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Thread: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

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    Default Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    I have not talked to Shawn since Mothers Day...he wrote a few times asking about how I am and how the pregnancy is going. I chose to keep him out of my life, since Im with my husband who adores Azaia like his own. I didnt want him in our life, anddidnt even want Azaia to know that anybody other than Deon is her daddy. I got a letter from him today and he was asking a million questions about my health and Azaia and stuff.
    I called my best friend and she was saying he should have the right to see her,and that Im wrong for what Im doing.
    Should I take her to visit him once? Send a pic? Or just ignore him? My husbands name is on the birth certificate...so he cant do anything legally,not that he would because he's in such a mess of his own now.
    I dunno...I want him to see how beautiful his child is, but then again, I just want to move on and forget about him since he put me through so much hell, and wasnt even there for me the whole 9mos.
    Im leaning toward sending a pic and thats it. My friend said I should go visit him in the jail...yea right...too many germs for my baby!....I dunno what to do.
    Am I wrong to deny him a visit with his daughter?

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    Default Re: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    Heck NO! WTF is your GF thinking Prison is no place to bring a baby for one thing.

    I suppose you could send him a picture if that is what you would like to do but I wouldn't blame you if you chose not too right now. I think that you should do whatever you feel is best for you and your family, but whatever you do please DO NOT visit him.


    Seraya.


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    Default Re: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    Taking her to the jail is out of the question...ick! I guess a few pictures wouldnt be too bad. I dont know how to tell him I dont want him in her life.I dont even know if thats what I really want.If he can stay clean,maybe. But if he involved in drugs, he can forget about even having a baby. Maybe the answer will come in time.

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    Default Re: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Xiomara View Post
    Maybe the answer will come in time.
    Well there's your answer right there! Time.

    I think it's too soon for you. Your hormones are still all over the place right now. Wait till your body settles down so you can think clearly about what you want for your family.

    You're not hurting the baby, she's too young to know anything anyway.

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    Default Re: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    He sounds like a pretty bad guy....I mean in jail and all, leaving you for 9 months, the car thing. I might be nice and send him a picture but under no circumstances would I let your baby meet him. He has too many problems and isnt stable in life thus potentially causing you more problems if a meeting took place. Even after if you chose to send a pic he needs to be right everywhere in is life before he has the right to see his child.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



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    Default Re: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    A picture sounds like the best option. But I'd honestly hesitate to even do that much. He couldn't be bothered to be around before. Why should you go out of your way to involve him now?
    And I think your "friend" needs to get a clue. (I use quotes, because a real friend would understand your reasons.)

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    Is this for real?

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    Default Re: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    Don't give him anything. He doesn't deserve anything more from you. Not even contact. Cut all ties with him and focus on the wonderful life unfolding before you.

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    Default Re: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    When I told my guy I was pregnant I never heard from him again . I did everything I could to track him down . I would do anything for my daughter to have a father , not for me to have a husband or a bill payer . I think guys get it twisted and think its all about us BUT ITS NOT this is about my baby girl . I want her to have a man that loves her the way I do and only her daddy can be that man , someone has to tell her about wolves in sheep's clothing . This is going to make friggin cry . On the other hand if I had someone that had been there for me and for my baby girl I would not be so interested in bothering with the sperm donor if you get what I mean . You child does not need the guy that helped bring her into this world and since he is in jail and most likely lonely it is hard to tell what he really wants too . HOWEVER he is her father right or wrong you should be grateful that he wants to know her . I know I would be . I would be so happy to be in your shoes today ! My heart breaks for my daughter that she may never have a man that loves her the way I do .
    Don't you just love me ?!?

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    Default Re: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    This is the guy who hit you, stole your car, and went to hang out with crack whores at that shitty hotel?

    Why the fuck would you ever want to do anything whatsoever for him??

    I sure hope your husband is a better man than that piece of shit you thought was cool enough to post a picture of in here before.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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    Default Re: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    Watch out if he tries to play the DNA card whenever he gets out. No one says you have to be buddies with him, but sending him a photo might keep him off of your back. And when the child is older? She has the right to know about her heritage. A lot of kids end up very bitter towards whoever keeps them from this info in the long run.
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    Default Re: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    My mom told me the same thing...about when shes older. What if she needs a liver transplant or blood or something, and my husband (who she thought all along was her dad) isnt able to even consider it? How hurtful would it be that she thought this man was her real dad all along? I really dont want shawn in my life. I really dont. He put me through too much,and Azaia doesnt need a here again gone again daddy.Im happy with the family I got now. But legally, can I do that? Keep him away?

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    Default Re: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    My husband is an amazing man....to love this child who is not his, to be there for her birth and being there for us. Im jst thinking how id feel to find out my dad wasnt my dad. I guess Ill just send him a pic and let him know what he's missing out on when he chose to run the streets with them chicken heads. Now im pissed thinking about that mess. Ok, decision made. He gets a picture. If he wanted more he should have been there. Azaia will know the truth when she's old enough,and hopefully she'll understand.

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    Default Re: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    Quote Originally Posted by Xiomara View Post
    But legally, can I do that? Keep him away?



    If a judge deems that he is a danger to her. But to do that there has to be proof that he is the father.
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    Default Re: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    Make sure your child KNOWS he's not her real dad but he's taking care of her and loves her more than anyone... because she'll hate you if she finds out randomly one day.


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    Default Re: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    Can you keep him away? HELL YES!

    If he's not listed as the father of your kid then he has ZIPPO rights, and if he's in jail then how is he gonna prove otherwise even if he wanted to? This might be a good time for you to move with no forwarding address if you want to cut him out for good. Coincidentally, sending him pictures/letters of his kid is just giving him ammo if he ever decides to try and prove he's the dad.

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    Default Re: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    I sent a pic, but no return address,since i moved.

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    Default Re: Am I right or wrong for this? :(

    Remember: The father of the child isn't neccesarily the Daddy. And the Daddy doesn't have to be the father.

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