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Thread: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

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    Member Janelle B.'s Avatar
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    Default Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    How does one deal with hostility and the typical preconceived notions about dancers from those such as family, aquaintances, future in-laws, etc.?

    I have always been strong in the face of this type of adversity, but in the end I walk away feeling nothing short of ostracized and completely enraged that people STILL make strippers out to be the biggest whores on the planet even after all of the positive media attention dancers have been getting as of lately. (songs like, "I'm in Love with a Stripper", more movies/music videos depicting strip clubs/strippers in a world-class fashion, fitness classes teaching exotic dance lessons, etc.)

    WTF! I have known "church-going" types who do worse things than what they accuse us of doing! They are the first to point fingers, when they, in fact, have their own personal fixations that can easily land them in jail!

    I do realize that the reactions I get from people come with the territory and was fully aware of that when I walked into my very first club, but after dealing with this kind of shit from all kinds of people every day, (in my normal life) it tends to get to me...much like Chinese water torture!

    I am so sick of the preconceived notions, stereotypes, discrimination, condemnation & being treated like an outcast of society. My future MIL is a prime example of how I am judged by the industry I'm in. When she first met me, she loved me to death, but in time I felt comfortable enough to mention my line of work (I hate lying and suck at it anyway), so I basically told her she could either accept it if she is for real, or don't bother with me again.
    Well, she did a complete 180 after that and wanted nothing more to do with me. Plus she was callign me a "whore" behind my back.

    I tell ya, there hasn't been one night that I have come home from work ashamed of myself for anything. Right now I work at a clean bachelor party agency; no sucking or f**king, no happy endings, etc. So why all the heat from everyone? Furthermore I am honest about things and don't mind openly talking about my job to people (still while using good judgement & carefully chosing my words) and dont have anything to hide. UGH! This is what gets me mad. It makes me RATHER be at work all week, lol!

    Thanx for allowing me to vent. I want to hear your take on this as well as your experience with this.
    Last edited by Janelle B.; 01-07-2007 at 02:21 PM. Reason: typos & I forgot to add something

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    Senior Member seishibella's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    One will never escape the preconceived notions of the title: STRIPPER. You've got to look at it from both sides though, some people really think that taking your clothes off for money and deceiving men for their wallets is wrong...But it's just a job to us.

    I've always been upfront with what I do as well and I know some people won't accept that and some will. It does suck when as soon as someone asks where you work and you tell them they look at you completely different than they did a second ago...But that's just how it is.
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    Member Janelle B.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    Yep, it does suck. I guess the longer I'm involved, the more things like this will get to me. I wish I could go into robot-mode and not let it even phase me, but sometimes the way others respond is in the form of personal attack. I'm ok with genuine ignorance...those are the people that can be molded and see things in a different light once they're educated, but then there are those that are just looking to pick fights.

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    God/dess Jenny's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    Okay - I'm not trying to jump all over you with this, but how exactly do you think whores should be treated? Everytime I read "strippers are treated like whores" I realize that we are constantly reinforcing the same sexual/moral righteousness that ostracizes us. And if we can't be bothered to "clean house" - to face and deal with our own prejudices and issues regarding the sex trade and I can't see for the life of me why we should expect anyone else to. Just something to keep in mind the next time you get greviously offended because someone treats you "like a whore".
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    Lola Rose
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    I deal with it by being really open. I don't share with my family (my mother and sister do know), but everyone else in my life, teachers, directors, friends, they all know what I do. If they want to dislike me for it, they can, but I show them how normal and nice I am through actions. We just have a harder time b/c we need to prove ourselves. It's a job hazard, you get used to it. Don't surround yourself with negative people who treat you poorly. Some people are just judgemental. Those are the people to aviod.

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    Senior Member IsabellaRouma's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    Amen, Jenny. A-friggen-men.

    Janelle, I feel your pain.
    "Emancipate Yourselves From Mental Slavery; None but Ourselves Can Free Our Minds." ~Bob Marley

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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    My opinion is a little different because I chose to keep this job secret from as many people as possible for various reasons. I know other strippers prefer to be more honest about what they do.

    I don't mind that so many people look down on strippers and stripping and think it is wrong. I kind of look down on people if they are judgemental and uptight! I don't really want it to become more socially acceptable, like with these pole dancing class trend and such.

    If it was more socially acceptable then way more girls would work as strippers, fewer customers (because it is nothing special anymore, no longer seedy and deviant) and we wouldn't be able to make the good money that we do! Because of the negative and undesirable things about our work environment (social stigma, risky, sometimes dangerous, unpleasant customers, drugs, crime, etc.) a lot of people aren't willing to do it so the ones who do it make the $ !

    I guess that was a little off topic - half of me wishes people would be less hostile about is, but I believe Stripping's bad reputation is good for business.

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    Senior Member seishibella's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    The best thing to do is never take other people's opinions so seriously or as personal, stripping is just a job it's not really who we are...Hence the reason for stage names. It's easy money, not always, but easier than most.
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    Featured Member NatalieFRPhilly's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    My view is..who cares what other people think? It's just their thoughts and opinions....most people in life can turn on you at any second so the only opinion you should care about is how you feel about yourself. And being true to yourself. Many dancers are skanks but there are also alot of nice, clean girls....so you also have to remember that it's only the bad girls that get remembered, not the good ones. I dunno I'm writing alot of different things, but I think your future Mother in law is being judgemental and immature calling you a whore behind your back. If she wants to call you a whore she should at least have the balls to say it to your face. You never know she could dislike something else you do later on in your life, and if this whole dancing thing had never happened she still could have called you names behind your back because you didn't do something she thought was right.

  10. #10
    madmaxine
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    Maybe because I grew up in such a ghetto town full of losers & sh*ttalkers...I don't care what people think of me...If they weren't hating on me for being a stripper they'd hate me for some other reason that made me different from them...
    There are other occupations with bad stereotypes. Cops? They're all a*sholes. Mortician? Morbid Freak. Paramedic? Adrenaline/Gore Freak. Lawyer? Ambulance Chaser. You see what I'm saying.
    Be the exception to the rule so no one can talk sh*t about you.

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    God/dess erotictonic's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    To be a stripper, you must accept that the majority believes that. Strippers don't share the same values that most people do, in this country. Like madmaxine said, be the exception. Be a good person. Be accountable and do the right thing. Then no one can say anything about you, and if they do, people won't believe it.

    My advice would be to stop moving so fast and do some thinking to get in touch with yourself, and to learn to accept what is going on around you. If a person has a reason to end a relationship, such as a poor character judgement or poor actions, then that is reasonable. Maybe she doesn't believe in stripping or you held different values from her. But IF she said you were a whore, maybe she believes that and to be around you would be guilt by association. Some people have reputations in the community to uphold, and they don't want to be seen as a stripper. It's not necessarily that they think badly of you, it is that they have their eyes set on a goal and they don't want that ruined.

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    God/dess Miss Jessica's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    Quote Originally Posted by Lola Rose View Post
    I deal with it by being really open. I don't share with my family (my mother and sister do know), but everyone else in my life, teachers, directors, friends, they all know what I do. If they want to dislike me for it, they can, but I show them how normal and nice I am through actions. We just have a harder time b/c we need to prove ourselves. It's a job hazard, you get used to it. Don't surround yourself with negative people who treat you poorly. Some people are just judgemental. Those are the people to aviod.
    I completely agree with you Lola, I'm the same way. The family members I'm close with know (my Grandmother, who's the sweetest lady ever and totally supports my decisions, my Uncle and my Aunt) I don't really have any family besides them anyway, the rest are scattered mostly in England. But I do find it hard to have female friends who are not strippers. My best friend is not, but that's about it. If I want "girl time" and she's not around I usually end up at work or with work friends.
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    Member Scurvette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    Quote Originally Posted by Lola Rose View Post
    I deal with it by being really open. I don't share with my family (my mother and sister do know), but everyone else in my life, teachers, directors, friends, they all know what I do. If they want to dislike me for it, they can, but I show them how normal and nice I am through actions. We just have a harder time b/c we need to prove ourselves. It's a job hazard, you get used to it. Don't surround yourself with negative people who treat you poorly. Some people are just judgemental. Those are the people to aviod.
    I agree. I let people know what I do right off the bat. They can take it or leave it. I'd rather weed out the judgmental people I don't really need in my life right away.

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    God/dess Andygirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    Not everybody needs to know you are a stripper. Only key people in my life know my business, and it's not my family, it's not my husband's family, and it's not regular people I meet in day-to-day life.

    I have experienced hostility from two bitchy fat girls who wanted to call me a whore for what I do for a living. These are people, one of whom met me once, and the other I had been acquaintances with for some time. I couldn't figure out what their problem was with me and still can't, but for some reason certain people can never get over stereotypes, and frankly, I think jealousy plays a big role in a lot of it. You don't usually get these reactions from men, it's always women.

    The only time I have a big problem with it is when they are in MY club and acting like they are better than us. Don't come into my house and act that way, bitch, I'm not dancing on your front porch, YOU came in here, well, that's what I want to say anyway, haha.
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    God/dess Paris's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    There's a very good reason why strippers and whores are mentioned in the same breath. There isn't really a lot a difference.

    Whores provide sexual stimulation for money
    Strippers provide sexual fantasy for money
    It is arguable that lap dances involving contact IS sexual stimulation.

    Now those three items are so close that most people can't see a real difference between them. You know the difference, your customers know the difference, but getting others to see it is next to impossible.

    I wouldn't point to pop music and MTV as an indicator of sociatial exceptance. You know why the stripper reference is in the music scene. The same reason why it was in the music scene and on MTV back in 1980's. It is naughty and unacceptable, so when a celeb goes there he/she gets media attention for being naughty and unacceptable. Any publicity is better than no publicity. Think about the Duke LaCross case, and you have the public's vision of what a stripper is like.

    Ostrization and public disapproval is what has kept stripping a lucrative career. Well, guess what? If more and more girls are comfortable dancing and more and more club owners are comfortable having dancers eventually the market will be flooded and no one is making great money for "just dancing". Portland is an excellent example of this. There are more strip clubs per capita than anywhere else in the US in Portland, Oregon. The dancing is (mostly) clean, but the dancers make $10-20 an hour on average. Not fantastic money by any measure. Probably on par with most waitresses. But the public is accepting of them and there isn't much of an attitude that strippers are whores.

    My best advice to you is to not say anything about your career. Just like you don't tell your customers your real name, phone number or address, keep your profession to yourself. Even if the person you're talking to knows you dance. Don't throw it in their face because they are supremely uncomfortable with what you do for a living.


    Promote yourself and earn more money! This is a business that is owned by strippers for strippers. Let's make that money!


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    Featured Member Windy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    yep....i dont really care tho.

    however, i think strippers are suposed to be untouchable, seductive, sex goddesses....not whores..but hey, sexy and seductive can come off like that.

    besides, i rather not ervery1 know the "truth" behind strippers..that you know, we're just 'average' or 'normal' or 'everyday woman' ...we are suposed to be a fantasy! every mans fantasy woman! not the average !

    i dont kare if any1 thinks im a whore..i know what im doing, i know who i am....and im glad they dont know the truth of course...my b/f knows the real me...my friends do..of coiurse i dont tell every1...like my parents, any of my family(cept my little sis ).
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    Veteran Member candie00's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    Where I live its actualy not a bad thing to be a "stripper". We have so many girls dancing. Stripping is the norm here and I've never had any problems with ppl being judge mental about it, Not even from My land lord.

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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    i wouldn't be offended if someone's idea of talking shit was to call me a whore. However, it bothers me that girls that get naked or give sex for free are not judged as harshly. i will never understand why it is so wrong to do anything for money as opposed to for free if it's the same thing. How girls that get drunk and sleep around are somehow automatically above me just because they did that for fun and i'm taking my clothes off and rubbing up against strangers because of money only that makes me so bad. i tell people about my job if they ask, including my immediate family but it bothers me that my mom lies about me to her freinds. Like instead of what i do now she focuses on me having a college degree and all this other stuff that is irrelevant to my current life.

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    God/dess Bella21's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    I know what you mean. It sucks.

    Pinkkitten makes an excellent point.
    If you think school is hard, try being stupid.

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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    many people can get looked down on for what they do, not just dancers.

    my friend worked in a gay bar (he's straight and black) and there's homophobic people out there. he's probably gotten crap for serving food to gays. and it's not a high-paying job, so girls would sometimes snub him cause he didnt have a bmw and cant afford to get a degree. doesnt mean he's stupid.

    i have another friend who makes bdsm gear and he gets shit cause he doesnt have a 'normal' job with a paycheck. so what? he can pay his bills and he's happy. this person is a gentleman and not a perv in any way. he just loves working with his hands, feels accomplished when he makes something, and yes he is into the scene a little, but he knows there's more to him than that. if you ask me, he has a very professional attitude about it.

    what about the poor garbage man? i mean, he busts his ass rain or shine picking up barrels full of nasty crap, his clothes get filthy, he's not making close to what we make, his truck goes slowly and people get pissed at him for backing up traffic and they worry an old newspaper might *gasp* land near their new mercedes. he comes home tired and reeking of trash. he probably gets sick a lot from dealing with trash. i wouldnt be surprised when that dude went to marry some girl that the girl's parents might try and have her marry someone more 'successful'.

    honestly, i'd say i have a better end of the bargain.

  21. #21
    AlexxaHex
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    Ahhh, hypocrisy! Don't you know that's it's the American way?

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    God/dess PookaShell's Avatar
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    Janelle didn't you say in another post that you were a veteran? Perhaps I'm thinking of someone else, but Vets have usually worked this problem out. Not trying to sound snappy or anything like that. People look at Strippers differently because most people are just oblivious as to what weight exactly the word actually carries. Alot of people only know what they see in movies and hear in songs...its taboo, therefore it's treated as such. I kind of like that it is, because that's what draws customers to clubs, thats what gives us our fantasy...as for the type of people (like MIL) who have affect on your life and look at you negatively, they will just have to learn to accept it - and you will have to come to terms that its hard for people who don't know about something to understand it. Good luck!

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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    Well maybe she just recently decided to tell her MIL, and it just became a problem.

    I have to say that I would never tell someone if I didn't pretty much know how they would react. I told my mom and sister cause I knew they would still love me and not bother me about it. I've never told anyone else in my family, cause who knows what they would think? I don't want to deal with it. Some of my friends know, but I would never tell anyone in my boyfriend's family. They are very conservative and would probably disown him. I'm not going to cause problems for him or me. I'll continue to tell them I'm a waitress/bartender til I'm blue in the face

    I'm proud of who I am and what I do, but the fact is that most people don't accept it as normal. It's really sad that I have to lie, but it's easier than the alternative.

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    Member Janelle B.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    Quote Originally Posted by Jenny View Post
    Okay - I'm not trying to jump all over you with this, but how exactly do you think whores should be treated? Everytime I read "strippers are treated like whores" I realize that we are constantly reinforcing the same sexual/moral righteousness that ostracizes us. And if we can't be bothered to "clean house" - to face and deal with our own prejudices and issues regarding the sex trade and I can't see for the life of me why we should expect anyone else to. Just something to keep in mind the next time you get greviously offended because someone treats you "like a whore".
    Whoa honey! There IS a line drawn between stripping and flat-out f**king for money. That's MY message that I'm trying to get across to people who are ignorant about this. As I said before, if you read my entire post, I DID REALIZE what I was walking into from day one and I was just venting. We all reach breaking point.

    I come here to seek others who can relate, NOT to get attacked! Don't you dare say you're not trying to jump on me and then go right ahead and do so! If you want to surrender to society's idea of what a stripper is, go right ahead. I sure the hell won't allow anyone to believe something that's not true of me.

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    Member Janelle B.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Hostility towards dancers in everyday life

    Quote Originally Posted by Lola Rose View Post
    I deal with it by being really open. I don't share with my family (my mother and sister do know), but everyone else in my life, teachers, directors, friends, they all know what I do. If they want to dislike me for it, they can, but I show them how normal and nice I am through actions. We just have a harder time b/c we need to prove ourselves. It's a job hazard, you get used to it. Don't surround yourself with negative people who treat you poorly. Some people are just judgemental. Those are the people to aviod.
    I loved your answer. THANK YOU!! I conduct myself as you do in my every day life and it really does make a difference! I have had people say to me "You know, after getting to know you, my opinions about dancers has changed!" I realize some people are just old-fashioned & set in their ways, and we can't convince everyone, but that's when I'll go so far as to ask them to drop by the club or book a small party to see how it's not as bad as they think. LOL!

    Everything you said made perfect sense. Thanks again for the words of wisdom. :-)

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