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Thread: Dancer went off on me. Newbie drama help

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    Senior Member Cherlo's Avatar
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    Angry Dancer went off on me. Newbie drama help

    Hi

    This might should go to the newbie board cuz I am a newbie. Not sure.

    I am sooooo upset that I don't want to do this anymore. I just started a couple of weeks ago. My personality is: I don't want drama. No troubles. If someone hits me by mistake, I say I am sorry (regarding other dancers). If someone is nice, I am nice back. I don't want ANY problems.

    Last night a drunk dancer went off on me.
    We were ALL in the dressing room getting ready for a promo/feature.
    A dancer called me over. Asked me my name. I thought she was going to be nice.

    She had something on her hair so I went to remove it and she
    SCREAMS, "DONT YOU TOUCH ME"
    Then she proceeded to yell at me that if she sees another person touch my pu**y again she is going to tell (Uh, like she was already doing that then), and that I give them all a bad name and it's not right and it hurts everyone else there".
    I had a fresh guy try to get his way with me a couple times (I allow butt cheek touching but NOTHING ELSE but he tried to get his hands in too close to my thong back there) and instead of freaking out like I guess I was supposed to, I told him to stop and he did. I guess she saw this when she was in VIP at the same time. I am just getting off my period. Why the hell would I allow it then, plus I don't allow it ever. It makes me sick. Doesn't matter, she thinks she saw something more and she humiliated me. I wish I wasn't so much in shock, or I would have talked about my period or something. I didn't want to yell back. That wouldn't have helped.

    I know that I should just get over it, go there, do my job and leave but it REALLY HURT. I was so shocked that I just looked at her and I told her whatever happened was unintentional in my part and I fixed the situation when it happened.

    I know for a fact many of the other girls allow lots of crap to happen there. Even worse if you know what I mean. Like no boobie touching. I saw one girl on her back in VIP on the couch and the guys hands were all over them!!

    The other girls in the dressing room just stood there and watched...in shock. One looked at me and mouthed she was sorry. I looked at the house mom and she mouthed "let it go", and verbally said two times, "I just work here" (to keep out of it).

    I went down and did the promo (so hard not to cry during the dances) and I met up with my confidant that works at the "shop" and she took me into the break area to help me. She encouraged me to talk to the manager so I did that and since it was the last hour of business I just stayed there. Manager said that the mixture of alcohol, women (horomones), and competition can make things like this happen. House mom came down for other reasons and we 3 chatted. Fortunately she said that this dancer was just talk, and wouldn't do anything more. Plus she said most of the girls were drunk last night.....they probably wouldn't remember.

    It was so hard to go back to the dressing room at the end of the night. I hid out by my locker. My "neighbor" said some encouraging things..."come in, do your work, think about your kids, think about your debt, think about christmas, and leave...don't think about making friends here...they all talk s#@* about each other. My "neighbor" said it was great that I didn't "fight" back...and that she would have went off on her, and that I did the right thing.

    I am not used to this environment. I am not looking for friends, but I expect courtesy or something like that. I am crying right now as I type this. I feel like a piece of crap. I can't help but be concerned about what people think. I don't want people to think I am someone that I don't even like. It ISN'T fair. I wish I was guilty of it and maybe I wouldn't have felt so bad.

    I did see the evil dancer at the end of the night. I didn't let her see my tears and I just looked at her and away and she did the same. But I couldn't help but think of evil thoughts off and on today about her....like she shouldn't have messed with me. Karma baby. Karma.

    But I am letting her make me feel like dying. Damn.

    WHY OH WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN???

    Cherlo

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancer went off on me. Newbie drama help

    Luckily, it sounds like you recieved a lot of support from everyone else. Appreciate that, it's very very rare. It also shows that everyone else thinks that chick is a psycho. It takes some getting used to and lord knows I've done my share of crying when some crazy bitch did something catty. You'll learn how to go, "wow, that chick is really fucked up" instead of internalizing it.

    Also, girls like that usually end up destroying themselves. THey'll start drama with the wrong person or whatever drugs or over-drinking they're doing will finally hit rock bottom and they'll be outta there. Just wait for it to happen. Until then, try to avoid her for a bit if you feel that you need to. It sounds like she just got drunk and freaked out (since she left you alone when you saw her again) and it will be a one-time occurance.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

  3. #3
    PhillyDancer1982
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    Default Re: Dancer went off on me. Newbie drama help

    Some people are suck fucking shitheads. That bitch was so wrong to make you feel so badly! What a bitch and a dick. By yelling and freaking out, she probably made HERSELF look bad in the dressing room.

    Every day, I become more and more convinced that for many people on this planet, their purpose is to piss off others and put others down.

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    Veteran Member Persona's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancer went off on me. Newbie drama help

    I know you're new, and hopefully learning to deal with this will come in time... but you CANNOT let little things like that get to you. Sometimes you will feel unliked in a club, sometimes you will be un/fairly bitched at, and sometimes you will encounter loudmouth drunk bitches who try to make others look bad. This is part of the game. I mean this in the the most constructive way, but if you let every one of such situations reduce you to tears and feeling like shit about yourself, then stripping is going to be VERY hard for you and if you can't learn to deal in a healthy way, your dancing career isn't going to last long.
    It takes time, but I learned when to brush my shoulder off and when to be assertive. You're lucky you had such sweet coworkers there to support you.
    Stiffen that lip girl and good luck to you. Welcome to the world of exotic dancing.

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    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancer went off on me. Newbie drama help

    I am shocked that your house mom just sat there while this went on. Ours wouldn't put up with that shit for two seconds. That's part of her job, you know.
    Check out my new eBay auctions.......

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    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancer went off on me. Newbie drama help

    Quote Originally Posted by Andygirl View Post
    I am shocked that your house mom just sat there while this went on. Ours wouldn't put up with that shit for two seconds. That's part of her job, you know.
    TOTALLY! I mean, what the hell? She was just sitting there watching, enjoying the show? Fuck that noise.

    Sorry this had to happen to you - sounds pretty clear that you just happened to be an easy target for her to take it (whatEVER her damage is) out on. It'll blow over, I'm sure.
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

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    God/dess Pretty_Penny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancer went off on me. Newbie drama help

    whenever that happens, clearly and calmy state your claim. if she continues to yell/scream/whatever, ignore her and walk away. if she keeps at it, calmly explain that you don't discuss things when someone is yelling at you.

    taking the high road is always best. you don't have to back down or take abuse, you just have to respond to it correctly.

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    Default Re: Dancer went off on me. Newbie drama help

    Do not and I mean do not let her get to you!!! It's not worth your time! No matter what club, or what job there's always going to be someone who's going to pick on you. (Didn't you ever get picked on on the playground as a kid by the school bully?) I can guarantee anything by the next day you work she'll probably have already forgotten it, she probably forgot about it shortly after it happened because she was wasted! I've had girls try to start crap with me and I just brushed it off and then weird the next week they're nice to me like nothing happened! You're in a business with a lot of girls, hormones, money, men & most of all hustling & competition; not everyone's going to get along all the time. Now you mix all of that with alcohol or drugs and someone who's already on the verge of spiraling out of control that equals one big drama seen taken out on someone. I can guarantee you it's not personal, you just happened to be there.

    I had a girl go off on me a week ago in a situation where we were in VIP with a large group and the guy I was with was biting me, trying to grab me in every place, lick me, etc. I am NOT cool with any of that. I spent an hour and half fighting this guy off, because if I had kicked him out like he deserved, I would've hurt every single girl's money that was in that group, which was like 5 other girls. So, I put up with it for quite a while. Well, the guy I was with finally got it that I wasn't going to allow him to touch me and got mad and left. The friend that was paying got all pissed off, said crap to me, blah, blah. I spoke to 2 managers and they told to forget about it and not go back in the VIP room. Well, come to find out, like 3 of the girls in there were saying all kinds of shit about me, not only amongst themselves, but in front of the customers and the managers. When the managers were back there defending me!!! So at the end one of the girls that was making a fuss back there got in my face, yelled something out and before I could say anything she took off running!!! Then avoided me the remaining of the night. Goes to show you what a real coward she really is!!!! You know it wouldn't have mattered what I did in that situation, either way I couldn't win with those girls. And I can guarantee you, that's how it was for you too!

    Please don't let this stupid tramp ruin your dancing career! Just toughen up some, don't let stupid little things get to you. Go to work, worry about YOU and be there to make your money!!! Dancing is a great line of work to make a lot of money and have great flexibility with your schedule. You won't find that anywhere else! You're new, just give yourself some time. When I was new I was scared to say anything and what I learned is to pick your battles. Learn when to walk away and let it roll off your shoulder and learn when to speak up. It takes time with experience and I guarantee you by 2 months, you'll see it in a whole new way!! Keep your chin up, you can do it but don't quit and don't let her get to you to the point of tears-she's not worth it!!!!!!

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    Veteran Member JettaNyx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancer went off on me. Newbie drama help

    i agree your house mom should have steped in, but the other girls all seem really sweet to you, encouraging and trying to make you feel better.

    no matter what job you have there will be at least one cunt. you'll have to grow a thicker skin sweetie....you need to work on being less sensative (i've had to do it too...just do a mantra thing..."i just dont care about you or what you think of me") i've done alot of customer service over the phone work...from what i hear of you girls....daners get more polite people bitching at them and starting fights!

  10. #10
    Veteran Member absolutbliss's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancer went off on me. Newbie drama help

    One of the girls hit it right on the head regarding "internalization" in one of the above replies. I'm the same way as you, which can get so emotionally draining! When someone is a bitch or goes off, I turn it in on myself. If you're like me, you probably get a totally queezy stomach, and a fast heart rate whenever shit like this happens. I know this is gross, but mine gets so bad to where I get like almost diarreah......

    But you have to realize when you are doing this. Recognize that you are taking it out on yourself, when you shouldn't be. You did nothing wrong, and have nothing to feel bad about. She needs to learn social skills, as well as communication skills. And regardless, YOU ARE NOT HER CONCERN! Keep your head up. Be confident. Go back to work as soon as you can, and face this head on. Stay calm, and let her look like the moron she is.

    I doubt she'll confront you again, esp. if she knows YOU basically have the support of others. And if she does, just tell her to worry about herself, turn your back, and go upstairs to work.

    That's my ten cents.

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    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancer went off on me. Newbie drama help

    Poor sweety. Try not to let this affect your work. And don't give that little twerp the time of day!

    When I first started a club here in Az there was a girl who went off on everyone, ALWAYS had something to say and it was ALWAYS loud. I managed to stay below her radar for a long time, I really don't like confrontation, but one day she decided that my nibbling on a guys ear was her problem and gave me all hell for it. I was embarrased and pissed and shocked..I mean, a guys ear? I watched a girl give a guy a titty rub down the same night!!! Anyway...I blew her off, stared her down and never said a word to her....after that, she left me alone.

    DO NOT let this girl think she is getting to you. And embrace the support you have from your co-workers. Not all girls are crazy like this, many are just like you, polite, considerate and just want to work and go home.
    Keep your head up!

    ~B




  12. #12
    Picaresque
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    Default Re: Dancer went off on me. Newbie drama help

    the above posters are right--every club has at least one of these bitches. (Some even have a whole clique of them--ugh!) At my club, I simply do not understand why the resident bitch is still here--she's ugly, does extras, is on coke...and doesn't even make that much money for the club, and attempts to terrorize everyone else--dancers, bouncers, housemom, MANAGERS...yet for some reason that I will never understand, everyone just grovels for her and gives her whatever she wants, b/c they're intimidated. It sounds like that's what's happened to the bitch at your club. She's so used to ranting and screaming and having everyone else so afraid of her, that all she has to do is pitch a fit and the whole club comes running to kowtow to her and placate her. Sick.

    I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. What helps me when dealing with bitches is simply staying out of their way. You don't have time for her silly drama--you're too busy on the floor making money!

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancer went off on me. Newbie drama help

    Gotta work on that thin skin girl. This business is tough and there will be many more worse things happen to you than that. You CANNOT worry about what other people think of you(especially the other girls at work). You have to simply take care of your business and ignore the assholes as much as you can.

    Although I would've said something to her. Bitches like that will run all over you if you let them think they can. And they always seem to pick on the new girls more, obviously because they know the newbs haven't got the balls to stand up to them yet. Ugh.

    Also, you'll never go through life without ANY problems. That is just not gonna happen, stripping or not. Best thing you can do is learn to deal with them, rather than get all upset every time some stupid bitch decides to yell at you.

    Every club has at least one of those bitches. Easiest way to deal with them is to ignore them.

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    Banned Katrine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancer went off on me. Newbie drama help

    Aaaah, reminds me of when I started. But actually, the girls were cool. It was some floor-guy, wannabe sunday night manager. I was a bit tipsy, dancing on the main floor, and had trouble keeping my balance. Learning to sway on those 6 inchers took time, lol! A few times, when I leaned over to grab the table to steady, the guy I danced for groped my ass. Bouncer pulls me off, drags me to the back and starts yelling at me, telling me I have no self-esteem.

    I run crying to the DR. The biggest, toughest, meanest girls that I feared all consoled me, and then the meanest hottest bitch in the entire club told off the bouncer.

    There were other instances like that. You'll learn to get a thicker skin. But keep smiling and acting like you don't care. That's the best revenge! Good luck.

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    Senior Member vivaItalia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancer went off on me. Newbie drama help

    when you dont give a fuck she'll leave you alone...if she thinks you're weak then she'll continue to pick on you...i'm sure shes getting a power trip off of yelling at you in front of everyone else though

    what a bitch.... It sounds to me like everyone knows shes kinda craaazyyyyy....I'm sure if you walked into work tomorrow smiled and said hi in passing she'd be surprised....plus you have to have a little bit of balls to do that.... or Act like she doesnt exist....and to you she won't

    I can't stand girls that act like that....dont let her fuck with your money....you're there to do your job not be friends with a girl who'll probably be gone in a month or two anyways
    "Tell people whatever they want to hear, then do whatever you want"

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    Featured Member echomadison's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dancer went off on me. Newbie drama help

    This happens to all of us at one point in time or another, new or veteran, it doesnt matter some girls are just cunts. When I first started I got yelled at a couple times by veteran girls who didnt like me because I was new, I just ignored them and continued about my business and they finally came around. Fuck them, you dont require their approval to make your money so just make it! As long as you do your own thing and dont give them any reason to start crap with you, after time you will just be a part of them and all will be well. Oh and I know one house mom who wouldnt have been getting tipped that night..if she didnt do her job she doesnt deserved to be tipped.

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