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Thread: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    My husband and I have been wondering this lately. My family is taking care of my Nana, who was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's. We don't plan on having kids so we've been sort of pondering our distant future and wondering who will take care of us when we're old.

    Does anyone ever worry about that?

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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    Hah!

    Well, maybe I'm a cynic, but... I used to volunteer @ a nursing home, and having kids is no fucking guarantee that anyone will take care of you.

    I'm not having kids either, and I've thought about it, but I' rather be childless and lnely rather than knowing that you've got kids who don't give a fuck.

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    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    i took a "psychology of death and dying" class and this was something discussed at length, taking care of the elders. i think i learned that you should always be nice/make friends with the neighbors, or live in a community with other people your age, where everyone watches out for everyone else.
    my great aunt lives in florida and she has a service (free for all floridians) that calls her at 8 am to make sure she is up and OK. (she can ask to be called later) One time she had gone out for breakfast and the service called, got no answer, and sent an ambulance and cops to check it out. This kind of service is very helpful, so i guess, move to fla?
    it's what all the ol' folks do.

    edit: yes!!^^ that's very true, kids dont mean you will be taken care of.

    Love it!

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    Quote Originally Posted by kittenkat View Post
    Hah!

    Well, maybe I'm a cynic, but... I used to volunteer @ a nursing home, and having kids is no fucking guarantee that anyone will take care of you.

    I'm not having kids either, and I've thought about it, but I' rather be childless and lnely rather than knowing that you've got kids who don't give a fuck.
    Very true, very true. I happen to come from a family to whom family is the most important thing. None of use would dream of sending one of our own off to "The Home." I guess it is naive of me to think that my kids would be the same. Just my luck I'd spawn a bunch of brats that would send my ass to Shady Pines the day my first gray hair comes in.

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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    I plan to pay other people's children to take care of me, or to use the promise of an inheritance to entice my sister's children into doing so.

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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    Honestly, I've seen the "lure-kids-with-inheritance" trick fail miserably on poor old ladies and gents. Some that tried that approach decided to leave on their own and live in a nursing home because they were sick of their family waiting for them to die to get their hands on thte money.

    I'd like to have enough money to afford a nice nursing facility. Seriously, some of them are really, really nice. The one I volunteered at was great... and good facilities offer better care than most families have the desire to provide.

    It would be cool to have a retirement community of childfree folks that look out for each other.

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    Veteran Member JettaNyx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    sadly i agree, having kids is not guarantee you'd be taken care of (sometimes even if your family is close). i have a neighbor, 88 years old...2 children (on in FL one a block away), they dont visit....they dont call. a few weeks ago she sliped and broke her shoulder, you know who helped her...me and another neihbor. she does need to go into a retirement home but can't afford it and her family dosnt want her.

    ::sigh:: our throw away society. i totaly disagree with it, i dont have grandparents but i love the idea of how it used to be where the children can hear stories of "the old days" and learn from their wisdom (or nuttiness, either way ). that is unless there is an illness involved that would need hospital attention.

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    Featured Member rusdancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    This is a great question!It would be even harder to answer for someone who's living in the country,being the first generation.Like,my family is all in Russia,no family here,and I don't have any kids (hopefully one day).Of course there's always an option of going back,but who knows.It's still to early to think about it.
    And I agree,having kids doesn't mean that they'll take care of you when you're old.

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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    I'm going to take care of myself.

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    God/dess cinammonkisses's Avatar
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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    Quote Originally Posted by JettaNyx View Post
    sadly i agree, having kids is not guarantee you'd be taken care of (sometimes even if your family is close). i have a neighbor, 88 years old...2 children (on in FL one a block away), they dont visit....they dont call. a few weeks ago she sliped and broke her shoulder, you know who helped her...me and another neihbor. she does need to go into a retirement home but can't afford it and her family dosnt want her.

    ::sigh:: our throw away society. i totaly disagree with it, i dont have grandparents but i love the idea of how it used to be where the children can hear stories of "the old days" and learn from their wisdom (or nuttiness, either way ). that is unless there is an illness involved that would need hospital attention.

    That is so sad. My family is very big on taking care of our elders. Yea right, I could NEVER put my mom in a retirement home.







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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    I've thought about this too. But kids are expensive. Nurse care is too, but not as much. And a home isn't so bad. At least they want you there and you're not a burden in someone's life. Plus you have your friends there!

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    Veteran Member Tara Nicole's Avatar
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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    I'd suggest childfree people look into finding a good assisted living center..... I volunteered at a Hospice in a FL years ago and I remember many of the elderly folks there talking about how the missed the place they lived in prior to coming to Hospice.... they made it sound quite fun and spoke about the activities and parties they used to attend with all their center friends.

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    God/dess dlabtot's Avatar
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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    As has been mentioned, having kids is no guarantee that they will be there to take care of you, so please don't even think of considering this as a reason TO have kids.

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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    Quote Originally Posted by kittykat88 View Post
    I'm going to take care of myself.
    Ditto....i will find a way.

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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    I'd like to see a child that ACTUALLY takes care of someone when they're old.

    Why do yuo think they even MADE retirement homes?

    'cause even if you have them, nobody will care.


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    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    I used to work in a nursing home, so you'll be hearing a lot from me in this thread as soon as finals are over.

    Yes, there are too many people who throw away their parents and only come enough to assuage thier own guilt, but there are too many people who CAN'T take care of their parents. People are living longer, but the quality of life will almost inevitably go to shit. People with strokes, atrophy, and other debilitating diseases are HARD to take care for, not to mention expensive. I knew tons of people who had to work long hours to support both their own families plus mom. Nursing homes charge about $250 A DAY PER PERSON, and still provide lots of inadequate care b/c they rely mostly on people who have received 3 weeks of training and are doing it becaue it pays more than flipping burgers.

    An Alzheimer's patient:
    1) Take the terrible twos.
    2) Subtract the ability to learn or retain memory.
    3) Add about 200 lbs (more if they do zero activity and are in a facility that serves cheap food).
    4) Add superhuman strength (people can flip over cars when under adrenaline, those little 80-lb old ladies can strangle you to the point of passing out).
    5) Subtract the ability to discipline them (I wan't even allowed to hold down the arm of a woman who was beating the shit out of me) or even pick them up and take them somewhere else.
    There you go. It's easy to say that people should take care of their own parents, but imagine if your little toddler was as big as you and could beat the shit out of you. Do you think that you could take care of her? I didn't think so. They need special facilities and equipment that you really can't have in most homes.

    When most people think of Alzheimer's they think of cute, old, bumbling, forgetful men and women like Mr. Magoo. In reality, they can be pretty violent and bad-tempered. Imagine if a stranger came in your room and started taking off your clothes. What would you do? I'd be fighting and assuming that I was being raped. These people cannot freaking remember that you come in every day to change their diapers, and will fight tooth and nail becase their brains are shrunken like raisins.


    Oh yeah, to ensure that I will not be neglected in my elder years, I will commit euthenasia once I start going downhill. I don't want to suffer, I don't want to be dependent on others, and I don't want to be trapped in an empty shell of a body. Almost ever nurse I know has instructed his/her children to shoot them before putting them in a home.

    Keep posted for much, much more.

  17. #17
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    I'm glad Krazyjane posted, I remembered she worked with the elderly.

    When I am unable to enjoy life anymore as a fully capable person....I will end my life with dignity, without being dependent on others.

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    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    Quote Originally Posted by madmaxine View Post
    When I am unable to enjoy life anymore as a fully capable person....I will end my life with dignity, without being dependent on others.
    I estimate that this will end once I am unable to poop on my own. After that, I may be too senile to take matters in my own hands.

    My father also wants to end things under his own power while he still can. He sent me a very beautiful excerpt from the wife of Scott Nearing:
    Doctors practice medicine. Scott and I intended to write a book together, We Practice Health, which never eventuated, though we wrote much on the subject in various chapters of our homesteading books Living the Good Life and Continuing the Good Life. We rarely if ever used doctors, pills, or hospitals. Yet Scott lived to a hale and hearty 100 and died when he decided to - by fasting for a month and a half at the very end.

    He had always been physically active, in the woods, in the garden, in building construction. He was also active mentally, having written 40 or more books from his 20's to his 90's, including an autobiography, The Making of a Radical.

    "Work," said Scott, "helps prevent one from getting old. My work is my life. I cannot think of one without the other. The man who works and is never bored, is never old. A person is not old until regrets take the place of hopes and plans. Work and interest in worthwhile things are the best remedy for aging." Still, he was facing the end and knew it.

    Interviewed in 1981 he said "I look forward to the possibility of living until I'm 99." His blue eyes twinkled. "It is a precarious outlook, I assure you. With age, your facility of expression and perception diminishes. I have almost nothing left but time. But if I can be of service, I would like to go on living." Walt Whitman, at a far earlier age (70) said, "The old ship is not in a state to make many voyages, but the flag is still on the mast and I am still at the wheel."

    Most people begin to get old in their 60's. Scott only began to be old in his 90's. Up to then if anyone called him old I was outraged, because he neither looked nor felt old. Sure, he had plenty of wrinkles. They came in his 50's from a lot of hard work in the sun. But failing and getting feeble? No.

    He did more than his share of mental and physical work up to his last years. At 98 he said "Well, at least I can still split and carry in the wood." And when he was close to the end, lying in our living room, his one regret at leaving this Earth plane was on watching me lug in the wood for our kitchen stove. "I wish I could help with that," he said. He was a help unto the end.

    A month or two before he died he was sitting at table with us at a meal. Watching us eat he said, "I think I won't eat anymore." "Alright," said I. "I understand. I think I would do that too. Animals know when to stop. They go off in a corner and leave off food."

    So I put Scott on juices: carrot juice, apple juice, banana juice, pineapple, grape - any kind. I kept him full of liquids as often as he was thirsty. He got weaker, of course, and he was as gaunt and thin as Gandhi.

    Came a day he said, "I think I'll go on water. Nothing more." From then on, for about ten days, he only had water. He was bed-ridden and had little strength but spoke with me daily. In the morning of August 24, 1983, two weeks after his 100th birthday, when it seemed he was slipping away, I sat beside him on his bed.

    We were quiet together; no interruptions, no doctors or hospitals. I said "It's alright, Scott. Go right along. You've lived a good life and are finished with things here. Go on and up - up into the light. We love you and let you go. It's alright."

    In a soft voice, with no quiver or pain or disturbance he said "All...right," and breathed slower and slower and slower till there was no movement anymore and he was gone out of his body as easily as a leaf drops from the tree in autumn, slowly twisting and falling to the ground.

    So he returned to his Maker after a long life, well-lived and devoted to the general welfare. He was principled and dedicated all through. He lived at peace with himself and the world because he was in tune: he practiced what he preached. He lived his beliefs. He could die with a good conscience.

    As to myself and my old age: I try to follow in his footsteps. It is not so easy homesteading alone, but I carry on. A few more years and I also will experience the great Transition. May I live halfway as good a life and die as good a death.
    A lot of people are forced to put their parents in nursing homes simply because their parents are dead but not deceased. This stupid Judeo-Christian society condemns letting your loved ones go even though we can put down our pets. In short, they can't kill them, but they can't take care of them either. Catch-22. We have a hard enough time finding decent daycare for kids, and elder care is even harder.

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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    That passage from Nearing made me sob. I hope I have such strength and grace when it is my time to go. Thanks for sharing, Krazyjane.

    My father and my best friend both want to do what some American Indian tribes did--walk off into the wilderness alone. My father wants to go to the mountains and take a walk off a cliff.

    I will probably pull a "Maude" and kick off with a nice glass of spiked wine. Maybe my husband and I will do it together.

    I agree that people live far longer than they ought to--in part thanks to a western medical paradigm that believes in quantity over quality of life and keeps people's bodies alive long after they've worn out. But that's what we're dealing with. Future generations may have more enlightened ideas about death and dying.

    However...all that is just philosophical and useless in this real life situation. My Nana has early stage Alzheimer's. She has bad days, and because of these days, she requires regular supervision and sometimes intensive care. However, she still has good days--days she works in the garden, cooks huge meals, does all the housework herself. Should she just kick off (or better yet, should we just 86 her ourselves) just because she requires a lot of care? At what point do we decide? It's against her religious beliefs and everyone is entitled to their beliefs (however misguided!).

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    Featured Member Krazyjane's Avatar
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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    @Dottie:

    My pleasure. I think that Mrs. Nearing's essay can make most people rethink euthanasia and the value of life. Hehe, Maude had it made. I could never destroy a Jag-Hearse like Harold did.

    A lot of you condemn nursing homes. I totally understand the stigma, and will shoot myself before I go into one. I hav nothing but respect for people who manage to take care of their loved ones. However, a lot of you aren't seeing the other side of the issue. We had a man come in who was very violent. He's scream, kick, threaten, spit, you name it. His wife had visible bruises, yet claimed that she had recently had a car accident because she was having so much trouble finding a nursing home that would take him. The man was so senile that he couldn't even recognize his wife of several decades and beat her because he mistook her for an intruder. Don't tell me that she was dumping him into a nursing home. Seriously, imagine that your mom/dad/SO's brain shrunk into a raisin and turned him/her into a deranged psycho or a Terrible Two. This kind of stuff happens, so please don't be so harsh to judge people as "dumpers."

    More later, with many stories.

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    God/dess Lysondra's Avatar
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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    Quote Originally Posted by Krazyjane View Post
    @Dottie:

    My pleasure. I think that Mrs. Nearing's essay can make most people rethink euthanasia and the value of life. Hehe, Maude had it made. I could never destroy a Jag-Hearse like Harold did.

    A lot of you condemn nursing homes. I totally understand the stigma, and will shoot myself before I go into one. I hav nothing but respect for people who manage to take care of their loved ones. However, a lot of you aren't seeing the other side of the issue. We had a man come in who was very violent. He's scream, kick, threaten, spit, you name it. His wife had visible bruises, yet claimed that she had recently had a car accident because she was having so much trouble finding a nursing home that would take him. The man was so senile that he couldn't even recognize his wife of several decades and beat her because he mistook her for an intruder. Don't tell me that she was dumping him into a nursing home. Seriously, imagine that your mom/dad/SO's brain shrunk into a raisin and turned him/her into a deranged psycho or a Terrible Two. This kind of stuff happens, so please don't be so harsh to judge people as "dumpers."

    More later, with many stories.

    D: You're making me feel so much better for going to the nursing home with puzzles and yarn on Christmas. D: Poor guys, really. It's not like it was his fault he was a complete mess, either... and the wife was just trying to help... D:


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    God/dess Dottie Rebel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    ^^^Yeah, good for you!! Thank goodness for people like you. Those old cats are gonna think you are one cool young philly!

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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    I think about this too, esp. since I take care of my mom. I will not, & do not, even think of anyone taking care of me, unless it would be major benefit$ to them. I know there's long term care insurance, but can't afford it now. I remember going to a seminar about this, there was a young 20ish guy the agent talked about, he went cliff diving & ended up in a long term care.


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    Veteran Member badpixie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    two words: hot androids.

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    Default Re: Childfree people: who will take care of us when we're old?

    Save your money and as you get older hire a good lawyer to act as your proxy. Outline every detail of how you want the end of your life to go and have he or she make sure that's what happens.

    For myself, if I ever get old and feeble and I feel my mind and body slipping I am going to give myself a "hot shot" of heroin and that'll be it. Fuck a bunch of poopin' the pants and losing your dignity. I'll go out the HST way.
    Check out my new eBay auctions.......

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