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Thread: Stripper Rant- Hilarious

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    Featured Member Victoryx0x0's Avatar
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    Stripper Rant- Hilarious

    I found this hilarious- not written by me...

    1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?!? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already.

    2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)...fuck you.

    3) You with the thick-ass jeans, this was an impromptu visit, eh?

    4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good. IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.

    5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 bucks in one dollar increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.

    6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks.

    7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you.

    If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum in their pants from a lapdance.

    9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.

    11) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all, your breath ranks (what'd you have for dinner, garlic and shit?), you're about 172 lbs. overweight, and you look like Jay Leno. More importantly: I don't give a shit.

    12) Don't bitch at me about the $10 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does.

    13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.

    14) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass.

    15 )Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you. It's a clear sign that you ain't getting any.

    16) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Fer chrissakes!!!!!!!!!!!

    17) "So what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: I lap dance with guys in dark pants.

    1 STOP trying to grab my tits!!!!!!! That's extra.

    19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck!

    20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion and obnoxious perfume before our dance.

    21) Hey cheapasses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to "Desperate Housewives" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry.

    22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why.

    23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle.

    24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you stupid mutherfucker!

    25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl at the bar with the black roots and overbite.

    26) I can see it's your first time at a strip club. Let me explain the dynamics to you. If you want a fuck or a blow-job, go to the ugly chicks. Hot girls don't have to do "extra services." I can give you some recommendations for a small fee.

    27) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay.

    2 Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me.

    29)Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.

    30) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It's like me going to PETA looking for a steak.

    31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy.

    32) Girls--stop lip-syncing to the song you're dancing to on stage. Especially if you don't know all the words.

    33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.

    34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover. Take a goddamn shower, you smell like lapdance funk.

    35) Hey DJ! You suck!

    36)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame.

    37)Girls--some songs just should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are, you fucking weirdo), Sade, Boys II Men, or Bjork. For the love of God, Please.

  2. #2
    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Rant- Hilarious

    it is cute...and you're new so you wouldn't know this, but it's been posted several times

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    Default Re: Stripper Rant- Hilarious

    I use #13 all the time.....lol. And yah, it's been around a few times, but still funny.




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    Default Re: Stripper Rant- Hilarious

    Yeah, but it's always funny to re-read it as a refresher before going to work as a little laugh!

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Rant- Hilarious

    Quote Originally Posted by Susan Wayward View Post
    I wish someone would just give it a permanent place on the board.
    as if that would change anything? If they can't use search, they aren't going to check stickies.

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    Featured Member Windy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Rant- Hilarious

    [QUOTE=Victoryx0x0;894447]I found this hilarious- not written by me...

    1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?!? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already.

    5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 bucks in one dollar increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.

    15 )Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you. It's a clear sign that you ain't getting any.

    22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why.

    2 Stop complaining about how short the song was. It felt like the fucking maxi-single to me.

    hehe, so very true. i hate wen guys think that that ONE dollar is SO specail and that'd we'd do ANYTHING to get it. haha. ya i also am annoyed when guys go thru all their money, and REALLY making sure they only tip u ONE dollar.
    yeah some guys (mostly younger) try to pretend they dont notice me being naked on stage, trying to be cool - but y wud they be there in the first place? haha.

    and guys always try to get "into my head" when they ask me why i do this job. like its some...psychology thing. i usually tell em what they prolly want to hear "i love getting naked for you" or something of the sort. haha.

    and yeah, guys always complain bout the song "aw, thats it?" im thinkin "man this song is taking forever".

    its funny how its verry easy to count time in the club by "songs".

    and yeah im sure this has been posted before, but cmon, give her a break
    [True Passion Demands Respect]
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    Default Re: Stripper Rant- Hilarious

    ^ Yea, I was thinking of number one a couple nights ago where this guy was trying to make me beg for a friggin BUCK! It was dead and he was sitting by the bar on the upper level with his drunk friends and my regular was sitting stage-side (lower level). So yea, I focused most of my attention on him. When I came around, his friends were practically asleep but he was like, "were you dancing for me? It looked like you were just dancing for that guy" I was like, "did you see me naked? Did you see me hanging upside down from that pole? Okay then, my job is done." He ended up getting two dances but I had SO MANY ASSHOLES pull that for the rest of the night (it was unreal). I didn't put as much effort into them at that point, I just started walking away. My patience was gone.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Featured Member Windy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Rant- Hilarious

    Quote Originally Posted by Bella21 View Post
    ^ Yea, I was thinking of number one a couple nights ago where this guy was trying to make me beg for a friggin BUCK! It was dead and he was sitting by the bar on the upper level with his drunk friends and my regular was sitting stage-side (lower level). So yea, I focused most of my attention on him. When I came around, his friends were practically asleep but he was like, "were you dancing for me? It looked like you were just dancing for that guy" I was like, "did you see me naked? Did you see me hanging upside down from that pole? Okay then, my job is done." He ended up getting two dances but I had SO MANY ASSHOLES pull that for the rest of the night (it was unreal). I didn't put as much effort into them at that point, I just started walking away. My patience was gone.
    yeah! i hate wen they like 'hold their dollar back' waiting for u to do something "outstanding" so that we can "earn" our dollar. or they hold their dollar back(almost pretending to give it to you) and then demand u do something "specail" for them.

    poor you, i hate wen you get an "all assholes night". and yeah, sometimes just walking away is all you can do. haha. usually if someone is rude to me, i just smile and say something nice like "ok have a good nite then" and walk away. sometimes, theyll come back to me, asking for a dance. haha.
    [True Passion Demands Respect]
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    Money Makes Me Horny

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    Default Re: Stripper Rant- Hilarious

    these gave me such a good laugh. its funny how no matter where u dance all over the world there are the same fuckwits, same dramas, same tight arse losers who think that they can save u from stripping coz your in your twenties and hot and they are approaching 50, fat and prob can't get it up anymore. yeh ill leave my bf who is great in bed for u u stupid fat loser! haha, sorry got carried away there but yeh this post really cracked me up.

  11. #11
    Sitri
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    Default Re: Stripper Rant- Hilarious

    His replies…

    1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?!? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already.

    Him, damn how do I get this F’’in dollar off of my hand. I think I stuck my hand in some cum over in the private room and now I can’t get it off.

    2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)...fuck you.

    Him, Shit, I hate going in here without underwear, but I haven’t changed them for a week. That skid mark is just rank. I am glad I left them in the car.

    3) You with the thick-ass jeans, this was an impromptu visit, eh?

    Him, Thank god I have my Walmart jeans on. They make me feel like a real swinger without underwear.

    4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good. IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD.

    Him, I think I’ll pull on this thong. I remember in eighth grade the snuggies on the girls got me a lot of attention.

    5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 bucks in one dollar increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.

    Him, wow, I can’t believe the amount of Coke I left on these bills. Maybe I can I can scrape off a snort or two and get a buzz.

    6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks.

    Him, I think I can cum in two strokes. You know I was watching Animal Kingdom last night and I saw a buck screw a doe. He only had two pushes and the buck got off. I get horny thinking about it.. and this girl has those big brown eyes and a prehensile tail.. Oh baby. O.K. how about $55?

    7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you.

    Him, I think the Who wrote a song about these tits… Momma’s got a squeeze box she wears on her chest…

    If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum in their pants from a lapdance.

    Him, I hope I don’t cum in my pants. I have like a quart back up after watching that fricking Animal show with the deer f..cking. I don’t think she’ll notice if I distract her by talking about money.

    9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. Outside of the club I wouldn't even fart your way.

    Him, I think I’ll ask her out because she looks like my sister. I think we could get married and she would fit right into my family. I love the way she coos to me. Pretty damn good. When I go dove hunting she can come along and call in the doves. I hope she didn’t notice that I just farted.

    11) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all, your breath ranks (what'd you have for dinner, garlic and shit?), you're about 172 lbs. overweight, and you look like Jay Leno. More importantly: I don't give a shit.

    Him, WOW, now I know she likes me. She thinks I look like a celebrity. Now she’s being bashful.

    12) Don't bitch at me about the $10 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does.

    Him, I wish I hadn’t finished the bottle of Jack that was in my coat pocket. Now I have to spend money on this lame ass drink to court my future bride.

    13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.

    Him,, she sure doesn’t act too horney. I bet if I told her I was on full disability she would perk up knowing that I have a steady income.

    14) No, you CAN'T SMOKE. Dumb. Ass.

    Him, I wish I could smoke. I have to after I cum and I just came in my jeans.

    15 )Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you. It's a clear sign that you ain't getting any.

    Him, hey guys, guess what I THE best lap dance ever and I think she is in love with me. Can I borrow $20 for another lap dance?


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    Featured Member Victoryx0x0's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stripper Rant- Hilarious

    Do people really scrolls thru old pages upon pages to find this before they post for the first time? I lurked for like 2 weeks before i got enough courage to post here

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    Default Re: Stripper Rant- Hilarious

    Sitri--

    Fuckin' hilarious, man!

    Victory--
    You are supposed to do a search. See the top of this page, where it says "search this thread."

    OTOH, those who don't like it don't have to read it.


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    Default Re: Stripper Rant- Hilarious

    Quote Originally Posted by Victoryx0x0 View Post
    Do people really scrolls thru old pages upon pages to find this before they post for the first time? I lurked for like 2 weeks before i got enough courage to post here
    Don't let this discourage you from posting Victory- you are not the only one who's reposted this topic, and it would be pretty tricky to do a 'search' for a post like this.

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