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Thread: I need a snappy comeback

  1. #1
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    Default I need a snappy comeback

    ....because I'm as witty as a burlap sack.

    But I had another little panic attack at work last night (first one in months). I hate those. I get all adrenaliney, trembling, breaking out into a cold-sweat, thinking I might break the guy's nose any second...

    Well the snappy comeback is nothing to do with lapdancing...I think I get these attacks when I feel very helpless at work. Like when I'm trying to hustle snotty ass meanies, who say things like "god, I don't come here for THAT", as if asking him for a dance is just so INSULTING. He rolls his eyes at stage and says "really, that all does nothing for me...I come here for the cheap beer, free food, and this comfy couch here. Nowhere else in the area can I get that, you know?".

    GRR they're just so smarmy sometimes, and the interactions I have with them leave me feeling so weakened and degraded...it's hard to explain, but this is how I'm starting to think I get in a state that leads to lapdance-panic attacks (incidentally, I got the one yesterday under control and was fine for the rest of the shift...also, this never happens when I drink, but it seems like a bad reason to start drinking again).

    Or when I walk up and can't open my mouth before they say "no!". Jesus. I know people have complained about that before, but it's sooo hard to get two-three times in a row. Or when they gesture me over from across the room, try to feel me up when I sit there, and then say "No I don't want a dance! That's no fun! Let's you and me go out for some REAL fun" and no amount of persuasion can convince them that anything less than sex is fun. FUCK. Sorry...but I think if I had some way to assert myself to some of these a-holes, instead of leaving and cursing them under my breath as I walk away...I think I'd be able to get back some feeling of autonomy, and that might decrease my anxiety issues. Any thoughts? Jenny, you always have such clever things to say...can I borrow some?

  2. #2
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    Honey you may have, as my gift to you, any of my bitchy commentary. However, my way of dealing with this is to get up without saying another words and walk away. It's actually way bitchier because it is communicating that once money is off the table how friendly you were a few minute ago? Totally fake and you really fucking despise him and wouldn't stand next to him for even 10 seconds if he is going to pay you to do so. It's actually really offensive and really bugs the hell out of most guys in a way that they can't quite put their finger on. You can add a little "pfft" as you stand up if you want. If he happens to have his hands on you disentangle yourself in way that's like "Eww" and if he tries to shake or kiss your hand, yank it back. Do I know how to be passive aggressive or what?

    However when I must use commentary, you could go with something like "Yeah... if I just wanted to sit around all night "talking to interesting people"... I have, like, you know... friends for that. You know. People who are ACTUALLY interesting to me."
    I have taught that the sky in all its zones is mortal and its substance was formed by a process of birth

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    Veteran Member Scout's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    However, my way of dealing with this is to get up without saying another words and walk away.
    For me, it's best if I cut them off right after they piss me off. No comebacks. No arguments. No investments. Just for my sanity. If they are left grumbling, what a bonus!

    Okay, this is not always true. Sometimes I say, "The dancers are laughing at you. I was trying to be nice." Then I make a quick exit.

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    God/dess scarlett_vancouver's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    ^ Ditto about cutting them off. I find that the only way to consistently come out on top...a witty comeback just begs further conversation with the guy, which is not ideal.

    I literally just walk off. Sometimes I preface it with 'gotta go', but not usually. It works very well for preserving my sanity.

    As for the guys who say 'no' as you approach...I dunno, a snippy little eyeroll never hurt anyone.

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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    Quote Originally Posted by mollyzmoon View Post
    ... snotty ass meanies, who say things like "god, I don't come here for THAT", as if asking him for a dance is just so INSULTING. He rolls his eyes at stage and says "really, that all does nothing for me...I come here for the cheap beer, free food, and this comfy couch here. Nowhere else in the area can I get that, you know?".
    "Oh honey, if that's true, why don't you bring your chair right over here and position it so you're facing away from the stage. That way, I won't be the only girl to see your back side."

    Quote Originally Posted by mollyzmoon View Post
    Or when I walk up and can't open my mouth before they say "no!".
    "Oh well damn, that's disappointing. My question was going to be, I heard you were the most amazing lover, is it true?"

    Quote Originally Posted by mollyzmoon View Post
    "No I don't want a dance! That's no fun! Let's you and me go out for some REAL fun" and no amount of persuasion can convince them that anything less than sex is fun.
    "Oh God no. The last guy I had sex with had to get a restraining order I went so bonkers. No no no, can't repeat that. For your own safety, I highly advise against removing me from the club's restraints."

    -Ev

  6. #6
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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    Quote Originally Posted by mollyzmoon View Post
    Or when I walk up and can't open my mouth before they say "no!". Jesus. I know people have complained about that before, but it's sooo hard to get two-three times in a row.
    One guy replied "NO thank you!" when I asked him, "Hi honey, what's your name?" So my response was, "That's a very strange name!"

    I usually use these rude dudes to upsell to others, as in, "Well, why don't I chat with you, fine gentleman/men for a bit, since that guy over there lacks basic verbal skills and social graces- he said he wanted to [insert dumb and offensive statement uttered by lackwit HERE]."

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    God/dess Bridgette's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    Quote Originally Posted by mollyzmoon View Post
    He rolls his eyes at stage and says "really, that all does nothing for me...I come here for the cheap beer, free food, and this comfy couch here. Nowhere else in the area can I get that, you know?".
    My response depends on my mood.

    If I knew the names of some bars in the area with nice couches, cheap drinks and food, I'd name them off real quick just before walking away.

    Or I'd say something like, "really? because I've always known REGULAR bars to have cheaper drinks, cheaper or free cover charges and better seating than strip clubs. You must be one of those dumbasses who just likes to pay high prices for the privilige of turning down hot chics".

    OR "really? then why are you sitting here ogling all the girls instead of covering your eyes, since none of this does anything for you? Let me guess, you just don't have any money"

    OR yet again, grab him in the crotch real disgusted-like, and say "or is it that you're just too embarrassed about your tiny pecker to get a lapdance?"

    Lotsa bitchy remarks for that one Of course add a big eyeroll and immediately walk away, giving him no time to respond, then move right to another customer with a big smile on your face

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    man i need some comebacks too, to preserve my sanity. sometimes keeping it all inside drives me crazy.

    what i have done before is just say something sarcasticaly nice. like "ha, u think im etertaining for free?" (to some guy sitting at my tip rail..i came up to him, asked him for a tip, and he said 'no, i just wanted to watch.' asshole, huh?
    man i jus wanted to slap him!

    i was thinking maybe now i can jus roll my eyes, go 'pff' and do the "L" finger like, 'LOOOOSER!' and walk away like i was too good for him anyways.

    goodluck tho. try not to take what guys say personal. the guys are juduging u as a stripper..they dont know who u really are. ur jus some naked chick....who think they is stupid or something.
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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    I've just recently started pulling out some of the comebacks I learned from SW. Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    Ahaha! I didn't read the OP thoroughly. If they pull the "NO!" before I can even say anything, I just roll my eyes at them and move on. Same with the "let's get out of here and have some REAL fun" crap (although sometimes they pull that while I'm dancing for them, and in that case I just laugh at them, if they press I laugh somemore and say "aw you know I can't do that". Sometimes I get more dances, sometimes not. Whatever.

    And oftentimes, especially when it's busy, I just walk away with an eyeroll and flip of the hand, on to the next dude. I think they hate that the most because they were hoping to GET to you. LOL

    Quote Originally Posted by pheno View Post
    When you lead a nontraditional life don't try to measure it with traditional milestones.

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    Veteran Member sassfire's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    Mollymoon, your dilemma seems all so true to life. Men are the king of smart ass remarks. If you let it get to you than, they have touched a nerve. You do not want to do that. Even the most sassiest dancer can be hurt. I've seen top/confident dancers crying over some assholes remarks. Don't take it to heart, just say okay (whatever?, is a bit rude) and go on to the next custy. Why waste your time, energy, and thought power stressing over one or two people. Don't let that stranger clog your thoughts. Think of your kids or a nice custy if you have to.

    When I first started dancing I was working at a regular job, so I could care less about what custy said to me. I was going to get a paycheck anyway. When I quit that job, that was when it got to me. You do get stressed when you have to depend on the hospitality of others in order to pay your rent.

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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    Most of the time I just walked away to maintain the energy of the hustle. One time, a guy just mumbled something to me, refused to look up at me, or even the stage. His head was so close to his beer I thought he was about to lap it out of the glass like a dog.

    I said, "hey, hello, its ok, you can look at me, I'm a human being. I know that once we make eye contact you will be mezmorized into buying a dance, but that's ok. You're in a titty bar!! Loooser (said while walking away)"

    But for the most part, if they tell me that dances do nothing for them, I would just ask them why they were even here. Simple response, if they want to be "sold" then it could start convo. If they were an asshole, I just walked away.

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    Veteran Member I_luv_dancers!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    Quote Originally Posted by mollyzmoon View Post
    .......they gesture me over from across the room, try to feel me up when I sit there, and then say "No I don't want a dance! That's no fun! Let's you and me go out for some REAL fun" and no amount of persuasion can convince them that anything less than sex is fun. FUCK. Sorry...but I think if I had some way to assert myself to some of these a-holes, instead of leaving and cursing them under my breath as I walk away...I think I'd be able to get back some feeling of autonomy, and that might decrease my anxiety issues. Any thoughts? Jenny, you always have such clever things to say...can I borrow some?
    A good friend/coworker taught this one to his 3 gorgeous daughters:

    "No thank you, I already have one asshole in my panties, I don't need another one."
    Last edited by I_luv_dancers!; 12-20-2006 at 08:41 PM. Reason: because
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    ....And I_Luv_Dancers.....can I say that your post brought a tear to my mildly buzzed eye? Right on...you are so awesome, thank you for the post. I really needed to hear it, esp. after what's happening with someone close to me. Big hugs and tugs to you!

    Quote Originally Posted by asianlady View Post
    ........I have had pretty good sex with hot guys and surprisingly great sex from over weight old farts who made me very vocal which I am not usually

  14. #14
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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    thanks everyone...I do always walk away eventually, but probably not promptly enough with the jerks.

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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    i you walk over to him because he flagged you down and then he tells you
    he doesnt want a dance , tell him an a sail boat just crashed into a hotdog
    stand in the parking lot and you gotta go! Then walk off!
    if he does it again then you can be a bitch about it!
    tell him they turned off the Cheap Bastard sign out front and he needs to have
    either money or a shot waiting for you when you come over!

  16. #16
    Featured Member mild2wild's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    LMAO... a sail boat crashed into a hot dog stand LMFAO... That is some funny stuff....
    Australian Strippers WWW.MILD2WILD.COM.AU

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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    Oh haha...I just wanted to add a little post-thread anecdote that demonstrates my lack of stripper spider sense. Honestly not critiquing the advice, just showing why I suck at judging customer situations.

    So after reading this thread, I went to work, all pumped with a "thou shall not be psychologicall or financially screwed by manipulative jerks tonight". Well, a part of me just didn't want to be there, so I was kinda screwing the pooch, and hiding with my homework. Even the DJ was like "uh, maybe you should go see that gentleman over there?" since I was the only girl at the club...and was hiding. I was all "oh, he creeps me out, no thanks". But somehow my method of bitchily ignoring customers until they were forced to get up and intercept me walking by to ask for a dance...bizarrely worked in my favour. The 'creepy' guy didn't pull anything, and even tipped me quite a bit, like he was thanking me for deigning to accept his request for a dance. This is basically the opposite of my usual approach...

    SO that all worked, but my attitude was stupid after that. Heh, I went up to a guy and casually was all "so what brings you in here on a Sunday night?", and he gave the "oh, I'm not into any of this [gesturing to stage and stripclubbyness all around], I just wanted a drink", and immediately this thread came to mind, so I said "oh well ok then, enjoy your drink" as I got up. He said "oh no, you don't have to leave", and again I thought 'here we go, trying to waste my time', so I said "no really, it's ok, I have to go make money..."

    But then later on, sure enough, misshustlerextraordinaire (I seriously respect this girl's 60hour strip club work week, and her insane devotion to hustling, all while seeming so very much not on crack or anything like that) goes and talks to the guy for a while, and then he goes with her to the CR for over an hour. But that's not even what really bothered me...I knew I was dumb to not read him the right way, and thought "oh well, what the hell, I made good coin this week, lesson learned, etc"...But when he and hustly came back upstairs, I noticed he was disabled. Then I suddenly felt really guilty for being bitchy and entitled towards a crippled man, who obviously didn't mean to insult me by the way he said "oh, I didn't mean you have to leave" (it was kinda the look he gave me...dismayed, not smarmy at all", and then I got very, very sad for being so cruel. I have a strong disposition to feeling very bad for people who are already treated unjustly being victimized...and for the last week, I've been writing a term paper that partially focuses on the misrepresentation of the disabed community. Anyway, this has turned into a very long ramble about me screwing up, and consequently feeling very bad for hurting someone's feelings, rather than regretting the financial loss (I might have felt differently if I had a poor $$ week, but that wasn't the case...and anyway, I always seem to have to convince myself to make money...it's not the obvious goal it should be!)

    So, to conclude, Molly was bad, and now she's sad. (the third person trend is just to hard to resist)

  18. #18
    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    Oh please, you didn't cripple him.

    Seriously - some guys like to "test" you - in an absolute incredible feat of retardation they are all "I'll see if she really likes me OR if she is stupid enough to be too polite to brush me off after I don't spend money and then, if she does I'll REWARD her with money" - this is different from perfectly normal guys who just want to be charmed a little first. I have no patience for it, because I expect my customers to know that I'm working and that in the context of that particular workplace MY time is WORTH SOMETHING and HIS time is not. This is a fact not determined by me being better than him but the commercial environment in which we reside. If he doesn't like it, he can blame capitalism. (Heh. Next time someone says that you can say "Well then why don't you move back to Russia, you COMMIE!") Bottom line - you are entitled. Instead of feeling sad think of how annoyed you feel when you spend (I'm sure you are never this bad, but I am occasionally) like 20 or 30 minutes chatting up a customer, being charming, entertaining him and then he says "No, but if you just want someone to talk to..." That makes me really, really irritated - my solution being I don't do it anymore.
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    Featured Member sexy_celeste's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    As a reply to "no" I have a variety of answers.

    "Yay I win $10, I bet her you were not straight"

    "Aww what a pity, cos some of the girls are partying later on, but since youre not interested, we'll find another guy for the orgy"

    "hang on yes you are" then they say "what?" or something similar, and you reply " The biggest loser in this place, right?"

    "Yeah I thought you couldnt afford a dance"


    For no money "just looking/drinking" time wasters
    "sweetie, the girls here are only interested in your wallet, no money = no company"

    "you mean Im sitting here for FREE?" then just walk off

    "honey with a face/shirt/odour like yours, surely you figured out you need cash to get hot girls to chat to you"
    Theres no sense crying over every mistake,
    you just keep on trying till you run out of cake

  20. #20
    Featured Member evan_essence's Avatar
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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    Molly, honey, I think you're overanalyzing and laying unjustified guilt trips on yourself. It sounds like you did exactly what you're supposed to do - quickly get to the point and move on if there's no sale. You weren't impolite, simply firm. He told you he wasn't interested. Why would you treat a handicapped customer any differently after getting a no than any other? Not discriminating doesn't mean taking pity on him. If he had a look of disappointment, it was the same as any customer when they learn that dancer time isn't free. And he obviously learned that lesson quickly, and could afford to spend, because he spent money on a dancer at the next opportunity. In fact, Miss Hustly who got the sale probably owes you a thank you for teaching the lesson. Hopefully you'll benefit from the same circumstances in reverse next time.

    -Ev

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    Default Re: I need a snappy comeback

    Yeeahh..I was really tired and posting silly stuff last night, evidently. Thanks for the feedback! I am a total guilt junkie. Several charities have greatly benefited when I'm feeling unidentifiably guilty and must do something reckless with my money...I'm a little better now, but still have my moments of dimness.

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