Zephyr
3327 Accordion Lane
Banjo Gap, Texas
Colonel Alfonso G. Alfredo
National Guard Commander
San Antonio, Texas
Dear Sir,
It is time, once again, for my annual apology to your office for my actions on New Year's Eve, and for the inconvenience of causing your unit to be activated after the VW Beetle full of goats was discovered in the foyer of Musty Meadows Retirement Center.
Included in this apology is asking forgiveness for the replacement of the baptismal font at Our Lady of Perpetual Motion Church with a jacuzzi. Unfortunately, I do not recall how we came into possession of the goats, the VW Beetle, or the Jacuzzi. I also cannot recall how we gained entrance into the church, although I understand the bearded fat guy passed out on the roof and fell down the fireplace.
The unfortunate incident that occured in your offices when I once again mistook the dishwasher for the men's room is something of which I am not very proud, but as it has happened every year for quite some time I thought it would be considered a tradition by now. If you do not mind, I would like copies of the photographs you took of this behavior.
Finally, regarding the impromptu hunting trip where a few government firearms were appropriated, please allow me to explain. Someone, I am not sure who, mentioned that we were all invited to the New Year's Day dinner and a turkey was needed. My friends and I decided to go shoot one. As soon as I can, I will honor your request and forward a cahsier's check in the amount of $5,000 for the damaged we caused at the Safeway Grocery when we shot the turkey.
Again, for all these actions, I apologize. I am being sincere. You can ask my new probation officer. I wish you the best in the coming year, and look forward to seeing you again next year.
Regards,
Zephyr



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