Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 27

Thread: I Cant Believe I Said It...

  1. #1
    Featured Member mild2wild's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    911
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default I Cant Believe I Said It...

    Well tonight I am at work and standing around waiting for some one to fall in love and take me for a dance! I was walking over to a group of men, when before I even said hello, the 'leader' asked How much for a dance? Will you dance for us? Well I give my price and he goes WOHA that is way to expensive especially for some one with small tits! I said calmly - Well it matches your small dick then ay! Well after saying that, I was quite upset and insecure with myself, I walked away to the other end of the club and sat on the lounge to get some 'Quite Time' well..... The group of guys come up and sit down, they start talking and the guy who said I have small tits, sits right next to me (Mind you I am facing the oposite direction and looking at the stage, but he still sits right next to me and said 'You ready for the dance?' I agree to that (Swollowed my pride, which is hard to do:-))

    Well we go to the private room, get the money, they sit down and suprisingly there was actually one nice guy in the group so I dance for him infront of his friends. Dance finishes and I say - 'So why are you here tonight?' he replies 'Well we are on a definition party' (wtf is a definition party??) I reply 'To find out thee definition of an idiot' and I point at the guy who commented on my not so big, but perfect boobs

    His friends all laugh at him, but I thought, I gotta kick him while he is down, and said to him loud enough for his friends to hear, 'Well honey, I dont apologise for my small tits, but I am sorry I dont have big boobs like you, but dont worry, I dont have that gut either' and I walk out hapily with a big grin on my face

    Gosh that made my night, I can't believe I said it

    So what is the most remembered thing that you can remember doing/saying that you would probly not normally do/say?
    Australian Strippers WWW.MILD2WILD.COM.AU

  2. #2
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    That's awesome!

    The ballsiest thing I ever said in the club was to a group of Mexican guys at my old club in downtown L.A. They were being obnoxious every time I walked by, and I finally told them to knock it off. The ringleader sneered, "What're you gonna do about it? You're just a stripper." I gave him a very condescending grin and said, "Yeah, but I've got a Master's degree, a nice car, my own apartment, two good jobs, and American citizenship. Whatta YOU got?"

    His friends all cracked up laughing at him and I just strolled away smiling.

  3. #3
    Veteran Member christian211's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2006
    Location
    ma
    Posts
    384
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    Not me but an ex coworker. She was very pretty blonde, pale skin with big beautiful tits naturally, but had no hips, ass,etc. She was wild, a little bit of a cokehead, but everyone loved her. Well, one day she's dancing on stage and this guy tipping her says honey you're beautiful, but you're all tits, nothing else. She reaches over squeezes his dick (through his pants, obviously) and says now I got a dick too. Man he was pissed. He yelped. We couldn't stop talking about it. She used to do crazy shit like that all the time. Management was used to it, plus she made them good money, so they didn't care. It was great. I miss her.

  4. #4
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    ^^^

    When I was waitressing at a fine Italian restaurant, we had this one heavyset waitress who was all sweetness all the time. One day it was a packed lunch rush, and she had this table of two bitchy suburban housewives, one of whom was running her ragged and treating her like an illiterate slave. Bitchy Housewife, at one point, demanded a straw, so Sweet Waitress went to the back for it, and noticed that her food for another table was ready. She stuck the straw in her apron and grabbed the tray, intending to deliver the food first and then drop off the straw. The tray was about as big and heavy as she was, very precariously balanced.

    So as she walks by, Bitchy Housewife grabs her arm and snaps, "Excuse me! My straw?!" Sweet Waitress came very close to dropping the whole tray of food. She struggled to keep it, and as she regained her balance, she suddenly snapped loudly, "Listen, lady! I don't go down to the bus stop and slap dicks out of your mouth when YOU'RE trying to work!"

    The ENTIRE restaurant went silent. Sweet Waitress went absolutely WHITE. She dropped off the food and then went straight to the restaurant owner to tell him what she'd said and apologize. He cracked up laughing and didn't even fire her (of course, he also comped Bitchy Housewife's meal). The expression on that housewife's face was absolutely priceless! I'll never forget it!

  5. #5
    Featured Member mild2wild's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    911
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    YEK.... rotflmao !!! That is a crack up :-)
    Australian Strippers WWW.MILD2WILD.COM.AU

  6. #6
    God/dess VegasPrincess's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2006
    Location
    MKE
    Posts
    4,660
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 182 Times in 40 Posts

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    When people ask me how much money I make, and get really annoying (Customers, I mean) : "I can tell from your clothes that I make much more than you, darling"

    When people say they'd prefer a girl with bigger boobs/taller/curvier/skinnier/nicer/meaner, WHATEVER
    "I'd prefer a man with a bigger wallet."

    When people say Aww what's a smart girl like you doing here?
    "Exactly. I saw an easy way to get all of your money tonite, and I took it."

    I'm not a bitch but after hearing these same annoying ass comments nite after nite for years, I almost can't take it!!! LOL

  7. #7
    God/dess VenusGoddess's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    13,598
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 28 Times in 23 Posts

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    ^^^

    When I was waitressing at a fine Italian restaurant, we had this one heavyset waitress who was all sweetness all the time. One day it was a packed lunch rush, and she had this table of two bitchy suburban housewives, one of whom was running her ragged and treating her like an illiterate slave. Bitchy Housewife, at one point, demanded a straw, so Sweet Waitress went to the back for it, and noticed that her food for another table was ready. She stuck the straw in her apron and grabbed the tray, intending to deliver the food first and then drop off the straw. The tray was about as big and heavy as she was, very precariously balanced.

    So as she walks by, Bitchy Housewife grabs her arm and snaps, "Excuse me! My straw?!" Sweet Waitress came very close to dropping the whole tray of food. She struggled to keep it, and as she regained her balance, she suddenly snapped loudly, "Listen, lady! I don't go down to the bus stop and slap dicks out of your mouth when YOU'RE trying to work!"

    The ENTIRE restaurant went silent. Sweet Waitress went absolutely WHITE. She dropped off the food and then went straight to the restaurant owner to tell him what she'd said and apologize. He cracked up laughing and didn't even fire her (of course, he also comped Bitchy Housewife's meal). The expression on that housewife's face was absolutely priceless! I'll never forget it!
    The whole restaurant went quiet??? Damn, I guess I would have been the only one laughing my ass off as I was falling out of my chair.

    Wish I could have seen that one!! Classic.

  8. #8
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    There was laughter afterward, but everyone was so shocked! No one could speak because they couldn't believe she'd said it. This was the kind of really fancy Italian restaurant where you spend $30 on a sandwich for lunch, and all these businessmen and housewives just couldn't believe that a waitress had said such a thing. It was totally priceless.

  9. #9
    God/dess
    Joined
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Temporary Lurkmode...
    Posts
    12,609
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 79 Times in 35 Posts

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    This thread is funny so far...it was one of the first things I read since getting on here today.
    I wish I had some funny stuff to share.
    you live like an ivy vine
    you can only survive by clinging onto trees
    that's your flaw
    put down some roots so you can stand on your own
    -Kenpachi



  10. #10
    Banned ArmySGT.'s Avatar
    Joined
    May 2005
    Location
    SW Counter Troll HQ
    Posts
    5,582
    Thanks
    1,589
    Thanked 1,674 Times in 1,043 Posts
    Blog Entries
    13
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    "Listen, lady! I don't go down to the bus stop and slap dicks out of your mouth when YOU'RE trying to work!"
    That is priceless. I want THAT as a Tshirt!

  11. #11
    Featured Member Kabukicho's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Different places!
    Posts
    895
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    [QUOTE=Yekhefah;909604]^^^

    "Listen, lady! I don't go down to the bus stop and slap dicks out of your mouth when YOU'RE trying to work!"

    QUOTE]


    Brilliant! If I ever waitress again I'm taking that as ammunition.

  12. #12
    Lola Rose
    Guest

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk View Post
    I wish I had some funny stuff to share.
    me too

  13. #13
    Veteran Member pipermarau's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2006
    Location
    texas
    Posts
    387
    Thanks
    8
    Thanked 4 Times in 3 Posts
    My Mood
    Confused

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    after a very long stressful night (and dealing with a bad head cold) i walked up to a guy with a straw pointed at him and said "i'll cut you, give me a dance!" it didn't work but i wanted a good laugh and i was feeling devious.

    i know i've got more than that because i make my money off of being a smart ass..but i'm drawing a huuge blank.

  14. #14
    aussiepunkshocker
    Guest

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    I can actually believe everything I've said (-:
    Good on you for the quick thinking Mild2wild, dont ever let people get you down!

  15. #15
    God/dess colleen's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2004
    Location
    South Chicago Suburbs
    Posts
    2,059
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 139 Times in 62 Posts

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    I say things all the time I never would have dreamed of when I first started dancing. Now it doesn't even faze me.

    Him: Do you do anything besides dance? (after a hard-grind lap dance)
    Me: I would grind on your dick, but I still can't find it.

    Him: You would be pretty if you lost some weight.
    Me: Who's YOUR personal trainer, huh?

    Oh, ther must be a bunch more. I'll probably think of them in the morning.


    My MySpace Page:


    When you perform... you are out of yourself--larger and more potent, more beautiful. You are for minutes heroic. This is power. This is glory on earth. And it is yours, nightly.

    --Agnes De Mille

  16. #16
    God/dess scarlett_vancouver's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Posts
    6,699
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 22 Times in 20 Posts

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    I said something that I thought was really witty the other night, but no one else agrees with me, lol.

    I was having words with an annoying customer, basically saying 'back off or I'll have you kicked out', and he said "by the way, nice hat" in a really sarcastic way (I was wearing my awesome white fake fur russian hat). So I said to him "nice obesity".

    Hahaha, it still makes me laugh!

    Feature costumes for sale!

  17. #17
    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    1,595
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 9 Times in 4 Posts

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    Scarlett, I liked it !!!
    "I came in like a lamb, but I intend to leave like a lion."

    -Sade
    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    The only thing a person hates more than being a sex object, is NOT being a sex object.
    Quote Originally Posted by TigersMilk View Post
    If you should your way through life you'll be should-ing all over yourself later.
    Quote Originally Posted by TheSexKitten View Post
    Finger pointing is awesome!! No really, it gets things done.

  18. #18
    God/dess Chrissy68's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Over the hills and far away
    Posts
    4,902
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 368 Times in 56 Posts

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    i have said so many things (and done) that i couldn't believe i did later. of course, none are as funny as these.
    recently, some guy told me that he didnt expect my dance to be as good as it was ebcause, "well, you are not a ten!" so i had to play along. "oh really? well, what am i?"
    guy: "well, im being generous here, but around a 7 and a half."
    me: " oh wow! THANKS!" *smiles* *inside laughs at his pea sized brain*

    half hour goes by

    me: so, i've come to take you away.
    him: ok.

    and i didnt ask just took him to VIP for 2 hours. at the end i said, "Am i still a 7.5?"
    "oh no baby, you're a ten!"

    Love it!

  19. #19
    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Location
    The middle of a field in the south texas countryside...
    Posts
    4,186
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 13 Times in 8 Posts

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    Quote Originally Posted by scarlett_vancouver View Post
    I said something that I thought was really witty the other night, but no one else agrees with me, lol.

    I was having words with an annoying customer, basically saying 'back off or I'll have you kicked out', and he said "by the way, nice hat" in a really sarcastic way (I was wearing my awesome white fake fur russian hat). So I said to him "nice obesity".

    Hahaha, it still makes me laugh!
    Haha. That's badass, Scarlett!

    Tonight there was this girl at work is aLwaYs giving me unsolicited fashion advice...she thinks I should run every outfit choice by her even though she wears the same pudge showing outfit day after day after day after day...well tonight I was a cranky Pooka and didn't wanna bother with anyone so I'm minding my own business in the dressing room and she prances up and says (wait, bit of background info...this girl got a really really cheap boob job and one was wayy noticeably bigger than the other after it and one points like straight up, the other straight down...) anywho, she says: "That's a really cute outfit...but hmm....you need to get clear shoes, your shoes don't match." I just glanced up at her and with a total straight face replied..."Um...your boobs don't match." I felt bad because I'm usually such a nice Pooka but UGH. She just stared at me, and the other girls just died laughing because I NEVER say shit like that. Even the manager that was back there cracked a smile...

    Sorry Paige you had to hear that story twice.


  20. #20
    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Location
    The middle of a field in the south texas countryside...
    Posts
    4,186
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 13 Times in 8 Posts

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    Haha. That amused me.

  21. #21
    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2002
    Location
    Gettin the fuck outta Dodge!
    Posts
    14,241
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    "the girls pay me"

    "pay you for what, exactly? Because it CAN'T be sexual stimulation" insert dramatic disapproving grab at his crotchtal area

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

  22. #22
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2002
    Posts
    9,746
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 50 Times in 31 Posts

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    This morning I was told to shut up and get out of a friend's office because I leaned over and whispered
    "I did too many lapdances last night - my crotch hurts so bad!"
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

  23. #23
    Banned rozz's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Taxachusetts
    Posts
    2,369
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    While working at Blockbuster:

    Asshole Customer: There's a fucking late fee?! Are you shitting me?!
    Me: No, you owe $18.81
    AC: I'll pay it next time.
    Me: It's company policy that you must pay any fees before renting.
    AC: It's a goddamn stupid policy. Hollywood Video lets you pay next time
    Me: This is not Hollywood Video. You may have noticed from the sign outside and on my shirt.
    AC: Are you geting smart with me?
    Me: No, there's too great a chance you wouldn't understand me.
    AC: You're being a fucking bitch and you just put a late fee on my account to be a goddamn cunt.
    Me: Yes, I'm the one who chained you to your radiator and kept you from returning your movie on time.
    AC: How do you people sleep at night?
    Me: On a pile of your late-fee money, Demi Moore-style.
    AC: Well, I'm not fucking paying it.
    Me: Then you're leaving without your movie. Have a nice day.

    Stood there quietly as he sputtered and cursed and mumbled something about Netflix, then left dejected.

  24. #24
    Yekhefah
    Guest

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    Rozz, I used to work at Blockbuster, and you are my hero!

  25. #25
    Veteran Member sexystephani's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Fresno Ca
    Posts
    469
    Thanks
    9
    Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts

    Default Re: I Cant Believe I Said It...

    Those are funny - I love the italian rest waitress.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •