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Thread: Major Guy Don'ts

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    Default Major Guy Don'ts

    From reading this site over the last year these seem to be the top things NOT to be as a customer. They seem pretty common sense to me, but the complaints seem to be recurring. What big ones am I missing? I am perfecting my customer status at my local club. I never was 1 or 4, and 2 & 3 have improved significantly since listening to you ladies.


    1. Stinky/smelly/sweaty/generally unwashed
    2. Cheap
    3. Grabby/handsy
    4. Looking for OTC

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    Featured Member kandie_kitten's Avatar
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    5. Holding a dollar and saying "Work for it"
    6. Saying anything along the lines of 'I spent a lot of money on you, you owe me"
    7. Wearing those thin jersey workout shorts trying to get as much "feel" as possible

  3. #3
    Yekhefah
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    ^^^ Indeed, wearing shorts at all.

    8. Needy or clingy.
    9. Worrying endlessly about whether the dancer "really likes you" or "is all about the money."
    10. Overanalyzing the experience to try and figure out what the dancer "really meant."

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    Quote Originally Posted by Yekhefah View Post
    ^^^ Indeed, wearing shorts at all.

    8. Needy or clingy.
    9. Worrying endlessly about whether the dancer "really likes you" or "is all about the money."
    10. Overanalyzing the experience to try and figure out what the dancer "really meant."
    Wait... that's on SW.

    In fact, if those happen in the club, the answer can be strongly tied to the dollar amount it's written on
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    Quote Originally Posted by kandie_kitten View Post
    5. Holding a dollar and saying "Work for it"
    6. Saying anything along the lines of 'I spent a lot of money on you, you owe me"
    7. Wearing those thin jersey workout shorts trying to get as much "feel" as possible
    <3

    I laughed my ASS off at the first one. Next time I'm in a SC, Imma tip a hunnerd at at the rail, but I'm going to say "Work for it" and put it in my belt and just do rhythmic pelvic thrusts. And when she goes at it with her hands I'll be all like:
    "NO! Get it out wit yer butt cheeks"
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Veteran Member The one and only Raven's Avatar
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    Mast, I luv you.... I needed a good laugh.

    We can't forget:

    11: "dancing" while getting a lap dance (just SIT STILL DAMMIT!!!)
    12: saying anything to the extent of "oh, yea, f*ck them titties!" or "ride me hard, you naughty girl!" during a dance.

    Oh yea, and if you have nipples like cow udders, don't ask the stripper to pinch them for you while giving you a dance... It's hard to dance and hold back to need to vomit at the same time.

    Krystal

  7. #7
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    <3

    I laughed my ASS off at the first one. Next time I'm in a SC, Imma tip a hunnerd at at the rail, but I'm going to say "Work for it" and put it in my belt and just do rhythmic pelvic thrusts. And when she goes at it with her hands I'll be all like:
    "NO! Get it out wit yer butt cheeks"
    You wouldn't be the first to pull this stunt...but probably the first to do it with a hundy...

  8. #8
    Glamazon
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    Quote Originally Posted by The one and only Raven View Post
    Mast, I luv you.... I needed a good laugh.

    We can't forget:

    11: "dancing" while getting a lap dance (just SIT STILL DAMMIT!!!)
    12: saying anything to the extent of "oh, yea, f*ck them titties!" or "ride me hard, you naughty girl!" during a dance.

    Oh yea, and if you have nipples like cow udders, don't ask the stripper to pinch them for you while giving you a dance... It's hard to dance and hold back to need to vomit at the same time.

    Krystal
    Okay, #11--Beware the "Humpers"
    And for #12--I was once dancing for a man in VIP (3/$100) and his wife was there. She was saying the most rude things, it made me uncomfortable. She said, "So, now you know what it would be like to be with a white woman." But what really got to me is when she said, "Ride him hard, honey, that's what he wants!"

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    God/dess RoseWhite's Avatar
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    Quote Originally Posted by The one and only Raven View Post
    Mast, I luv you.... I needed a good laugh.

    We can't forget:

    11: "dancing" while getting a lap dance (just SIT STILL DAMMIT!!!)
    This just bore repeating. Especially, for God's sake, quit it with the waggling the legs in and out, trying to "catch" me between your thighs and squeeze me so I'm immobilized . . . I cannot for the life of me think of any enjoyment a guy would get out of that, aside from just genuinely getting amusement out of tripping us up.

    And stop scooting your ass down so far on the seat in the first place, especially when combined with suddenly shooting your legs out straight in front of you. What the SAM HILL is that all about? If you do that to me, I am SERIOUSLY likely to throw my hands up in the air and ride down the lovely slide you've just created, yelling "WHEEEE!".

    Yes, I HAVE done this, several times, when it's obvious the guy is going to be an obnoxious child all the way through the dance and I'm tossing out the possibility of repeat dances. The only thing that has prevented me from doing it when it happens is if it's going to mess up another girl's dance. I've done it before. I'll do it again. Consider yourself warned, and do your buddies a favor and spread the word.

    No, you don't have to sit there like a zombified block of concrete either, but that's not what we're talking about. Come on. Just SIT LIKE A HUMAN BEING!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by The one and only Raven View Post
    Oh yea, and if you have nipples like cow udders, don't ask the stripper to pinch them for you while giving you a dance... It's hard to dance and hold back to need to vomit at the same time.

    Krystal
    Har! Recent experience, I'm sensing?
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

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    Featured Member francescadubois's Avatar
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    Quote Originally Posted by The one and only Raven View Post
    Mast, I luv you.... I needed a good laugh.

    We can't forget:

    11: "dancing" while getting a lap dance (just SIT STILL DAMMIT!!!)
    12: saying anything to the extent of "oh, yea, f*ck them titties!" or "ride me hard, you naughty girl!" during a dance.

    Oh yea, and if you have nipples like cow udders, don't ask the stripper to pinch them for you while giving you a dance... It's hard to dance and hold back to need to vomit at the same time.

    Krystal
    Classic!! I'm laughing my ass off!!
    "I came in like a lamb, but I intend to leave like a lion."

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    The only thing a person hates more than being a sex object, is NOT being a sex object.
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    Finger pointing is awesome!! No really, it gets things done.

  12. #11
    Glamazon
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseWhite View Post
    This just bore repeating. Especially, for God's sake, quit it with the waggling the legs in and out, trying to "catch" me between your thighs and squeeze me so I'm immobilized . . . I cannot for the life of me think of any enjoyment a guy would get out of that, aside from just genuinely getting amusement out of tripping us up.
    This is one of my biggest pet peeves when giving a dance. I can't begin to count how many times I've almost fallen over because guys try to "catch" my legs...why???

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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    Quote Originally Posted by Glamazon View Post
    You wouldn't be the first to pull this stunt...but probably the first to do it with a hundy...
    It would have to at LEAST be a hundy. I'm all joke and show hun, anything less would get my very tender nuts stomped I am sure.


    Oh yea, and if you have nipples like cow udders, don't ask the stripper to pinch them for you while giving you a dance...
    This had to be an old man. I mean he HIS paying and all. It's ok, you need to substitute creative thinking in these situations. Like imagining the poor things the shop vac at his house could talk about if it had a mouth.

    This just bore repeating. Especially, for God's sake, quit it with the waggling the legs in and out, trying to "catch" me between your thighs and squeeze me so I'm immobilized . . . I cannot for the life of me think of any enjoyment a guy would get out of that, aside from just genuinely getting amusement out of tripping us up.
    Funny Answer? He's just doing what to you what's been happing in the confessionals since the 50's.

    Honest answer? Think about the pose your in when that happens. He's not trying to catch you off your game, he's trying to find Jimmy Hoffa. This exchange was suggested to me by a guy sitting next to me in Odyssey 2001.
    "If you spread your legs and they fall through and squeeze, you can catch it spread wide open."
    "Excuse me... what?...nevermind."
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseWhite View Post
    This just bore repeating. Especially, for God's sake, quit it with the waggling the legs in and out, trying to "catch" me between your thighs and squeeze me so I'm immobilized . . . I cannot for the life of me think of any enjoyment a guy would get out of that, aside from just genuinely getting amusement out of tripping us up.


    I think Steve Martin best explained this when he said:

    "I learned about sex watching the neighborhood dogs. The most important thing I learned was: Never let go of a girl's leg no matter how hard she tries to shake you off".




    No, you don't have to sit there like a zombified block of concrete either, but that's not what we're talking about. Come on. Just SIT LIKE A HUMAN BEING!!!
    I'm not sure the circumstance actually allows for sitting like a human being.
    "He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

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    Veteran Member Minette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    Funny Answer? He's just doing what to you what's been happing in the confessionals since the 50's.

    Honest answer? Think about the pose your in when that happens. He's not trying to catch you off your game, he's trying to find Jimmy Hoffa. This exchange was suggested to me by a guy sitting next to me in Odyssey 2001.
    "If you spread your legs and they fall through and squeeze, you can catch it spread wide open."
    "Excuse me... what?...nevermind."
    What a novelty, all of a suddden I feel naive. Part of me wants an elaboration on this, and part of me feels like I'd be better off not knowing. Hmm, knowledge or the sparing of what's left of my sensibilities?

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    God/dess Mastridonicus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    ^^ Apparently in the pose your cookie is either squashed around the thong or spread out beyond it. Cheap Cheap Cheap.

    Well that's how I understood it.
    People are not ruled by their memories.

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    Banned rozz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    While I realize there is an obesity pandemic, if I am to give a LD, I require a lap, not a belly with knees.

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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    Quote Originally Posted by RoseWhite View Post
    And stop scooting your ass down so far on the seat in the first place,
    This happens to me all the time unintentionally. As the dances get further into the song, the more I'm sliding towards the edge of the couch/seat.

    Many times I have to scoot back-up when the dancer stands back-up or is changing positions.

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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    ^^ That I totally do understand. But I 've seen plenty of guys sit right down and ASSUME that position.
    "Before I conceived you, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I would die for you. This is the miracle of life." -- Maureen Hawkins

    "I just can't get over how much babies cry. I really had no idea what I was getting into. To tell you the truth, I thought it would be more like getting a cat." -- Anne Lamott

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    God/dess shasta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    I have laughed hysterically at this thread. It is everyday at a SC...

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    Veteran Member Minette's Avatar
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    Quote Originally Posted by Mastridonicus View Post
    ^^ Apparently in the pose your cookie is either squashed around the thong or spread out beyond it. Cheap Cheap Cheap.

    Well that's how I understood it.
    Sounds painful.

    Hah! I foil them all by wearing no thong under my gowns! Bwa ha ha ha! My plot is the evil genius.

    Oh look, I haven't slept in 24 hours, and I've lost my mind. If anyone sees it, give it a good smack on the ass and send it home.

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    Senior Member Masscott's Avatar
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    This is a funny thread--
    but some of you are being a little too critical. We guys get excited when you do what you do and react accordingly. I know some of the stuff is dumb-but it is a reaction.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    *Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones do. But beautiful women don't need to know about men. It's the men who have to know about beautiful women.

    **A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive.




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    God/dess jaizaine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    I hate the leg squeezing thing. It seems to occur more frequently as the level of arousal increases - then you get the guy that squeezes you continually between his legs until u can wait for an opportunity when his legs are opening and quickly make your escape.

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    Featured Member Starfire's Avatar
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    how about the ones that try to get you so you're squashed against their leg because they think it will "pleasure you" if they get your clit the right way with their knee. Hahahahahaha....

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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    Yeah that one gets me! They think like its supposed to turn me on or something, but it is as annoying as hell!

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    Senior Member WhiteTara's Avatar
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    Default Re: Major Guy Don'ts

    I can't believe we've gotten this far and no one has mentioned:

    13. Don't ask me personal questions. Don't ask me my real name and how many kids I have. Oh, and don't ask me what my boyfriend thinks of my dancing. Like I don't know it's a ruse to get me to reveal whether I'm single or not (a pathetic one at that).

    14. Don't hire me as a therapist. I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand you. I don't either. Just give me a dollar.

    15. Don't grab my hand and try get me to feel your hard on. If there were anything to feel I would have noticed in the course of the lapdance. Nasty bastard.

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