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Thread: Cute Jokes

  1. #1
    Featured Member MadisonM's Avatar
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    Default Cute Jokes

    HAHA my mom sent this email to me.... I thought some of these were kinda cute.


    CHUCKLES FOR MATURE COUPLES AND OTHERS


    My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
    He thought he was God, and I didn't.
    -----------------------------------------------------------

    Marriage is a three-ring circus:
    Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
    -----------------------------------------------------------


    For Sale :
    Wedding dress, size 8.
    Worn once by mistake.
    ------------------------------------------------------------

    There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:
    Before marriage and after marriage.
    -------------------------------------------------------------


    Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
    Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go,
    they
    take your house and car.
    -------------------------------------------------------------


    The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove
    seemed way too qualified for the job.
    "Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in
    picking lemons?"
    "Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied.? "I've been divorced
    three times."
    --------------------------------------------------------

    An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse
    he
    has been living with for the last 40 years.
    The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact
    words
    that were used to put the curse on you."
    The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and
    wife."
    --------------------------------------------------------

    Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
    All the DNA is the same.
    -------------------------------------------------------

    I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.
    Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped
    into
    the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
    Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come
    forward
    looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would
    you
    like to buy?"
    Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly
    neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for
    a
    table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said .
    "We
    may not have 45 minutes."
    They were seated immediately.
    --------------------------------------------------------

    The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they
    would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
    --------------------------------------------------------


    All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down
    the
    aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride
    kissed
    her father and placed something in his hand.
    The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter.
    Even
    the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in
    marriage,
    the bride gave him back his credit card.
    --------------------------------------------------------

    Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should
    relax
    and get used to the idea.
    ---------------------------------------------------------


    Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're
    in
    your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over
    you,
    what would you like them to say?"
    Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a
    fine
    spiritual leader, and a great family man."
    Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful
    teacher
    and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
    Al said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"
    ---------------------------------------------------------


    Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to
    God.
    Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years
    mean to
    you?"
    The Lord replies, "A minute."
    Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
    The Lord replies, "A penny."
    Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
    The Lord replies, "In a minute."
    ---------------------------------------------------------


    A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to
    me.
    Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact,
    she
    sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy.
    What do you think I should do?"
    "Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now,
    tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
    -------------------------------------------------------


    John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last
    request, dear," he said.
    "Of course, John," his wife said softly.
    "Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
    "But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
    With his last breath John said, "I do!"
    --------------------------------------------------------


    A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is
    happening
    and I have to talk to you about it."
    The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
    The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
    The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
    The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning
    me,
    what should I do?"
    The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see
    what I can find out and I'll let you know."
    A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to
    your
    wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my
    advice?"
    The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison"




    HAVE A GREAT DAY !
    Take the road less traveled- just make sure you have a map.

  2. #2
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: Cute Jokes

    awww. Love you! That made my day sooooo much better!

  3. #3
    Senior Member Lizzybethers's Avatar
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    Default Re: Cute Jokes

    hahaha..... those were funny
    I choose to live, not just exist

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