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Thread: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

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    Default my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    my boyfriend said sex with me frustrates him because i can't orgasm from the inside, just clitorally. i've always been this way and he knew it going in to the relationship but he says he feels like a failure because i'm not satisfied. i've never led him to believe i wasn't satisfied and it makes me mad that he's telling me how i feel. i knew another girl once that couldn't orgasm at all, and it was like every guy she met thought he would be "THE ONE" to make it happen. they never did and i feel like maybe my boyfriend is thinking the same way. it's like, get over your ego, guy. its all about him. about his ego, and its not even about me. what the hell! now every time i want to get physical with him all i can think about is how dissappointed he'll be and then it's like i just feel bad and i can't be with him. I feel like the failure, and i didn't do anything wrong!

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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    i'm gonna have to be frank about this: your bf is a douchebag. his feelings of inadequacy aren't your fault. a vast majority of women need clitoral stimulation to get off. i know i do. does it make my bf mad that i throw in a helping hand? nope. he gets a kick out of watching. tell your bf he can take you the way you are or hit the road. there are plenty of other guys out there.

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    Veteran Member heidimonster7's Avatar
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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    Wow, I must agree with spoiledpet. All he should care about is the fact that there is something he CAN do to help get you off! He needs to grow up, and you deserve better because there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. A lot of women don't come from just vaginal penetration. Don't let this guy make you feel like a failure in any way. This is 100% his problem!!!

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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    Ha! My ex couldn't get me off at all, so your guy should consider himself lucky that he's got some skills.

    It was so not worth it after awhile to convince him that I did actually enjoy intercourse and I wish he'd put a little effort into it for me. He didn't see the point because all pleasure is evidenced by orgasm. He was also young. I bet your guy is too. After we broke up he asked why I never faked it. ha! Right. Because screw what's in it for me. All sex revolves around the penis and the delicate ego attached to it.

    There is a point in a guy's life (ideally!) that he realizes sex isn't all about him. Yours isn't there yet either.

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    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    It's a matter of maturity. If he were more mature and secure, he wouldn't mind (he'd probably encourage you, like mine). I've been through sex with boys that don't get it yet and I really didn't get any from it, despite trying to make them okay with me using assistance. Best of luck, but I'd cut this one loose.

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    Member **Orchid**'s Avatar
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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    well its weird because before we got together i HATED sex. i'd been with three guys and none of them knew how to use it. i was totally convinced sex was meant to be a painful unpleasant ordeal for women. then i met this guy and he knew how i felt, and he actually knew what he was doing, so after a few times with him, i really enjoyed it from then on! isn't that enough to build his ego? i've come a long way in a year! but it's like he can't see past his idea of how it should be. sometimes i feel like he has a "tally" of all the women he got off and i'm the only one not on it and it bothers him. i don't know if that's really what he thinks but i feel like it is.

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    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    I view it like this: he thinks that if his awesome, manly penis cannot induce spine-cracking orgasms, there's just no other way it's going to happen. If he was able to help all of the other women he's been with see fireworks with his magical penis, there must be something wrong if you want extra stimulation. It's a point of pride, which sucks, because pride does not get you closer to having tingly feelings.

    And, of course, being male, he believes that sex cannot be fun in the least without orgasms. Because what's the point of the closeness and the intimacy if there's no Big O? Stoopid mens.


    I'm still a bit bitter from all the bad sex and arguments from my last relationship, so please forgive the caustic note.

    That doesn't mean I'm wrong or off the mark, though.

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    Member **Orchid**'s Avatar
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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    Quote Originally Posted by rozz View Post
    I view it like this: he thinks that if his awesome, manly penis cannot induce spine-cracking orgasms, there's just no other way it's going to happen. If he was able to help all of the other women he's been with see fireworks with his magical penis, there must be something wrong if you want extra stimulation. It's a point of pride, which sucks, because pride does not get you closer to having tingly feelings.

    And, of course, being male, he believes that sex cannot be fun in the least without orgasms. Because what's the point of the closeness and the intimacy if there's no Big O? Stoopid mens.


    I'm still a bit bitter from all the bad sex and arguments from my last relationship, so please forgive the caustic note.

    That doesn't mean I'm wrong or off the mark, though.
    wow, that's like the nail on the head! i think he's actually used those words before! mystical magic penis! lol

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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    Maybe you should ask him if he knows anything about anatomy at all. I'd be willing to bet he can't orgasm with you simply rubbing his balls, right? Well, on the female, all of the nerves that are in the penis are concentrated in the clit. The vagina has very few nerves compared to the clit.

    Tell him maybe he needs to do some reading up on how "real" women are in bed. Porn actresses are just that, actresses. They aren't really enjoying having sex beyond the paycheck.

    Something like 70-80% of all women need some clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Freud was so worng about the female sexual response that if he actually talked to some women about it; it would be glaringly obvious.

    Or...Maybe he knows all this and is just so self centered that he is just trying to make you feel bad??? I would give him the benefit of the doubt. He is probably getting his info from other guys who are also "educated" in porno 101. Take a trip to Borders or Barnes and Noble with him a check out the human sexuality section. Plenty of great books on new and exciting ways to have sex with each other and deepen the relationship.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


  10. #10
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    The clitoris is a mini-penis. It's made of the same erectile tissue, it gets hard and big when aroused, and most women orgasm easiest by stimulating it. The vagina, OTOH, is not as big on nerve endings. Remember that its major purpose is to serve as a birth canal - can you imagine the agony if it was as sensitive as your clitoris during birth?

    Everybody's different. Some women can't come without nipple stimulus, and obviously the nipples are nowhere near the vagina. Why is it so important that he make you come with his dick, when he can rock your world with his mouth or hands instead? Would he rather pound away with his cock and leave you unsatisfied, or give you mind-blowing pleasure and feel like a rockstar?

    Have you tried riding him from on top? I like that position because it rubs my clit against his pelvis. With my ex-husband I used to come like crazy that way. Or let him bend you over and do you from behind while you rub your own clit. If you use a vibrator on yourself in that position, it also vibrates your vagina a bit and feels really good for him too!

  11. #11
    smartcookie
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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    I have to concur with everyone else; your ex-BF is a total tool and you'd be better off with a real man.

    But just for my amusement...will you e-mail him this link:




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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    Total douche. Like, what a retarded guy. Dump the mofo already!

    I don't even know what else to say. Did he really use the words "mystical magical penis"?? rotflmao!

    Feature costumes for sale!

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    God/dess Emily's Avatar
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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    I'm not surprised by "mysitcal magical penis". My aforementioned ex constantly bragged about how great his penis was. How strong and big (ha!) it was. I'd just roll my eyes and giggle hoping that he'd get the idea that I was the last person to fish for compliments from, but he did it all the time! He still boasts about it even though I now have no problem telling him what a shitty lover he was (it's kinda fun and he sits there and takes it.)

    he worshiped that thing and figured I should too. I did like the sex with him because I liked him, but it was probably some of the worst sex of my life.

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    Featured Member sunnie's Avatar
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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    Quote Originally Posted by spoiledpet View Post
    i'm gonna have to be frank about this: your bf is a douchebag.
    LOL, LOL, LOL!!!!

    I used to not be able to orgasm during sex, then I met the booty call of my dreams **sigh** who showed me the pot of gold at the end of the sex rainbow. Why, oh why, did he have to get a girlfriend? I wish I could tell you how it happened, but I think if I had had more patience by myself with my dildo or vibrator, eventually I would have figured it out.

    If I was frustrated trying to figure it out by myself, I imagine your BF must be 10x as bad off...but to not want to have sex with you is ridiculous! But my suggestion would be to spend some time trying to figure it out on your own...it will be WELL WORTH IT!!!!!!!!

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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    thanx for all the advice, guys! i tried a couple diff positions last night and they felt really good, but i justcan't seem to make it over that hump.. the thing about the magic penis: i am #40 for my BF and he takes a lot of pride in how the ladies seem to fall at his feet.(he's a good looking SC manager so he's always surrounded by ladies hitting on him and stuff) i guess he's dated some pretty wierd ladies, one even tried to make a mold of his magic member, and his last girlfriend was a Penthouse Pet among other things . so he's the shit right? then i came along and suddenly there's a challenge. so it's like this huge ego buster.. he's not a jerk or anything, he doesn't act like he's the shit... he's really sweet and he always treats me like a queen, he just has a knack for saying really stupid things. i guess it's just a shock to him that i'm not like everyone else. surprise! but he knew that coming in, so i don't feel too bad about it. it just makes me sad that he thinks that way. it feels so self centered and thoughtless.

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    Member **Orchid**'s Avatar
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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    god dam ticker thingy...

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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    Offering up a guy's perspective, I've never really understood the "Race for the Female Orgasm"

    90% of the enjoyment of sex, is from the actual act of sex for me. Not whether or not she OR I, for that matter, has an orgasm.

    Elaboration on this matter would just be self-praise, but I have absolutely no problem accepting the fact that I WONT be the best sex she's ever had, hell, I just am happy to get the chance to share it with her, but I am by no means, looking to be #1 lay.

    In my experience, inadequacy here has done nothing more than ruin an amazing time by forcing her to compare me to other people, and annoy her with my selfish need for validation littered with my apologies for my inadequacy when in reality all she wants to do is share a cuddle with me in the afterglow.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    Quote Originally Posted by **Orchid** View Post
    thanx for all the advice, guys! i tried a couple diff positions last night and they felt really good, but i justcan't seem to make it over that hump.. the thing about the magic penis: i am #40 for my BF and he takes a lot of pride in how the ladies seem to fall at his feet.(he's a good looking SC manager so he's always surrounded by ladies hitting on him and stuff)
    He's making you live up to the expectations of his past chicks, he's making you feel guilty because you can't do something that requires money, and he's got women "falling at his feet" in his mind as a strip club manager?

    Honey... Find something better. No one deserves that kind of treatment.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    (i love big o!) i understand that it's shitty for someone to act like that so if we break up about it i don't think i'll be too upset. i've tried to talk to him about when he says stupid things (constantly bragging about his ex, bringing up all the great sex he's had with different partners while we are in bed together, etc.) and that they hurt my feelings but he says he doesn't feel bad about saying it because it's all true. WTF? so what if its true, i just want him to care that he hurt my feelings! what a rant! i guess i'm more upset about this all than i realized... now what to do about it...i really like him otherwise.

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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    Quote Originally Posted by **Orchid** View Post
    (i love big o!) i understand that it's shitty for someone to act like that so if we break up about it i don't think i'll be too upset. i've tried to talk to him about when he says stupid things (constantly bragging about his ex, bringing up all the great sex he's had with different partners while we are in bed together, etc.) and that they hurt my feelings but he says he doesn't feel bad about saying it because it's all true. WTF? so what if its true, i just want him to care that he hurt my feelings! what a rant! i guess i'm more upset about this all than i realized... now what to do about it...i really like him otherwise.
    When sex is good, it's a small part of a relationship. When it's bad, it can ruin a relationship. I'd drop this boy, honestly. If he's bringing up sexes with exes, he's just being an insecure ass and that's not going to change. I mean, come the fuck on! He doesn't think that bragging about past partners in bed isn't hurtful? How would he react if you brought up the massive cocks you've had in your past?

    I don't think it's so much that the boy can't get you off with his mystical cock, it's the fact that he has no interest in compromising. If he's not interested in talking through this problem, it says a great deal about where the relationship is headed. Please, please, please learn from my experience and leave him now. Time with him is time you'll only regret and never get back.

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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    Another guy's perspective - this is an area that when we're young, we just don't know. I had some concerns about this sort of thing until my wife explained to me that she actually has several different "types" of orgasms. Basically, she invited me into that world. We have regular sex...we also have sex where she uses a toy....then there's just her using a toy. But it's important to her that I am also there. After some time and discussion I began to underestand....it's not me....it just is. Interestingly, your situation is the opposite of what I'm accustomed to hearing. I think typically it's the other way around. Regardless, if you've discussed it with him and he's still being a douche about it, then I agree....douche-bag. This is not your problem, and there is no reason for you to bang yourself about it.
    "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
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    Veteran Member wonderkitty's Avatar
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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    My guy was surprised that I can't orgasm from intercourse. OK.. who are all these chicks who can come just from being boned? I told him some of them must have been faking it and he seems to think there's no way.

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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    Quote Originally Posted by wonderkitty View Post
    My guy was surprised that I can't orgasm from intercourse. OK.. who are all these chicks who can come just from being boned? I told him some of them must have been faking it and he seems to think there's no way.
    exactly! that's what i think, but try telling that to the guy! it's like your tearing their whole world down!

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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    Quote Originally Posted by wonderkitty View Post
    My guy was surprised that I can't orgasm from intercourse. OK.. who are all these chicks who can come just from being boned? I told him some of them must have been faking it and he seems to think there's no way.
    Porn has ruined men. They believe that jackhammering away should make any girl happy. Oh, and that all women can and love to deep throat. And foreplay isn't necessary. And that every girl likes anal, she just needs to be convinced.

    Men need to be sent to camps when they hit 16 to deprogram them and teach them oral sex technique. And that not every woman is the goddamn same.


    (heehee. My ex has been emailing me during this whole thread, trying to get me back. Helllll, no, you were crap in bed and you thought foreplay was saying "you wanna?" And it's been 2 years, you tool.)

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    Default Re: my BF doesn't like sex w/me because..

    I'm not sure "douchebag" quite covers it. This guy's a twat. Honestly. In bed this guy's not concerned with you in the slightest (sorry, really). His insecurity about not getting you off has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him. Not that this is exactly a news flash. It's cute and amusing to call it a "challenge" but he sees that as all about him. His challenge.

    And he talks about other women? When he's in bed with you?

    There is so much wrong with this picture that I don't even know where to begin.

    Oh, BTW, this is also why you are not getting off.

    He knows nothing about your body, which is heartbreaking enough, but the fact is, he doesn't care. Trust me. He's behaving like an 18-year-old with a monster porn collection and a hopeless addiction to Beavis and Butthead. And way too many women who have been faking for his benefit. (By the way, this is why he "says stupid things." It's because "stupid things" are in his mind.)

    Look, I really don't need to tell you this, but women's bodies are these fantastical musical instruments. They take years of adoration and intensity and intoxication to learn, and after all that, even with the best of technique, a whole new round of learning to appreciate the subtle ways every woman is different. Meanwhile, this genius is whacking away on his own bongo drums with absolutely no clue about what the hell he is missing.

    Leave this selfish little boy behind and upgrade to a man. Your body will never stop thanking you.

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