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Thread: New here. xBF wants custody of daughter

  1. #1
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    New here. xBF wants custody of daughter

    My xBF wants custody of our daughter ( that he has only seen twice in the past YEAR but I digress) because ..... *drum roll please* I'm a STRIPPER!!! So he'd pulling the "unfit mother cause she's a stripper" card.


    We have a temporary hearing next week and I'm stressed out. Now Ilive in a house in suburbia with my other 2 children and have no prison record etc etc... not a crackhead, i dont even smoke cigarettes!!!!


    Anyone ever have to go thorugh a custody fight because your ex thinks you're a bad mother because you work in a strip club?




    how did it go?

    I'm in Texas BTW and my child has extremely high medical xpenses ( she is autistic, in therapy which insurance does not cover) So when he d/c'd his voluntary cs months ago I had to return to this industry...now that i am going after CS he is trying to get custody... go figure.... *eye roll*


    oh yeah... he's married.... dont judge me please, long story didnt know he was married for almost a year into our relationship, we were together 4 years)

    more later!

    thanks! I'll post more of an intro later... my daughter is tugging at me....

  2. #2
    God/dess fancygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: New here. xBF wants custody of daughter

    ok-- so it's going to look really bad that you were with a married man knowingly for three years. Other women will have better advice but it sounds like you should document every time he's tried to visit/contact your daughter, and also extensively outline her medical needs. If you have the money, maybe have a PI follow your ex and outline your ex's schedule to show that he couldn't have enough time or inclination to spend with your daughter if he was the primary caregiver.

    Perhaps it might also help if you have references-- do you know any people who it would look good to the judge if they gave character testimony via letter?

  3. #3
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: New here. xBF wants custody of daughter

    Stripping is legal, any judge in their right mind would not grant custody to a non-child support paying, non visiting father just because the mother is a stripper. It takes ALOT more than that to make someone an unfit parent. Not to mention that most judges favor mother's rights anyway. Plus, he discontinued voluntary c/s and hasn't helped with medical bills or anything? Why would a judge grant custody to a parent who has stopped showing an interest in supporting their child? I say you have nothing to worry about. You do have a lawyer, right?

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    Default Re: New here. xBF wants custody of daughter

    Quote Originally Posted by fancygirl View Post
    ok-- so it's going to look really bad that you were with a married man knowingly for three years.
    Well on the flip side it will look equally bad that he was an adulterer cheating on his wife and living a double life for those years (renting apartments with me etc...) and that he chose to hide the exisitance of his child for 2.5 years. Sorry its so complicated I didnt get top give all the details on the first post. I'm having to post in spurts because my daughter is being high maintenance :-)

    He is the president of his own company, lives in NYC ( I moved back here when I was 7 months pregnant ...) is very wealthy and can travel when he wants to which he does often and I have proof. He just chose NOT to visit his daughter because she wasnt a priority to him. he also participates in Masters track & field events as a HOBBY, not like he gets paid for that and travels all over the world to compete several times a year which any google search with his name will show. But he had no time to visit his daughter.


    But I guess he came clean with his wife finally or she found out I dont know and that's when he stopped paying CS and also put a stop payment on the bank draft that paid the clinic where my daughter gets therapy and neglected to tell me he did that until we were $8000 past due!

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    Default Re: New here. xBF wants custody of daughter

    Quote Originally Posted by Glamazon View Post
    Stripping is legal, any judge in their right mind would not grant custody to a non-child support paying, non visiting father just because the mother is a stripper. It takes ALOT more than that to make someone an unfit parent. Not to mention that most judges favor mother's rights anyway. Plus, he discontinued voluntary c/s and hasn't helped with medical bills or anything? Why would a judge grant custody to a parent who has stopped showing an interest in supporting their child? I say you have nothing to worry about. You do have a lawyer, right?
    that is what I thought, just wanted to know if anyone went through the whole process. i have a lawyer, but it helps to hear from others that have gone through this themselves. it just sucks that he is going to waste everybodys time and money when that money could be going towards my daughter's therapy right now.

  6. #6
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: New here. xBF wants custody of daughter

    Quote Originally Posted by Nameless View Post
    that is what I thought, just wanted to know if anyone went through the whole process. i have a lawyer, but it helps to hear from others that have gone through this themselves. it just sucks that he is going to waste everybodys time and money when that money could be going towards my daughter's therapy right now.
    Oh, and I think you should counter-sue for back child support, since it was all "volunatry" and off the books, as well as a portion, if not all of her medical expenses to be covered and/or he should put her on his insurance (he has some, I assume). I'll probably think of more later, but that's all for now.

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    Default Re: New here. xBF wants custody of daughter

    I don't have any advice for you hon. Just wanted to say that this sucks and I'm sorry.

    I hate that stripping can be used against us in regards to our children when a good lot of us would not even be strippers if we didn't have children in the first place.

    Hope it all turns out well for you. Many hugs and keep us posted.

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    Default Re: New here. xBF wants custody of daughter

    My attoney called me ... yep on a Sunday ( we have court in a few days)

    And he said he had a long conversation with the assholes attorney on Friday and he mentioned nothing about custody, so its just a scare tactic... he has been trying to pressure me to lower the requested amount of CS and he'll pay me $$ "under the table"
    YEAH RIGHT jackass... how stupid does he think I am? So he started in on how he is going after custody but now i relize he is just trying to intimidate me. Maybe if he would pay CS I wouldnt have to work at a strip club in the first place !!!

    LoL
    Last edited by Nameless; 01-07-2007 at 04:26 PM. Reason: i cant type worth a damn

  9. #9
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: New here. xBF wants custody of daughter

    How does the wife feel about all this? I can't imagine she would actually want to raise a special-needs child that her husband conceived while out banging some stripper. It's not just him that would be fighting for custody; he would have to provide that his entire household, including wife and "legitimate" children, would be a better environment than your home. I really can't see that being the case.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: New here. xBF wants custody of daughter

    I say call his bluff. I mean child custody cases don't happen over night, and if he's still married, he's going to have his shit out for the world to see trying to prove he's more fit than you.

    And basically, if you're more capable of providing for her needs financially than he is alone, then she'll stay with him.

    Honestly though? this guy risks a LOT by going through with this. I guess if he has the money and his wife is really o.k. with all of this, but still....
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess Gynger's Avatar
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    Default Re: New here. xBF wants custody of daughter

    If you are providing care, and not neglecting your child, and you are not a drug addict, alcoholic or any type of socio-path, no judge is going to award custody to your ex just because of your job.

    There was a case involving a porn star in California who's ex tried to get their children, and the judge awarded her custody- he saw no harm in what she did for a living as long as her children were not exposed to what she did for work. (therein lies the key statement).

    Now days custody is much different than before, more and more dads are getting custody of their children, it is not a bad thing however it is much different than it used to be.

    If he is using your child as leverage for child support, that in itself is illegal- child support amounts are based upon income levels. Sue him for back support, make him pull the line, and DO NOT bend one bit. Push it as far as you want to, but also know that unless your child is in a horrible environment, your child will not be taken away.

    So many women think that because of what they do for a living determines on if they can keep their children. If you are not doing anything illegal, you love your child and you are providing for him/her, and can show the court that you are of sound able mind, you are not going to lose.

    Good luck.


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    God/dess Sirona's Avatar
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    Default Re: New here. xBF wants custody of daughter

    So let's see....
    He fucked around on his wife.
    He doesn't pay child support.
    He has no real established record of visitation with his kid.

    Take his ass to court.



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