my father left me and my mother when i was 6 months old. i met him and his new family briefly for a month when i turned 15. we celebrated christmas together but nothing felt right, it was impossible to love someone that i didnt know so i walked away from it, and he did not try to follow me.
all these years i had been hoping that someday he would say how sorry he was that he left me and forgot about me and started a new life. i had always believed that maybe someday he would come back looking for me and he never did.
my mom called me today and nonchelontly said "your grandma saw in the paper that your father died. ok i just wanted to let you know. love you." that was it. she just left me with that. so i got online and checked the obituary and sure enough it was him. my name was not even on the obituary, yet the woman he is not even married to but fathered 2 of his children is.
im so angry hurt and destroyed by this. i was the first and the unwanted. i was expendable. i was never valued for anything.
all i ever wanted in this world was a father to love me. the simplest thing. if you have a father that loves you i hope to god you feel lucky.
i dont have one happy memory of him.
he was 50.



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