I had a little dream of this fool last night...and ever since then I cant stop thinking.How come of all the guys I dated,and even the one I married,Shawn was the one who really made me happy (before he started on the drugs and went nuts). I never laughed like he made me laugh, I never felt safer, I never was kissed like he kissed me, I never felt a lot of things until him. I thought in the start of our relationship we were unbreakable.Like I was on top of the world. How come the one fucker I really loved more than anybody in my life,the one who I would have killed for, the one who actually made me feel beautiful,the one who promised never to hurt me, was the one to fuck up and hurt me?? Ive been with a lot of guys, and always found flaws from the start. I would look for something in other relationships that I would use to get out of the relationship if i met someone else. With Shawn I was content.I didnt even LOOK at another man.I wanted him. He was smart,sexy,amazing,perfect. Now he's a piece of shit.
Now this asshole took my heart and stomped all over it and I have his child. This man I loved with all my heart is the same man that I want out of my life.Why couldnt it have been some other fuck that I didnt give a damn about be the one to start using crack? Why the hell was a drug better than me?? Could I have done something different or better? I hate him,but why can't I stop thinking about those good times we did have? Got a letter from him a few days ago,at my old address.Says he loves me and hes sorry and wishes he could take back all the hurt.He should have been there for me through all the shit I was going through, not making it worse.He promised. fu*k!![]()
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On another note, he gave me a beautiful child. I guess I can be somewhat thankful to him.Other than that hes SOL.
Thanks for reading.



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