Forgive this for being long. Here's some background:
I left an abusive boyfriend 3 years ago and moved in with my current, Brad. Brad is EXTREMELY allergic to cats and lives (we still do) in a complex that doesn't allow pets. But that's not as big of a problem as his allergies.
I have 3 cats that my mother took in for me. They are my babies. I lent my mother over $25,000 in the past 2 years and have not seen a dime back. I'm not complaining about that either as she took in my babies. So here's the problem.
I usually go up to see my cats every few weeks (mom lives in another state), but my life has been hectic and I haven't been there as much recently. I thought they'd be fine.
The kitties got fleas from Mom's dogs. Still no problem but I never got a phone call. And they didn't take care of the problem. I have one cat who is a little deformed and can't reach his back to scratch.
They had fleas two weeks ago. She said she took care of it. I get there for Tday and see them. They are freaking infested!!! My poor deformed baby, Backgammon, has NO FUR on his front legs from biting them so much from anxiety over not being able to scratch himself. He looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. He dropped weight and looked like he was going insane.
I was in tears!!!! I bathed them all in baby shampoo and spent Tday picking fleas from their fur in the bathtub. I ate no turkey and no dessert. My mom went about as if nothing was wrong. I said nothing to her, took care of the cats as best I could so they were at least comfortable and left without a word to her.
Friday, I went up bathed them again and applied Frontline and brought them home. Brad was so disgusted at the neglect at the hands of my parents that he doesn't care about his allergies or the complex management. If we get caught we'll move. God bless him for this.
My mother has not called to apologize for not informing me or for neglecting the babies. I would have been there right away taking care of them had I known. I would never expect her to take care of it alone. I pay for their food, litter and take them to the vet etc.
Now Christmas is coming and I am so hurt and so mad that I can't see straight. I don't want to see her for fear of saying something so freaking mean she'd never forget it. But I'm also torn because I won't see the rest of my family for Christmas if I don't go.
How would you handle this?



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I too have a love/hate relationship with my mother. If I were in your shoes I would either say something to her about it (and hope it goes well) and plan on spending christmas with your family. Or don't say something and don't spend it with your family. I wouldn't go over there trying to be polite not saying anything about it if she didn't have the decency to apologize or help you while you were taking care of them on thanksgiving. Either bite your tongue and keep your distance or calmly tell her (or write her a letter) about how you feel.


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