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Thread: I got a restraining order!

  1. #26
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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Stalking is annoying, it will remain annoying until you do something about it.

    Choose not to be afraid. Fear in this case is a lack of confidence in your own abilities.

    Get some new abilities. Quick fast and in a hurry. Attitude! Predators pick up on the weak don't look weak and you don't get fucked with. Make eye contact. Make it a point to look people in the face. Constantly scan your area with your eyes. Criminals want easy. If you look like you could fight back. Firearms training. Long term a fighting style (Krav Maga). Learn Knife fighting basics (expect to get cut). The more you know the less likely you are to get into a bad situation.

    Attitude + Scan + knowledge = Situational Awareness. Being aware of what is going on around you and how to counter a problem with a few courses of action.

    A trained Guard Dog would be great but can you afford It? Thousands of dollars and a living breathing animal you have to care for. Oh yeah and insurance. What if your Guard Dog bites the mail man or a child protecting his turf? Dog gets put down and you got to civil court yippee.

    If you still think a Guard dog would be a good Idea. Here is some google links


    I think a Guard Dog a bad idea unless it is part of an overall plan and you have the finances and deication to support it.

    Firearms Training is where I would send you first. You don't have to be a hulking ex marine with big beefy arms to shoot a nine millimeter or a .40 S&W. The bullet will travel at the same speed and hit with the same force regardless of your body mass. Hence it is a great equalizer. It won't work by itself hence the training. Good beginner training will take a week, you will shoot more than 500 rounds, and it will include classes on the Laws and Situational Awareness.

    I recommend this because it will reduce your Fear, raise your Confidence, and it is safety you can take with you. Unless you want to ride with a sidecar for that 100 German Shepherd. Here are links for your area. there are also some great schools in the Las Vegas area too.


    Lastly Hayduke'em. Why sit and take it when you can get even.


    You are in control of your own fear. You should be looking over your shoulder, locking your windows, taking a different way home from work every day (two places you can always be found) with safe stop places like police stations and well populated areas. The list goes on. Ultimately you are responsible for your own safety. The Supreme Court has already ruled the Police are not responsible for individuals safety.

    The Police are no more responsible for your Personal safety than Mr. Goodwrench is responsible for your care not leaving you stranded on the side of the road. You have to call for either to come help you and then wait.

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Ouch, to be seen as an ex-wife? no marriage here thank you, yes i do ride a gx'r 600, and spend a lot of time on ortega hyway. And worked at the Getty for over three years. I've just had some similar situations with a over-powering abuser,and the actions following a break-up.

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Hey, be careful, a restraining order may just ignite that jerk's anger more and make him want to stalk you more and do other things to you, God forbid.



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    God/dess Deogol's Avatar
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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Quote Originally Posted by ArmySGT. View Post
    I am just not in favor of Stalking Laws. Redundant. Everything else you listed was already a crime, well Slander is a tough one unless recorded somehow. Glad you got it but, *shrugs* a piece of paper is not going to keep you safe.

    Stalking wouldn't even be a crime if Fans didn't kill Hollwierd actresses. Lets face it being folowed around is just annoying. Slander you have to prove that false statements have caused damages (business or financial; courts like life don't care about your self esteem) to you. Breaking into your Aprtment complex..... Yep that gets the crazy clause now did the Owner call the Police and have him charged with Breaking and Entering? Did you summon the Police and have him charged with Disturbing the Peace? Finding your new number..... if it is not listed a friend or family member gave it to him, have a talk with those. Calls you all the time so you can't sleep? Turn off the cell phone and unplug the telephone. If your not a Doctor or someone that has to be on call twenty four hours a day just shut them of.

    So lets see, Breaking and Entering, Check, Drunk and Disorderly, Check, Disturbing the Peace, Check. Those are crimes, yep, just minor ones. B&E is a misdemeanor someplaces.

    I don't have a problem with you getting a restraining Order to get your batshit crazy Ex to leave you alone. It is the State taking away someones property without Due Process that I have a problem with.

    Why did I ask if you had been assaulted? Threatened with a weapon? Thats when the State should step in. The Subject that commited the Assualt should be detained until Trial. The coulda , woulda, shoulds argument for the removal of firearms is just wrong. Part of the slippery slope that is decnding us into Fascism.

    I understand your point.

    I have been stalked before also and it is a form of psychological assault. One is fucking wired, paranoid, and anxious all the time. One's property is damaged. One's movements are hampered. One's interaction with society at large are interrupted. This is a crime.

    Why should we have to build a little cage for ourselves by shutting off the phones and restricting our travels? There is someone who does all these things, which you have identified as crimes, who should be in the cage.

    There is due process in that the stalker can appeal the restraining order after being given it. Since the stalker is given notice of the order before it is issued, s/he can be present when it is considered by a judge and offer refutations to why it should not be permitted (hence the importance of all that documentation.)

  5. #30
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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyndi69 View Post
    Ouch, to be seen as an ex-wife? no marriage here thank you, yes i do ride a gx'r 600, and spend a lot of time on ortega hyway. And worked at the Getty for over three years. I've just had some similar situations with a over-powering abuser,and the actions following a break-up.
    OK< I am soooo sorry!!!! I have honestly gotten paranoid at this point. ---and the ex-wife was seriously hot... take it as a complement. when i saw the pics my mouth had dropped to the floor. (but she was never cool enough to ride. a chick with a gixxer riding the twisties gets major respect. hehe i have a monster and i'm just starting out.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Deogol View Post
    I understand your point.

    I have been stalked before also and it is a form of psychological assault. One is fucking wired, paranoid, and anxious all the time. One's property is damaged. One's movements are hampered. One's interaction with society at large are interrupted. This is a crime.

    Why should we have to build a little cage for ourselves by shutting off the phones and restricting our travels? There is someone who does all these things, which you have identified as crimes, who should be in the cage.

    There is due process in that the stalker can appeal the restraining order after being given it. Since the stalker is given notice of the order before it is issued, s/he can be present when it is considered by a judge and offer refutations to why it should not be permitted (hence the importance of all that documentation.)
    thank you. yes, exactly.... on the 1st, if he decides to show up... he will get his day in court too!!!!! so i think it IS due process. that's why the R/O is a 2-part process. He has a few weeks, if he so decides, to.. umm, NOT call me 3 times a day like he is still doing and therefore totally digging a hole for himself, to document why he should not have an R/O restricting his whereabouts with reference to myself, as to why he should be able to have a gun as close to my person as he chooses, why he should be able to pay whatever online creep is willing to sell him my new number, address, personal info, etc. etc., why he should be able to register on my sportbike site under 5 different screennames and show up at random rides and stalk the crap out of me.

    .... yes, he will be able to present reasons to the judge why he SHOULD be allowed to do all of this. .... and good luck to him.

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Quote Originally Posted by sol_de_pr2 View Post
    Hey, be careful, a restraining order may just ignite that jerk's anger more and make him want to stalk you more and do other things to you, God forbid.

    Studies have shown that it doesn't matter. They nuts go nuts over something anyway.

    The harm is the police don't know (or can't prove) that the trouble maker has been trouble for a long time.

  7. #32
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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    That's why you document, document, document. And a restraining order is good for putting someone in jail if they start doing their old stuff again.

    Will they stop everyone? No. Will they stop a percentage of more reasonable people who realize itis not worth losing their jobs, homes, access to a normal life to stalk/harrass/assault someone? Yes.

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Quote Originally Posted by ArmySGT. View Post
    Get some new abilities. Quick fast and in a hurry. Attitude! Predators pick up on the weak don't look weak and you don't get fucked with. Make eye contact. Make it a point to look people in the face. Constantly scan your area with your eyes. Criminals want easy. If you look like you could fight back. Firearms training. Long term a fighting style (Krav Maga). Learn Knife fighting basics (expect to get cut). The more you know the less likely you are to get into a bad situation.
    Oh why should she do that? After all, as you've observed, stalking is just annoying. You act like there's some real danger to it. As if the pattern of his behavior indicates an intent to commit a series of escalating crimes, which she should prepare for. Tsk tsk. You're convicting him before giving him due process. If it's a bad idea for the government to overreact, it's just as bad for us to overreact.

    Quote Originally Posted by ArmySGT. View Post
    Ultimately you are responsible for your own safety. The Supreme Court has already ruled the Police are not responsible for individuals safety.
    Anyone got a citation on that ruling? I keep hearing this, and I'd like to know exactly what it's a reference to. Because that statement might be a Fox News blurb on the bottom of the screen, but I know damn well that's not verbatim from the source.

    -Ev

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Believe me- I do not live my life in fear, nor shall I. I look everyone in the eye. I am street-smart but not overly wary. Interestingly (but unsurprisingly) my ex against whom I am getting a restraining order taught me how to use a gun. I may be small, but I am very strong and sinewy for my size and stay in "fighting shape" with cardio and weights. UNFORTUNATELY- if a resourceful, powerful soldier twice my size wanted more than life itself to really hurt me and was more skilled in weaponry than me, could he hurt me? You bet, and so do I. Does my ex want to do this? No. He has never showed a propensity for actually PHYSICally wanting to hurt me. He stalks and follows and verbally abuses and trespasses and harasses, but as to wanting to break my limbs, no.

    If someone like him wanted to hurt me, I'd either be in another state under a different name, or I'd be in a hospital right now. I'm not joking.

    So evan_essence is right- this is not a conviction order. it's a restraining order so things can (hopefully) stop where they are now.

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Quote Originally Posted by Embyr View Post
    If someone like him wanted to hurt me, I'd either be in another state under a different name, or I'd be in a hospital right now. I'm not joking.

    So evan_essence is right- this is not a conviction order. it's a restraining order so things can (hopefully) stop where they are now.
    Well, I was being a tad sarcastic to ArmySGT's point of view to make my own point, but the bottom line is, regardless of any argument on the role of the law in these matters, I think we all have best wishes for you in common, so I'll cool my jets on any further political commentary. I'm glad you're taking control of the situation and glad to hear that you don't feel you're in physical danger but if you did feel that, you would take yourself out of harm's way.

    -Ev

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Quote Originally Posted by evan_essence View Post
    Anyone got a citation on that ruling? I keep hearing this, and I'd like to know exactly what it's a reference to. Because that statement might be a Fox News blurb on the bottom of the screen, but I know damn well that's not verbatim from the source.
    -Ev
    It is out there on the web someplace. I did a quick look and couldn't find it but I know it is there.

    Basically some family was dealing with a stalker yet the police refused to do something about it. The stalker killed a family member. The family sued saying the police were negligent in enforcing the law. The judge ruled the police were not obligated to enforce the law. (The idea being the police should not be obligated for arresting people for adultery, and other screwy "crimes" on the books from the 1800s.)

    I would say to try the right wing blogs to get a case name vs name to further search on. This absolutely drove the right batty at the time.

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Quote Originally Posted by evan_essence View Post
    Oh why should she do that? After all, as you've observed, stalking is just annoying. You act like there's some real danger to it. As if the pattern of his behavior indicates an intent to commit a series of escalating crimes, which she should prepare for. Tsk tsk. You're convicting him before giving him due process. If it's a bad idea for the government to overreact, it's just as bad for us to overreact.

    Anyone got a citation on that ruling? I keep hearing this, and I'd like to know exactly what it's a reference to. Because that statement might be a Fox News blurb on the bottom of the screen, but I know damn well that's not verbatim from the source.

    -Ev
    Read it again. I am not accusing the ex of anything. I am advising Embyr on courses of action that will
    A) Boost her confidence (counter the verbal abuse)
    B) Reduce her fear (counter the insecurities caused by the threatening ex)
    C) Create options (Counter the helplessness that being followed engenders)

    I don't want to see another LAW written . ENOUGH. All the others are enough to send the guy to county for lock up.

    Not another Law, No. Geez I am afraid of this. Make a Law. Somebody keeps doing this and it is not fair to everyone. Make a Law. That doesn't feel right. Make a Law.

    Damn can we keep our Freedoms please. Could we just enforce the Laws on the books already. Could Congress spemd a session and repeal unnecessary and redundant Laws.

    We are steadily shoulda, woulda, coulds ourselves into the worst totalitarian Police state history has ever scene. For crying out loud China starting to look like a Democracy by comparison.

    CASTLE ROCK VS. GONZALES. Yes it is on Fox News. It is a Left wing agenda to care for the Prols from the Cradle to the Grave. Rightwing is supposed to maintain the status quo. Reduce govt, reduce taxes, and limit foreign involvements.

    Since Republicans are the Center Left candidates the lost their majority. Libertarian is the Right now.



    I will include a few others. I don't make my reading exclusiove.





    The much sampled original editorial.



    If you are having trouble sleeping and you would like the source document to make your own opinion. Here it is without the bias of your favorite news source. Caution this is dry and I do not recommend driving or operating heavy machinery.

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Quote Originally Posted by evan_essence View Post
    Anyone got a citation on that ruling? I keep hearing this, and I'd like to know exactly what it's a reference to. Because that statement might be a Fox News blurb on the bottom of the screen, but I know damn well that's not verbatim from the source.

    -Ev
    Castle Rock vs. Gonzales.


    If you confine your reading to Left leaning news sources then I have no doubt that you never heard about this Ruling.

    Simply put the Elite ranks of the Left do not want the Prols to find solutions to their own problems. A Prol that can make its own solutions is a dangerous concept. One that would make the Party unnecessary and those Politicians would have to find other jobs. Where would Social services, Health and Human Services, subsidized Housing, Universal Health Care be if the Prols didn't need Government to take care of them?

    Left leaning Govt is that nice Uncle that gives you a five dollar bill a week and you Mother a hundred bucks each month. Hard to not like the guy; he is giving you money? Right? Until you come to the realisation that you can do better than 20 dollars in a Month and a Hundred keeps your Mother afloat but never lets her get ahead.
    Last edited by ArmySGT.; 01-16-2007 at 08:08 AM. Reason: Typing *shrugs*

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Quote Originally Posted by Embyr View Post
    I may be small, but I am very strong and sinewy for my size and stay in "fighting shape" with cardio and weights. UNFORTUNATELY- if a resourceful, powerful soldier twice my size wanted more than life itself to really hurt me and was more skilled in weaponry than me, could he hurt me? You bet, and so do I.
    That is the Attitude I want to see you lose.

    That is what creepy stalky douchebags pick up on. The victim mindset that telegraphs to them that the can do anything.

    It is not the size of the dog in the fight, rather the the size of the fight in the dog- Winston Churchill.

    That is the Attitude I would see you to achieve.

  15. #40
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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Maybe it's just me, but I just see her "attitude" as being realistic.

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Well, without turning this into Political Poo, SA & I obviously disagree here, so I'm going to make this post and then get off it. And thank you for all the references.

    I agree that the police cannot protect every individual who needs it. That's simply not practical. But the Colorado restraining order law was reasonable, and they were called upon to enforce it, and they F'd up big time simply because they didn't think it was important to enforce it the way it was intended. So the Supreme Court ruled that the victim had no right to sue. To me, the court ruling is not the primary issue of the point I'm making. Yes, the police have discretion. Yes, you have to clear a pretty high bar to sue government officials for errors in judgment. (If not, the government would be drained.) The relevant issue for me is that the police might very well have prevented three deaths if they had followed the law the way the Legislature intended and the complainant requested. The fact the police F'd up doesn't make it a bad law. ArmySGT is saying additional domestic violence and stalking laws like that one are bad and/or not necessary; I'm saying this is a prime example of extra legal protection that could have had a positive impact if police had only implemented it. Without that law, the outcome would have been exactly what it was. With the law, it might have been different had the police chosen to act decisively. The bad element here is the police judgment, not the law.

    The bottom line for me is that if you as an individual know this person is dangerous enough to commit violence and you correspondingly take steps to protect yourself, then the law ought to provide a mechanism for you to enlist the police and criminal justice system's help in those efforts to protect yourself. If you know there's imminent danger, then the government ought to damn well be able to recognize the danger as well, and should not be given a free pass to sit on its ass and do nothing while collecting our tax dollars to operate, under the guise of an argument about how the government is getting too big and intrusive. Yes, it is, but there arguably are ways to improve public safety without creating a total police state. Just because you should and can protect yourself does not mean the police shouldn't have your back too.

    -Ev

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    That's a good point, because I know the police can not and does not protect every citizen who is paying taxes. They surely didn't protect me when I needed it...

    I will say that getting a restraining order is a good idea, and I'm glad you did it. Now the next step is to stick a glock up his ass... point and shoot haha! (Yes, I am discriminatory against people who need to be restrained.)

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    interesting.... he has not been served yet- has just called 7 times within the past hour (3am to 4am) complaining about missing me, loving me, and then, lastly, threatening me. "if I continue with the R/O process and with SLANDERING HIM (of which I have truly done nothing of the sort.... I wish he would learn to choose his words more precisely- he just likes words for how they sound and the emotional responses they illicit) then the GAME CHANGES." quote, unquote.... as in, he's gonna start messing with me?? O RLY???? right.

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Embyr...do you have a phone recorder? I hope that you are recording these calls to use as evidence of his threats and such (if you can legally). California is a two-part state, but I think there are exceptions if you anticipate criminal activity, in this case the breach of the restraining order and the threats....and if you inform him that you're recording, it might be "implied consent." However, I'm speculating about the legality...but the police will know.
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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    I have to points then we can let this rest.
    First No More Laws. There are more than enough on the Books to charge People with.

    Second. Don't rely on Govt for Protection. Govt is slow and often fails with terrible results for you.

    The Police can't protect you all the time even with your restraining order. The only way that would be possible is to assign you a bodyguard that is with you 24/7. No way could Govt incur that cost and provide all the other services demanded.

    Now when it comes to the Body Guard. How many are you provided by the Govt (Tax Payer expense) to protect you. If you have children how many does a Child get? Do you get two? Each working a twelve hour shift; Day/Night?

    Ths is for Colorado unfortunately Denver elected not to play along and add their official numbers. Denver Municipality is actually small and in the center like a donut hole and you can see the Stats for Gilpin and Jefferson which surround it.

    The numbers are for the State 10,624 restraining orders in effect in 1999. Arapahoe, Douglas, Elbert, Lincoln counties (Castle Rock is located in Douglas) account for 1,965 of these.

    This would mean 21,248 additional Police Officers at a minimum that would only be protecting the person with the restraining order. No children, siblings, parents, or gran parents included.

    Castle Rock is a great little town and i like to stop at the Waffle house on my way to Denver when I drive that way. There is a lot of new money and some incredible houses starting at $500,000 ; however it is not a big town so it does not have a lot of Officers. Five maybe on duty at any one time (guessing).

    Embyr, I can't stress this enough. You need to get out there and get the means to protect yourself. Change your door locks and care locks. Lock your windows and buy some alarms from Home depot the go off if the window is opened if you can't afford a professionally installed one. A big fat door wedge so your door can't be forced open if you answer a knock. A fish eye peephole in the door so you can look out before opening the door (everytime). Last and the Protection that stays with you Firearms training and a concealed carry permit (Good Luck in LA). Get the Training it is like insurance better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.

    Lastly keep coming around, so we know your all right.
    Last edited by ArmySGT.; 01-17-2007 at 12:40 PM. Reason: add link

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Army SGT- I am moving in 2 weeks- most importantly, and when I move, I believe I will be well taken care of in my new place, if all goes as planned. and yes, I plan on getting an extra lock just in case.

    yes, i am recording everything about these calls- today i am finding out if indeed hhe HAS been served and is in violation (and i just haven't received proof of service) or how otherwise we might expedite the process. thanks everyone for your support.

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Quote Originally Posted by Embyr View Post
    Army SGT- I am moving in 2 weeks- most importantly, and when I move, I believe I will be well taken care of in my new place, if all goes as planned. and yes, I plan on getting an extra lock just in case.

    yes, i am recording everything about these calls- today i am finding out if indeed hhe HAS been served and is in violation (and i just haven't received proof of service) or how otherwise we might expedite the process. thanks everyone for your support.
    Good luck on the move. Hope the next two weeks are drama-free.

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    SHIT SHIT SHIT.....


    I just called regarding proof of service


    and he has successfully AVOIDED being served... they tried twice... and he wasn't there... and apparently one has to be served within 2 weeks of the court date of the permanent hearing, so now, he can technically do whatever the FUCK he wants to me and not be in violation. i'm calling the cops, and getting a fucking lawyer.

    you wanna play hardball, "ZED"??? because i know you're reading this./ as you COPIED another thread from SW earlier for slandering purposes. Fine, i'll play hardball. You fucked with the WRONG GIRL. All I wanted was to be left alone. You can't do that, so now i'll get someone to with this in a CIVIL manner.

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    Sounds like he is either trying to stall the inevitable - the restraining order, or the people trying to serve him aren't trying very hard. If they only tried twice that is not really trying in my book.

    You didn't say how you went about getting the restraining order, but I'm guessing it was through a social agency or gov't office of some sort. Your idea about hiring a lawyer is a good one, sometimes its just better (though expensive) to have your own attorney deal with stuff like this.

    Good luck.

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    Default Re: I got a restraining order!

    The sheriffs tried to serve him twice- most likely one day after the R/O came from the courts (how i got it) and on monday. yesterday, tuesday, marked the two-week deadline- so they can't serve him now, and they simply DON'T do it on the weekend... so they did try.... even through 2x doesn't seem like much. i am pissed. i want a process server, or a bounty hunter, or something.... but a lawyer will have to do. I have never once fucked with his job, either, and by slandering me on my club's guestbook REPEATEDLY, all for NOT answering his calls (as if he expects me to be in contact??????), he is fucking with my money. i have never done this to him. why are some people like this? why is he out to ruin my life??? a lawyer will handle the civil aspects of this, thank god.

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