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Thread: Can it be learned?

  1. #1
    Member **Orchid**'s Avatar
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    Default Can it be learned?

    Can a person without the mindset of flirting or "lying" for money still make money in this profession with a good knowledge of the skills (selling, body language, decent dancing, and the "looks")?

    Or do you think it's mostly all in the "flirt"? Can that mindset be learned or is it just you got or you don't?

    would you say those that are "born with it" make more or as much money as those who have to try harder?

    What is the definition of a money-making mindset and is it possible to overcome that instinctual litle voice that just says "eww, don't talk to me, don't even look my way, you yucky man!" <--(sounds silly but that's really the first thing i think when i see a custy! sad! i really have to force myself to flirt and that really hurts my money. i'm just not naturally a flirty person...am i a lost cause?)

    What do you tell yourself that makes you want to flirt with that person?

    Last edited by **Orchid**; 12-11-2006 at 04:31 AM.

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    Veteran Member JettaNyx's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can it be learned?

    you've just got to build of a mindset. in high school and such i never flirted...adult life oh baby i can control a man! it is kinda learned though (it really hit me when one of the jewlry store mall satilites gave me 2 free necklas and earings)....be sweet, smile alot & flrting will come naturaly and think of the money..all about the $$$

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    Veteran Member BeBe's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can it be learned?

    Anything can be learned, but what's most important is that it appears to be natural and not rehearsed or fake.

    If playing the flirt is uncomfortable for you right now, do something that is. Alot of girls at my club play the sex siren. I rarely do this, because I generally can not keep a straight face with this line of BS. What I do do is be myself, like it or leave it. I come off as the girl next door who is generally concerned about the customers well-being. I'm very complimentary and extra nice. This speaks volumes and goes far with customers and it's just as inticing.

    It just sounds like you need to grow into this job alittle more, no biggy. It'll all happen in do time, but don't force it. You will look awkward if you're doing things that you're uncomfortable with or not sure of, so don't.

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    Banned Helle's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can it be learned?

    I wouldn't say I necessarily flirt. More just lie my ass off and 'act' like I was a movie star. I kind of go into a different world when I hustle though. I don't really think I'm flirting or anything, it's more like.... Like a power trip to see if I can get the show/cash or not. I think I dehumanize customers a LOT when I work. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing yet.

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    God/dess Pretty_Penny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can it be learned?

    i'm sure it can be learned, but i'll say this:

    i completely lack the ability the flirt with someone i normaly wouldn't. if i try, it's embarassing. i can be friendly, lots of fun, sexy, etc. but faking sexual interest in the guy is something i have a hard time doing. so, i do this to make up for it. i have a way of exaggerating things.. in an almost sarcastic way. it's hard to explain. just think about the pin-up and older glam era models and their sexy expressions. i'm naturaly sarcastic (not in a mean way at work.. more of a fun way) and it comes ACROSS as being really flirty. if i try to be too "real" or "serious" about flirting i look like a giant idiot.

    blowing big kisses, sexy smirks, pouty lips, the "come hither" eyes. those are all things i do to have fun with it, and they translate well. you might want to try that. think of it as BEING A FLIRT rather than "flirting with him".

    as far as lying to the custy ... i advise against it. the only lie i tell is that i "don't have a boyfriend" and it took me a LONG time to even be able to say that. i used to tell them all. some girls can pull off telling a 350 lb custy with a face like a mule that he's "hot"....

    i know if IIIIII tried it would be sooo see through. also, i think it's kind of rude to patronize them to an extent. guys who are very unattractive usualy know they are. if you lie to a point thats really obvious, it can actualy bring ATTENTION to how unattractive they are and make them feel self concious. compliments are great, but stick with ones that are true. if he smells good, tell him so. if you like his shirt. if he has a great laugh. also, pointing out the less obvious but true "good things" about him will probably make him happier than vauge statements like "you're so fucking hot"... which generaly make his mind echo "i am not... and you so fucking want my money".

    it's your job to figure out what you're comfortable with and what works for you. however, NEVER play with "the big lie". the big lie is what i call making a customer believe you're going to date him or that you have real feelings for him.

    #1 it's wrong to play with someone like that
    #2 you might wind up hurting him in the long run
    #3 you might wind up getting hurt yourself - possibly even physicaly

    some (note that i said some) guys who frequent strip clubs are depressed, delusional, etc. praying on those weaknesses has caused plenty of girls to be stalked and/or assaulted. of course, those things can happen to no fault of your own too... but you lower your chances by not playing that game.
    Last edited by Pretty_Penny; 12-11-2006 at 01:26 PM.

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    Default Re: Can it be learned?

    Quote Originally Posted by **Orchid** View Post
    Can a person without the mindset of flirting or "lying" for money still make money in this profession with a good knowledge of the skills (selling, body language, decent dancing, and the "looks")?
    You've already answered your own question - equip yourself with the skills and you'll make money. From my experience on the other side of the fence many dancers don't realise that you need 'skills', so you're already ahead of the game.

    If you look at it from the guy point of view, we go into a venue prepared to spend $xxx on buying dances and generally we'll spend that amount. The only real question is whether we spend it on you or another girl. Use your 'skills' right and it could well be you.

    I'd put flirting and body language to the head of your list, cos I think they're the most important. On an obvious level guys go to a strip venue to see the naked ladies, but it's a bit more subtle than that - we also go to have our egos stroked; to think that this hot 20 year old really likes this much much older man. Create that impression and you'll bank.

    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty_Penny View Post
    ...some girls can pull off telling a 350 lb custy with a face like a mule that he's "hot"....
    And if she can indeed convince the guy that's what she really thinks, she'll get the dance.

    Quote Originally Posted by BeBe View Post
    Anything can be learned, but what's most important is that it appears to be natural and not rehearsed or fake.
    And if she can't, she won't.

    Dancing is a business just like any other. If you were a sales woman, you'd reherese your lines as to why the widgets you're selling were the best thing since sliced bread. Same approach with dancing except the product you're marketing is yourself. Get the approach right and you'll sell dances.

    Finally, don't think guys are to over-analytical about whether you're acting or not. Most guys that go into strip venues are pretty gullible about dancers - they'll buy into a lot of whats' going on as real. Hell, if my ego's being stroked well enough, I'm willing to suspend a bit of disbelief.

    Quote Originally Posted by **Orchid** View Post
    is it possible to overcome that instinctual litle voice that just says "eww, don't talk to me, don't even look my way, you yucky man!" <--(sounds silly but that's really the first thing i think when i see a custy! sad! i really have to force myself to flirt and that really hurts my money. i'm just not naturally a flirty person...am i a lost cause?)
    The dancers I know have a real life personality and a stripper personality and they change from one to the other when they're at work. Just practice your stripper personality and send her out to do the flirting. A bit of separation between work and real life helps - it means you leave the real you in the changing room and put on an act. Makes it easier to talk to the yucky men because it's your stripper alter-ego doing the talking.

    (This might sound funny, but if you talk to your fellow dancers, you'll find many of them behave very differently at work to real life).

    Phil.

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    Veteran Member tmlsuperspice's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can it be learned?

    #1-Be yourself. Custys will like you for who you are. If they don't, their loss.
    #2-Read some books on sales. Also read Hustle Hut religously.
    #3-Take Dancerwealth's seminar. Check it out!!!www.dancerwealth.com

    If you have ANY other questions, please feel free to message me!!!

  8. #8
    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: Can it be learned?

    It can definatly be learned. read this book, it's amazing.



    I've always been a natural flirter, but her techniques put me over the top!!!!

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    Member Eve21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can it be learned?

    A really great dancer told me, "To make money you either know how to dance or you know how to hustle, if you can do both you'll rule the world." If you're having trouble flirting, work on your stage show a bit (if absolutely nothing else you'll gain confidence). And flirting is really just telling a guy what he wants to hear. Try something sexy, but not too crazy, "I like your pants." Or something really cheesy and out there, either way they get to be the center of attention
    I saw a guy in a cowboy hat and actually said, "Hey cowboy, wanna see how I ride?" lol! It was too goofy, but he got some dances.
    Love like you've never been hurt, work like you don't need the money, and dance like nobody is watching.

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    Default Re: Can it be learned?

    I am always myself when working, except of course, that I have a different name:p
    Even when I didn't have a good stage presence, I was still making good money.
    Now, I have regulars I would almost consider friends (some that I do) that help me make consistent money on nights when I need the other skills that work in this profession.

  11. #11
    God/dess Miss Jessica's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can it be learned?

    Of course, but you won't make as much. You'll learn the con-artist aspect of this business with time.
    "We all must suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. In order to achieve what others don't, you have to do what others won't."


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