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Thread: Myspace cliches

  1. #1
    Veteran Member Laylas's Avatar
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    Default Myspace cliches

    I <3 Craigslist (best of section):

    This applies to Myspace, Facebook, AIM profiles, and any other online medium where narcissistic young people like me represent themselves. If you have one or more of the following statements in your profile, I probably hate you. In no particular order:

    1) People who say "music is my life," but don't play an instrument or sing at all. Kind of lazy, no? Let me clue you in: your only relation to music is that you consume it. You are to TV on the Radio what a geek is to Star Wars: a hobbyist. Don't pretend to understand music you have no idea how to perform or analyze just because you have a humanities degree.

    2) People who say they enjoy "eating, hanging out, movies, going out with friends." EVERYONE DOES THESE THINGS. Do you like sleeping? Me too! We should totally hang out!

    3) People who say that they hate "fake people and liars." It doesn't help that they usually spell it "liers." Who ARE all these fake people running around that I keep hearing about? If everybody hates fake people, then how can there be anyone left to be fake? Maybe the fake people just don't have Myspace pages. Yeah, that must be it.

    4) People with kids. I don't mean to sound like a prude, but when you bring a life into the world, the part of your life that involved Myspace is over. Or at least it should be. It pains me to think of the rearing your child will receive when his mom's profile still lists "clubbing and going out" as interests and has "riding dirty" as its embedded song. And enough with those creepy calendars that tell us how big the kid you are expecting has grown to. I try not to think about what is going on inside a person's body until I've at least met them in person.

    (Side note: I haven't seen any yet, but it is inevitable that there will soon be baby Myspace pages, i.e. mothers setting up accounts for their babies and writing crap like "my mommy is typing this for me" in the "about me" section. These children will have all their relatives and playdates added as friends and will keep their accounts as they grow up and get old enough to use it themselves. They will never remember not having a Myspace page. This makes me fear for our nation's future.)

    5) "You either hate me or love me." My attitude towards 99&#37; of the people I meet is "don't give a shit." To presume that you could command either my hatred or affection is incredibly arrogant. It also means you're a drama queen who can't stand to be ignored for five seconds.

    6) "wut's up" You goddamned fucking retard. One letter cannot possibly cost you enough time that it's worth sacrificing your dignity.

    7) "I believe in (veganism, atheism, satanism, whatever). If you can't handle that, then you don't need to read any further." Pretty much the same as number 5. Stop trying to make your hobby sound like your life's consuming passion; I bet half your friends don't even know about your -ism and they "handle" you just fine. In fact, you're probably writing about it so confrontationally because you don't have the spine to say such things in real life to real people.

    Jailbait. If you're 15 or under, then do us all a favor and get the fuck off of Myspace. Now. Unless you like long van rides with forty year old Harry Potter enthusiasts, no good can come of it. It's not just concern for your safety that makes me say this; you are going through the stupidest years of your life, and broadcasting them into cyberspace. If there was a google-cached copy of all the idiotic things I wrote in my friend's year books, I'd probably want to hang myself. Which brings us to...

    9) Dead kids. Wow. You died. That sucks, it really does. Now could one of your surviving relatives have the decency to take your page down? I know it gives your friends a place to type that they "miss u so much" (Jesus the Jew, can't you even spell correctly for your friend's EULOGY??), but you're giving me the creeps, smiling at me from that profile picture like you're still among the living. Exactly how long is your grieving family going to leave that page up? Forever? Forever-ever? Ever-ever? I guess your friends will finally have some closure on your death when they move you out of their top 8. I just really hope that when I die, there won't be an eternal monument to all the terrible bands I liked right before I kicked.

    Well, there are more of these, but you get the point. Please, people, remember that these websites are just shrines we set up for ourselves. The more effort you put in to showing the world how unique you are is probably proportionate to your superficiality and egotism. Just tell me enough information to let me know if we could hang out. And don't worry, I'm not a fake person. Or a lier.

  2. #2
    Veteran Member layka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Myspace cliches

    (Side note: I haven't seen any yet, but it is inevitable that there will soon be baby Myspace pages, i.e. mothers setting up accounts for their babies and writing crap like "my mommy is typing this for me" in the "about me" section. These children will have all their relatives and playdates added as friends and will keep their accounts as they grow up and get old enough to use it themselves. They will never remember not having a Myspace page. This makes me fear for our nation's future.)




    ROFL, I made my nephew a myspace page already. He's 7 and we made it together.... of course it's spongebob all over!!! Damn, I thought we were the only auntie/nephew myspace duo.
    If you don't stand for something, you fall for ANYTHING.[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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    Veteran Member layka's Avatar
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    Default Re: Myspace cliches

    I just finished reading the entire post............ You are too funny!!! #9 made me rip my seat.
    If you don't stand for something, you fall for ANYTHING.[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  4. #4
    Featured Member X Evan X's Avatar
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    Default Re: Myspace cliches

    That is great!

    -E
    hilarious signature

  5. #5
    smartcookie
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    Default Re: Myspace cliches

    Another Myspace cliche: porn stars. I'm sick of them.

  6. #6
    God/dess PaigeDWinter's Avatar
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    Default Re: Myspace cliches

    Quote Originally Posted by smartcookie View Post
    Another Myspace cliche: porn stars. I'm sick of them.
    I gotta applaud them though. Setting up their own MS sites is a great PR idea.
    Number of times Rickrolled on stage: 6
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    Marasmus ... "Ladies don't fart. They butt-laugh."
    Marasmus says, "Oh no, that wasn't gas, it was merely a rectal chuckle."

    Marek says, "A friend of mine got punched in the face by a dominatrix stripper about two weeks ago and I thought of you."

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Myspace cliches

    Hello!?! You forgot ridiculously high-contrast profile photos. Everyone looks good in high contrast photoshopped photos.

    I fucking hate myspace.

  8. #8
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: Myspace cliches

    I heard about a myspace profile for a fetus. That's a new low.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Myspace cliches

    Oh God, I know somebody who has done this for her 2 year old.
    Quote Originally Posted by Laylas View Post
    (Side note: I haven't seen any yet, but it is inevitable that there will soon be baby Myspace pages, i.e. mothers setting up accounts for their babies and writing crap like "my mommy is typing this for me" in the "about me" section. These children will have all their relatives and playdates added as friends and will keep their accounts as they grow up and get old enough to use it themselves. They will never remember not having a Myspace page. This makes me fear for our nation's future.)


  10. #10
    smartcookie
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    Default Re: Myspace cliches

    Quote Originally Posted by Lola Rose View Post
    I heard about a myspace profile for a fetus. That's a new low.
    An aborted fetus? Or like a page a pregnant chick set up for her future child?

  11. #11
    God/dess virgoamm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Myspace cliches

    Jailbait. If you're 15 or under, then do us all a favor and get the fuck off of Myspace. Now. Unless you like long van rides with forty year old Harry Potter enthusiasts, no good can come of it. It's not just concern for your safety that makes me say this; you are going through the stupidest years of your life, and broadcasting them into cyberspace. If there was a google-cached copy of all the idiotic things I wrote in my friend's year books, I'd probably want to hang myself. Which brings us to...

    ^^Hehe-it's funny because it's true!!!

  12. #12
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Myspace cliches

    My most unfavorite CLICHE is the GLITCHES!!!!!

    I can't wait until I have my own site so I don't have to deal with a buggy network.

  13. #13
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: Myspace cliches

    Quote Originally Posted by smartcookie View Post
    An aborted fetus? Or like a page a pregnant chick set up for her future child?
    An unborn baby. The mommy is documenting what the baby does (like kicking) as well as where she goes, name stuff, doctor visits... all that

  14. #14
    Cally
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    Default Re: Myspace cliches

    Quote Originally Posted by smartcookie View Post
    Another Myspace cliche: porn stars. I'm sick of them.
    Actually I think its kinda cool.. I have Monica Mayhem on my top friends list because shes one fucking cool chick(and i've hung out with her so its not just random) but yea... its great for groupies... I dunno..

    I have one of those myspaces with edited pics and blah blah blah... its for work... I post my tour dates n stuff *shrug*

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