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Thread: Confidence: rant/working through sorry if long

  1. #1
    Member Wilhelmina's Avatar
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    Arrow Confidence: rant/working through sorry if long

    Hi all,

    Not sure how much this has to do with stripping, but tell you the truth, I'd just love some stripperly advice regardless, it's the best hands down!

    So I take my clothes off for money, sure it's only been 4 months, but that's what I do, 3 days per week and occasionally more (4 or 5). The money is fantastic, the boost to my confidence in myself physically, in my ability to communicate,in new situations etc has been immeasurable, and the very fact of the financial security I now enjoy has been a tremendous encouragement.

    I started this while I'm still at school- College, a course to get myself into Uni with, I dropped out of school when I was 16, so now 7 years later this is what it's all been building toward.

    However I still have huge confidence issues regarding my academic abilities. I'm smart (sorry don't mean to be really up on myself) and I know if I apply myself I can do what I want. I set out on my merry way, and as soon as I get close to realising a goal I seem to...go limp, or slack and just lazy and my motivation goes. Then because I'm slacking, I fall behind, and ultimately use that as my excuse and then drop again, etc...

    I don't know why I do this to myself?! I feel like I have such issues about being a drop out, (my family are hugely academic, and if you don't go to uni it's like 'well what good ARE you?') That I feel like it doesn't matter if I try because I won't reach it...

    Self fulfilling prophecies! I keep getting myself into this situation lose motivation then get down and believe I can't do it then drop out, and I seem to be at that fight or flight position again.

    Am I just lazy or not as clever as I give myself credit for? And How can I be SO SO confident at work and have these bonuses and the freedom to pursue my education without working 60 hours a week to feed myself and still be letting myself down at the ONE TIME it REALLY REALLY counts???? WHy when I'm just about to get where I want to be am I so scared to go ahead? I'm so nervous to even submit my uni application because I believe I will be rejected, and if I don't knuckle down on my course my marks will get worse, I'll fail and then that will be it, yet everyday I seem to be doing exactly the opposite!

    I'm going to get in touch with my lecturer/course leader and discuss these concerns and see what options I have, because if I drop another course and have to begin again I know that this will be the last time.

    Love to y'all xxx Thanks so much for reading this nonsense!

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confidence: rant/working through sorry if long

    You may be afraid of failure. You may be afraid of success. Whatever it is, you have to TRY. Think of all the regrets you'll have if you don't. Think of the money and time wasted. If GWB got through--why can't you?

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    Default Re: Confidence: rant/working through sorry if long

    I think dropping out and not succeeding is your safety net, you feel comfortable there, even if it's on a subconsciene level. I think that you're afraid to really try and give it your all in fear that you'll fail. You have to change your way of thinking and keep telling yourself that you CAN DO IT!!!! And even if you do give a college coarse your all and you still fail the class, it doesn't mean you're a failure. Take what you learned from that class and retake it, you'll already have an understanding of the material and be ahead of the other students and you'll pass the next time.

    I have a Bachelor of Science, and I graduated from Univ of Michigan in Ann Arbor. I didn't apply myself in High School because I specifically remember saying to myself "Why should I even try, it's not like I'm going to go to Univ of Michigan or something" and look what I ended up doing, I ended graduating from there!!! When I graduated from High School, I started off in a Community College, which I highly recommend for you at this time. Community College's are a great way to prepare you for the University. Since it's smaller, you get more one on one time with the teacher and can work in groups with the other students. You'll learn things and it'll boost your self confidence in yourself.

    I went to a Community College for 1 yr and decided to apply to Univ of Mich just for the hell of it because they offered the program I wanted to go into. I remember when I put the application in the mail with a check for $50 and said to myself, this is the biggest waste of $50! And look, they accepted me, and I graduated there. Did I struggle in school? Hell yeah!! My first semester I almost dropped out because I was failing like 4/6 classes! The only reason I decided to stay was the semester and dorm had already been paid for and I figured, I might as well live here and party & have fun instead of moving back home with my parents! Well, come to the end of the first semester, I finally "got it" finally understood the material needed, went in and saw all the teachers during office hours and got tutors to help me and I squeezed by with C- with the classes I was failing. The teachers also let me do extra credit assignments to help me raise my grade! The next semester I did much better, I went from a 1.7 GPA to a 3.0!

    Now, think if I had given up on myself and said I couldn't do it? I wouldn't have my degree and let me tell you, the day that I graduated was by far the happiest day of my life! When YOU GRADUATE, you will be so proud of yourself and a college degree is something nobody can take from you!!!

    Don't give up, you can do it but you have to give it your all and NOT quit, even when it gets really hard! And you know what? I've failed a couple of college classes too, it's not the end of the world and doesn't make you a failure!!! (Sorry so long but I hope this post has helped you)

    DON'T EVER GIVE UP!!!!!!

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    Default Re: Confidence: rant/working through sorry if long

    I know three dancers well.

    One is mixing dancing with a degree at Queen Mary University. She's now about half way thro the course and getting good grades. She studies hard, but fits in enough shifts a week that she covers her living costs.

    One is just about to start a degree with the Open University. She's prepared to cut down on her work because she views getting this degree as a personal achievement.

    (The third is a travel freak, and dances so she can backpack).

    Of the other dancers I know well enough to chat too, one is doing a masters and another is getting stuck into a PhD.

    Based on the above sample, I'd say there were more than a few girls in the London area mixing dancing and studying.

    However, you have to be realistic and look at the time it'll take to study. Figure on 30 - 40 hours for uni, which will leave you able to work only a limited number of shifts a week. Budget for a drop in earnings.

    (Alternatively look at the Open University, where you can study at a slower place and work more shifts).

    However, you've also got to think of a life after dancing - and a degree is a big help for that.

    Looks like your main problem is your fears - take a deep breath and go for it. Once you're committed it won't be difficult as you think.

    Phil.

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    Veteran Member lexXe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confidence: rant/working through sorry if long

    I can understand what your going through. I remember the first time I went to University to start my Bsc, I was young (fast tracked through high school), naive and had poor work habits. This resulted in me failing out my first year. This was a huge blow to my ego because I also come from a home of academics. I remember feeling very afraid to try again. I was so afraid that I put off school for two years and worked full time. Those two years really taught me a lot. I learned that failure is not something to be afraid of because it happens to everyone. I also learned not to see failure as a negative thing because it can teach you many life lessons. I finally got the courage to re-apply and now I am in my last year of University. I have been on the dean's list for the past six semesters and I now have much more drive and motivation.


    The best thing you can do for yourself is to pick yourself up and try again.

    Remember:
    Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.
    ~ Sir Winston Churchill

    You can do it!

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    Veteran Member absolutbliss's Avatar
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    Default Re: Confidence: rant/working through sorry if long

    Just a quick thought, but maybe take a lighter load of classes next time? Then you can really hone in and focus on those, and not become overwhelmed.

    My ten cents.

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