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Thread: Married but I want the guesthouse!

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    Default Married but I want the guesthouse!

    Im prolly the only woman in the world who can say this but when we buy a house, I swear Im gonna make sure it has a guest house out back and Im moving into it! I dont care how beautiful the house is, or how tiny the guest house is, but Im moving in. I love my husband, but I HATE living with him. I FINALLY got time to take a nice hot shower today...but first I had to wash towels because he uses a new towel after EVERY 30 minute shower and when he used all of them he finds mine--which I use for a week before washing--U r clean when u get out the shower....y change towels everyday?? The bad part is he doesnt hang it up when hes done. Oh no, he throws it on the bathroom floor and just walks away. He doesnt put it in the basket that I put in the bathroom for dirty towels and rags so its a little easier for me to gather at laundry time. Nope, he drops it across the bathroom. So when my towels were dry,Azaia was already up and had to eat,and Ahrie was tired of sitting quietly. So I still have not had a shower....for the past 4 days.
    There are big a$$ shoes in the middle of the bedroom floor for me to trip on at 3am feedings.They go by the front door. I ask him over and over and over.
    There are crumbs on the keyboard,and beer spilled on a speaker. I yell at Ahrie everyday to get in the kitchen with her food,and hes the one fuckin shyt up in the living room,setting a bad example.I sit at the table for all meals with Ahrie,y cant he?I ask him over and over and over.
    I am protective of the velvety comforter my mom bought me a few years ago. It STAYS on the bed,not on the couch,then eventually on the living room floor to get stepped on. He grabs whatever blanket he sees first to lounge under after work.
    Theres pee under the toilet on the floor,which is his bad aim.Im fuckin tired of cleanin that shyt up because he wont.I ask him over and over and over.
    I want to move back into my apartment so bad. He frustrates me SO bad that I cry. Im a neat freak and like things clean and organized. I understand with a family, u cant expect things to be perfect and in place all the time, but DAMN this is rediculous! (sp?)
    I expect it from kids not him. He cleans up good some days, but shyt Im tired of all this. I wanna move back out. Can u be happily married and living next door to eachother???? lol
    dont get me wrong guys...like i said...ive learned to look over some things and let em go without nagging...but some stuff just needs to change,and it wont!

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    Heh, well I guess he needs a clean towel every day since the other one's been on the floor growing mildew? Well... do what my mom used to do to me when I was little... dump all his crap in a pile. Soggy towels, dirty shoes, whatever else. (My mom used to dump it on my bed but... that would probably not work out so well for YOU, hehe)
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    Ugh. I can't deal with inconsiderate dudes like that. I won't live with them. They don't change, from my experience. I'd move out too, and let him live in filth!

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    That's disrespectful and rude. It's not like he doesn't notice; he just knows you'll do it for him, so why bother? Try this... from now on, ONLY do the laundry that is in the hamper. Stop cleaning up after him (yes, leave the nasty pee where it is). Inform him that you are no longer his maid, so he can either hire one or clean up after himself. And why isn't he watching the kids so you can have a shower? Some dad he is... sounds like a shitty husband too.

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    God/dess Sirona's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    That's disrespectful and rude. It's not like he doesn't notice; he just knows you'll do it for him, so why bother? Try this... from now on, ONLY do the laundry that is in the hamper. Stop cleaning up after him (yes, leave the nasty pee where it is). Inform him that you are no longer his maid, so he can either hire one or clean up after himself. And why isn't he watching the kids so you can have a shower? Some dad he is... sounds like a shitty husband too.
    What she said.



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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    Yeah it's not just cleaning issues he has - this is completely disrespectful. If he doesn't respect you and ya'll's family, it's time for the method mentioned above ^ Get a maid or clean up after yourself. And a serious, serious talk about having respect in a marriage. Being someones boyfriend and being someone's husband are two VERY different things and he needs to realize this. Not to mention a FATHER. Yeah. He needs to shape up.

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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    As far as everything else, he is a good husband. He's been there for me since I got prego by him in high school,joined the Navy so we could have a good life and so he could support us at age 18. Its just household stuff where he's bad.
    He's fast asleep now,while Im up with the kids. Like I wasnt up all night feeding Azaia and then up all day dealing with Ahrie AND Azaia. He always gets a nap,then when I get a nap...he'll halfway watch Ahrie...so I get to wake up to a mess,or him sleeping on the couch.
    Im SO fed up and nothing I do or say works. I can leave a mess, then it gets SO bad that I cant deal with it,so I clean it anyways.He says " you dont get up at 5am and go to work all day,so y cant u have the house clean?" UGH! his fuckin job consists of sitting in an air conditioned control tower,usually playing cards or dominos since theres not many planes flying in this cold.He gets adult conversation, doesnt have to clean after others,AND gets paid. I effin hate him right now.
    I WANT A DIVORCE.and we JUST got back together.

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    Veteran Member jessica_rabbit's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    hmmm, better yet stick HIM in the guest house! Seriously, this is a common problem in a lot of marriages. I'm not sure what advice to give here, because I'm not a particularly neat person so a lot of that stuff doesn't bother me too much. However, when things do get clean around the house it's thanks to me. For some reason most of the household work is left to women even when women are working full-time outside the house. Men for the most part don't pick up the slack. I'm not gonna say he's an asshole or anything, but he's certainly being inconsiderate. Maybe explain to him that you are overwhelmed with all the work and need a housecleaner to come in once a week. Then have him pay for it. At least this way he'll be helping out, in an indirect way at least.

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    It sounds to me like this might be why you left him in the first place. Hm? I don't mean to say I told you so, but well, exes are exes for a reason. I always advise to let them stay that way.

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    Thanx... yeah, I told him about a housecleaner coming in once a week. But the funny thing is... 2 days after Azaia and I came home from the hospital,I was cleaning a guys house for money. (posted that ad on craigslist) So its funny for me to be a housekeeper, then paying someone to clean my house. But I think I want to do that cuz Im sick and tired of doing NOTHING but kids and cleaning. I dont even get out of this house --to go play poker, to play football,to go to work,to go to the bowling alley to watch the game-- so its that much more depressing looking at a mess.
    Im about to say to hell with it and let the house get nasty.As long as Ahries and Azaias room is clean,hey I could care less anymore.
    Our next house...Im getting my own room and bathroom for sure.

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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    Quote Originally Posted by Bridgette View Post
    It sounds to me like this might be why you left him in the first place. Hm? I don't mean to say I told you so, but well, exes are exes for a reason. I always advise to let them stay that way.
    Nah,this isnt why I left him before. Left him cuz I was young and dumb and married too young and wanted to grow up on my own,and date around more.
    Now if he was just a b/f....I'd most def. move out because of housekeeping issues.

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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    Make a chore chart. THere is a difference between being a housewife (cleaning, taking care of the kiddos, whatever) and being a personal maid. He can't just be the biggest slob he can be and try to write that off as your responsibility because you're the housewife and he's the big important bread-winner. He needs to learn a little respect.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    I tried the chart.Works better with the kids.Got ignored. Im gonna tell him next time I come home or wake up to what once was clean,im gonna smash his brand new Xbox 360. LOL thats how he lost his last Xbox...he knows Im crazy,maybe thats all i gotta say to make him clean! lol
    Last edited by Xiomara; 12-08-2006 at 07:04 PM.

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    God/dess Sirona's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    Quote Originally Posted by Bella21 View Post
    Make a chore chart. THere is a difference between being a housewife (cleaning, taking care of the kiddos, whatever) and being a personal maid. He can't just be the biggest slob he can be and try to write that off as your responsibility because you're the housewife and he's the big important bread-winner. He needs to learn a little respect.
    A chore chart?! That's the shit I did with my kids when they were like 7.
    Fuck that shit.



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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sirona View Post
    A chore chart?! That's the shit I did with my kids when they were like 7.
    Fuck that shit.
    Sirona you crack me up!


    Xiomara have you tried having a serious word with him instead of nagging (not saying that you do nag)? When I nag at my hubby it will go through one ear and out the other. I agree though it is totally disrespectul to you and he should be setting an example to your kid's. As for leaving his piss under the toilet seat and on the floor f**k that! I HATE that shit, that is disgusting and shows pure laziness.. I won't even allow my husband to leave the toilet seat up (pet peeve).

    You shouldn't have to hire and cleaner hon.. he need's to pull his weight!

    Seraya
    Last edited by seraya; 12-08-2006 at 07:26 PM.


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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    Ive tried sitting down with him and talking. Ive cried.Ive screamed.Ive yelled.Ive begged.For the past 3 yrs. He dont care. At least he doesnt deny that HE peed behind the toilet and on the toilet seat anymore. Can u imagine sitting in pee?? OK MAYBE i can understand a drunken pee in the middle of the night.MAYBE. but every day/night? shyt. I wonder if he'll change if I threaten to move out? Is it too much to threaten to go stay with a friend? Its a big deal to me. I grew up with my dad (at least my adolescent years and responsible years) and if i so much left a SPOON in the sink or didnt do chores RIGHT after school...i was grounded. Now Im with him and I wanna kill him!!

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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    ^ No honey I completely agree. Pissing on the toilet seat is a HUGE HUGE thing for me. I hate it. I won't even tolerate that from my bother-in-law who is 12 let alone a grown ass man.

    I dunno hon the fact the he doesn't listen to you is a problem in itself, you shouldn't have to threaten to leave he needs to respect ya'll home.

    Seraya.


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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    Quote Originally Posted by Xiomara View Post
    Ive tried sitting down with him and talking. Ive cried.Ive screamed.Ive yelled.Ive begged.For the past 3 yrs. He dont care.
    Well I think you've just addressed the real issue here.

    Quote Originally Posted by seraya View Post
    Pissing on the toilet seat is a HUGE HUGE thing for me. I hate it. I won't even tolerate that from my bother-in-law who is 12 let alone a grown ass man.
    I actually feel for them when it comes to the peeing thing. You ever watch a guy take a leak? They have no control over that shit no matter how careful they are lol! It shoots to the left, to the right, both!

    But...

    They can help keep shit clean you know? I have a teen son (16) and a boyfriend and they BOTH help with cleaning the bathroom.

    Anyhow I have never had to ask my boyfriend to hep with housework and he generally works a ten hour day. He also makes an effort to make sure he knows he appreciates all the shit I do around the house/with the kids and knows it's not easy to keep on top of and he makes a real effort to help out whether it be with cleaning or kid related crap.

    There has to be give and take and there has to be some sort of partnership or it's all bullshit.



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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sirona View Post
    A chore chart?! That's the shit I did with my kids when they were like 7.
    That is exactly the point.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    Quote Originally Posted by Sirona View Post
    I actually feel for them when it comes to the peeing thing. You ever watch a guy take a leak? They have no control over that shit no matter how careful they are lol! It shoots to the left, to the right, both!

    But...

    They can help keep shit clean you know? I have a teen son (16) and a boyfriend and they BOTH help with cleaning the bathroom.
    Yes you are totally right, I should correct myself.. It's not the fact that they pee all over the seat that is the issue .. ish happens. It is not cleaning up after one's self which is the problem.


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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    huh.
    sounds like he needs to sit down to pee if he's that much of a dipshit he can't keep the toilet clean.

    do you only have one bathroom?
    if you have two- have a lock installed on the one YOU USE with YOUR CLEAN TOWELS.

    also-- if/when you get the guesthouse make sure he doesn't have a key.

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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    I've lived with men like that. It's gross...and i hate to say this, but when they're like this, they rarely change these disgusting habits. They seem to believe it is thier birthright to have a woman clean up after them. Eww.
    Fools laugh at others. Wisdom laughs at itself...Osho

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    Veteran Member JettaNyx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    LOL sounds like me and my hubby, love'em to death but i just want my own damn place! (i'm not good with the whole compramise thing...that and he likes to put up shelving everywhere, kinda weird to me to have a whole house lined wth 3 rows of shelves on every wall.)

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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    I'd love my own place. DH is actually the tidier one and is very clean in terms of toilet and all that but I just like my space.

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    Default Re: Married but I want the guesthouse!

    Thats fucking caveman attitude. Tell him to shape up and stop acting like we're living in the 16th century. YES, he is waking up early and going to work, but cleaning up after him and taking care of the kids is NOT A LIFE. Its his DUTY to at the very least clean up after himself so you have time to do the things YOU want to do.

    Dont let him treat you like a slave.

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