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Thread: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

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    Default Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    Wow, did I have a horrible night.

    So I'm sitting with a guy and his friend comes back and sits down with him. Let's call guy in question Mr. Big. Mr. Big looks at me and is like, "damn, you're sexy." So I start talking to him and another dancer, let's call her Rainy, comes by and puts her hands around his neck. (Personally, I think it's kind of rude to start flirting with a customer when he's sitting with a girl, but maybe that's just me.) Rainy does something that possesses me to say to Mr. Big, "OK, you go get your dance with Rainy, I'll be back to find you... blah blah blah." So I get up and leave. I sit with his friend later on and try and get him to buy a dance, and Mr. Big comes back. He's got a (verifiable) $550 bar tab and apparently just spent $1000 on Rainy in VIP and had previously tipped this waitress $300. He hands me his credit card slip for his bar tab and says "she's going to sign this. Tip her 25%." Then Rainy comes back and the waitress gives her the receipt and he tells Rainy to write in the tip, and the waitress goes back and forth with him about how much he should give her. So I start hustling him to take me to the VIP. He sends Rainy to the ATM with his card and pin to get more money out and tells me to go with her. I ask Rainy what his name is and she says "my customer." I'm waiting around in the general vicinity of his seat and the she comes up to me and says, "seriously, though, you need to back off my fucking customer." He expressed interest in me and I responded. Is that so fucking wrong? Is it cool for dancers to "own" a guy?

    Nevertheless, I "backed off" and spent the rest of the night (30 minutes) in the bathroom crying. I went and tipped the DJ out and asked if I could go at 2:00 when we sort of close because I wanted to leave early. He had told me it was cool if I left at 2:00, but the lap dance room bouncer said I'd get fined $250 for leaving early if I didn't do my set, so I went back to the DJ and asked if he could put me on stage first, or at least early, for our little after hours show (sans alcohol) so I could go. He fucking put me last, despite the fact that I asked him initially and then once we started if he could move me up. Who's blowing the DJ that I pissed off? I mean, why would you do that?

    Then, if that's not enough, I'm sitting in the dressing room getting ready to go home and this girl is talking about some problem, and so I ask "what happened" out of concern and interest and she snaps back "none of your fucking business; I was talking to her," then turns to the other girl and says "I love it when people try and get all up in my conversation." Then I say "I'm sorry" and she comes back "what did you say" as if I had just called her a bitch or something, so I repeated it and she's like "fucking right." I'm pretty sure this is the girl I gave a baby wipe without so much as a thank you. WTF did I do to you?

    Yeah, I'm new and I'm too fucking nice, but that doesn't mean it's OK to drag me through the dirt. On top of that, I made less in the last three nights combined than I made my first night and when all is said and done (including time and money it takes to get my nails done, tan, drive to work, put make up on, etc.) I'm earning about $10 an hour dancing around half fucking naked and grinding dick. I am so done with this.

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    God/dess ExoticEngineer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    Oh hunny that sucks. You did get the shaft there. Are you still interested in dancing? are there other clubs you could try that don't let the girls get away with being so bitchy?

    I hope it gets better for you....I wish I could say that telling that girl to f*ck off would have done some good, but you probably did the right thing keeping it to yourself.

    Good luck
    ~B
    Last edited by ExoticEngineer; 12-03-2006 at 04:45 PM. Reason: My fingers have terrets




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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    A lot of this, unfortunately, is because you are 'the new girl'. A lot of it is just the way the industry works, which is also unfortunate.

    I feel for you--I love my new club, don't get me wrong, but it has taken me 3 months to feel comfortable, and there are still some of the staff who are being distant And every club I have worked in has had some bullshit politics going on. In some of them a lot of the staff will not necessarily be nasty, but will basically ignore your existence unless it's absolutely necessary to talk to you about something.

    I find it amusing to be considered in any way less worthy than guys who clearly have much less brainpower, talent, and penile mass--but nonetheless this happens all the time, especially when you are the new guy in a club. So I can understand your frustration.

    Dealing with the possessive dancer will be tricky, though.

    The only way she could justify 'claiming' him is if they had a history of doing business before he came in that night. Even then, if he is interested in getting dances from you as well, and he makes the move to do it--you are certainly within your rights to take the fucking money. OTOH, she's gonna be pissed off, if she has gotten him for a grand before--it's just the way it goes, sorry to say.

    As far as the bitch in the dressing room, no more baby wipes for her, lol...

    I'll be nice to someone who seems unfriendly once or twice, and even cut someone who seems bitchy a little slack--you never know, maybe they were having a bad night or have problems.

    But the bottom line in this business is, if you don't get respect, don't give it back--not one bit. Fuck 'em--go in, do your job, and remember who you are, the hell with the negativity.
    Last edited by Djoser; 12-04-2006 at 04:01 AM.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post
    Oh hunny that sucks. You did get the shaft there. Are you still interested in dancing? are there other clubs you could try that don't let the girls get away with being so bitchy?

    I hope it gets better for you....I wish I could say that telling that girl to f*ck off would have done some good, but you probably did the right thing keeping it to yourself.

    Good luck
    ~B
    I'm probably going back to doing privates. Make more money in an hour than I can get all night. And they don't let us "get away" with being bitchy, it's a $250 fine for verbally fighting on the floor and $500 for physically fighting.

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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    This industry requires leather tough skin. I'm sorry this happened to you. If you do stay in dancing at a club, I'd just keep to myself and fuck trying to be nice. Many girls take it as a weakness to use against you.

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    God/dess twisterinAZ's Avatar
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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    There will be nights like this.It comes with the territory..even for a seasoned vet like me. I had a similar night last week . In fact as I was reading your post at first I thought, "Wait! Did I post while I was drunk again? " Take the good with the bad ...and it will get better.

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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    Quote Originally Posted by twisterinAZ View Post
    "Wait! Did I post while I was drunk again? "
    LOL, I love you now.

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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    Yeah, you definitely have to be really tough and not put up with anything and not let people get to you. Those people that act like that are not worth your time worrying about it, people that act like that have sooooo many personal problems that in a way I actually feel sort of sorry for them, that's what gets me through some of it. I think to myself, that person must be a really unhappy person with a ton of problems and I'm just thankful that I'm not that person.

    In this business, people will take advantage of you if you let them. Now, if you were sitting with Mr.Big first and he expressed interest in you then you had every right to be there, nobody owns anyone! There's been high rollers that have come in my club that were someone's "regular" and I still got in the VIP with them. The key to really getting people in the club on your side (Housemoms, DJ, Bouncers, etc.) is to always tip them really well, especially when you have a really good night. NEVER stiff them. Try to actually become "friends" with them. During the slow time of the night, go up and talk to them, say "Hi, how are you tonight. How was your night last night, etc." Read the book 'How to win friends and influence people' by Dale Carnegie. It's helped me a lot on getting people on my side and in this business, the more on your side, the easier your dancing life will be. Favorites are played in my club and this one girl who I like as a person because she's really nice gets stepped on all the time because she's too timid and allows it. My exboyfriend told me "you teach people how to treat you" which is true, if you allow people to step on you, they will. Now there's some people that don't care who they step on but remember, what goes around comes around, those people will get their's sooner or later.

    Give it a little while, before you know it you'll lose the new girl status and they'll move on to someone else.

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    Veteran Member The one and only Raven's Avatar
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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    Hey Berlin,
    I found out more later after you left. Apparently, this customer had been coming back to see "Rainey" as a regular. He is a big spender and when lots of money is involved, girls can get quite catty. I am not saying how she talked to you is right but please understand that when a girl has been sitting with the same guy since the beginning of the night and has left her drink there (a telltale sign that she WILL be back) it is considered rude to "steal" her customer. You being new, can't be expected to know everything right off the bat (even though a lot of the girls will expect you to) so I am sorry you got bitched out. Like I told you in the dressing room- it takes time to know who's regular "belongs" to who... even though I hate using that possessive word. It's cutthroat. All you can do is suck it up and keep going or move on. Again, I am sorry you had a bad night... Best of luck to you.

    Krystal

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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    I don't believe any customer truely "belongs" to anyone, however, I will not step on someone's toes like some girls in my club do. For instance, I was sitting the other night with a customer and this girl who thinks she's the queen of the club because she's on some club photo's just walks right up, sits her ass down and then says to the customer I was talking to "so, you're ready for a dance, right" and then gets up and dances for him! I'm like WTF? That's something I would NEVER do, it's so f-ing rude and ballsy! That type of thing is not acceptable and if that girl was already with him but got up to use the restroom, then she did have the "rights" to him that time.

    The best thing to do is when you approach a customer, ask him if you may join him. If you see a drink there, that's usually an indication that he's got someone already. So if you do see a drink, ask him "Is this seat taken?" If he say's no, then join him, if a girl comes back and he attends to her, then say something like "well, I can see you're busy, if you'd like alone time with her, I can catch up with you later?" and then see what he says. IMO, it all depends on what the customer says at that point. If he says, "no, why don't you join both of us" then, IMO, you're not stepping on anyone's toes. I've had that happen where a customer that I walked by grabbed my arm and said "we're going back to VIP, come back with me". Apparently another dancer that already "claimed" him. So, I said to her in front of the customer, he was just talking to me and had asked me to go back with you all, then I immediately said to the customer in front of her "If you'd like me to leave so you can be with her......" He said "no, come back with all of us". That way, the customer invites you, you say it in front of both people so you're not actually stepping on any other dancers toes and the customer INVITES you back instead of inviting yourself. There's a big difference. A customer has every right to change his mind at any time who he wants to spend time with. He may see a girl that he likes initially and then a few minutes later see someone he likes more and change his mind or see someone that he also likes and would like 2 girls. Just make sure you don't intentionally "steal" a customer away because you will be hated and you will have it done back to you and when it's done to you, it will piss you off so much that you'll want to claw her eyes out.

    It's hard when you're new because there's no handbook of rules, in my experience, you learn as you go, you learn by watching other girls and learn by asking others. Ask dancers that you've befriended or the housemom for advice. Our housemom used to be a dancer so she understands it.

    Don't worry about it. By next week it'll be forgotten about, take this as a learning experience and apply it next time.

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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    Quote Originally Posted by leogirl876 View Post
    I don't believe any customer truely "belongs" to anyone, however, I will not step on someone's toes like some girls in my club do. For instance, I was sitting the other night with a customer and this girl who thinks she's the queen of the club because she's on some club photo's just walks right up, sits her ass down and then says to the customer I was talking to "so, you're ready for a dance, right" and then gets up and dances for him! I'm like WTF? That's something I would NEVER do, it's so f-ing rude and ballsy! .
    Oh, I forgot to mention, what goes around comes around because that night that happened, shortly afterwards, I found a customer with lots of money that took me and my friend back to our VIP room for customers with lots of money, it's not just a little room, it's like a large living room with it's own bar, TV and own sound system and own bathroom. She didn't get any VIP's that night!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!! But I banked!

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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    Didn't see the drink there, and I only saw her with him once-- when I gave her my seat in the beginning of the night so she could be with him. I wouldn't have gone after him had he not said anything to me initially. And like I said, initially, I was sitting with his friend, he came back and his friend introduced me, or he told me to talk to his friend, something along those lines.

    I just think it's a little insecure of a girl to behave like that-- if she knew he didn't want to spend money on me, it shouldn't have been an issue. And if he did, shouldn't that be his decision?

    I don't know... you can hate me for saying this, but I'm a believer in a free market and the ability of consumers to make their own choices, and that includes not restricting supply. If someone is a loyal BMW buyer, and something else comes along, it shouldn't be BMW's place to tell the new car company that they're not allowed to sell to the customer. That just doesn't make sense to me.

    Several guys told me they were waiting for girls-- that's fine, I respect that. I told them "great! Well, take good care of her and have a good night." But I'm going to wait until I hear it from the customer.

    But why the DJ thing? That just seems too intentional to not be. Especially when there were still quite a few girls there when we went on stage, which means they obviously weren't trying to get on stage so they could leave.

  13. #13
    Picaresque
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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    ^^ about the DJ thing...it IS entirely possible that he simply forgot what you said, or had a misunderstanding. Maybe give him the benefit of the doubt this time? I had one night a few weeks ago where my favorite DJ inexplicably played two of my favorite sets for other girls (girls who didn't even like those songs, lol!) I was PISSED and confused, trying to think of WTF I could possibly have done to make him mad.

    Turns out he was simply having a rough day, was tired, had five people trying to talk to him at once all night long, and there was a lot of confusion b/c we had feature shows going on that night. So it was pure accident--he wasn't mad at me, didn't do it on purpose, and is still my favorite DJ ever.

    The bitchy girl, there's no excuse for. The DJ, you might want to chalk this one up to a mistake, and see if anything like that happens again.

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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    I'm pretty sure that wasn't an honest mistake since I was pretty much crying in the DJ box and came up to him again after we started, then again to change the dancer I was going to be with, then the other dancer came up to him by herself.

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    Veteran Member The one and only Raven's Avatar
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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    Situational awaremess is key. Dancing is like a game of chess. If I am not actively engaged in a convo, I am scanning the room, checking everything out-who's spending money, who is sitting alone, which dancer is sitting with whom. Planning the next move.... I'm not taking sides in this matter, I am just saying next time be aware of what is going on around you. I have seen girls get cut and beaten up for a lot less than what happened in your situation. I have done the same thing before-walked up to a guy, sitting alone, no drink and started a convo, to have an angry dancer walk up 5 mins later and mumble "no, he wasn't MY customer" sarcastically. I just smiled and said, "guess not" as we went to the back for a dance. You are entirely right. It's the custys money-let them spend it how they want to. But also remember from a dancers perspective, those few dances she may have lost out on, which is automatically in her eyes your fault, can turn a nice girl into a mean bitch. Just be careful and be more aware next time.
    As for the DJ, I don't know what happened. I know he was having a bad night cos something happened between him and some of the DT girls dipping out on him. He was not a happy camper last night. All I can say is, talk to him.

    Krystal

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    Member Symmy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    I'm not saying do this but a little Viseen (SP) goes a long way.

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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    Quote Originally Posted by Symmy View Post
    I'm not saying do this but a little Viseen (SP) goes a long way.
    Hmmm, I don't get it.

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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    I do know that if I am having a rough night, I forget shit, or once in a while play one of my songs for the wrong dancer.

    But I don't forget dancers crying in my booth. OTOH, it sounds like this guy may have been having a really fycked up night, so it could have been a genuine mistake.

    The lady is right, go talk to him, don't make a big deal out of it--maybe even ask him if he had a rough night too in a joking way.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
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    Moderator Djoser's Avatar
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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    Quote Originally Posted by Symmy View Post
    I'm not saying do this but a little Viseen (SP) goes a long way.
    What, fake tears? It might work on me, but if I thought it was bullshit I'd be pissed off, lol.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
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    Featured Member Starfire's Avatar
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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    I hate to say it, but something good to remember when you're new is just don't try and talk to any of the other dancers til you get the lay of the land. What happened with the customer really sucks, I'm not even going to address that, but I know that if I was in the dressing room talking to one of my friends about how I was having a bad night, or a problem or something, I would not appreciate a new girl busting in wanting to know what's going on. It really sucks, but a lot of dancers tend to be wary of new girls. They want to borrow things, make dumb mistakes, want to know your life story (how long have you been dancing? Wow, that's really long...), want to assert that they are only dancing to ____ and aren't *really* strippers. The list goes on. If you stay there long enough eventually you will make a few friends but it's not really necessary. Pay more attention to hustling the customers than talking to the girls.

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    Featured Member cameronfl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    Quote Originally Posted by Djoser View Post
    What, fake tears? It might work on me, but if I thought it was bullshit I'd be pissed off, lol.

    I think the referance was to the fact that if you put Visene in someones drink it makes them violently sick.

    Yeah...I've done it. She deserved it though....slept with a friends (who also worked there's) husband(now ex husband)....just to piss off my firned. And bragged about it all over the club. Was lovely to watch her have to shut her mouth as she RAN to the bathroom.

    To the OP...you def, need to start sticking up for yourself. I would NOT have let that customer go. HE asked for YOU....you didnt try to "steal" him. She got hert money....sound slike he was done with her and now wanted to spend some times with you.
    Actively trying to steal a customer away is not cool...but what a lot of girls fail to see is that no matter how long he's been "yours" or how much he has spent on you.....his money is HIS money to spend. And if guys wanted the same girl ALL the time...they'd go home to their wives....many come to a club for variety.
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    Veteran Member absolutbliss's Avatar
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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    Quote Originally Posted by twisterinAZ View Post
    Wait! Did I post while I was drunk again? "
    hehhehehee! think im gonna go grab a beer now..
    I'd grab my trumpet and I'd do a stripper sound, like the old Louis Armstrong, real raspy. And the people would go nuts! Then I knew that the sexual, sensual, guttural sound, that throbbing sound, is where it's at.

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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    Quote Originally Posted by Starfire View Post
    I hate to say it, but something good to remember when you're new is just don't try and talk to any of the other dancers til you get the lay of the land. What happened with the customer really sucks, I'm not even going to address that, but I know that if I was in the dressing room talking to one of my friends about how I was having a bad night, or a problem or something, I would not appreciate a new girl busting in wanting to know what's going on. It really sucks, but a lot of dancers tend to be wary of new girls. They want to borrow things, make dumb mistakes, want to know your life story (how long have you been dancing? Wow, that's really long...), want to assert that they are only dancing to ____ and aren't *really* strippers. The list goes on. If you stay there long enough eventually you will make a few friends but it's not really necessary. Pay more attention to hustling the customers than talking to the girls.
    I usually do stick to myself and obviously now know better than to say anything to another dancer unless she’s specifically talking to me. Thanks for giving your perspective. I guess I don’t think about the impact of the newbie status or the judgment anyone might pass.

    I do think a “nothing” would have been sufficient, but I guess neither of us have great judgment at nearly four in the morning.

    I took it really personal at first; I’ve lived and learned.

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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    Sorry that happened. There are bitches in every club. This is a hard bussiness and some girls will be possesive of their custies. You were obviously the bigger person for backing off so he could get dances from her, most girls wouldn't have done that. You can't contorll what anyone else does only what you do and remember that karma is a bitch, she'll get hers. IMO, like the others have said, a custy will spend his money where he wants. No one owns a custy, if they did why would they be worried that his $$ was going else where?

    A for th DJ, I heard that last week was insane with the downtown girls being at southside and I know that power hour can get pretty nuts, he may have been juggling several things at once. I'd cut him some slack before I would "rainey"

    PS, haven't seen you in a while. I've been out of town and back this week. Hope to see ya soon!

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    Default Re: Club politics, catty girls. WTF?

    "Finish each day, and be done with it. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well, and serenely." Ralph Waldo Emerson.

    Sounds like you had a seriously shitty day. If I had a dollar for each person who was a bitch or a dick to me, I wouldn't have to do dances.

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