess this will suffice." (Grab his drink and walk away)
    "Well, I guess it's not like anyone is holding a gun to your head...yet." (then laugh maniacally as you walk away)


    Or my favorite idea (I don't use it often), carry a squirt gun with you and squirt any customer behaving badly. It works amazingly well, and I laugh my ass off at the look on the customer's face.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  18. #18
    Veteran Member sent_from_heaven11's Avatar
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    Default Re: good comebacks

    Quote Originally Posted by Jo Weldon View Post
    I used to tell them, "The more you tip, the bigger your dick gets." I suppose you could adapt that for your purposes.
    Haha I like this one. When I danced floor dances were $10 and vip $20, so I would say " ten dollars makes you hollar and 20 makes you scream!!" Just as a joke.

  19. #19
    Featured Member Victoryx0x0's Avatar
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    Default Re: good comebacks

    If I am having a good nite- and have met my quota...
    And come across a non tipper who hasnt tipped any of the girls all nite.
    HE SAYS "I am sorry, im all out"- or "Im broke"
    I will say "Ooooh thats a shame, here let me help you out, make sure you come more prepared next time..." Ill get a dollar out and hand it to him, smile and say "I wipe my ass with a dollar" and walk away and leave him stunned - and feeling inadequete= if he is with friends be sure they are going to BUST on him all nite.
    Thats my fave one=
    If Im in a pissy mood- its a wrap=

  20. #20
    Veteran Member Jo Weldon's Avatar
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    Default Re: good comebacks

    No, I'm not going to post it myself, it's fine.

    Quote Originally Posted by Phil-W View Post
    Jo, given it's from your site, do you want me to delete my post?

    Phil.
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  21. #21
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    Default Re: good comebacks

    Quote Originally Posted by Victoryx0x0 View Post
    If I am having a good nite- and have met my quota...
    And come across a non tipper who hasnt tipped any of the girls all nite.
    HE SAYS "I am sorry, im all out"- or "Im broke"
    I will say "Ooooh thats a shame, here let me help you out, make sure you come more prepared next time..." Ill get a dollar out and hand it to him, smile and say "I wipe my ass with a dollar" and walk away and leave him stunned - and feeling inadequete= if he is with friends be sure they are going to BUST on him all nite.
    Thats my fave one=
    If Im in a pissy mood- its a wrap=
    hahah...that is ultimate! I hope I never have to use this one, but if I do, I'm SO wipping out a charity dollar on his ass....

  22. #22
    God/dess anomar's Avatar
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    Default Re: good comebacks

    Victoryx0x0 when I grow up I want to be as badass as you.

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