^^^
When I was waitressing at a fine Italian restaurant, we had this one heavyset waitress who was all sweetness all the time. One day it was a packed lunch rush, and she had this table of two bitchy suburban housewives, one of whom was running her ragged and treating her like an illiterate slave. Bitchy Housewife, at one point, demanded a straw, so Sweet Waitress went to the back for it, and noticed that her food for another table was ready. She stuck the straw in her apron and grabbed the tray, intending to deliver the food first and then drop off the straw. The tray was about as big and heavy as she was, very precariously balanced.
So as she walks by, Bitchy Housewife grabs her arm and snaps, "Excuse me! My straw?!" Sweet Waitress came very close to dropping the whole tray of food. She struggled to keep it, and as she regained her balance, she suddenly snapped loudly, "Listen, lady! I don't go down to the bus stop and slap dicks out of your mouth when YOU'RE trying to work!"
The ENTIRE restaurant went silent. Sweet Waitress went absolutely WHITE. She dropped off the food and then went straight to the restaurant owner to tell him what she'd said and apologize. He cracked up laughing and didn't even fire her (of course, he also comped Bitchy Housewife's meal). The expression on that housewife's face was absolutely priceless! I'll never forget it!
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