OK I'm sure some may get a thrill...
So, my brother with the raging drug addiction has now nearly OD'd three or four times (mostly due to klonopines for all you benzo junkies) in the last three months. I found him not breathing in September and called the paramedics. He has totaled two cars on drugs, falling asleep at the wheel. The second one was today.
Ever since I found him OD'ing in September I quit work and am about to get evicted. I spend most of my waking hours seeing if he's alive, breathing, and trying to talk to him about his addiction. Plus, since he hardly eats due to his speedballing (oxycontins/methadone/morphines with crack) I always try to feed him. Some may say I shouldn't but I wake up everyday and when I'm in the shower all I can think is maybe I should have gotten to him sooner that night, or what if I didn't go. I just keep seeing flashbacks of him gasping for breath and get scared again.
So, everyday I wonder if the same thing could happen and I have to be there.
He recently got an insurance settlement (total fraud) for an accident. It allowed him several months of chronic bingeing.
Just a month ago he got another 12,000. It's gone. He got arrested a few days after he got it because we called the paramedics because me and my mom saw him falling asleep while standing up and hitting his face. He smoked somme carck before they got there to perk up, but thankfully he had a warrant and spent a week in jail.
During this time, I stole two cashier's checks for 10, 000. I've had it you know. I said we could sign them over to my dad and he could dole out the money for real expenses - well his fraud lawyer helped him get them reissued and so the latest installment began.
Thank god he bought a 5,000 car and stereo, but he spent 2, 000 in one week on drugs. That week I drove to another city to find him passed out in his car with his wallet in lap in front of his hotel room. He didn't recognize me. He still didn't the next morning (I was watching him breathe to see if I needed to call 911).
The binge continued where he was driving his car through several lanes of freeway and still trying to smoke crack.
He finally went to sleep at me sister's. Lo and behold another night watching him breathe. When I readjusted him in the morning so he could breathe better, 1500 in cash fell out of his pocket. I took it.
I paid his school 700, bought him car insurance with 200, he owed my sister 170, and we put 480 in my sister's account for him to get a room to rent.
Well, courtesy of my sister having no balls and her sperm-donor former crack dealer served 10 years boyfriend, my sister listened when her boyfriend said give him the money????
So she gave him about 400 of what was left two days ago and since then he's nearly OD'd again, totalled his car, got taken by the police to the psych hospital, escaped from the ambulance and was missing.
I am so pissed at my sister and my psychotic other brother who's here for the holidays - they both gave him money. I begged them not to.
My mom and me have been monitoring his impending OD's and looking out for him. That bitch never does, in fact tonight she went to a party and bowling while he was being taken to the psych ward and went missing. I told her to give me the money if she couldn't hold on to it, but no.
So, when I went to her house (she wasn't there) I was so pissed I knocked over the x-mas tree and broke some pots outside. Fucked up yes, but when they are giggling (I'm telling you I finally believe in genetic mental illness)over my brother I went nuts too.
The bitch and my brother call the cops, try to block me from getting in my car, tell the police I'm a mental health patient and I'm not taking my meds (lying sicko), and she even tried to block my car with her car. Over a tree and some pots while my brother can't even talk without being incomprehensible. Keep in mind this is the same bitch who has low sugar seizures and a coma in February from diabetes and lives alone with a newborn and has low sugars every single day. She also has nearly died many times since I was little.
So, now my sister and psycho brother filed a report and are getting a restraining order. My junkie brother is going to get one because "I made him have a car accident" and won't let him die and he never wants to see me again.
Now, my mother calls to tell me that knocking over the x-mas tree was evil. For your info my former alcoholic sister has assaulted physically every single person in this family (except dad) and has thrown me out of her house to sleep in a parking garage, all the while demanding shit from me - cleaning her house, moving her mostly myself, coming from the parking garage to meet her maintence guys to be told it wasn't a favor because I wasn't exactly on time (20 min late and she never said they needed a key, she lied)
Right now I have no family except my dad. I've let myself be very abused by my sister because she is diabetic and I always worry she may die from a low sugar, so I try not to fight.
For example, after her exes friend raped me she told me it was my fault and she knows I'm a slut and I have had one night stands. She threw me out to be homeless for several months - keep in mind I've let all these fuckers stay at my house. Assaulting me drunk and sober and coked up.
Basically I have no one I can talk to. The ex used my need for a friend tonight to demand a whole load of shit, oh, but I can't ask him to get off speed "for our relationship". Anytime I need him he lords it over me. I told him to fuck off tonight.
I don't have any friends anymore, some have let me know that with my personal and family history it's a bit overwhelming and I know it. I always pretty much laugh and smile but it doesn't bridge the gap. I have no one to talk to and it really hurts.
I don't know what to do anymore.



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