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Thread: $$ Jealous friends $$

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    Senior Member bite's Avatar
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    Default $$ Jealous friends $$

    I'm having a really tough time with one of my best friends at the moment. We have been in college together for 4 years and have shared a house with some other students for the last 2 years. Money has always been super-tight with all of us but we just about managed to struggle by...

    Anyway I started stripping about 6 months ago. I consistently bring home a lot of money and life has definitely become a lot easier for me - I can afford nice things once in a while, my student debt is a lot less, I can pay bills on time etc etc - but the whole time I'm acutely aware that my housemates are still cash-stretched and it must be really hard for them to see me earning so much. Because of this I am really careful about flashing money around.

    One friend though seems to be having some real jealousy issues with me. She'd never say anything outright, but she's made several acidic comments that smack of the green-eyed monster. She even changed my name in her phone address book to 'Miss Minted' - meant as a lighthearted joke but I think I can see sinister roots of it now. The friction between us is getting worse and worse. One on hand, I feel bad for her because I know how broke she is and how it must suck to live in the same house as someone who earns thousands a week. On the other hand, she's my friend dammit, friends don't envy each other like this. And if she has a problem with my life getting better just because hers hasn't, is she really a good friend at all? I feel like having an angry confrontation about her sucky attitude.

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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    That's most girls for you, heck, sometimes I get a little jealous when my friend lands a VIP and I don't and vice versa. I know for me, even though I feel a little jealousy, I'm always genuniely happy for my friend as any friend should be. As long as you're extremely careful to not be flashy about it then you're doing all that you can do. I had a friend back in college that meant really well but she always pissed everyone off because she had this way of bragging all the time that she got an A on her test and didn't even study. She'd say this at every test and before long the entire class hated her. So be very careful to not talk about money, not show it, etc. If it's gets to the point that you can't live with them because they can't handle, then it's THEIR problem, NOT your's! If it comes to that then get a place of your own, you can afford to and personally, I love living alone, I'm not really into the whole roomate thing. You'll figure it out what's best.

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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    I predict a "moral" judgment from your "friend" sometime soon. You're eating filet mignon while she's on the Raman noodle express. This makes her resentful and so she's going to turn to the "at least I don't take my clothes off for money" card sometime soon.

    A real friend will respect your choices and be happy you're doing well. As leogirl said, there may be some minor jealousy, but if that's the prevailing tenor of her relationship with you then there's a problem.

    However, I'd caution against seeking an angry confrontation with her. Instead, you may wish to approach it without any emotion if you want to reach a resolution that will save your friendship. Just tell her how much her comments hurt you and ask if there's something you're doing that is provoking those comments.

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    Featured Member rusdancer's Avatar
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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    Unfortunately this is a normal situation and happens all the time.You have to be very careful about what you say and what you do.

    Also,my advice to you would be to watch where you keep your money,because if you don't it can mysteriously dissapear.It happened to me and to a few people I know.

    They can be your best friends,but when it comes to issues like this,people can change,which is very sad.

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    Veteran Member The one and only Raven's Avatar
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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    Wow.... Sounds like a similar situation I went through when I started dancing. My friend and I went in to audition together but she chickened out. From then on, I was making good money and she was constantly jealous. I kept telling her, well go try it then... She'd say no, she's too fat, or something dumb... Then the comments about how bad and morally wrong it was started. Jeeze. Then I find out she's talking bad about me behind my back. She used to drive a 97 mustang- her pride and joy, I liked it. Alot. And when I went out and bought my 06 mustang she had a fit, claimed I only got it cos she had one. Which is not true but she wouldn't hear any of that. Anyway, I just severed ties with her; she got married to a Marine and moved to Hawaii. I wish the best for her but I can't be friends with some one who is constantly hating.
    My very best friend, who I work with, well, I know we can have our jealous moments. You really can't help feeling it when you see her getting VIPs back to back. But, we both have our days and I know she feels like that too when the shoe is on the other foot. Deep down though, I try to stay positive and be glad that at least one of us is making some money. I love her more than money and I like to think she feels the same way...
    Well, maybe you should sit down with your friend and try to talk to her about your concerns. Remind her that if she's a true friend, she will love you more than the money. It's really hard to be friends with someone if deep down they despise the fact that you're doing better for yourself. Hope this helps and good luck.

    Krystal

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    Veteran Member sensuality's Avatar
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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    That has to be really tough. Personally, I couldn't live with other people if I can afford to live on my own. I would seriously consider moving out if it persists, or it will get worse and worse.
    I am not making crazy money or anything, but I will never talk to any of my friends about how much I bring home. Even with that tactic, one of my very best friends is aggravating (sp?) me a LOT lately. Every time she calls me, she wants something: a ride here or there, $5 for a pack of smokes, just stupid little fucking things. It annoys me so much that I won't pick up when she calls my cell phone. If she leaves me a voicemail, it ALWAYS starts with "hey Jackie, I was wondering if you could do me a favor..." I'm getting sick of it.
    I don't think its possible to remain friends with people who are constantly:
    1. Being overly jealous and rude
    2. Judging you because of what you do
    3. Mooching off of you
    With all the stupid things guys will say, stay cool.

    "Her apartment is littered with soggy G-strings and cheap 8-inch heeled shoes, along with empty tubes of body glitter, mascara, prescription drugs, zit cream, Aqua Net and Polaroid pictures of her and her "friends" engaged in some drinking and dancing on St. Patrick's Day last year. " My God....

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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    Just drag her butt out to the club and tell her "Stop hatin' and start hustlin'". Who know's, maybe she isn't just jealous but possibly envious and curious. Maybe ask her if she would like to try it sometime....all it takes is a little push...

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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    I know that feeling, all my life people have been jealous of me for some reason. Money, size, or friendships. People need to chill the fuck out and get a life.

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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    Honestly, I would find a new friend. I know this is harsh but I danced through college (I went to a state school, nothing fancy) and I drove there in my BMW and got out of my car in my mink coat. I don't really know what people thought, if I was a "rich girl" or a stripper or whatever the fuck. And I really didn't care. Everything I have I worked for and if people are going to not like me because of it, they can fuck off. I had some friends that I thought were great before I started dancing, and we don't talk anymore. I started when I was 18 (dancing) and ended up quitting for two years because everyone was so "horrified" that I was "selling my body" and ruining my life... and I struggled, and ate ramen noodles, etc etc and then I realized : "All these people who are telling me not to dance are way more financially secure than I am. I'm the one who's suffering here, and what for? So people will like me? They don't have to live my life." I stay away from people who bring me down. It makes life a lot happier. And, may I add, if someone was really your friend, they wouldn't treat you like that. A good friend would see your success and it would inspire her to do something with her own life. I'd move out.

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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    This is going to sound bad, but I totally know where you are coming from. When I started going to LA and doing photo shoots and all that crap, I was happy. I wasn't waving my paychecks in other girl's faces, but slowly girls that had never had a problem with me had issues with me. It got bad enough that I no longer work in Nashville, because it wasn't worth all the drama from all the other girls.

    If I'm not on the road and feel like working, I will drive 3 hours each way to go work in a club in Indiana where I don't tell anybody about my life. No movies, no magazines, no feature dancing, nothing. I'm just Ginger, and people treat me like any other girl. It's strange how it works out like that.

    It sucks that if you make more money, get more attention, etc. that girls are going to have problems with you. There's nothing you can do to change them, unless they want to change. If I were you and it kept getting worse I would move out, just to get rid of the headache.

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    Senior Member Gypsy14's Avatar
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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    Oh God, I totally went through that! It really is easier to live on your own, or with roommates who weren't previously your friends. I had a roommate who was one of my really good friends but probably too overweight to dance herself, even though she probably would have if she could have. When I first started dancing, I think both of us were kind of overwhelmed about the money I was bringing home, and she began to say hurtful things because she was jealous. We're great friends now because we're no longer living together, and she doesn't have to witness how it's affecting me firsthand. But roommates can be super tricky...

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    Senior Member bite's Avatar
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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    Thanks you guys for your advice, seems like a lot of us end up in this boat at some time or another. I never thought it would happen with me and my friends but then again I am still a bit of a newbie to this business and the drama that comes with it.
    I suppose there are probably a couple of ways I could tighten up even more about how well I might do in a night. After a night at work, the girls always ask me how it went and how I did and I'll always tell them. Lately I've been censoring most of the details, usually just saying it was 'OK' and leaving it at that. To begin with, when I first started working, with I shared every single juicy detail of the night's proceedings with my 3 best friends that I share a house with. To us it was a hilarious adventure into the unspoken and I loved letting them in on it. Looking back, I was naive not to expect this shit at some point so I suppose it's my fault really for lacking the insight to realise my friends aren't superhuman bullet-proof jealousy-free zones.
    Moving out really isn't an option - I'm supposed to be a broke, struggling college student and my parents would smell a rat.

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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    YOu know, I've never had a problem with this. Maybe it's the people i was friends with? I mean, I've had them comment on it, but it was honest stuff like, "I'm so jealous!" (and they weren't being mean about it) then I would ask them if THEY wanted to try it out (they always said no). I HAVE gotten people always trying to get me to foot the bill or lend them money though. Maybe you could say something like, "Well, you can be "Miss Mint number two" if you wanted to try it out". Maybe that would get her to back off because really... That was pretty stupid of her to put that in her phone. It's so transparent because it is SO NOT funny (or she just has a really lame sense of humor, lol).
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    Quote Originally Posted by almostputtin View Post
    I predict a "moral" judgment from your "friend" sometime soon. You're eating filet mignon while she's on the Raman noodle express. This makes her resentful and so she's going to turn to the "at least I don't take my clothes off for money" card sometime soon.
    I SO agree.

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    Veteran Member lexXe's Avatar
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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    I can understand how you feel because I've been through this many times.


    Never talk about money. If someone asks how you did at work just day "well". Don't deprive yourself of the things you enjoy but watch how you discuss or display these things. I think this is important especially when your involved in a friendship. For me, I have friends who I love who are prone to jealousy because of some of the opportunities I've had. Since I know this is the case, I am careful about how I discuss these things with them. It's only natural for people to have these feelings so I think it's our job as friends to be sensitive to this.

    Good luck.

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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    Like many of the other girls here, I have had the same experience. But I blame it on my wonderful hubby! We have neighbors who are great friends of ours. We talk almost every single night, they know I dance and they have no problem with it.

    Last week however, when I was trying out a new club, I came home and my hubby and the neighbors were all hanging out. They asked me how it went, I said "It was good, nice club, I liked it." My hubby says... "Good?! She made @!#$ in ONE night! IT was great!"

    Well, the look on their faces....and then the "you made that in a night? like 5 hours? Cash?" And ever since it's been very odd around them. little comments "Boy you all are going to have a great Christmas huh?" "I guess you all can afford to take that vacation huh?" and it's not said with sincere happiness but instead sprinkled with bitterness....it sucks.

    My poor silly hubby, he STILL thinks it's so 'cool' that he's married to a woman that strips, and in his own way is proud of me (and himself) so he brags...but the guy has got to learn to ZIP IT!


    Good luck with your situation hun, and hopefully your friend snaps out of it.




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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    I wish people could be more mature about it though, ya know? It's like, be happy for me, wouldn't you want me to be happy for you? I mean, how would any one of your friends feel if they were working hard and doing well for themself but you were pissed that they were! When I see people doing well for themself, yes there is some slight envy but more, it inspires me to try harder because I say to myself "I want that", I guess not everyone is like that.

    Oh, and definitely, get a safety deposit box at the bank. This girl I work with had a safe in her bedroom that had a lock on it, she's in college and has roomates. She had $18,000 saved up in it and someone took a hammer or something and busted the safe open and stole all of her money!!!! You don't want to learn the hard way like she did! And what made her more sick about it was she didn't buy herself anything because she's saving for grad school, so all of that dancing she did her first year was stolen from her. She said "I took my clothes off and I have nothing to show for it". I know this is off topic but seriously, watch your money like a hawk and don't let anyone make you feel guilty or don't let them guilt trip you into paying for their stuff, you know people will do that "well, you make xyz and I don't, boo hoo".

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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    If anyone bitches about the money I make, I tell them to start dancing. They could make that money too.

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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    A few years back, I had a "friend" that started assisting me on photo shoots. I would take 75%, he 25%. After a few months, he paid off his debts, had a nice down payment on a new truck, paid his mom back for a few loans, and was doing pretty good.
    Well, he became pussified (who knows why), and told me that he had "moral issues" with our work shooting models because they "take their clothes off willingly". He quit, and started shooting weddings, and soon went into the "feast or famine" category, spending most of his time negotiating with tight, soon to be married couples with little or no money. Meanwhile, he would borrow money from me to "carry him over", and at the same time he'd still preach that I was "on the wrong path".
    After the third loan to him, I told him to get his head out of his ass, get realistic and get his fucking life in order. He said that we "couldn't be friends anymore". Oh, by this time (according to his mom) he had started drinking daily, and got engaged to some holier than thou bitch that he got pregnant.
    2 years ago, my GF (whom he knew from before, when she worked with us also) and I saw him in the grocery store, he had his 2 kids in the cart, and he was using food stamps. He asked me if I was still "living a fantasy life instead of getting a real job", and then he asked if "those nice watches and new cars make me a better person."

    Amazing.

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    Senior Member yolanda's Avatar
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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    Yes, leogirl, I get a slight tingle of jealousy when you bank, but you know (or if you don't) I love you and am happy for you! xoxo

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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    Quote Originally Posted by ExoticEngineer View Post

    My poor silly hubby, he STILL thinks it's so 'cool' that he's married to a woman that strips, and in his own way is proud of me (and himself) so he brags...but the guy has got to learn to ZIP IT!
    ha, that's such a man thing. it's cool that he thinks of it as something awesome rather than something to be bitter about - but you know how guys are. they always have to have something to brag about to boost their egos. whether its their car or their career or their sexy money making stripper wife.... whatever makes them feel good i guess. it really is silly =)

    i can understand being a little jealous or bitter towards a girl that just gets her way and is spoiled and can just have whatever she wants whenever...

    but for real? you need to explain to your friends that this is money you WORKED for -it's not free money. yeah you could be jealous all the money doctors and lawyers make too - but money isn't always something that's just handed to you. you did something to deserve it, like many others who have a comfortable income, and you need to let them know that.

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    Veteran Member JettaNyx's Avatar
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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    well i only breifly had this problem when i danced forever ago. i had a friend who was a stay at home mom with a 10mo old & hubby worked his ass off to provide for them so money was super tight. i'm a very giving person and i'd take them out for dinner (not real fancy), occasionaly get toys for the kid. i still do that for friends here and there, share the wealth a little!

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    Featured Member sophiemarie's Avatar
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    Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    Dancers that are immature and have no game are jealous and jealous of new girls. It is apart of the business. Don't worry about it or let it stress you out.
    Go do you girl. They aren't paying your rent or putting food on your table.

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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    This situation almost always tends to happen. Which is why most strippers live alone, with boyfriends, or other strippers. I do make more of a effort not to flash my $$ around my friends who aren't as well off, but sometimes it gets annoying. Like, the other day I was at the mall with one of my non-stripper girlfriends and there was this handbag I was dying to have but it cost quite a bit. I didn't want to make her feel bad or look like I was showing off, so I decided to come back the next day. Well the handbag was gone and they don't even make it anymore. OK, I realize I sound a bit ridiculous with my little story of shopping woe but it did kinda suck. lol.
    "We all must suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. In order to achieve what others don't, you have to do what others won't."


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    Veteran Member lexXe's Avatar
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    Default Re: $$ Jealous friends $$

    Quote Originally Posted by Miss Jessica View Post
    Like, the other day I was at the mall with one of my non-stripper girlfriends and there was this handbag I was dying to have but it cost quite a bit. I didn't want to make her feel bad or look like I was showing off, so I decided to come back the next day. Well the handbag was gone and they don't even make it anymore.
    Yeah, I've been in this situation. I think its good to behave in this way especially if your friend expressed insecurity with money. Its good to be considerate.

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